I'm looking to get my ex girlfriend back for good, and I could really use some support.

I'm gonna remain anonymous for search engine's sake. But my story is basically that I met this girl by chance online and we instantly felt a connection in interests/personalities. We played around with it for awhile, and when we finally met up in person it was love at first sight. (she lives/lived an hour away from me at the time) After a few more times I asked her to be my girlfriend, and for about 6-7 months it was complete bliss. Things started going down hill though in May though. She was graduating highschool, was working a new job that required a lot from her, and started having college on her mind in a bigger way then before. Meanwhile I was getting depressed due to a lot of things that had gone down in my family, and on top of that the thoughts of her not being able to be around anymore just scared and hurt me more. By the end of June she ended things saying she hasnt seen the guy she fell in love with since late April and that she just cant do it anymore. After a few days she called back and said she made a mistake and wanted me back. I was so happy and so was she, everything felt like it was going to work out. Then after about a week we got into a fight about something and it got worse. She started acting more distant and cold and I didnt know what to do. She ended things again in late July, and said that she just doesnt feel the same about me anymore.

After she broke up with me we spoke a few times in the following weeks - all very non personal and sometimes very cheerfully and all online. Although she only initiated one of those conversations, the rest were all me. Then she went on vacation for awhile and we didnt talk for about 2 1/2 weeks. When she came back I tried talking to her again and it felt a little awkward because she acted really distant. I then decided it would be best to tell her I accept the break up and think its for the best because maybe that would help in the process of getting her back. I was just trying to make it easier for her, and hopefully do the right things to get her back.

So when I told her I think the break up was for the best, I also said I was ready to be friends and I apologized for being a downer the past few months and I still really care for her as a friend and want to stay in touch. She agreed to it, comfortably and surprised as well, and also apologized for being so tough on me.
But after thinking about it I realized I shouldnt have said what I did, so a few days later I sent her a message saying that I had lied about wanting to be friends, and although I do accept the break up and think that the break was for the best I really want to start over with her and build back up what we had. She replied saying we should go our separate ways even though she will always care very deeply for me. She said she felt she had already given it a second try and it would just be too hard to capture all of the feelings we had for each other at the beginning due to all thats happened. I sent her a follow up message explaining how I think it could work, and that I hadnt had a chance to get my head on straight after that first break up which is what I really needed to do. But I also said that I'm willing to wait as long as it takes to get her back and I just want her to be happy.

She never responded to that follow up message, and that was about 2 weeks ago. So that's where I see it different then most break up situations I've read up on. Can no contact still help here? Or should I do something else? She hasnt started seeing anyone else romantically, I dont think she is wanting too. She also just moved into her dorm this past weekend and I know she's nervous and has got that on her mind. I just want to do whats right, and do what it takes to get her back. I love her with all my heart and I know for the majority of our relationship she loved me with all of hers, genuinely, but things just got complicated and fell apart. So can someone help guide me through this all?

Also I should note that in about two weeks we will both be attending a music fest in the city, and the odds of us seeing each other will be very high since we have friends in the same group. This would be the first time seeing each other since right before the break up. I'm way nervous and I dont know what to do when I see her there, so if you can throw out ideas on that it would help a lot too.

Thank you all!

I just set up an account so it wont appear as guest anymore, just an fyi.

What was the fight about?

The last fight happened on a saturday night. I wanted to talk to her about something and I asked if she was home, through a text. She said she wasnt and asked why so I told her I just wanted to talk to her on aim. Then I asked what she was up to and she said she was hanging out with drunk people in a mall parking lot. And I thought that was weird because it didnt seem like something she would do. So anyways it kept escalating and she pretended she was drunk too I guess. I started thinking it wasnt her though and that it was one of her friends that took her phone so I tried calling her, and she didnt pick up. So I called again. And then she sent me a text all pissed off saying she was with people and to stop calling her. So I said whatever, and the next day I tried explaning it but she said I was being controlling and then it faded into the break up speech.

hey man, i feel your pain. its hard, but i wouldnt contact her anymore-she needs her space. let her come to you. its going to be hard, but i just went threw this experience. i was with my ex for four and a half years, she broke up with me, and at first i begged, pleaded, everything. then a week later i let her go. no more contact. a month and a week or two went by and she texts me out of the blue.

im not going to tell you this might happen to you, but you never know. work on yourself and make yourself happy. it will get easier as time goes by. as far as the music thing... if you happen to see her dont stare, just continue to hang out with your freinds. look like your having fun as if you never saw her. have confidence, and everything will work out one way or another. thats my opinion.

I cant really relate to your meeting or long distance aspect of your relationship, but I had a girl try to do that same thing to me a year or so ago. Generally when a girl doesn't get interaction while in a relationship (I'm assuming or guessing on this, so please dont be offended)from friends or other guys, I'm not saying that you didn't like her hanging with them, this is just how it happened for me.. But you should say something like a week later like, "Hey, I know you wanted to be friends, but after what you pulled regarding our last fight, I dont want that around me right now, my life is too good.", make her feel dumb for doing something so childish and immature, so that she'll come back and apologize; at least it worked for me, but the biggest thing you need to follow is, dont talk to her, but leave subtle traces, such as telling mutual friends that you're having fun at parties and such, or on social networking websites, but dont mention her in anyway to anyone but your best friends who wont say anything. Make her understand what she's missing, if she doesn't come back, you'll know she lead you on for no reason.

This is just my adivce, you can choose to ignore it if you'd like if my situation wasn't like yours.

thanks to the both of you, im feeling pretty confident with not contacting her. In that way I will eventually build up more strengths and also give her time to figure out what she wants.

Last night was pretty bad though, I mean I calmed myself down after awhile but it was pretty sh*tty. I got on AIM and I saw that she was online, and whenever I see that I get hopeful that she will talk to me, but just like the last few times she just signed off five or so minutes after I got on. So then I logged onto Facebook and I saw in my news feed some new pictures of her, and when I looked it was her with two kids. One of which I knew, and that was the girl. But the other one I had never seen before, and that was the guy. They were taking macbook photobooth pictures together and laughing/making funny faces. I first got worried that maybe they were having a thing but then I realized how that doesnt make much sense. She has always had a lot of friends that are guys, more so then girls even. And out of all of those friends of hers she has never hooked up with any of them. In fact I was only the second guy she has ever dated. Anyways then I also thought about how harmless it was. Taking pictures with a new friend doesnt mean anything other then her having fun and I want her to be happy so I dont know. It hurt for awhile but I got over it I guess. I decided to take her off my aim buddylist though, so I dont get that hopefulness anymore. And I also hid her from my newsfeed to help ease the prying eyes.

She still has me on her hidden top friends on myspace though, and all the pictures of us up on her facebook. I dont know what to make of that, but I'm trying not to dwell on it.

Am I doing everything right so far?

I would honestly remove her from your myspace or facebook, i.e., completely to make it easier for you to not think about it.

The biggest mistake I made was completely over-thinking it, I tried the random messages and gifts, and the calling randomly, eventually you get them sick of hearing you or talking to you. Just completely ignore her for a while, say you're busy, or you're on a date, or something of that sort. I honestly wouldn't ever call her directly and dont pick up every phonecall from her.

Just dont over-think the issue, trust me, the stress and anxiety will get to you and you'll really need help, psych help, I know first hand how hard it is in this situation. Stick it out, show little attention in her bussiness, and once she see's how happy your updates are, and a picture of you and some random girl, she'll get curious and start showing more interest. Younger women usually go through this..

Right well at this point I'm 100% no contact, and I'm remaining so until she talks to me. Even then though, I'll play it really casual and simple. The only instance where I know I will see her is at that concert in 8 days, and even then I wont go out of my way to see her and if I do I'll wave or whatever but thats it.

It's weird because before I told her I still had feelings for her she used to like my statuses on facebook and my blogs, and she hasnt done it since. That bummed me out when I thought about it tonight. But I'm not going to check her profiles anymore. I dont want to delete her or anything, but I'm just going to try and spend less time on facebook and myspace anyways.

Damn, tomorrow would have been our ten month too. Shit is going to be weak.

Just keep at it man, nothing worth fighting for is easy man. Believe me, it'll be hard and feel like forever, but just remember that.

I saw her post a blog today talking about how much she loves living in the city and tonight she is going to see a special presentation of this movie we used to watch together. Felt pretty shitty, I don't entirely know why. I'm nervous about seeing her this Friday, I feel like if I can't keep my emotions in check over a blog I might lose it when I see her...

This is exactly why I said to delete her. First the delete shows a lack of interest, and secondly, it provides you a way to keep from feeling extremely depressed. Trust me, it'd be best to drop her off your friends list. Dont beat yourself over it man, go out, have fun, party it up. Trust me, you'll be getting a call if you did that and she was still interested. If she doesn't it shows she doesn't care man.

Well she "liked" one of my blogs the other day but I didnt make much of it. The only thing on my mind right now is what it will be like when I see her tomorrow night at that concert. I mapped it out in my head for the most part. I just don't know if I'll forget to keep my cool when I see her.

I don't know if I mentioned this before but it will be the first time in two months since we have actually seen each other, and we used to see each other once a week so it's definitely something new.

I shaved my face though and I'm picking out some decent, but not overly obvious clothes to wear.

Wish me luck?

You need to keep your cool. If she is with someone, now that is tough. I went through that last Sat. night and ended up leaving early because I was getting so mad. I wish you alot of luck.

BB22 wrote:

You need to keep your cool. If she is with someone, now that is tough. I went through that last Sat. night and ended up leaving early because I was getting so mad. I wish you alot of luck.

Like he said, don't let her ruin your night, and if you can hit on many single girls, trust me, she'll get jealous.

I am currently going through a break up too.
Facebook has made breaking up so much harder. My ex just recently delete all our pics and then removed me and all my family as her friends. I have made some attempted contact with her, not through facebook, but she hasn't replied.

Since she isn't open to talking about anything, you (and I) must just move on. I think about my two exes before her. I tried to win the back to no avail and after some time they both came back; one as a friend and the other wanted to get back together. So in my experience it is best not to chase her.

As for Saturday, good luck. It will be hard and be cordial with her. Don't hang around her if you don't have to, talk to your other friends, meet some new ones. You must act like you have moved on, even if you haven't. Sometimes you have to put on a show, even when you don't want to.

That makes sense. I'll do my best, and I'll post Sunday night as a recap. Thanks to all of you.

So I got to the show last night with my friend and she wasnt there, so after about an hour or so i asked some people if it was a good idea to text her and see if she was coming - they said it would be fine. So i texted her and asked if she was at the show even though I knew she wasnt. She replied saying she had a lot of errands to do so she can go to the next two days of the fest. I said "oh, alright because one of your favorite bands is about to play so i was wondering if you were here" and she never texted back...

So now I'm up early at my friends apartment on his computer and we are going to the venue in like 3 hours. I know I'll see her today I'm just worried it will continue to be awkward. I know not to treat her like a god or anything though and I'm going to try and be flirty with other girls but I hope seeing me makes her miss me more.

I found out some dude that lives in a dorm near her tried to get with her but she wasnt into it so she stopped hanging out with him, and she spends most of her time on her own. I still think she isnt over me.

Basically on Saturday I get to the venue and I see her with her friend and our mutual friend who I was hanging with Friday night, they all came together since they all live near each other in the dorms. I kind of lost myself when I saw her, it felt really weird and not describable. Anyways, once I'm in the venue I see the mutual friend and say whats up to him - and I know she's near by but I didnt make an effort to point her out. Hours pass and I keep seeing her at different spots. Finally I turn around at one point and I see her there, so I was give a friendly smile and wave to her and her friend and they both smile and wave back. Looking back on it it was kind of a blur, I guess my nerves were out of whack. A couple more hours pass and I them sitting down, so I walk up to them and wave. A band was playing though so I said whats up and was trying to keep it brief. We talked for a second, and I made a lame joke about moshing and then said I'll see you later. I made sure not to look for them the rest of the night, and in fact they left about 20 minutes later.

As for Sunday I decided it would be best to not even make eye contact if it wasnt natural. So it actually ended up playing out like that. I saw her a few times and I trained myself to stop looking after awhile. We never made eye contact though and that was the end of it.

Looking back on it I have a feeling in my gut that I messed up, that I was too awkward or I shouldnt have said anything at all. But everyone's telling me I did it right, because I texted her Friday it was good to say whats up in person - and also not come off too strong.

Where should I go from here?

p.s. Next time I'm certain I'll see her is at a show on October 17th.

Jack, the purpose of what we all said was to ignore her. Calling and asking about her is a huge sign to women that you're still interested, also going out of your way to talk to them, and I'm guessing you were most likely looking at her the entire time and didn't even have that good of a time at the show.

You're starting out to fail on getting her back, stop feeling sorry and get off your feet. Have fun, don't allow yourself to think about your ex, she'll come back on her own. Just enjoy life and stay CONFIDENT.

I just felt I had to say something, and I think that since I only did it twice and completely ignored her on sunday it wasnt a big deal.

To us guy's it's nothing to chat with an ex, but to a woman who's tired of you calling, it just adds to it.

Well I don't feel right completely shutting her out of my life right now. So maybe I won't talk to her for awhile, but I'm not going to act like I'm avoiding her either.

You wont get the same results, but I'm just giving advice on an advice website.

well i appreciate it, i just wish some other people would throw out what they have too. I'm caught in so many different mindsets.

She was in a dream of mine last night and I've felt like shit ever since I got up.

I really miss her and I just don't know what to do anymore because holding on to her is just as bad as holding on to whatever might be left

jack i feel for you honestly, im also trying to sort thing out on my end. but if there is something that we should tell ourselves, which i constantly tell myself...

"I know I love the person completely, She knows I love her completely, but she broke up with me, so for now, I'll just compose myself and bring myself together again, bring back my confidence, my strength, my self control. As for my ex I tell myself, I gave her everything, i think with what i have proven, she has to give the same in return."

If she doesnt she doesnt love you anymore, if she does then you'll know a restart might be possible. But how can you make her show that proof to prove herself to you if you always initiate things?

I just feel it but it could very well be an illusion, i'm just so used to reading her.

she hasnt deleted any pictures of us kissing or cuddeling and she hasnt taken me off her top friends - she hasnt ignored me and she hasnt been cold...

i know i shouldnt look into that much but it means something coming from her

i agree that i need to get on with my own life and to accept i still have feelings for her but its not up to me anymore, its just hard some days

obviously I would feel better if she tried contacting me but she hasnt done that since before I told her I wanted to get back together

its not important what you read in her but what she actually does for you. only then will you know if she really wants you back or its time to move on. well thats what i tell myself as well. its hard, because if it was easy i wouldnt be posting my problems here right?

if we always use basis our assumptions and not what is done in actual, thats a major room for being frustrated and confused.

in fact in my own post here, i try to keep everything at level. i only posted here to get other opinions cuz there might be something i didnt see.

i also try to look at it from a 3rd person point of view. out of the box so to speak. and what would i tell the guy (meaning me).

Right well I have multiple friends helping me look into this so I'm doing it all for stupidity.

But right now they are all saying I need to leave it for awhile for my own sake, and maybe try something again in a couple weeks.

I don't want to get hurt anymore either, but I still think some attention to her might be worth the risk.