I'm really depressed, my ex does not talk to me anymore. please help me people before i quit life :(

I'm new here and plan to be part of the forum if i get better with time. I really need help. Why? Here is the reason. I've been seeing a girl for almost 5 years now. I must admit i'm a jealous possesive guy. In the begginning she loved me while i treated her bad cuz i still wasn't in love with her until with time(5 months) i realized she was the one i truly cared about. I'm 24 and she's 23 now. I've known her since she was 14 and had her in a class in high school but never talked to her until i met her again in college in SEP 20, 2004. From that day we started our relationship. she did cheat on me before some times but that's cuz i would yell at her and treat her bad, i guess my jealousy made me act like that cuz i cared for her but i acted to over protective of her

she left me for a guy 1 year and 7 months later and i eventually within a month got her back. but ever sinse then we were shaky and she officially broke it off with me after 2 1/2 years which was in March of 2007 sinse then we have not officially been going out but we still acted like we were together. Her family is poor, she has no car and no money and she has been staying at her university dorm since August 2006 only during school season. and her fam lives 10 miles away. Well i have always gave her money, rides to her house and even bring her fam to see her at her school and vice versa, bought her groceries, did her laundry, help move her stuff in and out of dorms every year, and everything that you can think of. She has always been 100% dependent on me. well i think she is really beutiful and has such an athletic body sinse she is an athlete at her school and she is even doing modeling on and off to get money to pay her debts with school. That's why I have been so jealous of her cuz all the guys want with her and she has kissed about 8 guys in this 5 years that i've been with her and she had intimate foreplay with 2 guys only in the last 5 years as well(no sex cuz she's still a virgin). why do you think i act like this? i get too paranoid and seems like everytime i got like that she started flirting with other guys when she knew i let her down again cuz of my mean jealousy she was like my 1st real GF and intimate experience and still is to this day. i love her with all my heart. I'm always with her and still have intimacy with her all time at her house, her dorm, etc...and really i treat her like my GF and everybody knows about her in my life. in her case, she says i'm her friend, her ride all the time and it's hurt me so much cuz she presents me like this with everybody but when we are alone we act like BF/GF n she does not want me to have any girlfriends to hang out or talk to on the phone as she took my cell phone away so many times to text girls that would talk to me to back away.

well it's been too many fights already and in OCTOBER of last year i bought her the iphone and have been paying for her bill for almost 10 months now under my account. Meaning i can check what she does and i think ever since then that has messed us up even more before i got her the phone she promised me it wasn't for her to talk to guys but she let me down when i would check, she would text a lot to guys that knew like her and even send pics and receive pics and she would hide me from everybody really when i have been giving her rides bakc and forth to places, getting her groceries every weekend, buying her food, movies, taking her places just anything. I gave my best for her although i would treat her bad sometimes cuz of my jealousy but she is such a flirt cuz she knows she is beautiful n has the guys after ger obviously but we would be happy again in less than 3 days all the time. why if she has always been around me, why doesn't she tell the guys about me? i just called one of her GFs that does not like her anymore and she told me just last year she kissed an 18 year old while she was 22 n she hid if from me n i just found out

well on her BDAY 2 weeks ago i must admit i messed up and she got mad and it got ugly later that night while she was getting out the car mad, i took the phone away unexpectadly and she told me that if i didn't give it back she promised she was going to stop talking to me for a while. n i did not give it back cuz i was curious what she had in there cuz she would hide it from me all the time. so she left n i wasn't surprised to see a million guys inviting her out on her BDAY on text messages but she still always prefered me and i messed up and am aware of that. next day i called her house and her mom answered and told me to leave her daughter alone for good now. 3 days later i give her the cellphone back through her younger sister and even activated back on again for her but she still IS SUPER MAD and doesn't want to talk to me for 2 weeks now i have text her so many times n called her n she wont answer back. her sister sent me a text last week saying that i should give her space n leave her alone n stop texting her. i check the calls that she makes n guys that she talks to n she has met new guys already she even sent them pics of her and received alike n i told her bout this that it hurts me still although she wont reply back to me.

i'm devasted as i'm scared she wont talk to me anymore and really jealous that she keeps calling and texting a lot. i want to cut off the service but i'm scared to finally lose her completely. this week i have text her saying i love her n have even dropped off drinks and food at night at her window so she can eat (cuz her fam is so poor n i have always helped her out) but i get no response from her although i do text her saying i'm dropping off stuff and then leave without her seeing me. I have been crying so much. just right now i saw that she called one of the guys prob to have a good time tonight i did try to take my life away already last week by taking 10 pills n that only got me sick for some days but i still feel depressed and sad n just feel like taking my life away now, i think i HAVE finally lost her after 5 years and really in this 5 years i don't know anything that it's not her.

what should i do? stop texting her stating that i love her n miss her and stop dropping off food and cut her cellphone service away? or let her keep the cell n wait untill she calls me again later with time? help me people, i really do need opinions, i don't want to do anything stupid again with myself cuz i feel so lonely without her. that's all i've really known and been around with all this time. she's like my best friend
n love n i know she's really pretty and attractive and i'm scared to lose her. i would appreciate the help

She is using you. I think that she was only being nice to you because of the gifts and other things that you did for her. If she were interested in being your girlfriend, she would actually try to be that instead of flirting with every guy whom she sees.

To find out whether she really loves you, stop seeing her or try to reach her for sometimes. When she comes back to you, find out is it for money or anything materialistic or truly just for you. If she is materialistic type.. I think you better let her go because someday she will eventually leave you for good. But hey! there are so many nice & pretty girl out there. Get up and get realistic. Find your happiness else where....believe me you will.

Well, pretty is as pretty does, as the old folks say.

This girl is playing you for a chump. It's time to cut her off. I know you think if you buy her stuff she'll like you or love you, but really she won't.

Then, once you've told her to hit the road Jack and don't come back no more, no more, no more, you can turn your attention to dealing with your jealousy and anger issues so that your next relationship won't be a repeat of this one.

I'm hoping that she still cares for me after all that I've done for her. She still has the phone and I'm still paying for it but she still does not want to talk to me. I miss her a lot. I want to call her but I know she wont answer. Would 2 weeks and a half be more than enough to call her again? I really appreciate the help I got.

hmm ... it's a sad scenario... i'm afraid she's using you. how could she get intimate with someone else when and if she really loves you?

well that was before but right now I treated her bad and I don't know what to do anymore. Although I'm still paying for her cellphone bill i still dont wanna take it off justl ike that cuz it will hurt me cuz she really needs it but then again i'm hurting cuz she still seems really upset that she wont talk to me still or send me a text at least. However 2 weeks ago as i kept insisting at least on a text she did reply saying that I needed help, that i'm making the wrong choices, and that i need to stop hurting other people, and then her sister sent me a text saying to give her space. So that means she will talk to me but only when the time is right? it's been 2 weeks 2 days without knowing about her and almost a week without texting her anymore. I still need advice.

Sending texts to her goes against giving space, so start counting when you stopped contacting her and give a month. At that point, see if the situation changes.

I'm not like that, i just haven't stopped paying it cuz I know since she is home, she takes the bus and trains sometimes so i didn't wanna do it just yet, she goes back to her school in 2 more weeks and i'm thinking i will be calling her 13 days from now from a phone number she wont know so that she answers. All i'm going to tell her is if she is ready to talk to me and if she's going to need me to help her move out her stuff to her school dorm again. But if she hears my voice when she answers and she hangs up right away, dude, i can't keep paying for it then.

I just figured right now she is still resented that I called her names and accused her and even texted her guyfriends in a mean way, so in that way, i messed up a day after i had ruined her B-DAY. I got a lot of flaws too that I wish I never hurt her like that. And the only reason why she hasn't said i'm almost like her BF to her friends and people it's cuz she always told me she was scared that i would get crazy again and everything would go down the drain again and i admit it. When i knew she was happy and kissed me and held my hand in front of people(as she was all over me for a month until i yelled and treated her bad on her bday), i took her for granted and sometimes I just argued over nothing although she tried to calm me down but i was too stubborn. I just remember making her cry sometime in late MAY for no reason and i told her sorry and she told me she wanted to believe i would change but she scared and thinking when would be the next time i got aggresive again dude i'm the one that messed up, just look, i let her down once again after a thousand "i wont do it anymore honey, i promise" i have my 1st therapy session next week, i just don't know why i can't control myself when i get mad

I see that you have made it rough on her, but keep in mind that she has cheated on you and has gone after multiple guys without making it clear what it's like between the two of you. She doesn't seem to have any doubts about taking your gifts even if that leads you on. Well, therapy is worth trying, though she has got to do something as well if she's interested in saving the relationship.

Honey, listen to me. She is emotionally needy for attention...when she's alone with you, she gets it from you. When she's not with you, she gets it elsewhere. She doesn't care whether it's you or the next guy, as long as she's being catered to. She knows that you're head over heels for her and that she has control over the situation. It's all a game. For your own sake, MOVE ON. Don't sit around wasting your precious youth, energy, and emotions on a girl who isn't doing the same for you. She's seeing other guys! Disactivate her phone, stop taking her things, and start going out with other friends more. Trust me, she doesn't need you, so stop letting yourself be the sucker. You're getting used and abused! My best advice is to cherish the good memories but realize there's no future between you two and move on as quickly as you can. The longer this drags on, the more heartbroken you'll be in the end.

are you a scorpio?

Please please please leave some love for yourself cut any contact with her dont call her not even in a thousand years if she's refusing to talk to you, trust me, go out with other girls get yourself busy so its easier not to think about her.. promise to yourself that you wont talk to her ever again unless she shows true interest in you and be the one who calls you because of you not because of all the material stuff you give to her.. I hope you are feeling better with therapy, suspend her phone service if u havent already, if she doesnt want to hear about you ever again then why bother? Why do you want to be with someone that doesnt care about you? Learn from your mistakes and move on to the next girl worthy of your attention, you are still young theres plenty of time to meet the right one ...I'm going through a crappy situation with my ex as well but who cares, if the person doesnt deserve you let it go.

hey im realy sorry for u bro i feel your pain its hard for u to get over u tried and tried and tried but faailed eveytime heres what u do leave her alone dont talk to her no contact no nothing if she loves u or needs money grocery etc from you shell come back when she does sit her down and talk to her about why and what makes you jealous and etc and these are changes you want in your relationship if you are able come up with a solution fine if not let it go i know its hard to let that first true love go believe me i do but it is what it is gud luck my fellow brother in pain

Trust me on this one. I know what I'm talking about.

First off - you have blown it with her regardless of everything else. She's seen a side of you that is ugly and undignified, and she's done now. Plus her family is done with you, so you're out.
But even if that weren't the case - she's trouble. If she won't admit to others that you are together, and calls you her friend, her ride, her paycheck, whatever - there's a reason. She has more secrets than you have issues. Any one of them would crush you. And she's not about to give any of them up. Her self esteem is based on attracting men.
Don't chase a woman who cheats on you - find a woman who CARES about the bond you have - this girl throws it all out the window for whatever cute guy comes her way.

You are addicted to her - and you seem to think it's okay for her to treat you poorly because of some shortcomings in yourself. It's not okay for her to treat you poorly. Even when you're wrong - as a human being - you deserve better than what this girl is tossing your way.

In all fairness, you behaved despicably - but then again, you have saved yourself from a greater heartbreak down the line. She will walk all over you in pointed heels if you give her the opportunity. So don't.

And don't off yourself - jackass. Why would you want to vindicate her notion that you're screwed up? Walk away, and move on. She will wreck you. You have an adult life, a career, and other relationships ahead of you. A decade from now if you remember that you tried offing yourself over THIS - you'll be amazed at what you would have missed.

Date - meet other women - continue the therapy - you have time to grow - so do it - become a person that you are proud of.

She not just inlove with you, Just stop seeing her, 'cause you're the one whose going to suffer...
Dont let her Ruin your plans in life, She doesn't deserve someone like you.

She's not in love with you. She's using you now because she knows she can clearly get anything from you, even when she's not talking to you. Apparently you care about this girl more than you care about yourself, which at the tender age of 24 is really stupid.
And why do you keep defending her by blaming your jealousy etc. whenever she gets physical with other guys? Dude, I know A LOT of girls who won't do this after their bf gets jealous. That's a really dumb reason. YOU are the one that clearly have a low self esteem and thinks very little of himself to put up with so much unnecessary stress. You feel that if you let her go, that life is over. Don't you have a family, an ambition, a future? If so much can happen in the last five years, imagine what will happen in the next five years? When you turn 29. Or 10 years? By then she will be a very faded memory. BUT YOU NEED TO LET HER GO!
Stop bearing responsibility for someone who doesn't care or appreciate it. Let her keep the Iphone but take it off the service. She may see it as retaliation and may hate you, but who cares? You have every right to do so! You're not her father! And don't give me crap that they're poor etc. So what? That is not your problem! And really stop getting her gifts. That solves absolutely nothing.
For once in your life, attempt to focus on yourself, because at the end of the day, you are the only person that's there for you. Deal with it. If she doesn't want to talk to you then fine. Find some girl who will. Don't let her 'hotness' blind you. For every hot girl, there's tons of hotter girls. And sometimes the one that makes you truly happy isn't really hot, but that's okay.
You clearly haven't found the right one as yet and you've dragged yourself through this suffering & I'm blaming you for that, because you could have stopped it at any time, but didn't. No woman is worth it, especially if she treats you like this girl. Don't you think you deserve a whole lot better?
Let her go do her stuff. Start going to the gym and getting a six pack or something. If you feel she's too hot to let her go, well get yourself hotter. It'll be easier.
Your life matters more than her well-being, as it should to you. Believe in Karma. Move on, dude.
NOTHING in this world is worth killing yourself over. It's only one experience. Learn from it and move on; it's gonna get harder later on, what are you going to do then? The strength we gain from our pains really honestly do help us along.
If you do want to end your life, think of it this way: She'll grieve, yes, I can't imagine her to be that heartless not to grieve, but at some point she'll be back in the game with other guys, and guess where you'll be. Well you'll be dead. Your killing yourself won't change a thing ultimately. Killing yourself to relieve pain is pointless. At some point you'll be happy again.
If you're one those guys that can't believe someone could do this to you, well you need to give your ego a check too. This happens to everyone. I had a girl who didn't want to call me her bf but we were intimate & I used to spend money on her, but I realized after about five months and we ended it. It didn't phase her and of course it hurt me, but guess what ? I GOT OVER IT! Rather quickly too, in about TWO MONTHS. Most likely you'll be longer, but you will get over it. I don't even know where she is or what she does, but most importantly I don't care. You need to understand that women will come and go and eventually one will stay. Live your life how you want it to be lived and trust me everything falls into place.

"what should i do? stop texting her stating that i love her n miss her and stop dropping off food and cut her cellphone service away? or let her keep the cell n wait untill she calls me again later with time? help me people, i really do need opinions, i don't want to do anything stupid again with myself cuz i feel so lonely without her. that's all i've really known and been around with all this time. she's like my best friend"

Above is excerpted from your original post. I have one question: Why are you waiting for her to call you? To go through this pain all over again?
Well that's 2 questions, but you get my drift.

When you cut off her cell phone, be sure you transfer the number to a new phone even if you don't plan to use it. She'll have to notify everyone she knows that her number has changed, which will be a real pain in the ass and she'll also have to change it on any forms she filled out with it in the past.

F*** her!!! My ex is a bitch to.Cheated on me with three dudes wtf just get over her however u can smoke dro or something

breezy is sooooooo right on this...... this just happened to me 5 weeks ago,i was in love did all same things..i had plans to marry her., but she cheated had sex with guys,,,i was really used moneymcomputer etc etc...even bought an engagement ring she then sold......... so im fcuk up to... but this is best answer breezy gives you...but good luck,

Hi cristianor 9...

I know what it is to be attatched to someone, to feel a certain dependency, to feel like "if I lose him(her in your case) I'll be completely lost and alone, I'll lose my joy of living". Believe me, I know what it is because I've felt that way too once.

Let me tell you, it may take moths even years (2 in my case) to completely forget that person. But you have to know this: you will be able to forget her.
You should stop texting her, mailing, whatever, I know it is hard... I did it too. But it doesn't work, it only makes you feel worst, not worthy of being answered and that is not true!

Listen, probably what is happening is that you are super dependent on her but you don't love her,I've been trough that believe me; she was important to you, but things have changed and it was not your fault. My ex-boyfriend, he doesn't talk to me too, and he treated me really bad, I was dependent on him and stuck for almost 2 years, it was awful... I felt so rejected... Then, with time, things eased a little, and a little more, and then I met this wonderful guy who loves me and I love him so much, and don't tink "OK, you met this guy but it was all over you would fall for the other again", believe I would NOT because this guy is so much better person than my ex, more romantic, he really loves me and I'm a lucky person. And I think now, how could I stand the other situation for so long?...I'm so much healthier that he is! You have to value yourself, trust you, be confident about yourself...

I'm so happy right now, I'm in a relationship for almost a year and I know he loves me, he shows it everyday and I love him too. And this will happen to you as well, I'm sure.

Avoid places where you used to be, avoid her, stop texting,... It won't be easy. You must surround yourself by people who truly love you and you'll make it to overcome that dependency. You'll see.

Good luck,

Joana***

By the way, I'm 25 and please cristianor9, surround yourself with true friends, family, she's not that worthy... You are much more important.

I used to text my ex, it ended with me crying, feeling rejected, my anxiety was killing me everyday, I know it hurts, but you have to know THAT IS NOT LOVE, it is a true dependency and you'll overcome it, I'm sure!

SURROUND YOUSELF BY PEOPLE WHO TRULY LOVE YOU because then you'll know the difference. It won't be easy in the begginig but will be faster than it was with me because I didn't surround myself with friends and that is so much worst...

Good luck,

Joana***

Yea bro this similar to my cousin and I.. be strong and remember who you are in a person.. a male who has to show honor and pride.. when you have kids you cant not show how weak you are as a person or a male. Take a vacation for months she will call you and cry.. realized she mess you.
enjoy life my friend. you got a big future a head of you save up open a business. find a lady not a girl.. find a queen not a princess. need a woman can support your goals and respect your family.. when man find a woman he find love.. www.myspace.com/Bullisot

brov just f...her,leave that fucking bitch,she just using you mate trust me,remember some type of woman can be nice to you,initially,but after thei change,and why? because thei act good when the are with you but the are different inside trust me,and then thei meet someone else and try to pick up the fight with man to break up,because thei bitchis that,s why,look mate,i ll tell you something,im 25 ears old, my ex gf is 17 yeat, i did treat her well,but she broke up with me 11 o clock in the text at midnight,because we had some fights before,and i havent talk to her for a month,then,i called her today,to see what happen to her if she moved on or something,she won,t answer my call,and reply my texts,for one month we havent talk together,then i send her a text,just f... off i dont need you and never call me again,brov u have to be strong with them otherwise u dead mate,show them i dont care and i dont give the shit,so if u do that,thei will run after you,trust me,if you cry and get depressed,then thei will never come back,just do what i did she will come back,and if not just f...her live that shit,coz if she does,t care of you then y do u care of her.brother forget about her and move on the best thing to do. good luck

hey you right,my ex was trying to do the the same ,but i kicked her fu... a.. and told her to f... off and never call me again i wont see her anymore.u are right is not worth it with this bitchis like them.thanks

fu... that bitch,and never go out with her anymore,she just using you god sake,i did bay only one ring for my ex 200 f and when she broke up with me i make her to bring it back,i said to her if you dont bring it back i ll burn ur house for it.then she brought it and i said to her f... u now i had what i want,never call me anymore.never let woman to use u man, otherwise u fucked thei ll piss all over ur body and do whatever thei like. forget that bitch,i feels sorry but if was me i would fuck her up i swear to god,she knows u are soft that,s y she is doing that to man,give me her number i ll sort it out for you trust me. she is using you she doesnt love you. good luck man