In Love For Years - Last 12 Years
This is the first time I am opening up anywhere / to anyone. I do seek some comments/advice.
I have been head over heels in love with my very distant cousin brother. Before you term its creepy, incest, gay and what not. It is not, its not sexual or has any sexual context to it. I just love him a lot as he is my younger brother.
I became friends with him(yes earlier i didn’t bother about his existence), the best friends and then his parents(and maybe him) didn’t want me from one fine morning. We were away from each other for 3 years, and those 3 years were hell for me, I cried like crazy and could not concentrate on anything i was doing. Those were the most forgettable three years of my life. Then we became friends again (his only word sorry for all the misunderstanding). Now we were again back and very good friends.
Since i did see a life without him which was very awful, i would often break down every now and then before him, asking him not to leave me ever again. He started to use this as a leverage against me. Although we met daily but still i would write so many letters to him and never ever showing him. I was so much in love with him, that i wasn’t seeing anything other than that in my life.
And after 6 years, we broke again. That time was 2001. I was so disgusted with my life, hated every day of my life. Still i fought on, tried reaching out to him, in the process looking more & more pathetic to him and also his family. They all see me as a big sore loser, who kept whining and crying forever. I stopped emailing him (which bordered around begging, forgiveness) in 2006, one email a month.
I got married and so did he. I got a very loving wife and a very loving daughter, and i have stopped focusing on my brother as these two people in my life love me are more important. My brother too got married and has never ever tried to contact me in these many years.
I just found that his wife left him and he is getting divorced. He is sore and very hurt in his life. I wanted to reach out to him, help him, but then again I am sure he doesnt want any part of me in his life or who knows.
He is such a looming personality in my home, everyone talks about him, and i of all the person was the most closest to him, but have literally no news of him. We do live in separate country now. His dad/mom now realize i wasn’t wrong, i just loved him a lot. I met them in nov 2012, after 11 years, they wanted to talk to me for hours about him and wouldn’t let me go. I did spend talking about him for 4 hours in a single stretch and kept my emotions in check (didn’t let them know, that i still am in love with him).
Should i try to contact him again? (last 12 years, he has not talked to me or ever wanted to talk to me).
Is it better if i forget him forever?
How should i contact him? Call, text, email.....
He has successfully emotionally drained me earlier, and made me the most depressed person ever. What if he comes back and leaves again?
Should i be even thinking of him, when i have such a happy life?
Need anyone/everyone’s comment thoughts on this.