in love with much older man

I'm 22 and in love with a man who is much older . It's been about 2 years now since I've felt like this about him and I honestly can't explain it, he's 50, smokes a lot and not even good looking!
just for the record I am not some sad obsessive, I've lots of friends, hobbies, had boyfriends etc but I can't get him off my mind. I think it's that I feel some kind of affinity for him and I just admire how intelligent he is, the cool things he has done in life.
he's not married or anything but i know nothing can ever happen and I just wanted to vent a little bit... I do sincerely love him and it's hard.

Hey!
Well to me it seems like he's too old, but I am not the judge. What I would do, if I'd eliminate the age, is give it a try, talk to him and see where it goes from then on. That's the only way how you can learn whether it was meant to be or wasn't...Communication and Observation is the key!

Thanks for the reply. I can't imagine just coming out and saying it though. The age difference thing would make it too weird, and anyway I prefer not to feel like I'm chasing. I don't know. I rationally can see that it wouldn't work anyway and there's also the response that other people would have to the relationship etc... It's just not possible. It will have to be 'love from afar' ... but I'm finding it hard emotionally and also slightly worried as I can't seem to be satisfied with a younger man or indeed anyone other than this man I have feelings for. I suppose I wonder if I'm psychologically unbalanced or something! Or maybe it's just love? I suppose people can love all sorts of people.

Sarah, first of all, love knows no logic, love = feelings. So you can feel perfectly in love with just about anyone. Now when logic sets in this might either overrule expressing those feelings or... not. The age difference between you two is... well, big. But, if you prefer to follow your heart instead of logics I am sure the age thing is of not that much importance anymore...

There are feelings and then there is logic. Feelings are usually things you can't control. Sometimes all of us love someone we don't understand why. That's our heart. But it comes to logic when it makes sense why you shouldn't be with someone. That's our mind. But unless you feel like there's a reason why you two shouldn't be together logically, I say give it a try but the age difference personally tells me to tread carefully on water.

Thank you for the responses.
I just think he has no idea about how I feel though and it would be such a shock, like 'whaaaaat??'. You know what I mean. There's no way he'd be interested, I mean I may have youth/looks on my side but he's not the type to just go for a bit of fluff. Not that I'm a bit of fluff but obviously to him I'd seem uber young and naive etc.
It's so silly though cos my rational mind looks at him and thinks 'why on earth do I feel this?' The years haven't been kind to him looks-wise.... Not that it matters to me but still. I don't know. He's just a highly intelligent guy, a little eccentric, very kind and just really cool. He does something to me!
It's just been creeping up on me for a while these feelings that I have and I've just kind of admitted to myself that I'm really in love... when I don't want to be but... God I really do love him No way would this work though and I'd never get over the embarrassment if I told him...
By the way is anyone on here of a similar age to to 'my' guy? How would you feel if a girl my age liked you in that way?

Sarah, I'm nowhere near 50 but I've just had a recent similar experience. She's 18 and I'm more than 10 years older than her and one thing I've learned is I don't mind if she loved me if she was mature enough. It's the life experiences thing. It's one thing to be in love but it's another to know if you both fit in each other's lives at that point in life. You sound mature so I don't think it's silly for you to have a feelings for a guy twice your age. Looks only matter so much after a while. Successful long term relationships generally rely on other things.

It sounds like he is mature so maybe you should have a one on one talk with him.

I don't think he would laugh at you if you would tell him your true feelings. Why should he? Perhaps he would try to talk you out of them but laugh?? About someone being honest and tell him her feelings?

hey Sarah...you and I are in the exact same boat except mine is so much worse...

im also in love with a man much older than I i'm 19 and his 45 anf my God i am just head over heels for him...

not good looking but exactly as you said has done so many cool things in life is so intellegent and i just cant seem to adjust to any young guy or anyone that isint him!

its so tough...because i now it could never work

but honestly i think if you love him..tell him

you'd be surprised at how things could work out...

i am in the same boat aswell. i have known this guy 4 nearly 8 months. i started having feelings 4 him after the first month now the feelings are getting stronger n stronger. i count down the days and hours til i see him again.... i cant get him out of my mind... i think about him what he is doing...i think what would happen if we were together... i have so many feelings for him and i am so confused... my friends just make fun and laugh at me... i am 19 and he is 51 i no the age gap is huge but i cant help the way i feel for him.. we have made out once and everytime we see eachother we kiss goodbye.. i dont no if he has got any feelings for me. he is going through a divorce and will be done in the next month and i intend on waiting for the divorce to come through before i do anything, but i just still cant get him out of my head? any advise guys? please help if u can. thanks

Sarah, iam a 47 year old man who dated a girl that was 24.it with out a doubt was the most peaceful serene and fulfilling relationships i have ever had.For the first time in my life i felt truly loved like i had never experienced before in my life.She loved me for me and who i was as a person it was amazing!!!! we broke up under good terms but both sad because she wanted to have more kids and i just could not commit to that i have 3 and she had 1.The thoughts i have of our time together still warm me. She is a very important part of peace and blissfulness. That is what she gave to me!!! You dont know what you will receive or even what you will give to him unless you open up to it!!!

hey Sarah i'm going to share my experience. i've been dating to a man much older than me. i was 21 and he was 51...oh gosh, he was amazing.. i was doubting a lot before telling him about my feelings. i got more i had expected. that was the most unforgettable relationship i've ever had. although we broke up because of some circumstances and it was very painful, i can say that it was worth doing.

after that story i told myself never to fell in love with guys really much older than me... as a result: i'm 22 now and he's 56.... he's not that good-looking as my *first-too-mature* man..but he's so intelligent, so wonderful, has done so many cool things in life and still doing... when he's smilimg the whole world around seems to be lightened with warmth.. hard to explain.. first i thought it was just a kind of infatuation, now i can say it's love.. some of my friends tell me to give it a try.. and i will.. i'm just waiting for an opportune moment... the situation is a bit differentfrom the first i was talking about.. now i don't know whether he's got some feelings for me.. i just feel there is something invisible between us.. anyway i'll talk to him...

and good luck to you, Sarah.. try it.. believe me you would regret a lot if you never talked to him, notwithstanding on the result. just do it.

Same situation here, just a little more impossible: the age gap is larger, by a few years since I'm younger and to top it off he's married. I've known him for almost three years now and in the beginning I thought it was just some silly teenage thing that'd stick for a couple of months but I still have feelings for him. I've gotten used to it by now though, so I don't feel frustrated or anything. I just keep to myself and let him be. It just never ceases to amaze me how long such silly things can last without ever acting on them...

I as well on the same older man boat here. I am 31 and the man that I am in love with is in his 50's. We have been togehter for four months and I just fell in love with him. He told me all about his feelings towards me that he kept it away for 4 years because he lives abroad. Now we spoke he wants to marry me. I'll be honest here I do sometimes get confused, scared, reluctant and think what I am doing is right?, and how will my parents react, even though they know him, but no one knows we have a distance relationship at the moment due to his high profile job, and we just want to take it one step at a time till he comes which is very soon.
I feel happy and excited when I talk to him, we talk about lots of things, we share thoughts and ideas, opinions, we even advice each other and it feels great. He also has honesty, care, love in him and so much more , things I did not even find with my ex-husband. He is a man in every way.

Hi I Visha..age 26 and in love with a 47 year old guy...been even living together for almost 1 year..i love him so much and even he loves me the same....he is not good looking..but i just like him the way he is..we have certain barries, religion turn out to be another one, my family is conservative , I have many friends, very active socially but we have been keeping our relationsip a secret from everyone.
I want to move forward further in fact we discussed bout this, very painful conversation even now i feel like crying while typing this..he's main concern is will my family able to accept this or not...even i don't know..my parents have high hopes on me ...i am totally lost...am I just a disgrace for my family and friends?

I was 18 when i met my husband he was 37. we met at a party six months later we were married. he died after our 50th anerversry. I will tell you Istill love and miss him so badly. With all the jokes remarks and coments. IT can be hard but if you are trully in love and work together there is no reason it can,t work.My son married a girl 19 yrs younger than him.they too are happy and have 3 beutifull boys. All any relastionship needs is love i mean real love.And you must be honest and open

Thanks Thelma, I appreciate your feed back very much...we are still talking over it..I wonder how u stayed strong with each n other and I really admire your courage..
I wish and hope that I'll have a happy ending , wish I could see and talk to someone..
Thanks again.

hey, i've been in that condition, i was dating a man, 52 years old when i was 15 (now i'm 17)well , he has a wife and child (even his child is older than me) i told him about my feelings and he didnt laugh at all. i think you should try to tell what you do really feel.

Sapphire13 wrote:

hey, i've been in that condition, i was dating a man, 52 years old when i was 15 (now i'm 17)well , he has a wife and child (even his child is older than me) i told him about my feelings and he didnt laugh at all. i think you should try to tell what you do really feel.

Wow...what? I'm sorry I am not trying to be judgmental...but how on EARTH does that even come across as normal and healthy? A FIFTY-TWO year old and a FIFTEEN year old?

Trust me I believe 15 year olds can have true love, and are capable of real love. I believe that fully without a doubt. But, why on earth were you even involved with a married 52 year old in the first place? He should be ashamed of himself.

My husband is eighteen years older than I am. We met when I was 29 and he was 48. It was exciting at first because he was so accomplished and had lots of interesting experiences. Plus, he was absolutely not into any games.

Fifteen years later we are married but the sex, which once used to be so freaking fantastic, is considerably lacking. Plus, I worry constantly about his health, which is pretty good.

Just something to think about.

hi sarah, you know its okey to lve someone that is older than you, your worries is not that hard than mine. you know i am married and i am 25 years old but because of financial, i tried to find a man that i can seduced in the internet and my husband is aware of that. but now i feel this strange feeling that i love him already,and my husband has no idea about my feelings.anyway i feel out of love to my husband when i gave birth, i didnt feel the same as before. i stayed in our relationship coz of my kid. but now i am not sure anymore, i wanna be with my bf in the internet and you know how old he is? he is 70 yrs old and i feel that i love him. but my only worries is if i choose to be with my bf, my husband will do all his might just for me not to see my kid anymore. but im sure in my feelings that i love my internet bf and believed it or not. i wanna take the risk just to be with him. sometimes i think im crazy but cant help my feelings..

Visha absolutely NOT! you are not a disgrase listen same thing happend to me...i was a 4.0 student...got accepted to NYU film school and fell in love with a man 25 years older than me. we kept it a secret from everyone because i was so social and my family is so conservative they would literally throw me out I'm 20 years old now I met him when I was 18 he is 44 now 42 when we had met. After a year i got cought with him...and my parents threw the biggest bitch fit. They threated to throw me out...they didint accept me as their daughter i was this, that, blah, blah, about a month after my parents said i cant live with them anymore that ether i forget my family and go with him or stay with my fam and forget him. i went with him my parents didint let me leave so they accepted him. Now about 8 months later THEY LOVE HIM! he is a part of our family. i didnt go to NYU and discontinued my schooling, i kind of disconnected myself from my croud and dedicated my life to him. Follow your heart and everything will work itself out.

I am so happy to know that I am not the only 20 year old who is in love with a man 25 years older. I can never explain how I feel it is just impossible, I am about 5 foot 9 and do a lot of modeling, this man, he is about 5"6 his is not good looking at all but he is just...ughhh when he smiles...nothing else matters. He makes me soooooo happy, my 25 year old football jockey ex can not even compare. I am only 20.

looks are nothing.

age is just a number.

i fell for him and went for him and will never regret it.

even if i turn out to be wrong, i have had so many perfect memories with him that everything will still be worth it.

love is amazing girls. it is amazing.

I was prom queen and had a million friends, mainly guys. i was pretty popular i got excepted to a good school but left my dreams and hopes for him. school willa lways be there i could just go back after afew years but loveeee but this feeeling i had to follow.

my parents did not approve, my friends made ajoke out of me and i lost contact with a lot of people. Now all i have is him, my family is better now and thats all that matters.

On top of everything he is a diabetic, he can not see well, and has many more health problems, but man

i dont care i am in love and i know it. he is my day and my night, but sometimes like tonight when we fight i wish i could ahve someone to talk to but this was a great relief, even when i am sooo mad at him i can not write anything bad about him nothing but happy thoughts.

follow your heart please and everything will fall into place, you live life once take risks and dont rgeret anything just learn from your mistakes.

Dear Rose ,
I'm sure you are just like the rose , being sweet and beautiful and yet with thorn surrounding the roses..you gave me some good words to go on..i'm still living happily with him...still being a secret between us..i hope things will go well for us..i'm happy to know that i can share my feelings here , which i don't share with anyone else other than my boyfriend...

Visha hun I understand I'm glad I could help. Sometimes its better to keep relationships like these secretive it just depends on the situation

I know exactly how you feel. Okay, here's my situation. I work at a non-profit, and met this man 2 years ago who is heavily involved in our organization. He is successful, extremely witty, intelligent and hilarious. I enjoy talking to him and being around him more than anyone I've ever met. When we first met, we clicked immediately. We have the same sense of humor, views on the world and generally just have a fantastic time every time we're together. He always tells me that he's never met anyone he clicks with more than me, and I feel the same way about him.
Here are the major issues: He is married and has two kids, one in hs and one in college. I am married as well. And further more, he is 53 and I am 27! He's not that good looking but his self esteem and the way he carries himself makes him very attractive. I admit I'm quite pretty. Its not typical for me to be attracted to someone less physically attractive than I am. (that's just a side note, not sure if it's relevant)

Anyway, last week he told me that maybe we shouldn't be friends because he is too attracted to me and cares about me too much. I got angry at him and told him not to put things on that level (even though I feel the same way) I broke his heart and made him feel horrible. He called a couple days later and apologized for putting me in an awkward position. He thinks we have it worked out so that we can remain friends however I know he is in love with me, and I think he deep down knows I'm in love with him. He was just in my office today, and we were making eye contact as we were talking and he said "I'm sorry, I have to look over here because it hurts me to look at you." It hurts me every time I see him. (And he looked painfully good in his suit today) We both know how we feel and we can't do anything about it. Right? I mean really, what CAN we do? It would totally fuck up his family's life and mine. I love my husband, and he does love his wife. We just don't click with our spouses the way we do with each other. I can't stop thinking about him and it's freaking me out. WHAT TO DO!!!!????? I know the right answer is probably just stay away from each other all together. But does it make sense in this short time we have on Earth to stay away from someone that makes you happier than anything?
Alright, any comments, suggestions appreciated.