Is it possible to win my boyfriends heart back?

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to get some opinions please.

I recently split up with my boyfriend of three and half years. The first three years everything was pretty much perfect, but in the last few months of our relationship we drifted apart largley due to my behaviour. I became distant towards him, we didn't see each other or talk much, no sex, etc. which was largely due to the fact I was feeling very low with no self confidence, not knowing what I want to do in life, work and family problems, (mainly my mum who always puts her problems on me and we were not speaking to my grandma for two years because of a situation with her and my mum - my grandma passed away on Saturday night and we hadn't rekindled), which he knew about, but not about how low I was feeling about it all because I always dodged the question when he asked, looking back now at how I was feeling then and now, I would say it is depression. I kept everything bottled up and instead of communicating with him which is what he wanted and would of made things better, my behaviour changed and as I have already said I became distant. He didn't realise the extent of how I felt and I guess thought I behaved like this towards him personally.

Then a few weeks ago some not nice words were said where I basically broke up with him because he didn't want me to come over at the weekend, he said I should come over the next weekend and for the following week for me to show him that I could communicate and keep in touch with him which he said I wasn't doing, which in a way was true, so me being stubburn and immature at the time I basically said if I can't come over this weekend, I don't want to come over ever, so he asked me does that me we have broken up and I stupidly said yes. When I called him a couple of days later to apoloigse and talk things over, I think I was in denial about what happened, he told me that we needed space and that we have been acting more like friends in the past few months so I waited a couple of weeks and didn't hear anything so I sent him a letter telling him I was sorry, that I loved him, etc, still nothing so I went down to see him a couple of weeks after and he told me that he didn't love me anymore, he has no feelings for me, he's a single man now, he has begun to date other people, (even telling me a girls name), he realises how different we are, we should just be friends, there's no hope for us, that I made no effort to meet his new friends in the past few months, he is under pressure with work and moving house, I didn't help with the rent like I said, I wasn't there for him the past few months, he put 110% in the relationship and I put 50% in it, that I always argue with my mum, he said that she's ruining my life and well, there was plenty more, but you get my drift.

When he told me all this I didn't really say anything in my defence, so I spoke to him a few days later and tried to explain things, but obviously it didn't make any difference and he made it clear once again that we were 'friends' and nothing more, oh and he said he is still attracted to me, but has no feelings for me.

However 'cold hearted' I have been these past few months, I still love him with all my heart, but he's over me and won't believe anything I say now regarding the past. I have realised my mistakes and want to amend them and try to make things work slowly, but he made it perfectly clear he is not interested and doesn't believe me as he thinks why now do I realise what I have done. If anything this has given me the biggest wake up call of my life about my behaviour and to step up and do something instead of sinking lower and lower. I also behaved like this in a similar manner to friends by being withdrawn and not saying much.

My ex has some of my clothes, etc. and owes me some money so I will have to see him. When I last spoke to him he said he will call me to arrange to meet so he can give my things.

I am 23 by the way.

Thanks.

It's hard to tell if it will be possible, Rebecca. From what you write about his reaction to you I don't really give you much chance. He seems to have closed this chapter in his life. I wish I could tell differently but that's the impression I am getting.
However, the ONLY one who knows if it will be possible to win his heart back is him... Sometimes life takes strange turns and perhaps he will have a 'change of heart' after you both meet to get your things back.

I wouldn't say theres no chance, but it will be tough and heartaching.

I really wish I could hear my ex saying all these, for I am too had been going through what your ex had been. Its not 100% same, but similar indeed.

I'll tell you how I feel and think, and maybe it might point you somewhere.

She ended it around early March (She enjoy going out with her ex so much, she didn't want me to get hurt) but actually keep her distance mid April. After she stopped making me a top priority. She doesn't call, text (unless I go first), and she didn't even want to meet me when she came to my town.(5 minutes from my home). I tried getting back, I tried telling her how I was still want her, I even tried giving her a second chance (silly). But the answer is still no.

So after a while, I know I need to move on, so for about 2 months I was not myself, well I was everything negative you could think of. It was hard, really hard.

About a week ago, suddenly out of the blue, she texted me for once. Long story shot, she talked like nothing happened for the last 2 months. I got sad and frustrated, and I told her how I was, and how horrible she injured me. Maybe she got the wrong idea of me, or she thought I hated her. Honestly, I could never ever hate her, I would never want her to go through what I've been through, and yes, I still love her. But I don't want to be with her.

So when he said he didn't love you anymore, I think that is his ego, not the heart. You've gotta put in some effort if you want it to work again. I was only together for 2 years, you were longer. You must know his likes and dislikes, his personality, its time to put those in good use. Winning someone's heart back is not impossible, I've seen this. But its all about how bad you really want him back. Don't even for one second thinking of making him chase you again and stop chasing him yourself. Because he might just turn around and leave.