Its been over a month, what should i do?

My girlfriend of six years broke up with me on Jan 20th saying she needed some space. The reason she gave me was because she was not sure if she could deal with me going through medical school. We talked about marriage a lot and she was almost always the one that started the conversations. A few days before she broke up with me we were in my car and she looked at me with these adoring eyes and asked if i wanted to marry her. I said more than anything and her eyes lit up, she was soooo happy. A few days later she dumped me

So it has been over a month now and I have been out of contact with her. She has made no attempts to get a hold of me; no little texts, no phone calls, nothing! I want her back, desperatly. Her birthday is coming up March 16th. Should i text her on her birthday, just a simple happy birthday? Should i text her sooner, like now while she is home on spring break? I want to make contact but dont want to make things worse. Any thoughts? Please, i am going crazy, i oculd use some advice! Thanks!

You’ve done quite well by not contacting her! Keep up with the no contact and wait for her curiosity to get the best of her. It may be difficult, but refrain from contacting her on her birthday. If she still has feelings for you, this will drive her crazy. Eventually, she will contact you – at that time don’t return her reply immediately – be aloof and keep her guessing – make her work to get you back. You’ve got the upper hand by not being needy or begging – keep that way.

well i should admit, right after she broke up with me i contacted her a few days later, thinking teh space she was talking about was just a few days to clear her head. The conversation went ok but it ended poorly. I told her that i really wanted to marry her and she said that she just couldnt deal with this....i wish i hadn reached out but at that point i was a wreck. Since then there has been no contact

she already knows you love her. she's the one with the problems/fears/doubts or watever so give her time to think and decide on her own. She has to decide by herself whether you are worth more than her issues. I beleive no contact is good at this because the more you bother her the longer it will take for her to think and might even ruin your chances. I know it's hard but try to be strong and distract yourself with other things when your tempted to contact her.

what I still dont understand is how things could change so quickly. It was literally a week between her wanting to marry me and needing space. She is home for spring break right now and that is killing me. Having a few hours between us while she was at school was an effective buffer. Now that its gone, i cant get her off my mind. If i text her on her birthday I know it might look like i am thinking about her a lot, but at the same time, couldnt it also be that I have not though about her at all and then realized what day it was, prompting me to think about her and want to wish her a happy b day. That was a long sentence......i dont see the harm in it, i think it would be the perfect opportunity to remind her that i am still out there. What i also dont get is why everyday i have to fight the urge to call her, i am still thinking about her when i am not super busy.....i just hope she is going through the same process, but if she was, wouldnt she at least want some contact. Maybe just a quick text every other week? I know she loved me and hope she still odes, after almost 6 years and iwth how abruptly in ended, could she really just stop caring right away?

I think itd be okay to send her a text just saying happy birthday and nothing else but dont try and contact her anytime else she should be the one to do that.

I think thats what I am going to do.....Just curious though regarding no contact. Like I said it has been since Jan 28th when we last talked. If no contact is working, how long before you should hopefully get some contact. My biggest concern is that this phone call will never come. At what point do you start to worry that the call will never happen? I miss her so much and have to fight the urge every day to call her. I have dreams about it almost every night. I just cant belive that this situation is real, i have never fekt more alone and lost. But at what point do you give up hope, at what point do you say that they are never going to call? I think thats why i am so worried about texting her on her bday. Its a deadline that if it passes and i send her a message and she doesnt say anything back, what do i do then? I would be devestated if i reach out only to get silence in return.....

You are not alone my friend.
It SLOWLY gets better with time. That is pretty much all I can tell you mate.

I too wake up every morning hoping that today will be the day I hear from the love of my life...

It's the way she goes bud. Live and learn.

WHY WONT SHE CALL ME! She always seemed so in love, i knew that this was it. I alwaqys knew that this girl would be the mother of my children, the women i would grow old with, she and i were perfect together. Now becasue shes worried about me going through school its over? I cant do this anymore, i want her back, i just want to hear her voice again, i just want to lay on the couch with her and watch a movie. I love this girl so much, ive started to see someone else and it makes me sick how much i miss my ex even when im with this new girl. Its not fair to anyone involved. There have been times im lying with this new girl in bed that i have to catch myself from calling her my exs name. I miss my ex sooo much, i am trying to find the strngth to move on, i just dont know if its there

Sad,
Hey i am in the same boat only mine is 2 months ahead of yours. I was engaged to my ex but i have not done the no contact. I have done the exact opposite until recently. I talk to her when she texts or calls but I don't seek out the conversation anymore. Here is the thing, she isn't calling because she is trying not to think about it. Right around new years i was freaking out the way you are, Why isn't she calling me. I thought she loved me and all that stuff. I am still freaking out like that all the time. Text her on her bday but don't and I repeat don't over do it. Just say hi and happy birthday. If the conversation starts to turn into you guys getting back together change it, cause you want her to come to you with that notion not the other way around. I feel for you man I really do because i love my ex more than anything in this entire world and she told me the same things yours is telling you. Just stay as strong as you can and keep yourself from calling, med school is enough stress so focus on that right now, you don't want to flunk out cause you were worried bout an ex. Trust me my dad is a doctor, my sister is in med school and I know what the stress level is. Focus on you right now and if she doesn't come back its her loss just remember that.

forgot to add, keep the faith sad. it may sound weird but faith is the best thing you can have right now.

Whoa wait you are already dating someone else ... Bad move man, truly if you love her as much as you say you do end that shit now. Don't pine over your ex but don't be messing with other girls that is not fair to them if you are truly in love with someone else. i did it too when i was 22 but then I realized I didn't even love my ex at that time. Seriously don't hurt other women by being with them and thinking of another. It really isn't fair to them at all cause they didn't hurt you.

I agree with sunflash thats really unfair to be dating someone while thinking of another when the new girl hasnt dont a thing to deserve it. How would you feel if your ex had done that to you the entire time you were together??

You guys are right, believe me I agree. The last thing i want to do is hurt anyone else. I should say though, when i said i was seeing someone else maybe i should have said causually hooking up. This girl knows my situation and she def. knows that i am not over my ex. She and I have been friends for awhile and I have been able to talk to her a lot about how i feel right now. So she def knows that i am still thinking about the ex. It is just so hard not to want to go out and fill that void thats been created. I feel so empty and so alone, it is nice to have someone there to lessen the pain. I know this sounds selfish but i just feel like i lost everything that was important to me, and this takes away some of that feeling. The girl I am causually "seeing" knows that i still think about my ex and knows that i am not over her, which is why it was a bad idea to phrase it like we were together. I saw my ex today, driving on the other side of the freeway on my way into work. I know it was her, she has a very distinct car. Something as simple as that has got me in a depressed state now. Its the first time ive seen her since the break up, and it was from 100 yeards away at 70mph! I just want this feeling to stop and i feel like the only way it will is for us to be togehter. No one and nothing could replace her, i dont want to replace her, i just want her back in my life. Almost 6 years.....wasted

i really hate this, i dont feel like myself anymore....i need help and the person i could always turn to is no longer there.....i cant belive this is my life now

i feel so sick, i just wish this had never happened. I miss her more and mroe every second. This is suppoused to be an exciting time in my life and i cant get past this loss....its been almost 2 months and its not any easier, i cant take this anymore....i just want her back

how much you care as much you won,t get any thing be cool and calm,as much you give you won,t get that much try to live by your self then the world be around you be independent

I know how you feel man... It's been three months since my ex dumped me. And I still think about her every single day. I dream about her every single night.

The reason we feel this pain is because we aren't willing to let go of them. So in a sense, the pain is self-inflicted. Being happy is a choice. At some point, you have to realize life is too short to be worrying about someone that no longer cares about you.

Moving on is easier said than done, of course. But it really does boil down to a simple choice of wanting to feel happy again. Slowly but surely, I'm getting there. And you will too. But you have to want that happiness. You have to realize that your life does not revolve around another person, and that your happiness is not dependent upon another person.

It's much easier for me to dish out this advice, and much harder for me to implement it myself. But that's basically how you have to approach it I think. If your ex wants you back, she knows how to get in touch with you. If she never contacts you, then obviously you guys were not meant to be together. But keep in mind, you will meet someone new eventually. It's hard to believe that right now, I know. But you will.

UPDATE: so it turns out that one of my friends best friends cuts my exs hair. She had some things to tell me and i am not handeling any of this well. My ex and i broke up on the 20th, apparently she thought that i was going to do something to try to win her back on valentines day. I didnt and apparently my ex was surprised and apparently "releaved". I dont know how to take that, she thought i was going to do something, was expecting it, surprised when i didnt, but happy about it? Also she told me that my ex has gone out a 2 dates with a guy thats 30 when shes 22, im 26. He is a fucking mechanic and im going to med school! Apparently she was not to interested in the dates though, her response was kinda indifferent. Also my ex said she was upset that i didnt come and visit her more at school. I can understand that but if that was our biggest problem then my fucking god i can fix that!

Also, she has always been upset that for the 5+ years we dated i never took her over to my parents house. Here is why.....my parents started a renovation on the house and my room. They took it down to studs and plumbing. They then ran out of money and were forced to put a halt on everything. I had to live there when home from college in a room with no heat, no walls, it was embarrassing. I always told my gf that the house wasnt much of a home right now, that iw as embarrassed and didnt want to be there. I always made an effor to include her in stuff with my family outside of the house. She came to holidays, went boating with us. But apparently never coming into the house, despite my reasoning was a huge deal for her. I know its weird but it was embarrassing for me and we would have no wehere to just sit and relax, so i always avoided it. I wish i could change things and make up for it now.

Finally she told this girl that she was sad about the break up but was releaved that some of the stress of the relationship was no longer there. Mainly me going to school potentially far away. I dont know how to process all of this....if anyone can help i need it, desperatly!

I still want to send her that happy birthday text. good or bad idea? PLEASE HELP, I AM FALLING APART!

THANKS

please any thoughts? i am at a really low point right now.....

idk if my advice is good advice or not... but it seems like uve suffered more than u shud of n it seems like u deserve sum1 that is willing to care enough to want to make u feel better.. i believe all u need is closure from the girl bc thats wen u can finally move on, without making urself seem desperate, try to get in contact with her n ask her straightup if she wants u to to leave... dont add ne thing to that n dont say ne thing less. see wat her response is. let her know how u feel. just be yourself... and be honest. remember... women don't like guys that can't control their emotions, act as if uve been doing ok the entire time u guys havnt spoken but let her know what ur feeling inside without telling her too much. hope this helps... i really don't know wat else to say. i'm in a shitty situation myself n NOBODY gave me ne advice. i prob already know what i shud do but i guess we're in the same boat, somewhat... easier to give advice to actually following it. sry if i didn't help much. =/

thanks yoshi, its sound advice....i am hoping someone out there has thoughts on what my friends friend told me about the ex....anything?

IGNORE IT COMPLETELY AS IF IT NEVER HAPPENED. YOU DIDNT HEAR IT OUT HER OWN MOUTH THEN DONT ASSUME THAT WHAT YOU HEARD FROM SOME1 ELSE IS WHAT SHE REALLY MEANT. YOU KNOW HOW GIRLS TALK WITHIN ONE ANOTHER SO THEY DONT SEEM WEAK OR BROKEN OR WHATEVER YOU WANNA CALL IT. GIRLS ARE EMOTIONAL BUT THEY KNOW HOW TO CONTROL THEMSELVES BETTER THAN MEN. SPEAK TO HER DIRECTLY AND EVERYTHING WILL MAKE SENSE TO YOU THEN. THE MORE YOU THINK OF POSSIBILITIES... THE MORE YOU STRESS. REALIZE WHAT THIS GIRL HAS PUT YOU THROUGH AFTER HOW LONG. THIS IS WHAT I HAD TO TEACH MYSELF. WE ARE MEN. WE MUST ACT LIKE IT. GET MAD BUT GO ABOUT YOUR ANGER THE RIGHT WAY. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY. BEST OF LUCK. I REALLY HOPE YOU GET HER BACK, BUT IF THINGS DON'T GO THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO, YOU NEED TO REALIZE HOW UNGRATEFUL THIS GIRL IS TO NOT WANT A GUY THAT CARES DEARLY FOR HER. ITS BS... BUT ITS LIFE BROTHA... THERES ALWAYS SOMEONE OUT THERE THAT CARES ABOUT HOW WE FEEL, THE TRICK IS TO BE PATIENT... HAVE FAITH AND TO LIVE YOUR LONG BUT SHORT LIFE. TC.

thanks again yoshi, i really dont know what to do. I dont know how to interpret a lot of the information that i got. I was hoping that she was sitting around missing me, now im not so sure. i just dont understand how it could turn so quickly.....should i still text her on her bday?

i think it's okay to txt her on her bday, don't go any further than that. just say happy bday, hope all is well... tc. something very simple. lets her kno u still care for her and lets her kno u didnt forget about her. n then the day after her bday try to get in contact with her somehow. try to talk to her somehow, don't make urself seem weak.

i sent my ex a very simple birthday card. she has a bf already, only been a month!... although i shouldnt know she has one i think harhar.

TO BE HONEST... U SHUD WANT HER TO FIND SOME1 ELSE TO DATE... I KNOW YOU'RE THINKING NO WAY LOL. BUT THINK ABOUT IT... ITLL GIVE YOU THE TIME AND SPACE THAT YOULL NEED FOR YOURSELF TO FIND YOUR CENTER AGAIN.. AND ITLL GET YOU THINKING MORE ABOUT HER AND MAKE YOU REALIZE THINGS ABOUT HER YOUVE NEVER REALIZED BEFORE... AND FROM THESE EXPERIENCES YOU CAN LEARN ALOT.. .FOR EXAMPLE HOW MUCHDO YOU REALLY LOVE THIS GIRL? IF YOU KNOW YOU 2 WERE GREAT FOR ONE ANOTHER WELL THAN YOU SHOULD HAVE THE CONFIDENCE OF A MAN AND KNOW THAT HER RELATIONSHIP WILL FAIL AND SHE WILL COME TO HER SENSES OF WHAT SHE LET GO, IF IT GOES THE OTHER WAY AROUND ,THEN YOU HAVE TO REALIZE THAT ITS BETTER THAT WAY BECAUSE YOU GUYS WONT BE LIVING A LIE. LOVE IS JUST TOO RANDOM... YOU CAN NEVER BLAME SOMEONE IF THEY JUST DONT HAVE THOSE FEELINGS FOR YOU ANYMORE... ITS NOT IN THEIR CONTROL ,THIS IS WHERE ALOT OF WOMEN GROW FUSTRATED WITH MEN BECAUSE WE HAVE PROBLEMS UNDERSTANDING THESE THINGS. YOU HAVE TO SHOW HER THAT YOU UNDERSTAND, TELLING HER YOU UNDERSTAND WILL JUST MAKE HER EVEN ANGRIER. I HOPE WHAT I SHARE MAKES SENSE IN SOME WAYS, I HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS IN LIFE... JUST WISH ME LUCK AS I AM FOR YOU GUYS. trust me... i know what youre feeling... i really do, just be strong, know who you are and know what you're worth. thats what most girls are attracted to. be confident in your actions, if you have to question something ,dont do it. DONT LET YOUr EMOTIONS GET THE BEST OF YOU, follow your heart and use your head to reason, dont listen to the voices in your head...hope that helps. cheers.

So i am going to send her a text on her birthday....here is what i was thinking:


1. Happy Birthday

2. Happy Birthday Katherine, how are things

3. Happy Birthday Katherine, how is school going?

4. Happy Birthday Katherine, how have you been?

5. Happy Birthday Katherine, I miss you desperatly and owuld do anything to have you back. Please give us another chance, whatever problems we have we can work them out. I am committed to you and to us!

Ok so even though number 5 is the most accurate, obviously i am not going to say that. Any thoughts?

Hows...Happy Birthday Katherine hope your day goes well, give me a call sometime if youd like to catch up

i like it! WHat do you think about the whole her being relieved that i didnt try to win her back on valentines day comment? It makes me wonder if i should even try to contact her at all or just keep playing this waiting game. I dont get it, she was expecting me to try to win her back, was surprised when i didnt, and told this girl she felt relievd? What should i make of this?