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So you’ve broken up with the love of your life…your soulmate…your confidant and best friend. Now what? For the record, “IT’S NOT OVER UNTIL IT’S OVER”, with only one exception…that your ex-partner has married.
First and foremost, decide with your heart, soul and spirit if you really love this person. No amount of time will matter if the love you have for this person is real. The time since the break-up could be a week, a month, a year, 5 years or more before you are back together but if you love him/her then it doesn’t matter. True love is not logical, it’s emotional. It’s not a feeling, it’s a choice. If there was a true love connection, which again, only you know, then that experience will always rise above any conflict that rears it’s ugly head in your relationship. In the words of Rod Tidwell, from the movie, “Jerry MacGuire”, “You know when you know”! And as mentioned before, only you know that.
Secondly, you should also know if this person truly loves you. Sometimes it is best to cut your losses, but of course, only you truly know the answer to this question. Even if your ex-partner is seeing someone else and it looks like their relationship is getting closer, do not be discouraged. It is time to man up and accept this situation. More than likely, this new girl/guy is a rebound for him/her. If you trust in your heart and soul that your ex has feelings for you based on the relationship you shared, then he/she does…really! You have to trust that the love that you gave him/her will prevail during this separation.
Lastly, give him/her as much time and space as needed to miss you and believe me, he/she will if the memories you shared made him/her deliriously happy. You might ask, “Well, how long is that?” As long as it takes…remember, you are in this situation for the long haul, if in fact, you love this person. You can never put a time limit on love.
If it has been a month since you’ve contacted your ex, then do so. If an apology is in order, then make it promptly and in person if possible. You do not need to go overboard but you will need to be sincere. A mailed letter is required. Let me repeat, a mailed letter is required…no phone call, no text message and no email. If you do not get a response, don’t panic. Lack of response could be a good thing…at least he/she is not telling you to get lost, don’t correspond with me or it’s over. Am I right? The following month you write her again and every month thereafter until he/she responds…and he/she will. Eventually she/he will respond either negatively or positively. Either way, you will get the answer you seek. I personally believe that no response is a positive…remember you are starting from square one again and it will take some time to rebuild the love you both shared as well as the trust required to move forward.
I am a firm believer in fighting for love. It is the foundation of humanity and a cause that is worth attaining. Having said that, please know that it is never over until it is over. I know this is a cliche’ by notable New York Yankee, Yoggi Berra but it is worth mentioning again. I believe in the age old adage, “Love Always Prevails”. In closing, always know that any love worth having is worth fighting for.
jayspop, ive been reading the advice you’ve been giving and you seem like someone who really wants to help..my scenario is a little different and a little complicated but id appreciate your opinion on it if you had the time to spare…i wish i could fight for my love, i really wish i could but i feel my hands are tied…i also believe true love prevails and that time will tell..its just that the choices that are made in that time could prove fatal to any future we may have as there is a tendancy to do stupid things and regret them in the future by then its too late…when this girl im talking to came back after 21 years she told me the kids she had should have been mine and that she should have been married to me..as i say, id appreciate it if you could give me an opinion on what i should do for the best…my post is called tragic epic love story and it continues on Joeys devestated thread..im sure those guys could do with some support too…cheers bud..
‘when this girl im talking to came back after 21 years’
that shud read "talking ‘about’" not ‘to’ sorry
Hi Crash-
I will peruse the aforementioned post that you have suggested and provide my candid thoughts as openly as possible. Thank you for your sincere comments. They are considerably noteworthy.
I would just like to say that this is an extremely well written and wise blog. I think we all have been in relationships that have really touched our lives, and I am a firm believer based on my own experiences that people will show up again somewhere, somehow even when you are least expecting it. And your message about silence I feel is golden. Unless you have really said or done something very wrong to another, silence is not a death sentence or a reason to panic and make unnecessary mistakes down the line. Sometimes, people just want to work through things on their own. We must remind ourselves that faith in each other and love for that person will remain even if they are no longer before us, and in time everything will come full circle as it needs to be.
I believe that "Lack of response could be a good thing" has two sides to it. It could mean that they aren’t ready to give you an answer just yet because they have not thought about it or come to a conclusion. Another meaning could be is they simply just don’t care anymore and the silence you’re receiving from them is a message that you should get lost and move on, stop trying. It’s always hard to see which of the two is stronger than the other and of course every breakup is different too. No two are alike.
Kudos Jayspop !! I have been searching this site for over an hour for some spiritual enlightenment to healing a broken heart.Its been 1 1/2 years and I was beginning to think myself psycho,for holding on so long. lol. The truth is .. this is where Im suppose to be and only time can heal me. I have no control over my lost love, only how I choose to spend my time until the next round of love rolls around.
Thank you for your insight :) Have a Happy Valentines Day :)Char
I think this is what I feel for my ex of 4.5 years. =( He is seeing a child molester for a boyfriend…been together for 8 months now…but they are continually checking on me. I have told him, and called him and texted him and had a two hour chat with him and my mom…we broke up Oct 2008…and I know he still has feelings for me. I am still in love with this man…I just don’t know how to proceed. I mean, I haven’t tried to contact him in long time! Especially since both me and his current bf HATE each other!
What should I do? =(
K
This gives me hope =]
Great article!!!! I was afraid to listen to my heart, but I did it anyways. Me and my ex are seeing each other again :-)
so I am the "OVER". He married immediately after broke-up with me. I like the sentence " any love worth having is worth fighting for". And I prefer this more: love is to feel instead of to fight for. Sometimes, the quiet feeling procedure helps more than the violent fight. If you feel carefully, you can hear your heart; you will learn whether it is worth. and I am right now feeling that he really does not worth my love especially when I’ve observed recently his continued harrassment on me just one month after his marriage. Men are really wired.
hey jayspop
That post really helped alot and i have seen u on other forums with great advice. Could u help me with my situation im finding things really hard atm. i have not contacted my ex nor has she contacted me my story is here
http://www.relationshiptalk.net/my-girlfriend-broke-up-with-should-i-write-her-a-letter-5130732.html
hope to hear from u
jayspop, my ex boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago and we were dating for 11 months and i messed up in our relationship which included cheating and doing bad habits in which he wanted me to quit. he forgave me for everything and the day after he broke up with me he said that even though he said that he forgave me he didnt. I want to write out a letter and not give it to him until me and him get into contact and i feel that in my heart that me and him are meant to be but i do not know if he feels the same way. i have told myself and my friends that i want to fight what is right and that is for me and him to have a fresh start. i deeply regret for hurting him and i would like some advice on what i should do. should i continue to fight or move on? i would really appreciate it.
so what happens in my situation. married for 22 yrs old and i thought things were not so bad for him to have done what he did. but he did. left me, the state, job everything and went back to his ex of 22 years ago. said when they broke up she was unfaithful. wondering if that was even true. he lives with her in florida now for 2 months and does not seem so happy. has no job, no money, no car and lives in the mountains. does he love her. dont know. does he love me still unsure. he says he is confused. doesnt want a divorce right now.
Hey jay i have read your blog and you kind of make alot of sence. but my situation is a little different. The love of my life has mixed feelings. She broke up with her ex of 4 years seven months ago. At one point she said she love me but all of a sudden all her feelings disappeard afetr she realised her ex had moved on and gotten a gf. She was confused abt her feelings..dint know weather she was just jealous. To me it looks like she was on the rebound. Should i count my losses even though she said she was miserable with her bf and was just waiting to get out of the relationship..?
i am completely thankful for what you write. im loosing my mind every minute of the day. i still am in love my partner so much its hard for me to go on. i feel like he feels the same but hes such a buissness man like his mother. and i think what you said " True love is not logical, it’s emotional. It’s not a feeling, it’s a choice" i feel that exact way and i wish for one day he will see how much im morning his loss, and how much he means to me. is it possible to get over a relationship if you know this is the perfect person i have no complaints and i was so fortunate.
thanks again made me feel better
-adam
Hey man! right now im fighting for this love, which i lost with my mistakes and her choice of leaving me. this post really helped me alot, but there is one thing i find complicated in my case. ill stay short since you got alot to answer on(i guess)! you mention this part where its time to contact the ex, and you say a mailed letter is the thing that is needed when taking contact.. other wise the atemt would fail? in my position it would be wierd in the view of my ex, to suddenly recieve a letter from me, since teens nowadays dont send letters, but e-mails or texts.. my ex would probable find it stupid to recieve a letter from me and not a phone call or a text, i think. is this part that important? i find it more comforting to call her and speak over phone, since i believe it is better to get a comfort of a voice, and not handwritten words.? tell me if im wrong, cus that part made me confused, and i dont want to do anymore mistakes than ive allready done.. and i want my love back!
Hey Jay, my boyfriend broke up with me and after a few weeks we had a talk and we both agreed to taking a break because we still love each other. After a week I talked to him and asked why he was being distant. He then told me he didn’t think he could open up to me emotionally and told me he didn’t want to take a break and that I shouldn’t wait for him. I know he still loves me and only said that because he got upset with me. I decided to leave him alone and hoping he’d come back. What do you think is best for me to do? Is there a chance for us to get back together? I am holding on to the fact that he was mad when he said what he said.
Excellent blog. I thought my ex gf would NEVER contact me again, but she did and only time will tell where it will lead us to. But for your mental health continue to move forward, make notice and correct mistakes and one day they WILL contact you again. Give it time.