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So you’ve broken up with the love of your life…your soulmate…your confidant and best friend. Now what? For the record, “IT’S NOT OVER UNTIL IT’S OVER”, with only one exception…that your ex-partner has married.
First and foremost, decide with your heart, soul and spirit if you really love this person. No amount of time will matter if the love you have for this person is real. The time since the break-up could be a week, a month, a year, 5 years or more before you are back together but if you love him/her then it doesn’t matter. True love is not logical, it’s emotional. It’s not a feeling, it’s a choice. If there was a true love connection, which again, only you know, then that experience will always rise above any conflict that rears it’s ugly head in your relationship. In the words of Rod Tidwell, from the movie, “Jerry MacGuire”, “You know when you know”! And as mentioned before, only you know that.
Secondly, you should also know if this person truly loves you. Sometimes it is best to cut your losses, but of course, only you truly know the answer to this question. Even if your ex-partner is seeing someone else and it looks like their relationship is getting closer, do not be discouraged. It is time to man up and accept this situation. More than likely, this new girl/guy is a rebound for him/her. If you trust in your heart and soul that your ex has feelings for you based on the relationship you shared, then he/she does…really! You have to trust that the love that you gave him/her will prevail during this separation.
Lastly, give him/her as much time and space as needed to miss you and believe me, he/she will if the memories you shared made him/her deliriously happy. You might ask, “Well, how long is that?” As long as it takes…remember, you are in this situation for the long haul, if in fact, you love this person. You can never put a time limit on love.
If it has been a month since you’ve contacted your ex, then do so. If an apology is in order, then make it promptly and in person if possible. You do not need to go overboard but you will need to be sincere. A mailed letter is required. Let me repeat, a mailed letter is required…no phone call, no text message and no email. If you do not get a response, don’t panic. Lack of response could be a good thing…at least he/she is not telling you to get lost, don’t correspond with me or it’s over. Am I right? The following month you write her again and every month thereafter until he/she responds…and he/she will. Eventually she/he will respond either negatively or positively. Either way, you will get the answer you seek. I personally believe that no response is a positive…remember you are starting from square one again and it will take some time to rebuild the love you both shared as well as the trust required to move forward.
I am a firm believer in fighting for love. It is the foundation of humanity and a cause that is worth attaining. Having said that, please know that it is never over until it is over. I know this is a cliche’ by notable New York Yankee, Yoggi Berra but it is worth mentioning again. I believe in the age old adage, “Love Always Prevails”. In closing, always know that any love worth having is worth fighting for.
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jayspop, ive been reading the advice you’ve been giving and you seem like someone who really wants to help..my scenario is a little different and a little complicated but id appreciate your opinion on it if you had the time to spare…i wish i could fight for my love, i really wish i could but i feel my hands are tied…i also believe true love prevails and that time will tell..its just that the choices that are made in that time could prove fatal to any future we may have as there is a tendancy to do stupid things and regret them in the future by then its too late…when this girl im talking to came back after 21 years she told me the kids she had should have been mine and that she should have been married to me..as i say, id appreciate it if you could give me an opinion on what i should do for the best…my post is called tragic epic love story and it continues on Joeys devestated thread..im sure those guys could do with some support too…cheers bud..
‘when this girl im talking to came back after 21 years’
that shud read "talking ‘about’" not ‘to’ sorry
Hi Crash-
I will peruse the aforementioned post that you have suggested and provide my candid thoughts as openly as possible. Thank you for your sincere comments. They are considerably noteworthy.
I would just like to say that this is an extremely well written and wise blog. I think we all have been in relationships that have really touched our lives, and I am a firm believer based on my own experiences that people will show up again somewhere, somehow even when you are least expecting it. And your message about silence I feel is golden. Unless you have really said or done something very wrong to another, silence is not a death sentence or a reason to panic and make unnecessary mistakes down the line. Sometimes, people just want to work through things on their own. We must remind ourselves that faith in each other and love for that person will remain even if they are no longer before us, and in time everything will come full circle as it needs to be.
I believe that "Lack of response could be a good thing" has two sides to it. It could mean that they aren’t ready to give you an answer just yet because they have not thought about it or come to a conclusion. Another meaning could be is they simply just don’t care anymore and the silence you’re receiving from them is a message that you should get lost and move on, stop trying. It’s always hard to see which of the two is stronger than the other and of course every breakup is different too. No two are alike.
Kudos Jayspop !! I have been searching this site for over an hour for some spiritual enlightenment to healing a broken heart.Its been 1 1/2 years and I was beginning to think myself psycho,for holding on so long. lol. The truth is .. this is where Im suppose to be and only time can heal me. I have no control over my lost love, only how I choose to spend my time until the next round of love rolls around.
Thank you for your insight :) Have a Happy Valentines Day :)Char
I think this is what I feel for my ex of 4.5 years. =( He is seeing a child molester for a boyfriend…been together for 8 months now…but they are continually checking on me. I have told him, and called him and texted him and had a two hour chat with him and my mom…we broke up Oct 2008…and I know he still has feelings for me. I am still in love with this man…I just don’t know how to proceed. I mean, I haven’t tried to contact him in long time! Especially since both me and his current bf HATE each other!
What should I do? =(
K
This gives me hope =]