Long complicated relation ship. I just want her back and don't know how.

Well, me and this girl dated about a year and a half almost 2 years ago. We didn't see eachother much, and I really didn't like that, so I ended the relationship. I went over how it wasn't her how i just wanted to wait to be with her so that it could all be better, and she seemed to understand. about 8 months after that happend, we started talking again, and she wanted me to go back out with her. I told her i still could'nt drive and that we would'nt be able to see eachother as much so that I wanted to wait just a bit longer. So then now, about 9 months later, I want her back, because we can see eachother, but now shes telling me shes not sure if she wants to. She said that I denied her, when i really didn't i just wanted to wait and be happy with her. She also said how shes felt like when i denied her that it pushed her away from me. It's as if she doesn't want to date me again, although we hung out a few weeks ago and she was all over me. I know she still has feelings for me but she just doesn't wana go back out. I don't know how to get it through her head that i love her and she means the world to me. I've told her multiple times how i wish i could go back and change everything but she kinda shrugs it off. We got in a fight and a few days later started talking again. I told her how I was acting desperate and how i understand why she acted that way. I also told her that I need some time also to get back to normal, cuz im going through alot right now, trying to deal with depression and then her denial is just making everything 10x worse. I can't stop thinking about her, and she never wants to hang out with me. When we text she usualy replies with one word answers like; "yah, KK, sure, nah or some other bull shit. it really pisses me off and I JUST NEED HELP! I just want her back and i want everything to be how it used to be. Is there anyway i can get her to understand that i love her and i just want a second chance?

How to I get her to get interested in me again??

John Price wrote:

It's as if she doesn't want to date me again, although we hung out a few weeks ago and she was all over me.

What happened at this time?

well, me and her friend went out just to drive around and hang with some of my friends. Her friend, her and me ended up ditching my friends to just go to some secluded place and drink. We were having a good time and she was begging me to kiss her and everything, but I didn't want to because she was going on before how she thinks im just using her to have sex with her, which isn't the case. So I did kiss her but then she kept wanting me to keep kissing her. but then later that night drove em home. got to her house and she wanted me to walk her in, so i did and then her dad just looked at me all dirty, and i just blew that off and walked her to her room. then i left. I'd assume if you don't like someone your not going to beg them to kiss you. So i know that deep down shes still attracted, but she just wont.

and also the day after that, we hung out again, all 3 of us. and then her friend made the comment of "wow you two are all over eachother"

idk if thats any help but yah.

Maybe turning her down here because of her dad made it worse. Maybe the comment about using someone for sex is what she wants now. I'm not sure why she would suddenly rush into kissing like this after not doing anything for a while. Was she was drunk at the time?

You also mentioned a fight: What was that about?

no she does not want sex. We are both the same age and pretty young. mid teens and in highschool.
yes she was drunk but i asked her friend if thats how she usualy is and her friend said no. so i figured she was like me when shes drunk and she just lets her feelings out.
like i said though, her friend said that we were all over eachother.
our fight, was over wether she liked me, and yes i was acting desperate. but we made up about that. I am depressed so i tend to overeact. and right now this is pushing me to my limits, and if i lose her i feel like completely giving up.

right now im planning on laying low because she already told me how she liked this one guy, which i was fighting with a few days ago, cuz hes nosey. but yah i apologized for that too... and im getting help for my depression...also im going to a psychiatrist soon, idk if he will be able to help me out with any of this or not...?

but yah im just getting alot of mixed feelings from her right now and im very confused

She's got to figure what she wants before you do anything more.

well, we talked today. and thats when she told me about this other guy. and then she said how "they" had a thing, and she wants him to ask her out. but she doubts he will. and then i made a dumb comment to her saying "wow so he gets a second chance but i don't" well then she said that my second chance i denied her. and thats completely not what i meant to do! I told her that i said no because i wanted her to wait so that me and her could be happy together. and that if i could go back in time to fix that, then i would. but then she ended the conversation of saying " you did, and now its done with" what she means by "you did" is that " i did deny her"

wait! that guy i meant she said that "they did" have a thing and she doesnt think hes interested in her anymore

Guy wrote:
[quote]Maybe turning her down here because of her dad made it worse. quote]

can you rephrase this im not catching on?

I mean, instead of continuing with kissing her, you dropped her off because "her dad just looked at me all dirty". So maybe she understood that to mean that you didn't want her anymore.

no no maybe i stated that wrong. we were kissing and everything in my truck and we just hung out for a few hours and kept drinking. then we stopped,and went to her house cuz they needed to be home and i walked her in. thats when he gave me the dirty look and i just held her hand and walked her to her room, gave her a kiss good night and left. he did'nt see that so yah.

Oh, now I get it. I wonder how he knew if he hadn't seen what happened.

I meant to say that maybe she didn't want you to stop because if you stopped with the kissing, she may have seen that as being rejected again.

no he just looked at me cuz i think he knew that we were all drunk, and figuring im a guy with his step daughter that i was probably tried something wierd with her. and im not sure about it all, like i said its all really complicated and im very confused. but the next day we were hitting it off good again and her friend made that comment of how we were all over eachother. so i figured that she didn't take it as being rejected?

If it's not because of what happened, then I'm not sure when she changed her mind about you. You said that the fight was whether she liked you or not. What was the conclusion?

alright, the conclusion was her saying "idk" and then i finally go to talk to her about it. she told me she didn't want to be hurt again. and that shes not sure if she wants to take the chance again. but even before all of this she "did like me" idk if she does still now though just cuz of how shes acting. im getting feelings she does, and then a few days later all my doubts are just coming true, of her not likeing me.


Basically, I think the problem right now is my depression. I'm probably not acting how she remembers me and I can't think straight. I also over react quite a bit but try to keep my cool. Just cuz this is how I am i don't like not knowing what to do next and if I do i only like things to go exactly how i wanted it. But as of right now, im trying to get as much help as possible. So then maybe once i get back to normal I can start talking to her again and maybe get back with her?

and also how im acting desperate. being desperate is not like me, and she knows me as being outgoing and overconfident. but right now i "think" im being the exact opposite

Yeah. Take a break from all this so that both of you have time to think.

alright, but should i try to keep in contact with her, and if i do I don't want to hit the "friend zone" with her. but if i don't im afraid of her thinking i've completely given up on her.

also i've never been to a psychiatrist before. im not sure if you know the answer to this but I feel like part of the reason im depressed is my self confidence, and I want to lose a bit of weight. Would he/she help me with doing this?? or are they just there to listen to what you have to say and do pretty much wat your doing?

John Price wrote:

alright, but should i try to keep in contact with her, and if i do I don't want to hit the "friend zone" with her.

You two aren't doing anything together, so I think that you're already there, if that's what you want to call it.

As for psychiatry: If you insist on going, then go ahead, but I think you've figured out why you're depressed already. You would probably gain confidence if you lost a bit of weight, as you call it.

your right, but we never hang out, we're not exactly...close? i think i'll just give it time then... thanks for all of the help.

and yah, i do know why im depressed but...I can't deal with it right now, and it's only getting worse because of this, and then my mom we believe has cancer again. That's why im going to one.

What about talking to some folks you know before you go to one? They would know you better and that would be cheaper, at least.

because, they don't take me seriously, and even if i wanted something to be done about it they would just say something useless. but yah, even if i would i just don't feel comfortable sharing everything with them because my dad's a p.o.s, and my moms a loudmouth, and i cant trust either one of them..

What about friends?

well, im really not an open person, but i've practically given up on everything and decided to tell a few. but i just noticed how much it helps to let it out, so i think it'll be better if i could get some professional help.

All right. It's your call.

thanks again for all of your help.

You're welcome. Feel free to return later if you want.