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I have nothing better to do right now, I am in a rehab because MRSA opened a hole in my heart. It is going to be months before I regain my previous power, which was not much, thanks to MRSA. The last few months have been eye opening to say the least. My wife has been placed in home detention. My father is yelling at everyone about how he did what he had to do to me for the good of the family. He was telling my mother that I had to be controlled because I never learned my place. Even told everyone that the only reason he raised me was for work. He said I had to go get married and get myself happy for a little while which added to the problem.

When my wife came back to my hometown the six months prior to my discharge from the military he scared her to death recounting stories of just how unsportsmanlike and uncivilized I could be when I got tired of being pushed beyond limits that others would not have put up with for a second. He about this problem as a situation where his son did not know when to shut his mouth and accept the circumstance, weather it is deserved or not. Because I am what he calls a 6′4″ tall Frankenstein he said it was to dangerous to allow me to have the same rights and considerations others enjoyed, I had to be controlled!

We live in a conservative state with both farm concerns, and manufacturing, I worked in manufacturing with a union, when I went back to work after the navy, I thought that I was now in charge of my life. Many felt different, even with seniority rights I gained over the years. My father had many friends that worked in my plant that had sons on ball teams he coached or helped with. Found out every time I tried to switch a shift to days, or take a weekend off, a vacation, have a holiday like Christmas or Thanksgiving off, I had to take the back seat to someone with kids or farmed on the side. If I did not do as the others wanted they would run to my dad and tell him how unfair I was being to others with children. We got into some very bad fights over my conduct but always ended up caving in to others demands.

I asked when I was thirty nine from my union and my father when I was going to have a day off after not having one for almost three years, I was tired, I found myself being transferred to a new department and going to the bottom of the list again, My father just said that I was tough and needed to understand that my own needs had to take the back seat to the needs of others. I pointed out I had not even had sex with my wife in years. He said there you go again thinking about your own pleasure instead of the needs of others. They finally lost control of me when I again started standing up for myself again, I was finally forced to retire after 31 years. I had told a congressman and a governor that I was not put there to obey an edict they expected me to obey on two different occasions. Both my wife and father were furious, My father said I have never learned my true place in this world, he repeated that in my room the other day, I thru my lunch tray at him, and told him my true place was burying a knife in the foot of those that think there is a true place and would place their boot on my neck.

I was yelling that I had tried the go along to get along bit for to long. It was not my place to kiss every **** that thinks they have a right to it, The staff sedated me to keep me from doing harm to myself. FSSA has come in to talk to me, a state representative has talked to me, and a mental health official has talked to me, Each and every one of them left feeling I had been abused in a conspiracy pushed by my father, My wife is not apologetic about her part that caused everything to come to a head, she just says that it hurt her as much as it did me, she said the more she tried to regain control the more I would resist until she was very afraid of me. especially after what I did to her old boyfriend the morning I confronted them, she said what I did was barbaric and meant to do far reaching harm.

My father was there when the state representative came and we talked about the abuse of people by bullying, coercion, and collusion. My wife was in the room, so was my mother. as part of the conversation my father put his own two cents in about **** I had had my head filled with ideas off fairness that were just impractical in the real world, he said that in our society there should be a rigid hierarchy that is followed for all citizens or else society would collapse. If certain people had to be kept down like me then it was needed for the good of everyone, he said life did not have to be fair and one day I would understand.

There was not a person in that room that agreed. I said that right now we are entering into a time when there is the country club set that thinks everyone is placed on this earth to serve them. Society does have classes in our nation, but whenever a section of that society sets up an abuse of another section of that society, it is situation for storming the Bastille so to speak. I said I will actively watch out for my own rights from now on and would never again subvert my needs and wants to others. Told my father that he was wrong for his idiotic opinion, also said to the state representative that I would be in the way of anyone that wanted a highly classed society.

Scared everyone in the room. My father said a feeling like what I have is has a lot of danger and could start class warfare and a civil war if to many people felt the way I do.

So... what do you think? Please leave me a comment or give me a
.

3 Comments:

  • gummybears: That’s Quite the confession. Thanks for sharing this. I would suggest that if you can to continue to write about it. There are probably others in a similar situation who need to hear about it. Find a voice so to speak?
    Your dad went to extremes doing what most parents have to struggle with. Even though what he did was obviously severely harmful to many people, he was doing what he thought was the right thing as a parent. I ‘m not downplaying what he did, I needed to say this to make a point.
    Many people we meet and decide to live with, do silly, and very harmful things while trying to do what they think is the right thing.
    You are courageous for speaking up, and not succumbing to what;s been dictated to you. Not many people do this.
    Be careful not to fall into what your dad did to you....
    That last paragraph....about society, just remmeber that society is made up of individuals.
    here’s something to watch when you find you have too much time on your hands:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TrNIuFrso8I
  • odinseye: Thank you for your comments, I watched the video you suggested and found I agreed with it. My conformity is at an end, The new MRSA anti biotics are not working to well. The strain that I have is highly resistant.
    Right now they just plugged a new bag into the pick line that is in my chest and all I want to do is be sick. I was 250lbs three weeks ago. Now I just had my weight done and I am down to 175lbs and very weak.
    My life is just about done, people will no longer have to worry about my embarrassing them or telling some **** that I am mad as hell, and I am not going to take it any more. I thanked my wife and father for making me feel humble and mostly alone for most of my life, that I could not fight against anyone any longer.
    I just want my life to be over, I would even appreciate if someone came in and gave me a killing dose of morphine,
    The doctor says that if it was not for the fact I have given up my prognosis would be much better. My wife and father will be hopefully relieved at my passing, I just don’t know where they are going to find some poor **** to take my place.
    MY brother up from Tennessee, said that I was still very angry, he is has converted catholic. Tells me that before I die I need to forgive people, I am not Christ. Every time my wife comes in I would love to turn her over my knee and wail the tar out of her. My father started in on my brother about his conversion, and my brother told him to stuff it, he was not going to get into his life the way he did mine.
    Also had some visitors from the place I retired from, my father knew all of them, several started joking about when they had forced me into more OT and how one day the forewoman came out and told that she had to require me to work a sixteen hour a day week the next week because a woman on another shift was getting married that weekend and she needed the next week off, I had had a vacation scheduled for the next two weeks, and I was required to stop my plans, I had more senority by twenty years than this girl and I asked my union steward why she did not plan for her wedding at her vacation, found out it was to the union stewards son, and they did not want to wait two more months. It was a situation where I did not get a vacation again, my father said that was again a time when I should have been thinking of others instead of raising cane. I took my case to the Region and they said by contract I was in the right but by the time the ruling came down I was infringing on other vacations that others had taken slots for. The vacation replacement slot I was given was two weeks in mid January, I was told I could go abroad, because of what I did in the military this is not an option, and when I explained this I was told that it was not their problem, I ended up working through that slot anyway because I was able to make it to work in the snow and ice.
    I will say that there are times when conformity to what others want can earn the brownie points for a favor later on, the return favors never seemed to materialize. When you finally start to fight tooth and nail for rights other people have you are looked at as somewhat insane.
    As for my wife, I told her in front of the FSSA judge that if I got well I would take my marital rights, my wife said I would rape her, why would I do something like that. She said that she would not permit sex in anger, I stood up grabbed her by the shirt and thru her out of my room, My father came storming in when he saw her hit the floor and asked what the blazes did I think I was doing. The FSSA Representative, was shocked at how fast I became weak, called for the nurse to put all the IV’s back in I refused. They sedated me again.
  • gummybears: You do have lots of anger still there, Understandably so. I think your brother means well, I just think he doesn’t know that forgiveness can be a long process for some. Its never easy to forgive, nor does it happen overnight.
    Even though you are angry and asking to be put out of your misery at this moment in time, you do have value as a human being. :) Your experience is one of them.
    All too often may who in the same situation as you once were never escape the bonds like you have done. That takes courage, determination, and honesty and self awareness.
    Again, thanks for sharing... I do hope that you share some more of what you’ve learned. :)
    Conformity seems to be an epidemic problem.

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