me and my girl were together for a year and six months we ha...

me and my girl were together for a year and six months we had our ups and doewns at the beginning she treated me like shit and her excuse was that she wasnt use to having a bf she had barely finish high school and she had barely started partying and all that good stuff so i guess she felt like she didnt know how to balance me and fun we finally came to a time where we were good we were a couple i should say but then out of the blue i started treating her like shit but i mean lik i was an asshole and honestly i regret it i would just flip out for no reason and make her feel low till finally i came to my 5 senses and i started to change but i notice a change in her too we lost communication he hardly had sex it was more of a habit than a relationship so we got in this big argument over something so retarded and the asshole in me came out and i made her cry by what i said and i walked away. i finally stopped and thought about what i had done and i try tslking to her but nothing and now i come to find out she doesnt want me as her bf i mean she says she loves me and maybe later on but im going crazy i want her back and im willing to change but idk what to do?.....

Well this sounds kind of familiar...
Have you read this post?
http://www.relationshiptalk.net/i-hurt-my-girlfriend- so-many-times-and-now-i-just-wanna-make...- 2922124.html

I responded to this person and this is what I said in so many words:

In my opinion...

I would NEVER want to hurt the person that I love the most. I hurt when they hurt, im upset when they are unhappy, and I dont ever want to know that the reason they dont have a smile on their face is due to the fact that I caused them to be or feel that way...

By you hurting your significant other all the time and openly admitting that it shows to me that you have a lack of respect for her and that you dont really deserve to be with her.

And thats not me saying your a bad person or that you are not worthy of being loved. But one should cherish the fact that someone wants to share their life with you.

And you need to take a seriously look at yourself and make some changes. Be 100% for her, and quit treating her BAD.

Simple logic really.

Because let me tell you, you always realise what you had when its gone and its to late. Hence, cherish the people in your life! Especially, your significant other!

And if she is gone, and doesnt want to rekindle what you had. Lesson learned, and sometimes unfortunately it has to be the hard way.

-HSB-

In addition to that quote, I just want to say. In your case. Give her some time and some space to collect her thoughts. You hurt her bad enough to second guess your relationship. And it truly will be the best thing you can do for her but for yourself aswell. Its easier said than done... But it does get easier I promise you that.

And then maybe you two might able to reach a point where you can talk and you can then apologise, explain and shed some light on your actions.

But actions speak louder than words, and everyone is capable of changing. But prove that to her by working on who you are. You are already one step ahead and have realised you effed up, now work on it. Work on you! Because at this point it truly is all you can do at the moment.

Stay positive my friend.

-HSB-

thanks -HSB- that makes sense it just really sucks that i realized that too late she tells me her pride is way too high and thats whats keeping her from coming back to me she told me that she needs time that she loves me but she just doesnt want a boyfriend that me being mean to her and showing no emotion made her feel single that when i did showed emotion she didt care or need it anymore...idk what that means cuz then she hits me with the i need to learn how to be independent which makes no sense...i honestly want her back i love this girl but as of right now theres no way im going to get her back...

Ozkr!

i honestly want her back i love this girl but as of right now theres no way im going to get her back...

Hey! Stay positive my friend! In this world, when you are happy the sky is the limit! Hence, you dont know what the future brings.
Dont rule out anything! And expect only the best for yourself, and others and you may be pleasantly surprised!

With this being said, you are doing good in the fact that you do realise that you live in the real world and that every action has an equal or opposite reaction! And although it maybe a little to late to mend your relationship with this woman at the moment that still doesnt mean you cant start repairing and working on yourself!

idk what that means cuz then she hits me with the i need to learn how to be independent which makes no sense...

To be completely honest Ozkr, she has just hit her breaking point with you or so it seems. She tried to bear the load (being emotionally stressed out) for what seems like awhile (from what you have posted) and she just wore thin and gave up. A person can only handle so much stress, and when they feel as though they are emotionally drained they start to a) not care about the relationship anymore because its turning out to be WAY more work than what they bargained for and also b) its starting to effect them personally, emotionally, and physically and that starts to become a problem in other aspects of their life other than the relationship. You wouldnt believe how much outsiders can see when you are down in the dumps and losing track of yourself. They are truly the best mirror to take a glance at once in awhile.

But from what she said, I think she still is feeling fairly jaded at the moment and just needs you to respect her wishes and give her some space.
Give her time to collect herself and regenerate. She needs to feel 100% again before she will give you anything. (A chance to talk, see you, be friends, etc.)

i need to learn how to be independent which makes no sense

I cannot be 100% sure do to the lack of information on the relationship and situation but from what you have posted this is what I have conjured up. She needs you to start loving yourself more, learning to how to treat people (treat others how you would want to be treated) and start being happy inside and out. I can also safely say that she also wants you to leave the situation alone for now, and just refrain from being clingy to her at the moment.

she loves me but she just doesnt want a boyfriend that me being mean to her and showing no emotion

If you read what you are writing, the answers are in the words that you type.

The hurt is there, and very much apparent. The best thing is time, it heals all and makes the heart and mind stronger.

So try to smile, and stay positive!! Just start being yourself Ozkr! I promise you it gets easier. And I would thank your ex, because she gave you a lot more than you think. Her love is apparent as well in her words. She wants you to be a better person. You owe it to yourself!

And hey thats not going to say that you are a bad person, because im sure you are stellar! You just got a little lost along the way.

-HSB-

thank you once again you just seem to know about this so good i appreciate your time and your words of advice.but im so damn confuse she called me last night and well we talked like friends and im going to admit it did felt weird and it hurt me a lil talking to her like that because as u can see im not taking this as easy as i should be but we talked and she said she loves me and she wants me back and that im the guy for her and to wait for her to get her mind and herself straight and that this will make us as a couple stronger. she made it clear that she doesnt know how long this is going to take but that she wants me to wait.. im just a bit confused because i mean i want to wait for her cmon i love that girl but i dont know if its a mistake or idk if maybe shes telling me this right now and tomorrow itll be something different.

Well Oskr.
Follow your heart on this one. Take a chance,
because if she is being genuine you owe it to her to meet her half way on it right.

Set a time limit in your mind, persay a month. And be a critical thinker in this time. Go with the flow but be on your toes.

Like I said if you see the red flags popping up thats time to throw in the towel and walk away.
The last thing you need to have this back and forth game go on for another year of your life that you could be using to meet someone new who is going to give you there all.

So take the that mental time frame, and use it to its advantage. And really think to yourself if this is truly what you want or need. And if in the end you get back together! Then it was meant to be right.

But a stellar guy such as yourself has a lot to offer and dont ever sell yourself short not even to this former love. I have a pretty good indication she knows how good she has it with you and thats why there is this sudden change of heart. But just be cool.

Also, after that span of time that she needs when or if she decides that she is ready be sure to let her know your feelings. I actually just told someone this a few minutes ago but I am going to relay it back to you:

"I love you, but I dont want to put up with your sh*t. I love you, but I love me more and I dont need you in my life to survive. I love you, and this is what I need ***Insert your piece of mind here *** and this is what I want from you ***Insert the 2nd portion of your piece of mind*** and if you cant give it to me or at the very most meet me half way, tuff titties. You dont deserve me."

much love
-HSB-

i guess thats my only choice.. im just going to work on me and becoming a better person everything u told me actually made sense and honestly i need it to hear it from someone other than me i do need that girl cuz shes all to me but if its not meant to happen what can i do right?..im just going to give it time and see what happens i just dont know if i still should keep contact with her or should i just completely step away and giver her time like she says she needs?..

Oskr!

i just dont know if i still should keep contact with her or should i just completely step away and giver her time like she says she needs?..

My ex and I still chat on the phone once in awhile, and text here and there. But I know personally for me, at this point in time I let him make the effort. And I dont push, I just let him instigate everything.

The reason why I do this is because he broke up with me. He chose to cease having me fully in his life because of certain elements playing against our relationship. (Long Distance Relationship... they can be a real b*tch haha) But what I am getting at, is that if he wants to be with me, he is going to have to work for it. Easy come easy go. Well its not so easy to just up and decide that he suddenly wants me back in his life.

However, that also goes to say that we ended things on good terms and that we still have that unexplainable human attraction for one another when we are together. He came on saw me at the end of January before he left for his trip and depsite everything that has happened between us we couldnt be upset with eachother and that bond was still very apparent between us. So what I am getting at, is that is why still are able to communicate once in awhile.

But I try my HARDEST to keep that level of space between us as much as it kills me sometimes. Like I mean I will go a solid week and half with no communication. (But im also stubborn lol) But I do it because it helps you to realise that even though you may have not have triggered that break up that you yourself do in fact need space and time to. lol (Its a revelation that I made that kind of shocked me. haha)

I need and appreciate the fact that I have my space and that I am able to work on myself. For example since my break up I have worked out at the gym steady, started a journal which I dedicate specific time to reflect, I got offered a contract for a job that I have been trying to obtain for a year now, and I get my new car this weekend. Sh*t is looking up... But its all because I have pushed... and worked super hard to forgive and forget.

Oskr give her space but be polite to. I mean if she phones answer or respond to her texts. But if she is starting to bombard you with calls and texts just remind her that she was the one who wanted space. haha

Keep the contact, especially in your situation of her asking you to wait. But in turn, take this time.. as your time. And just enjoy it!

Keep me posted to!

much love
-HSB-

yup it makes sense im the one that eff'd up here so i should just give her time to heal. i love this girl and i guess i have to wait...thanks for your advice i really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart...=] sometimes u need the girls point of view..=] thank you and i will keep you posted on what happens....

No prob Oskr.

And no one effed up! It takes two to tango.
So quit taking all the blame! lol

You know where to find me if you need to chat buddy, and it most definitely helps to be able to hash out the situation with someone who can give you an outsiders perspective.

You best be keeping us posted! lol
Remember you will have good days and bad, so if you need to vent post away! As you know I will try my best to get back to you!

Good luck Oskr!

Much Love,
-HSB-

so i guess all of this is beyond screwed i didnt know how bad this was till i found stuff i didnt wantto know.so as yall know ive been trying to get my girl back because i didnt realize i had such a good girl till we broke up this happen on jan 2010 and once i realized i had f'd up i try to work things out well i went through hell till valentines day when she wrote me a letter telling me how she loved me and that i had f'd up and she was really hurt and didnt know wether to try or not thing is she said imma give you one last shot cuz i love well everything was fine everything seem normal we were getting along everything just seem right till we went out on a sat night she took me along we had some drinks she ended up getting drunk and honestly i was kool with it i knew that it wasnt gonna end good but i was gonna be there to take care of her whatever we go to her house and i decided to sleep over she knocked out within 2 mins and i was still awake and i guess out of curosity i grab her phone and went through it i saw she had been txt dudes telling them how she was single blah blah blah i felt so bad that i got up and left that was that she explain to me everything and wehatever i was like imma forget it so yesterday i get into some stuff with my pops he tells me get out of my house pretty much the usual imma kick you out fit.. so i went to my girls to see if maybe i could spend the night there i get there and i tell her what happen and the first thing she tells me is are u making this up so i wont go out. like really?. why would you say that thing is she was more worried about going out than helping me out. i left her house and she decides to call me and tell me come back so i did but i was like im done with this i just came to pick up my stuff and as i walk in she tells me i kissed someone i was in such shock didnt know what to do or say shes like this happen the first week when me aand you broke up. and now im back to where i was where she tells me i love you but im not inlove and blah blah blah i dont know what to do i love the girl but this hurts.