Men please read and give me your views!!!

My ex split with me after 4 year for another girl believe they were chatting online before we split. Well I believe he is on holiday with her now, its only been 9 weeks, I can't believe he moved on so quick he always told me he loved me to this its like i don't know who he has become. I miss him so much,I doubt i will ever get over him or over the man i used to know. I guess she wants to party all the time like him even though he is 41 and once told me all he wanted to do was settle down with me. I just wondered if there is any guys who can shed light on how someone can change so quick and move on maybe then i can put closure to this.

Do you know how long they had been chatting before the split?

Hi Guy No but don't think it was that long maybe few weeks.

Well, were there any conflicts between the two of you? If so, what were they and when did they start? He may have been thinking about leaving for some time. Several weeks may not seem like much compared to four years, but it's still a big enough of a chunk to distract him in addition to the nine weeks since the breakup.

I am confused because he loved me told me i was gorgeous etc 2 wk before we split. It was more him wanting to party and smoke weed with his mates than about other girls, i am not sure but I don't think it is serious with her going off when we met he wanted me to move in and be with him from day one, its more him at 41 wanting to party and just doing what he wants.

How long has he been wanting to party and smoke weed?

About a month before we split, I went to my mams for week and when i came back he was kissing me etc etc and really pleased to see me that was only month before we split. I know he had a party with his mates at house when i was away. The thing is he still has all my furniture which he keeps saying he will sort out when he gets time, when even if he had packed one box at a time he would have done it by now which made me think he was unsure or is that just me being hopefull. I wish i new what changed him.

No, that doesn't answer my question. He has wanted to party for much longer than one month, right? Was it a year ago? Two years? Or longer?

He has only wanted to party all the time a month or little more maybe 6 weeks before i left, before this he was ok hardly went out. He has always smoked alot of weed.

Maybe the combination of going out to that party as well as starting to chat with that girl would have made him think twice about his former relationship with you. You could talk to his mates to see further why he has done this.

I don't talk to them they used to come to house drunk and call him pussy if he did not go out, and i know they have been calling me and taking the mick out of him saying he was under the thumb. It is when they came on the seen that he changed and i have a feeling thats how he met this girl through them. His mum said it will be nothing but trouble him hanging out with them as she has seen it before he met me and that they are nothing but trouble, but i guess he want's this life they are all alot younger than him as well by say 10 years.

Oh, so they may have pressured him to leave you. What has your mum said about his return? I think that she understands this situation better than I do.

It's his mum not mine, she told me this before i left when i told her what was happening, she said he is heading for trouble again with them they are just out of control when they drink.
He went out one night with them and ended up in car crash he was not driving but they could have all died and they all had been drinking all day. You would think at 41 he would want settled life not acting like a teenager

Oops, I mixed that up. Now that I see it's his and not yours, then the advice is even more important. Perhaps he is not feeling as close to you if he lets his friends change his mind in this manner. In that case, I think that you would be better off without him if you are willing to do so.

I know you are right he has made his choice and i just have to live with it It is taking a long time, I have lost him now

At least you know why. Hey, it wasn't your fault. Get out there and find someone who will put you first.

Hi i can always come on here to chat if i need more advice, but thankyou Guy i needed to tell what happened and it's nice to hear it was not my fault. Night!!

You're welcome.

Hi.

From what you say, it is posible that this woman became all he likes in one person.
I mean, if he likes to smoke and party, and he did it with his buddies, perhaps he met this girl at one of these outtings, and she smoked and party with him as well.
Do you or have you ever partied with him? I mean, the way he likes? ( smoking, drinking?) Because if not, then this woman became what he perhaps wanted to do with you, but perhaps you were not into doing so.
I am not saying that you should had done something you did not want, you did well, what perhaps has happened is that this guy was not really the man for you, because if smoking and partying is more important, and if he is willing to forget all the good things you did for him, and ignore your love for him, only because some girl parties with him, then he is not worthy of you at all.
Yes, you love him, but it seems it was not reciprocal, or at least he is a weak guy. If he did this in a moment of weakness, were he in reality has nothing but pure partying with this woman, then he will realize sooner than later he made a big mistake.
Issue is, would you take back a guy that would do this again, and again, in the future???
BTW, please help me with my question, read it and give me your insight, I am hurting right now w my own problem.

Jaime.____________________________________

Hi Jamie
At 41 I don't think he will want this life it probably just feels good at the min. I gave him comfort looked after his every need. I don't want to be a door mat no.

Well said Shelly. Only a man that shows that he respects you and care for you is worthy of your love.

Anything other is a waste of time. Better to find out now than later after tying the knot.

Jaime.________________________________________