My BFF's controling husband...It's a long story!

I'm having a very hard time sorting things out right now and I need some advice from people who don't know those involved.

My best friend and I have been together since we were in 15. We are 28 now. We even had our daughters 6 weeks apart. They are best friends and in the 3rd grade. We all 4 used to spend alot of time together. About a year and a half ago she met her now husband. He was fresh out of prison for burglary and she was in a 5 year relationship. She ended up cheating on her boyfriend with this guy, we'll call him Chip. One day while her boyfriend was at work, Chip was at her house. He saw her cell phone laying on her bed so he picked it up and scrolled thru until he found her boyfriend's #. He called him and said " I've been *@#&^%! your girl for the past month!" So, needless to say that was then of her relationship with her boyfriend. So now her and Chip start dating. He has a HUGE anger problem. They were out one night and he had been drinking. She wanted to drive and he got mad and headbutted her in the parking lot! She ended up getting out at the store and he took her car and wrecked it. He started calling her non-stop when we would go shopping or out to lunch or doing something with our girls. I noticed that it wasn't a normal kind of hey just checking in. We (our friends and her parents) were all very concerned about the way he was treating her. We all tried to talk some since into her but it didn't work. They would fight and she would make him leave. (He moved in like the week after they met and she has an 8 year old daughter)So, he finally got a DUI and went back to jail. We all thought that it was finally over.But about the 2 day he was there she was talking to him and going to see him. He was there for 6 months and the day he got out she married him! Now, she's ALWAYS looked for a man that had something to offer her and her daughter.So, that was in May of this year. Since then I've probably talked to her on the phone a handfull of times and seen her less than that. One rare day she asked me to come over and hang out by the pool and have a few drinks. He was at DUI school that day and I swear he called her 30 times. Well that was in July and I didn't see her again until Sept. That day she had brought her daughter over to spend the night. She came in and I showed her our new back porch and we sat on the couch and I said " I'm so glad you are here! It's so good to see you and talk to you face to face" then her phone rang...I swear that's how long it took for him to call and ask her why she hadn't left yet. So she told him she was about to leave and hung up. We tried to talk for a couple more min. but he called her about 5 times and we couldn't even have a conversation. One time she lied to him and told him that the reason she hadn't left yet was because she had to get her daughter some money. How Crazy is that??? So the last time he called she was talking to him and I said" Good Lord!!! Can we not just have a conversation without him calling?!?! this is not normal!!" I could hear him screaming in the phone. So later that night he called me. He left a message and sounded all sad and said " Um, I um, just want to say that I'm sorry for the way I've made you think that I am. It's just that when you girls get together sometimes ya'll talk and the real truth comes out...." ok what is that? the "REAL TRUTH" So I called him back and said that is the stupidist thing you could've said! We have alot more to talk about besides you. I told him how I don't like the way he treats her and that I thought he was crazy. This whole time he is SCREAMING at me saying he's going to come to my house and kick mine and my husbands butt. I hung up and called her back. She got on the phone SCREAMING at me telling me to stay out of her business. Her and I have NEVER had an argument. So that just killed me! I did tell her that I was sorry for talking in the background while she was on the phone, but other than that I haven't talked to her. Well, until this morning. I sent her an email and said that I missed her and loved her and that I was still here for her if she needs me or wants to hangout. So her reply to my email was that he was still upset about it and he wants me to apologize to him!!!! She said it would make it easier for us to be able to hang out.So my reply to her was...I don't feel like I owe him and apology. He can apologize to me. I told her that it wouldn't make a difference if I did or not. He thinks I put stuff in her head and will NEVER let her hang out with me. She also told me she got a new phone and doesn't have my # which I find hard to believe. I haven't heard back from her. OHHH, and since Sept. she has kicked him out of the house. He wouldn't leave and her mom came over and told him to leave. He RIPPED his shirt off and bucked up in her mother's face like he was going to hit her!!!!

So, I guess I'm wondering if I'm being a bad friend by just washing my hands of her. I'm scared of him and I don't trust him. I don't want my daughter around him. He is the kind of person that could flip and kill us all. My mom says I just need to stay away from them. My daughter wants her daughter to come over and I don't know how to handle that. It shouldn't come between them but it is. My daughter even told me today that my BFF's daughter said " we need to get our moms together so they can talk and we can play together again". How SAD!! ;(

Let her be. She chose to cheat on her boyfriend with Chip, so you aren't obligated to be her friend, especially when you are in danger by being around him. If you still want to be her friend, then she must realize that your safety is part of the friendship.

Thanks for reading all that!

I think I may just be done with her. I can't take the chance with him and she just doesn't get it. I hate it so bad for our daughters too. They do go to school together so they can see each other there. But then we have school functions to attend and they are both playing basketball so we will all be there together. What do I do? Do I ignore them or do I politley just wave and say hello?

Well, you can say hello if you want, but you aren't obligated to do anything.