My Boyfriend of 3 years left me and 1 year old over month ag...

My Boyfriend of 3 years left me and 1 year old over month ago for Married Woman?

More info please?

Seems very rough. Important question on my mind is how you are and how you are dealing with it

He moved out over a month ago and said we needed space. I know this is code for "I'm seeing someone else" so I waited and sure enuff... the married woman called me to tell me they had been seeing eachother for a month. When it all blew up he said he wanted to try to see how things worked with this married lady. She then told her husband too but is still living with him to see how things work out with my ex before she moves out.Crazy huh? I don't think that without her husband she can financially support herself. Anyway. I filed for child support and have tried to distance myself completely. changed my phone number. Don't call him anymore. He has only seen baby 1 time for 30 min. in a month and no money. He called yesterday to tell me he had money order and where would I like him to drop it off. He also wanted to see baby but with the situation the way it is...I think we should wait until court. He got mad and hung up. I don't know how to make this better and feel like everyone thinks I should be gracious about all this. I'm not and I just want him to feel remorseful of what he lost. Will this work out with this lady. I could not stand for her to be a role model for my son. I don't even like the idea of him being a role model

I think it very wise to distance yourself from him in this situation, because clearly the relationship isn't working for him.

In own judgement and with all due respect perhaps its worth considering letting him visit the child - not that I know the intricate details. However I used to be on self harm support forums with teenagers and many who came from these situations grew angry at their parents for stopping and blocking the other from visiting.

So although I'm sure you do have your reasons, to be aware of what the future affects might be. And to see him suffer is certainly not a reason that a child would understand.

I can understand that you hurt and quite definately appreciate that you want to see him and suffer and don't want to be graceful about it - however there is always the option of keeping your head high. Afterall it is him who showed the lower of morals and him who chose to sneak about the relationship.

So you can focus on looking after the child and considering all the options that would be best for the kid. Like it or not, he is the childs father and an equal parent.

I guess since my son is only 1 I am very protective of him. Not that I think his Dad would physically harm him BUT did I think he would do this to me? No. I don't think right now he is putting his son's best interest at heart and is being COMPLETELY selfish. This woman is the same. I'm going to ask for supervised visits when we go to court simply because I don't think he knows just how much dedication goes into rasing a baby and needless to say he has NO IDEA of the financial part either. I do not understand why men that leave their spouses or significant others that are in families do not see this as abandoning their children too. Is this man there now to rock the baby to sleep, wake up to see him smile, or be a part of all the milestones that happen on a whim. He did abandon him as well. Now he will be an every other Weekend Daddy "if that" and this is a option he elected.

Certainly so young, parents are instincted to be protective and certainly if you feel that is the correct way with supervised visits, then go all for it. It's good to be giving him the chance to see the baby supervised or not.

Where yes, he might have left the baby too it's also possible he did not consider that you would not allow him to see the child until a court case comes fourth - perhaps his frustrations to hanging up the phone.

The important thing is you work out a new system and settle your life back into the swing of things.

Thanks for the advice. Any words of encouragement for my heart. I love my little one more than anything and NEVER would regret having him. There are times when...it is so difficult and I am up in the middle of the night- making bottles and changing pampers. I think about them living it up. While I watch Disney in my PJs. I'm cutting coupons and waiting for sales- while they are probably (mall shopping)I know it's not healthy but you can't help it. I used to be that "fun" girl but he did not see me like that anymore. You have to change and be a mommy- first and foremost. I lost out to someone who stole my family from me. Does really being morrally "good" get you far. I could have been like the "married woman" who ultimately chose to do the "wrong" thing. Both of them are wrong..but it questions all my ethics anymore. Is being a "good" girl worth it?

I'll tell you what girly, yes it is worth it. Because when your kid is older and you can see the examples you set pay off it'll be worth it. When it hits Christmas and he's busy rumaging in the fridge for milk and cookies and going red with excitement it'll be worth it.

I mean I can appreciate that it gets hard and you might look back on how you used to be before him - but I had an ectopic and lost a baby so all I can do is think about what I could have had and what I -should- be doing right now. My point being, this "free living" isn't all that, the hardest thing in life is raising children but the most beautiful thing is raising them as well.

So sure, maybe you used to go out mall shopping all the time, be crazy, stay up late, eat ice cream for breakfast and only ever stayed up past 03.00 was because you were still partying around etc - whatever it was that your life once lead. Does it mean making changes are that bad?

I mean think of it - he's out buying left and right and centre with this woman. And they're sleeping at night etc. But you get to hear the kid laugh and giggle, you get to teach him how to say "mom" and "apple" you get to teach him how to walk and kick balls, hear him say I love you and be hugged by your son.

To be frank - if your husbnad couldn't love or see you for being you AND a mum, then there is something wrong there. You've adapted to be a good parent.

Think about what you just said not long ago -
"I could not stand for her to be a role model for my son"

So ask yourself again. Is it worth it being a good person in morals or would you rather be like that woman?

Thank You you are very right

Lift that chin up madam! This is your ex's loss not yours!

Do you think he will ever regret his choice? Do you think these kind of woman stay faithful. I hate to say this but I am hoping they both cheat on eachother.

Many people do. Heck - even on tv if someone cheats I wish it go wrong.

It's hard to say. It could be an act of emotion where they do stay together, or it could be a case of this is a sign of many ill-fated choices to come.

Does it really matter to you if they do or not? I know now, especially, it will be on your mind alot and play there. But when all is said and done - will bring a difference to you and your life?