My boyfriend still has stuff from his ex wife!!

We have been together for almost a year now and living with his parents. He was married for about 2 years I think,together for about 9 and they have 2 kids. She cheated on him and kicked him out. So he moved in with his parents and when we got together I moved in with him and he has the kids. We are getting our own place soon. Ive been finding alot of stuff thats hers and I dont understand why he has it. This wasnt their house so its not like it should be here. She never lived here. He has a suitcase in our closet that he used when she kicked him out and he asked me to look for a piece of paperwork for him in there, I opened it and started looking through it and not only found all kids of her paperwork but also her garter belt from when they got married. I knew it was hers but asked him about it anyway. I said whos garter belt is this and he was like "oh well that was a gift from when I got married..you know something new something old..blah blah blah.." So I asked him why do you still have it youve been seperated for almost 3 years now. Thats not something you keep when your seperated..working on a divorce..and in a serious relationship with someone else..he made no reply..3 days later I was cleaning our closet hoping he would see me and remember about the suitcase but he didnt. I got mad and finally told him to clean out his suitcase..4 hours later he still hadnt done it. He did finally did it but I feel like he only does stuff because I get so pissed off at him not because he wants to. Theres workout movies, paperwork, and just a few days ago I had asked him to go out in the shed and look for something and when I went out there I saw a whole corner of the shed filled with boxes. He was going threw them so I asked him what it all was and he said stuff from my apartment..his apartment with her. so not only is there shit all threw our part of the house..we live in the finished basement at his mom and dads, but theres also boxes and boxes of shit from their relationship and life together in the shed. I told him he should have a yard sale and he said kinda jokingly.."why? thats everything we need when we get our apartment" I got mad and told him none of that shit was coming in my house. Am I wrong for not wanting anything from their life together in my house?? So I finally told him that if he doesnt want to sell the crap or throw it away then give it to her. most of its her crap anyway. He has her computer that he bought for her here too which i refuse to use..I went and bought a laptop, because "she doesnt have anywhere to put it" she doesnt have her own house by the way she lives with her mom and sister. So if she doesnt have anywhere to put her crap how is that his problem?? I just want him to understand how hes hurting me by not caring and if he does care hes not showing it. UUGGhh advice please!!!

Considering that he hasn't fully gone through the divorce, I'd say that he hasn't really gotten over her. He has had a year with you and is willing to risk that over junk that belongs to someone who, as you said, "cheated on him and kicked him out." Sure, you can bug him constantly to move stuff around, but does he actually want to?

Ive thought the same thing. Even though hes been with me for a year he told me when we first started "talking" that he hadnt gotten a divorce yet because even though she cheated on him he was still trying to work things out with her but she didnt want to. He also said he had a "booty call" about 5 months before me who wanted a relationship but he told her no because he wanted to work things out with his wife but he got into a relationship with me. Now we had sex before he actually asked me to be his girlfriend and he said that if she was to come to him and say she wanted to try to work things out he would have told me sorry and went back to her immediatly but then he asked me to be his girlfriend. She wanted nothing to do with him until she found out he was dating me then she told him she was gonna tell him she wanted to work things out and he said he told her that it was too late. about 3 months into dating he went to her work to pick up something for one of the kids and he said she asked him to kiss her just once and if there werent any feeling she would leave him alone and she pushed herself on him. he said he told her no because he loved me and pushed her off of him. So I feel if he told me about that right away then I dont have anything to worry about but I still wonder

Has he said when the divorce will take place? I think that you made it easy on him to have sex with him before being his girlfriend, so I can see why he is being so slow into having a clearly defined relationship.

theyre working on the divorce now. he was initially supposed to pay for thw whole thing which is about $700 but about a month ago she texted him and said she would pay for half because she wanted it done and over with so were just waiting to see if she actually comes up with her half. I know I shouldnt have slept with him before we started dating but if he had a "booty call" before me who wanted a relationship and he said no but asked me to be his girlfriend and he said i love you first so doesnt that mean something?

Yes, it is important to say things like that, but come on, it has been a year. If the divorce is so important, it would be faster just to fork the money over instead of waiting. I mean, is he really letting $350 hold more value over moving forward with you?

well I know it doesnt seem like much when when hes got 2 kids to take care of and im not working right now because i got in acar accident and were trying to come up with money to get my car fixed also so the divorce is not the only thing were saving for. Sometimes I just think it would be better if we broke up even if just for a little bit but I dont want him to try to run back to her because even though he has his faults he deserves better than her. Her own family tells me she treated him like a door mat.

Are you saying that he would run back to her that easily? If so, that doesn't say much about how close you two are.

No i dont think that he would go back to her because of feeling but so the kids have a mother figure. but shes not a mother. she doesnt call the kids but every couple weeks. its like she forgets she even has kids and then one day it dawns on her "oh crap i have 2 kids. let me call them and see if theyre even alive." alike i said theyre working on the divorce and the kids already live with us and shes agreed to that. now please dont think of me as a horrible person and put aside my dislike for her and give me your opinion on taking her to court to ask that she sign over her rights. like i said she never calls the kids, she never comes to see them because she doesnt have a car and cant afford a cab or bus here but she can afford to go to ny..we live in south jersey..to see her boyfriend. its like she cares more about him then her kids. she leaves her other kid with her mom or sister for days while she either in ny or clubbin, she pays no child support, her living environment is not healthy for the kids, theres always either verbal or physical fights and in front of the kids, they were crying the one time we went to pick them up because she got into a physical fight with her sister in front of them. when they do go over her house which is very rare theyre not taken care of properly. she doesnt make sure they eat or brush theyre teeth or shower. again please put aside my dislike for her and think about the kids. i feel as though they will suffer greatly from that in their lives. and if you agree with me i dont know how to bring this up to my boyfriend. he feels the same way about her not caring enough about the kids but i dont want him to be mad at me or look at me in a bad light for bringing it up but i really think it would benifit the kids if she had no contact.

Fine, then take the kids. If you don't want him to mad at you for bringing it up, then show that you are suitable to take care of his kids without saying so. Let him connect the dots. I'm more concerned about why he is taking so long with the divorce.

like i said before we got together he had wanted to work things out with her thats why he didnt do it before but then he said when we first starting "hanging" out he realized what a psyco bitch she was and how he deserved to be treated better and i did that. thats why he moved on rom her to me but now its the money situation. not only are we trying to support ourselves and 2 kids but were saving to get my car fixed which is about 1500 and the divorce is 700 if he pays the whole thing 350 if they go halves and were doing this all on a 800 every 2 week paycheck. hes the only one working because i dont have my car right now. we just cant take that much money at one time

All right. You make a practical point about the money.

What did he say the reason was for keeping her stuff again?