my boyfriends ex wife is driving me crazy!!

im currently dating and living with my boyfriend who has a 4 year old son from his previous marriage. he has joint custody of his son and he stays at our house 3 or 4 nights a week. i know his kid is young, but is it really necessary to talk to eachother constantly? sometimes i feel like they talk about things other than their son. my boyfriend always tells me they want to be civil because they want their child to know they both love him and can get along with eachother and i completely understand that. when we first started dating they use to text all the time about their son. i asked him to stop and he did (but not after complaining about it. and i still here about it actually!) then she started emailing him...i dont see why its so hard for them to just call eachother instead of communicating through texts and emails. also, hes always driving to pick his son up or drop him off. i feel like his ex wife never drops his son off or offers to pick him up from our house. the worst part is that im the one who has to hear about how he has to put so much money into his gas tank every week (she lives about 30 min away and he drives a jeep). i always tell him that he needs to stop being the only one pickin up or dropping off but he just tells me to mind my own business. it hurts because im good enough to take care of his son, buy him food and clothes, get up with him in the morning and make him breakfast, dress him, give him baths, watch him, and pick him up from school...but im not good enough to give my opinion on things.

ugh! i dont know what to do. every time i bring it up and try to explain how everything makes me feel, he just tells me i need to deal with it. either that or he says "then dont be with me". i wish he would just try to put himself in my shoes. i absolutely love his son and his son loves me. im just having problems dealing with his ex wife and him talking to eachother all the time. help?

hehehe you got baby mama drama.. she is def doing it on purpose just to piss you off!! does she want him back? i just went through what you are dealing through exsept im the mom and i had the baby daddy drama.. he would try to keep me on the phone and txt me at like 11pm and my boyfreind hated it. it pushed him away and he is gone now and i am a mess. it was my ex and his stupid ass not paying me and me having to pick up my son and drop off. i hate my ex for what he caused. i didnt really put myself in my boyfreinds shoes but i really should have. but its too late now. my kids miss him so much. you are def in a touch stop and i think you are gonna end up like my boyfriend and get so fed up with it and walk away. its not gonna get any better. even if we tell the ex to stop calling they wont.. its not our faults they just wont listen. it sucks. but if you love his son hang in there. did you try to talk to her? you should really sit down with your boyfreind and say look if this doesnt change then im leaving. mine tried telling me that but i didnt hear him... i am def hearing him now! but its too late for me he is with some young girl now. good luck

ive told him multiple times but sometimes i dont feel like he cares. i know he feels like nothing can change right now because he needs to be in contact with her. i totally understand that they need to talk, but i think that sometimes they go over and beyond. its just hard because im so attached to his son and vice versa...it would break both of our hearts if i left.
his ex wife has told me herself that theres nothing between them and that there hasnt been for years. i know that when youre with someone they become your best friend, but your relationship ends, that friendship needs to end too...especially if you are dating someone else. im getting to the point where im about to talk to her about the problems she is causing though. she is the only thing we ever fight about and im tired of dealing with it. i dont want to leave my boyfriend and his son, so im really trying my best to be strong and stick through this.

yea i think that is a good idea just call her up and see if she wants to go have a coffee or something. and just put the cards on the table about what bothers you but in a real nice understanding way. maybe she doesnt even realize she is doing anything wrong ya know. just tell her what you want and what you expect and hopefully she will respect you and your realationship.she doesnt sound like she wants him at all so i wouldnt even let that worry you. my ex used to call at like 1am and my guy at the time would get so pissed!! but my ex wasnt doing it to piss him off he just thought he could call me when ever never thought it was a big deal. so yea try that and see if that helps you.. good luck

same situation. it is hell. I told him it is over and the next time he wants to talk to me it will be in counseling office. He came to counseling and things have been better. He may need to hear it from a objective 3rd party not from you. once counselor told him to stop and to be understanding to me etc etc it has worked. try it. i know it is hard but all you are doing is getting a 3rd party to hear what you both have to say it is like taking the car to the mechanic.. taking the relationship to get worked on just this issue. im telling you my life has changed and this just happeend last over last 2 weeks.

im just about done...shes crazy! now shes claiming that they need to be friends on facebook so it can be another outlet for them to be in constant contact. its obsurd! i told him i dont want to be with him anymore. i cant imagine living my life like this!

I mean they have to be in constant contact cuz of the child and I know it is agonizing but it is not so bad if he is respecting your feelings. The counselor thought perhaps he was doing all this crap for his ex wife since he felt bad or guilty. She told him it is ok to start his new life and to put the ex wife in a bubble and let her fly away so he can build a life with me. She said he has one foot in her boat and one foot in my boat and he is sinking in between. Its one life or the other. They can always remain parents of the children but that is it. The counselor also told him when something "crazy" happens that takes time from us or attention from us because of the crazy ex wife that he needs to say sorry to me and I undertand how you feel and basically just focus on my emotions and how hard it is for someone in our position to deal with a crazy because no one likes to share their man and we are forced to. its all up to him. He alsways says hes doing it for the children but counselor told him to just be happy with the life he chooses "me" and then everything else will work out from there. who knows. this is crazy stuff. Good luck. maybe if he feels he is lopsing you he will change his crazy ways?

maybe i should look into a counsler. i wish someone would tell him half of those things. i know he wants to do whats best for his son, but damn...i can only take so much! he says he cant live without me, but he sure doesnt show it. if i offer an opinion im always told "its none of your business". it hurts and im not going to let myself continue to live this way. im too young to waste my time being unhappy.

thank you for all your help! where did you find a good relationship counsler? im going to look into it.

that none of your business crap I heard the same thing! Its annoying. I live in miami and I found the person off the internet from psychologytoday. Where do you live. Im not kidding I was at the end of my rope but she gave me some hope. I bet its just a thing like it was with me that our guys are just sick of the subject, tired of us bitching, think we are jealous and insecure, etc etc. Once they hear it from a professional that what they are doing is hurting the relationship that they intend to build with us maybe he will listen. She doesnt ram it down his throat but says in a round about way that is very positive. I have different issues.. its not so much they are freinds but she trys to control him in every way and uses the kids as weapons and is insanely jeaouls about me and doesnt want the kids near me except they are always near me and but the sick thing is the kids lie to their mom and pretend they werent with me! They sleep here and everything they tel her they stay at their grandmas....its crazy! anyways...its not admitting defeat it is just a phase that can be fixed if both of you are willing. If he is not then I would get out. I was on my way out and then he completely started working on it because counselor confirmed to him that he is the reason we are getting screwed up.

yesh...he always says hes tired of fighting over the same thing. he always tells me ill never be happy and that i find something new to bitch about every day. he does always ask me if im jealous of her or feel threatened. i dont think its that, its more that i hate her because she ruined him. now because of her he doesnt want to have any more kids and he says it will take him forever to get married again. i mean, thats not my fault and i dont want to be denied the happiness and joy that comes along with a wedding and having my first child.

im going crazy over here. im about to leave but im so attached to his son that i know it would break both of our hearts if i go. im going to check out that website. are counsling sessions expensive?

if he doesnt want to have more kids and you do then get out. My boyfreind is willing to have two more for me. He doesnt particualrly want them but will do it because he knows that is my ONLY criteria. I want to have kids soon and he is willing to do that for me. It is a make or break subject. if you want them and he wont you have to leave or you will forgo all your dreams.

its not that he never wants them again..its that he doesnt know yet. i understand that his last child was unplanned he didnt really think he was ready. i think if it was planned that he would be more willing to have another child. his ex just screwed him and now i feel like im the one paying the price.

Oh my.... So crazy! I am dealing with the exact same drama! I feel for you and I am glad I am not the only one who feels this way! Hang in there I know how tuff and frustrating it is! But I really have no advice because I don't know what to do myself!

i have the same problem with my partners ex he has 3 kids to her all now school age, i have beeen with my partner for a year and a half we live together and my partner has regular contact with his kids wich in turn means i do aswell 3 days a week. I also do the same thing as you i am good enough for getting up in the morning buying food and clothes ect, but when one of the boys asked his mum if i waas allowed to his school play i was told i had to stop being so nice to the boys because i was TRYING TO BE THERE MUM! I have never over stepped the mark or tried to act in any such way. she rings my partner all the time and is constantly saying he never gives her enough support even though most of my relationship is spent making decitions around her feelings.At first i thought all the contact was normal but now im like "well im your partner now, were do i stand?" I am aware i will always come second to his kids but does that mean i have to come second to his ex wife too?

all the contact is NOT normal. at first i put up with it, but then after things got more serious, i put my foot down. for some reason they thought it was okay to call, text and email daily. that is NOT okay. it took awhile, but my boyfriend finally started seeing my side of things. we got rid of texting and he told her that if she wants to talk to him about their kid, a phone call is the fastest and most convient way.
as far as her saying you need to stop being so nice and stop trying to be their mom, thats just insane! youd like to think that she would want her kids to be around a woman who loves her children and treats them good! i dont have that problem with my boyfriends ex wife. ive attended functions at his school because he wants me there. she realizes that her child loves me and that if he wants me there, im going to be there because it makes him happy. he lives with us %50 of the time and therefore, i am the other female figure in his life besides his mother. sometimes i know she gets jealous, but thats something that she shouldve thought of before she asked for a divorce. i think as time has gone by, things have gotten better. every once in awhile, things hit a rough patch again and i think "why am i putting myself through all this drama?" but then i realize its because i love my boyfriend and i love his son with all my heart.
hang in there and dont be afraid to voice your opinion about things. if your boyfriend really cares about you and your feelings, he will try and make things better. ive told my boyfriend multiple times that if things dont change, im leaving. ive even stayed at a friends for a few days to prove my point. a realtionship is about sacrifices and youve given up a lot to take care of him and his kids. he should show you the same respect if he wants to keep you around.
and like my boyfriend told me "youre not second best to my son. youre both number 1 to me, just in two different ways. i love you both the most, its just two different kinds of love".
hang in there

You are living my horrible life ! Always excuses.......I will write more later I am fed up and ready to be done. His ex girlfriend, mother of his 2 kids is crazy.

im on the verge of leaving. im tired of never being taken seriously when i have an opinion on things. i know they have a kid together, but DAMN! you can still take care of your child and love him the same without all the damn contact!!! ugh, just when i think its getting better, it gets worse!

why do we put ourselves through this?

i am in the same boat as a lot of you... My boyfriend has a 3 yr old little girl with his ex... And she is always in contact...even over the smallest of things... He is always picking up his little girl from her place and she constantly asks him if he needs a back rub and she even says i love you to him. They have been separated for about 8 months now..after the 2 months she was with another man who she is still with... I dnt see how she can do that.. Doesnt she have any respect for her new partner...me or my new partner? Its getting beyond a joke... I love his little and i love him... But she is playing mind games with him and it leaves me to feel uncomfortable... If only she would back off!

i am in almost the same situation but one thing he is still married and we have been together for 1 year he hasnt been with her for 3years or 4 why no divorce!!!!! she just now says she is sending the papers but i dont belive it...okay enough info ill just tell you whats going on....okay so when i met my byfriend he "forgot i guess" to say he was still married and has been for the last 10 years ...he told me about his child thats 8 years old...but at first i never talked to his son or his "ex" wife...i was head over heels every thing was fine and i was so happy and the wourl couldnt be better...THEN all of a sudden his wife comes in the pic she had called the tmoble store saying that she was his wife and needed info cause she had for got it [ thats one thing i hate she always calles places and see what he is doing what he is spending money on and always in our bizz] anyways she got my number and started texting me saying he is nothing but a peace of trash and im a b**** and a cun* and every thing started saying that he fucked her life and he never does any thing for his son and its all my fault and balh blah blah but thats so untrue i always talk to him now telling my boyfriend he needs to do more for him and call him more and since he has been with me he has he sends him things now and always sends money i just can take her anymore she always texts me talking bout there sex life they had every little detail and all these bad things i cant take it any more i am becominig so unhappy and i made him stop texting him and only i was aloud to talk to her cause of the things she would say like one time he went out of town and she knew because she knew about the court and the date but the thing that made me say something isnt right is she texted me 3 weeks after he got back saying he calledher every night and was saying that he still loves her and one time when she was texting me she saidhe asked for nasty pics and she sent them and o ne more was she said she had sent him a phone and the thing that got me is the phone she describe i was using i dont know if it was because she got on the tmoble thing and know that way or really sent them im just so lost and confused and GOING CRAZYYYY!! and the thing about his child the reson he thinks i hate him is because one time well just like a week ago she called my p( i am in almost the same situation but one thing he is still married and we have been together for 1 year he hasnt been with her for 3years or 4 why no divorce!!!!! she just now says she is sending the papers but i dont belive it...okay enough info ill just tell you whats going on....okay so when i met my byfriend he "forgot i guess" to say he was still married and has been for the last 10 years ...he told me about his child thats 8 years old...but at first i never talked to his son or his "ex" wife...i was head over heels every thing was fine and i was so happy and the wourl couldnt be better...THEN all of a sudden his wife comes in the pic she had called the tmoble store saying that she was his wife and needed info cause she had for got it [ thats one thing i hate she always calles places and see what he is doing what he is spending money on and always in our bizz] anyways she got my number and started texting me saying he is nothing but a peace of trash and im a b**** and a cun* and every thing started saying that he fucked her life and he never does any thing for his son and its all my fault and balh blah blah but thats so untrue i always talk to him now telling my boyfriend he needs to do more for him and call him more and since he has been with me he has he sends him things now and always sends money i just can take her anymore she always texts me talking bout there sex life they had every little detail and all these bad things i cant take it any more i am becominig so unhappy and i made him stop texting him and only i was aloud to talk to her cause of the things she would say like one time he went out of town and she knew because she knew about the court and the date but the thing that made me say something isnt right is she texted me 3 weeks after he got back saying he calledher every night and was saying that he still loves her and one time when she was texting me she saidhe asked for nasty pics and she sent them and o ne more was she said she had sent him a phone and the thing that got me is the phone she describe i was using i dont know if it was because she got on the tmoble thing and know that way or really sent them im just so lost and confused and GOING CRAZYYYY!! and the thing about his child the reson he thinks i hate him is because one time well just like a week ago she called my phone...25 times and left horrible messages well i anwserd on and it was her i told her to back off and hung up well she put there son on the phone after a few more times of not anwsering i did and said stop fucking calling me and she texted and said it was there son i felt so bad even tho i jnow she did it on purpose. me and my boyfriend talk about it all the time but it just leads to arguing and bunch of drama and ...i cant leave im prego and he wont press charges aginst her or her boyfriend because of there child but if i keep getting stess like this im scared ill lose the baby i have a hard enough time carring it now i cant leave him he is my life my love just cant take the baggage Dont know what to do???????Someone help PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

Sounds like you need to chill... Be grateful that the ex-wife is not pulling all kinds of stunts to break you up. I had the same problem with my boyfriend chatting it up with his ex so that she did not interfere with his access to his daughter. If his ex is not jerking him around, be grateful.