My ex and i broke up, but now I want him back. Oh, and I'm pregnant.

I dated a guy for a year, and then he moved across the country to go to school. (He's 2 years older than me, but just one year older in school.) We continued to date long distance for the school year, with me going to visit him at Christmastime, and him coming here for my senior prom and graduation. We had a wonderful, amazing relationship.

We were best friends, and I loved him with all my heart and soul. I know he loved me too. We often talked about our future together. We knew we were going to get married, and he was saving up for an engagement ring.

He had a job over the summer, and I was planning on going to college where he goes, so we were going to be together soon.

During the summer, I was hanging out with a bunch of friends and watching a movie. I went into the kitchen to get some popcorn, and a guy that was there cornered me and forced me to kiss him. He held my hands down and wouldn't let me move. I turned my head, and as I did that, the guy lunged at me and kissed me.

Someone saw it happen, and told my boyfriend that I kissed another guy. I knew that if I wanted to keep hanging out with my friends, that guy would be in pictures. I couldn't deny that I'd be hanging out with him, so I told my boyfriend that yes, I kissed him. Dumb move, I know. My boyfriend forgave me, but that guy was still in pictures that my boyfriend saw, and he didn’t really like that.

Over the whole summer, I was too busy hanging out with friends to realize that I was neglecting my boyfriend, but we figured that we’d just fix things when I got to school. Unfortunately, I changed schools two days before I was supposed to move. I’m still across the country from him, but I’m transferring in the winter to go there.

I felt awful for lying about something dumb, so I came clean about the forced kiss. He just keeps saying I could’ve screamed or fought, but when you’re actually in that situation, you don’t think of that. I just wanted to get out of there. He doesn’t believe anything I say anymore, and insists that I cheated on him by "kissing" the other guy.

Last year, he revealed to me that he had lied to me about something for over a year. He was so worried that I was going to leave him, but I knew he was better than that, and so I gave him a second chance. I really feel that as much as I pushed him away this summer, I deserve my second chance too.

Within the past two months, he told me that he has feelings for the girl that was supposed to be my roommate at his school.

He dated a girl for 8 months, and it took him 9 months to get over her and start dating me. There’s no way he’s ready for a relationship.

Now, I’m an extremely religious and prayerful person. I've grown up so much, and God has been showing me signs lately that my ex and I are going to get back together. He doesn’t believe me, and says I never gave him a reason to stay with me.

I’m so hurt, but I still love him so much. I thought that two years of an amazing relationship would overshadow 2 months of confusion.

Over the summer, he lost weight and became depressed, because I didn’t talk to him and pushed him away. Now, I’m in his shoes. I’ve lost 15 lbs. in the past two weeks, I can’t eat, can’t sleep, I cry all the time, and I just generally miss him.

To make things even more interesting, I just found out that I'm pregnant with his child.
(I started gaining weight back.)

He says he won't date the other girl, but doesn't want to be with me. He'll be there for me, but not date me. I don't want to have a broken family, and since i know we're supposed to be together, I'm so frustrated.

What should I do?
Is there anything I can tell him to help him realize that we should get back together?

Last year, he revealed to me that he had lied to me about something for over a year. He was so worried that I was going to leave him, but I knew he was better than that, and so I gave him a second chance.

Could you explain what happened and why he did it?

He had told me from the beginning of our relationship that he used to have a problem with watching porn, but that he hadn't for a while, and didn't want to anymore.
i know it sounds silly, but that was a big deal to both of us.
I'd ask him every other month how he was doing with that issue, and he constantly told me he didn't watch it and was doing fine.
Then last Halloween, I had a drink at a party I went to, and called him that night, because I felt so horrible about it. (Neither of us drink)
He got extremely upset, and hung up on me.
He called back a half hour later, and said,
"I messed up too."
And proceeded to tell me about watching porn all along.

Some of his friends told me that he was scared I'd leave him.

I'm an attractive person, and he kept showing my picture to his friends, saying "what's wrong with me? My girlfriend is so beautiful, and I still look at that junk."

That's basically it.

I just knew that he wasn't doing it to hurt me, and so I took him back.

Contact him in a month from now and see what happens. He should understand that you were forced to be kissed, plus I don't see why he wouldn't give you the benefit of the doubt. Let him think about his relationship with you for a while so that he doesn't feel pressured.

I really want to be able to wait a month, but the fact is that I'm pregnant and really can't beat around the bush.

I don't want to push him, but I don't have time to wait. I'm already 4 months in.

What has he said about the pregnancy?

He said adoption right away.

But we both knew the chance we were taking, and I feel like it's our responsibility to raise our child.

He keeps saying he's not ready.
He'll be 21 by the time I'm due.
I just think he's scared.
(which is understandable. I am too.)

What about keeping in touch at least once a week then, for the baby's sake? Surely he would agree to that.

I'm sure he would, but I just want more than that, and it's killing me.

Our relationship was never supposed to end.

It's making things really hard since I still love him just as much as I ever have.

With the urgency of the pregnancy though, you two should concentrate on that first as parents and then think about getting together as a couple when things are less hectic. Getting a double dose of thinking about parenting and relationships will stress him out.

That's a good point.

I think I'm ready for all this, but I need to realize that it's a lot for him to take in.

I guess I just don't know how to talk to him without suggesting we get back together, and that makes things challenging.

He mentioned adoption. Talk to him as though he or anyone else were adopting your child. Keep it professional.

Wouldn't that be misleading to him, since I don't plan on giving my child up for adoption?

No, I mean, treat him as though he were involved with you as though you two were only involved in parenting, just like it would be adoption were the case.

Difficult, but I'll give it a try.
Thanks.

You're welcome. Feel free to return.

Oh what a wicked web we weave! Honey my heart hurts for you. Chances are slim that ya'll will make it even if you do get back together. You have a living breathing breath of God growing in you and that should be your first concern. If he is a man of God he will step up without a word from you. You know as a woman of faith that you need to put this in God's hands and he will work it out. If we try to maniupulate in our human self gratification ways it just doesn't work out. Think of your child and pray for God's will and He will answer and it will be in a way there is no doubt that it is Him. Porn is a strong addiction and it has several other addiction demons stringing along with it. Don't accept an answer from any one but God in this situation....In His Love.