My ex does not want to meet up with me

My ex does not want to meet up with me

My ex spilt up with me 1 month an a week ago. The reason is she said she wasnt happy anymore and she wanted me to move on to.

I gave her space for 3 wks as when we split i said i didnt want to see her as a friend cos it would be to difficult. But after the 3 wks I sent her a text asking if she wud like to meet up, she said she couldnt cos she was shopping, so i left it. She then text me the next day apologising for not meeting me and hoped i was ok. we text back a fourth a few times that week but it was always me initiating things. Finally 2 days ago I asked her out again for a drink. She text me back saying that it would be weird and she said all she had to say when we split up. I said that Im not asking her out to get back together, just to chat and have a laugh. She then said that maybe she could in a few weeks but not so soon as things are still raw, and she thought it would be better if we saw each other out with friends but only to bump in to not officially meet.

I decided to call her and talk things through. She answered and we talked for 45 mins. I told her that i didnt want to get back in a relationship with her i just wanted to catch up cos i enjoy spending time with her. She was suprised that i had changed my mind about us but she said she is glad that ive moved on, although she was suprised that i had be able to do it so quickly. She did sound a little upset when i told her this but she hid it quite well. We talked about other stuff goin on in our lives to and there were times when we were both silent for like 10 seconds but neither of us hung up or rapped up the phone call. I said that i know ive been textin u but i wont do it anymore if it feels weird to u. She said that she still wants me to text and stay intouch so i said ok.

I dont know if ive done the right thing here, i do know ive got some power back. But im thinking maybe ive given her closure and she can really move on now. I was thinking about sending her a letter that ive wrote. The letter is about why me explaining my faults in the relationship, cos i wasnt a great partner looking back. But i feel this letter will help her understand why it failed and how iv changed. Its not a soppy letter its just me explaining things. I might post it on here and u can see what u think.

If u need more info on this subject then check my other thread. My exs facebook still says she is in a relationship with me.

Please leave a comment

I know exactly what you mean dude....my ex was exactly the same, i tried initiating a meeting a month after the break up, just a walk, coffee anything really to keep things neutral and not date like....she didnt want any of it......

Then she heard i went on a date and she started giving me abuse for undermining the relationship we had...Women are strange beings and its hard to really understand deep down what the hell it is they are thinking....Your ex seemed happy you moved on as it is what she prob wanted, but seems upset that you have done so, so soon... They are hard creatures to please.... I guess the letter would make more sense now, seeing as she is aware that you are moving on and has had time to realise that, she will accept the letter for what it actually is...u explaining yourself, rather than it being just one more ploy to win her back........

I have been going no contact with my ex for almost 2 weeks now and i feel a hell of alot better than i did doing the whole bac and forth talking thing every week....Always me initiating it and me always feeling let down when she decided she didnt wana talk anymore....Ive figured any more contact we have will be when she decides to say hey and what not....I want the power back...not to be stronger than her, just stronger.....

Hey mate thanks for the comment. I missed one thing out of my last post I do still want to get back with her. I was just agreing with the break up to not come across as desperate. I thought by me saying we should be friends and go out as friends she might be more comfortable with the idea. I dont think I did the right thing I think i wanted to see her reaction and see if she would be worried that i was moving on. I have wrote a letter but not sent it yet. I do see it as my last chance. i have wrote at the end of the letter that i wont contact her anymore i will leave it up to her and i understand if she does not reply.

Is this a wise thing to do? i do feel like i have to send this letter. i dont know what the outcome will be but its my last shot.

Okay, I read it. I am only telling you what I saw.

STOP THE INSANITY.

You just got the go for friends.
Why on earth would you drop this hey guess what I lied bomb.

DUDE!

Well obviously you want to get back with her.
And dont think she cant see your plays.
And you are going to look like a dufus.

Now that you have played reverse psychology...as a trick...you kind of have to stay that way for awhile.

everyone gets sad when they hear you didnt love them as much and youre over it but she cleary stopped you when you wanted her and was sad but more open to seeing you as a friend.

Why would you do that?

Just stay friends like acquaintence.

She even said no, only if other people present. I dont see good things happening.

When was the last time you spoke......I would make sure you havent spoken in a few days/weeks before sending the letter, you need to give her time to miss hearing from you, then the letter will hopefully get her attention.

Well obviously you want to get back with her.And dont think she cant see your plays

do u think she knows im not over her yet? Do u think i did the right thing by using the reverse pychology? I know if i send the letter i will look like a duffus but it explains so many things that i have not had chance to say yet.
ajloney
I havent spoke to her in 4 days. The thing is she goes on holiday tomorrow for a week with her family so i thought i would get it to her before then.

hmmmmm i duno dude you dont want to anger her before she leaves.......While shes away i would try get on with things and allow her this time to think......maybe having the time away will get her thinkin but i would hold off on the letter....if anything wish her a happy time away and tell her to enjoy herself.....

Yeah i thought about that but i also thought if i send it now she mite have time to think about what ive said when shes away. do u think she will be mad cos i sent her the letter? Hows your situation going, any change?

i guess you should really know how she would react....but worse case is it does annoy her and could come off worse........

My situation never seems to change, well besides me taking the NC action and allowing her to move on and do what she likes....She wanted that so i've backed off not tried to convince her otherwise.....its my birthday on wed and i would like to think she would at least say happy birthday, it would be the first time she has initiated contact since the breakup near 3 months ago...But i wont be waiting on it, if she does il simply say thanks........

Shes nearing the end of her job training which i knew would end us when its started, she seemed to think otherwise at the time but low and behold, 4 weeks in and she ends things......Well if she finishes her traingin and has the spare time to realise what she gave up she can reflect on that and get in touch if she likes.....If this happens, i will be in much better shape than i was to decide whether i want to start things again. 2 months ago would have jumped at the opp, now i think my heads a bit clearer that i would hafta think alot about how i was treated and whether or not i want to be with someone who could treat me like that

I know what u mean as time goes on i think that i wouldnt get back with her right away. i think im just looking for a platform to start from with her again. not nessesarily to get back together but just to reconnect again slowly and see where it takes us. but if she doesnt want to meet what can i do. i hate being in this postition it sucks that she cant even meet innocently.

I think the letter might mean more to me than her, it does kind of give me a chance to go nc again. Plus i the things in the letter are things i really need to get off my chest. Maybe im being selfish by sending it but at least it puts the ball in her court.

I always put the ball in her court and always sat around waiting......last time i spoke to her she said she didnt want to be harsh but all that matters to her at the mintute was passing her exams..........

i just left it that......i have no reason to speak to her so if we do come in contact it will be because she wants to

I think that its the only way for me too. theres no point in me pretending i might aswell put all my cards on the table and leave it all with her to contact me. I cant carry on like this texting her once a week and reading in to every word she says its bullsh#t. so im gonna do

yea i was the same, come the weekend i would text or email and try catch up and then it was always me carrying the convo, if i didnt reply back i just wouldnt hear from her..........So ive taken that away from her and let her see that i have a life to live aswell as her and i dont need to know what shes doing or how shes gettin on, even tho i do....

I cant have her feeling that im hanging onto every word she says

yeah i need to do this for my own saninty. i wont ever initiate things again. will keep u posted

Hey DOAMI

You have been doing some good break throughs this morning.

She can tell you are not over her yet from the first time you dangled the carrot for talking and pressed the issue and then claimed even just friends. So of course she can see you aren't over her yet and are just trying to reach for madness to stay connected.

Yes the letter is for you and its another lie to yourself that its for her or to even get off your chest. It's another desparation tactic to get her back and you are even handing it to her before vacation so she doesn't yell at you.

This is because you just want to go through the motions and are desperate right now and just want things back the way you had them. But you just got it back to civil friends and yeah...now you are going to write her a letter....NO. You write the letter and put it in a desk drawer labelled (insert her name here).

Try and stay cool for awhile.

Hey gymgirlie

I know im desperate to get back with her but i really dont know what else to do now. i just havent had the chance to explain things yet. The letter will give all the explanations of why i ultimately caused the relationship to fail and how ive changed. I really need to explain myself and seeing as she wont meet me i feel im left with no other choice.

If u dont think i should send the letter what do u suggest i do? Sure i can still text and call her but she never initiated things with me.

There are no quick fixes for when people have lost interest. Time for her to be away and time for you to lose some of the desperation.

Half of it is preobably the trying to hard.

Only time will 180 both of you.

People hate time.

But to keep up this way is like running like a chicken with its head cut off.

I know you feel explaining will help but once a girl is at that stage where she doesn't even trust you to meet up with you, what is the reality that explaining will make her see the light.

A letter light that should be held of for three months and then revised or she is just going to read it, say ugh, and toss it with annoyance.

You can't do anything when someone is in this state.
That's like me when I said okay...to raise my metabolism...I should eat more...but did I eat the right food and exercise? Nah....I just expected that if I ate more, I would burn more...but I also gained more.

You don't want to do that.

If youre 90 year old aunt came up to you and gave you a kiss...whats your reaction?

You think an affectionate letter from the 90 year old is going to help you get over that "ugh" feeling? NO

The more you force someone to be with you, especially in desperation mode, the more ugh she is going to have. You need to let go and lighten up and then when she has lost the freshness of the ugh factor...you will both be in better position.

If i leave the letter 3 months surely she would have moved on by then? I do get it that im not coming across as very attractive I think thats part of the reason why i said i dont want to get back with you, but i guess she knows im lieing.

So what do i do now... u said lighten up and let go.. do u think i should still contact her or leave alone?

Here is the impossible catch 22...you talk to her now you lose her. You hold out and let time do its job possible loss.

Here is what you are really doing when you talk to her now. You reinforce the bad qualities in yourself in an attempt to win her back. But all you are doing is showing her you cannot change. Also, you are waving and disrespecting her by allowing the no self control.

It's kind of like expecting to be a police officer by training by eating donuts for a year. It's just an excuse for you to do what you want with unrealistic results.

hey gymgirlie

She went on holiday today and i did what i now kind of regret. I sent the letter.... when i got up this morning i felt really worried about losing her for good. I knew she was going away today and i panicked i thought she will forget about me when shes away. I just went on auto pilot i felt a need to do something.
Im kind of worried now cos she will have a great time when she is away and then come back to a letter from me. I wouldnt blame her if she doesnt talk to me again or even burn the letter. Im such a d#ckhead!

Well...this is at least good, because now you will know what happens when you do this for the next relationship. It's a good learning curve for you.
You have lots more of these learning curves to go.
Sit back, relax and know in a few months you won't even remember you did this.

I only remember a couple letters I wrote.
The ones that were accidently delivered.
One, in the middle of a nasty vent letter he was never suppose to see, I hit the insert key and got frustrated, next thing you know, I see this "mail sent".

The other letter was another vent written by hand because I was bored in class when I was in high school and I showed my friend and she thought it would be really funny to grab it, she ran off with it and gave him this. It didn't even make any sense.

And those were some really rediculous letters.
You will be just fine.

so i guess your saying ive blown any chance of us getting back together... im so low right now..
i still cant move on and i dont want to. i have this hope in my heart that makes me think nothing is impossible. Even if there is only 000.1% chance of us getting back together i will still wait for her. I cant let this girl go ive had feelings for her for the past 8 years. i will not contact her again untill she contacts me, its gonna be rough and people might call me delusional and say move on, but its not an option for me. All i can do now is wait and get on with my own life, i have to take care of myself and put me first. i have set goals for me im starting back in education to become a teacher and im now saving to get my own place again. the future will be good but i will always feel empty in my heart without her.

There's always hope.

I sometimes wish I could eat cake and junkfood and sit on the couch and lose weight because I am a nice person but that constant wishing didn't get me any results.

Who knows...we dont know this girl or the relationship. We only that at the end she said some stuff. And you ignored all the stuff and did what you wanted.

You gave into your craving instead of actually working.
That is called living in denial and pretending that it will work out if you just ignore it and lie to yourself.

Hi Danny,Just wanted to drop you a line after I received your letter yesterday. If I'm honest, it was a shock, but if it helped you to put it down and write to me, then I'm really glad you've sent it.I don't really know what else to say, everything you write makes a lot of sense and I'm glad you can see those things, but it doesn't change the fact that I just can't see a future for us in a relationship together.You haven't hurt me Danny, you've taught me a lot about my slef and things that I definitley need to work on. I'm just so sorry to have had to hurt you as I care about you very much and I always will. x x
she sent that today turns out her flight was delayed due to ash cloud.
im really upset, do u think i should reply or leave her alone now.

hey danny,

I think you should leave her alone for now. she will be more intrigued/ concerned by your lack of contact... ive always been told "they cant miss you if your around, with text/calls or anything, you are still around in their minds" so try N/C. if you look at it this way it might help... contacting her hasnt worked has it to get her back so you need to try a new method xxx

Using no contact can go two ways. One they can start to miss you because of that lack of information they have about you, they will become interested and contact you yourself after they start to really miss your presence or two, they will just think you cut off all contact because you're seeing someone new and have gotten over them already and they themselves will begin to move on and find someone new as well. Personally I tried the NC rule and it didn't work for me at all.

hey butterfly, chev06
thanks for the advise. but i feel i have tried every method to get her back without looking like a stalker.. when she broke up with me 1 month 2 weeks ago i didnt contact her for 3 weeks. then i finally text her and i have still been contacting her up untill i sent that letter 2 days ago. so ive tried nc, ive tried to meet up with her but said no! and ive finally sent her a letter explaining my feelings and how ive changed. i guess theres not much more i can do, i dont want to move on even tho it looks like she has. so all i can do is wait patiently and hope that one day she looks back and sees that maybe she made a mistake and will get in contact again.
butterfly i know ur saying dont contact her. but i was thinking about emailing her back and saying something like... i respect your decision but if you ever change your mind i will be waiting for u... Or i respect your decision but i cant keep on contacting u because i could not adjust to us being friends....advice please!

hey

Okies i wouldnt say to her that you will be waiting, coz i think that runs the risk of her "keeping you there" if you know what i mean.. she will take alot longer to think things through and come back if she knows you will def be there whenever for her... having said that i reckon you could say something like "i respect your decision and will give you some space now. i do hope one day you look back on things and reconsider us but i understand its not the right time just now" maybe something like that? x

yeah sounds good, i think i might change that last bit to something else ....i understand its not the right time just now.
hmmmmmmm????