my ex gf recently broke up with me, i was her best boyfriend, im so heartbroken, we dated a year!

be prepared to read a lot, im a new guy who needs some serious help

okay first off, im 19, she is 17, our one year anniversary would have been august 26th 2009 a few short days from now.

our story was kinda unique, i was a senior and she was a sophomore in high school, we always saw each other and thought we both were so gorgeous and beautiful. at the end of my senior year i left her a truthbox comment on myspace and she knew it was me.

we hit it off and talked. she had no internet that summer, but when she got it, and she got a new phone, we constantly talked. i asked her to be my girlfriend (she was my FIRST GIRLFRIEND! first kiss, first hand hold, first date, first sex, first everything)

i was literally a prince charming to her. i am one of those 'nice guys', i made her handmade cards every month, even random days. i got her flowers, wrote her notes, always would take her and pick her up everywhere, would always buy whatever she wanted, or take her to wherever she wants to eat. her family loved me as well.

In october though.. she cheated on me, from october-november, 4 times with the same guy, she lied to me about it. you would imagine me not gettin back with her, well... i ignored her for a week and she came back to me, she ended up dropping him for good in december and we were good after that. she told me that by me standing by her side during that time when i was getting so hurt, it showed i really did love her more than any of her ex's.

she cheated before in relationships and they dropped her, i actually stayed cuz i truely love her.

on halloween tho, we had sex and something happened. she felt a pain where 'her bladder fell into her vagina' she claims. everytime i tried going in her it would hurt tremendously, i spent 400 bucks at the dr.s for her. the pills didnt work she got..

so we never had real sex after that. she wants to get fixed but not right now...

anyways, we are going great until february, she breaks up with me the week of my bday. i was devistated. she was talking on the phone til 3 am with some guy she met on myspace. that whole week was horrible. she actually went on a date with the guy, and turns out, he was a short ass smelly mexican guy who was boring. she then wanted me back but i had started to fall for her friend who liked me. she got EXTREMLEY JELAOUS that i talked to her friend....

in fact i didnt take her back right away and she knew it was cuz of that other girl. so, i eventually STOPPED talking to her friend and we got back together. we then ended up going to her prom, the beach, a concert, and LOADS of other stuff, *(all courtousey of me paying). then in june.... she says she isnt happy anymore and she breaks up with me.


we were cool at first cuz i thought we would get back, but she went to another guys house alone i found out and she lied. so i got super mad. she then wanted me back a week later, and i took her back, BUT i broke up with her hours later cuz i was so sad and hurt over what she did. a few days pass and i cool off and i tell her i love her and want her back.

SHE DIDNT ACCEPT! we hung out and ended up 'having sex' and i bought her lunch, but she called that night saying she didnt love me anymore! a week goes by, we hang out again, she starts saying she loves me and misses me and stuff, i buy her a dress, bra, lunch, groceries, everything.
next day:
"you need to move on okay?" and she then changes her number!.....
i was devistated

6 days go by and she calls me from her new number BLOCKED. "i miss you..." i was upset, i couldnt believe she was calling me now.

another 3 days go by and she calls again asking if i was with any girls or something, i say no but its none of her business. i FIND OUT SHE HAS A NEW BOYFRIEND!!!

she has called for the past 2 nights in a row thinking of me and our would be anniversary, but she has a new boyfriend. i asked her and she told me she told her new boyfriend she is a virgin! im like wow wtf, i know your gonna do stuff with him but she denies she will.... so i tell her i gotta go. she tried calling twice and i ignored them. she left a voice mail saying " why cant we just be friends??"




IS THERE ANY HOPE FOR ME? i realize she hurt me a lot and used me a lot, i was a nice guy and deserve a nice girl but i am so drawn to her. i miss her so much.


has ANYONE ever heard of a situation like mine before. do i stand a shot with her falling for me again. if so, what do i do?

sorry my story is so long, skim through it if you must

Whoa, come on! She's treating you just like her exes. She cheated on you, dumped you, and lied to you. You say that you love her, but does she love you? She doesn't act like it. Get yourself tested. That "bladder" incident sounds suspicious. She has lied to her new boyfriend, and so she may have lied to you more than you think.

trust me that bladder thing isnt suspicious. not having real sex since halloween really hurt both of us. there were times when we reallllly wanted to actually do it, and we TRIED but it hurt her way to much, i saw the pain in her face.

she told me she lied to her new bf about that cuz she didnt wanna seem easy to him, she said she wanted to wait til marriage for that stuff. i think its bullsh*t..


well her ex's really arent friends with her i think, they were never anything serious. she told me they were just 'hi how are ya, okay see ya later' things at school. i was the first guy to meet her family, spend 4 days and nights with her at her grandma's at the beach. i even loaned her mom money for cell phone bills at one point. i was the super nice boyfriend.

i just dont understand her motives right now.
how she already has a new boyfriend... and why she gets upset when i tell her im trying to move on. its honestly such a confusing breakup/ relationship.


technically we are in no contact, but i cant contact her! she blocked me on myspace and blocks her number when she calls me now, so she is the one who always initiates the contact. and if i ignore it, she'll go 4 days without calling then i start missing her and i'll answer.

By suspicious, I mean I suspect that she may have caught something before from someone else. Go to the doctor's for your own sake.

She's upset about having you move on because she probably wants you to be available if things don't work out with this guy. Hence, she contacts you when she feels like it, but then still has you blocked.

i got checked out a while back and i had nothing. she had a UTI that never went away i think. its still there to this day. we were gonna wait til she graduated to get her fixed but now we arent together so who knows what will happen...

hmmm.... well. i dont wanna sound mean if i say it, but what if i do get a new girlfriend, or i go to church with a new girl and sit in my same spot as always, where she can see me? would it bother her?

i would ONLY DO THIS if i care enough about the other girl obviously, like i said i care to much about other girls to allow myself to hurt them cuz of my ex.

That was too sucky lol...
Just try to move on. She cant make up her mind. Start dating a new one...
Keep safe

she called AGAIN last night.
latley she has called 3 nights in a row now.
explaining how her day went, (she'll leave it in a voicemail cuz i wont answer at first), then like after 3 calls ill give in and answer and she starts talkin about her day.

then, she says, "oh yea i wanna remind you about tomorrow, and how its an important date, and yea"

i go "its important? what is it?"

she goes "its important cuz one year ago, its when all our memories started, and its just a reminder of good times we had together"

and i said "its a good date tomorrow? idk about that one."

i ended up askin her and tellin her that im pretty upset she is already talkin to her new bf about her bein a virgin when we didnt even talk about that til like october, and she paused and said "jason its not a bad thing..." and thats when i say 'im busy i think im gettin another call, bye'

she tried callin back once but i ignored it.
ughhhh, wtf!!! she confuses me!!

If her boyfriend knew what you knew, I doubt that he would continue dating her unless he was in it for convenience.

well even tho she is in high school and im in college, last year all of her friends found out what happened.
all of them.
she has a horrible reputation i guess according to one of her friends, she's known as 'the cheater' or something. cuz of what she did to me, and not that i care, but i guess i was made fun of cuz i kept takin her back.

but yea idk, i dont know anything about this new guy and i dont wanna know. it bugs me too much.

i know for a 100% guaranteed FACT she will try contacting me tonight, if not, then i'll be pretty shocked.

but... im contemplating on talking to her, or if i should just avoid her on our 'would be one year'. if i ignore her it might start making it easier on me to not wanna talk to her, but if i talk to her, maybe she'll be happy and wanna hang out with me and might have feelings again? haha maybe im gettin ahead of myself... but idk what to do. advice on if she calls tonight??

I figure if she's going to put the effort to call, you may as well hear her out. Keep in mind that she isn't available unless she suddenly changed her mind, which I doubt.

Yeah, torturing memories.

lol 'hear her out', its gonna be the same thing... her explaining her day which i really dont care to hear about since im not there with her anymore.

and then her saying 'guess what, guess what! today is exactly one year ago when we started having all those good times together!'

your right BackToBasic, it is torture. i couldnt concentrate in class today cuz i kept thinkin of how i asked her out, what she said, how i got my first kiss at this time one year ago right now. ugh. torture....

if i ignore her though, im not sure what she will do. it is OUR special day, and me ignoring her when we arent together on this day might confuse her, or maybe something else? im not sure how a woman's mind works. would she be hurt and wanna talk to me more, or would she be mad and never wanna talk?

holy shit no wonder she dumped you, you where basically trying to buy her over. your a big wuss.

read David Deangelo's works. hes fucking awesome.

nah i wasnt trying to buy her over. throughout the whole relationship she knows i always pay. whether its dinner or whatever. she didnt have a job and her mom was unemployed, so i wanted to treat her like a princess from the very start.

it wasnt all about money though. i really did love her and i made her things all the time.

we hung out and i had to take her to driving school which is why we hung out that one thursday a few weeks back. we went to the mall, she said she was thirsty, and hungry so i got her some stuff, then we went to a store and she mentioned she never did get a strapless bra, so i ended up getting it. she said 'aww hunny i love you, listen, im sorry for everything i am, just give me some more time k? i promise ', then... i went to target with her and she saw a dress and was like 'can i have this?' so i got it and she kissed me, said she loved me, etc.

then i dropped her off at driving school. while there, i went and got some cookies, flowers (her favorite) and a card. she loved them and said she loved me. then we had dinner and i dropped her off home...

next day, saw her myspace, "ugh he needs to move on" was her status. i tried calling her, her number was already changed.....

Looking at this post by itself, it looks like it was gifts, gifts, then "move on". Not a good impression.

I really like you. I do. You're so nice, and sweet, and you listen to all my problems and respond with the appropriate compliments. But, well, I don't really see a relationship in our future. It would be terrible if we let sex destroy this great friendship we have where I get everything I want and you get nothing you want. Don't you think?

I knew you would understand. You always do.

We're so perfect as friends, you know? I can tell you anything, and you know you can always come to me anytime you need to hear me bitch about work or how ugly I feel. You wouldn't want to ruin a friendship like that just so you could be my boyfriend, and have me look at you with desire and longing in my eyes, if only once—would you? Of course not. Well, if we started dating, it would only complicate this wonderful setup I've got going here.

It's just…you're like my best friend, and I would hate for something you desperately want to change that. I mean, sure, we could go on some dates, maybe mess around a little and finally validate the six years you've spent languishing in this platonic nightmare, but then what? How could we ever go back to the way we were, where I take advantage of your clear attraction to me so I can have someone at my beck and call? That part of our friendship means so much to me.

No. We are just destined to be really, really good friends who only hang out when I don't have a boyfriend, but still need male attention to boost my fragile and all-consuming ego.

Anything can happen once you bring romance in. Think about how awful my last relationship was at the end, remember? The guy I'd call you crying about at 3 a.m. because he wouldn't answer my texts? The guy I met at the birthday party you threw me? I had insanely passionate sex with him for four months and now we don't even talk anymore. God, I would die if something like that happened to us.

Plus, ick, I've known you so long, you're more like a brother that I've fucked. It'd be way too weird. And if we did, then whenever you'd come shopping with me, or go to one of my performances or charity events, or take me for ice cream when I've had a bad day at work, you'd be looking at me like, "I've seen her breasts." God, I can't think of anything more awkward that that.

Oh, before I forget, my mom says hi.

Anyway, you would totally hate me as your girlfriend. I'd be all needy and dramatic and slowly growing to love you. If I was your girlfriend, I would never be able to tell you all about the other asshole guys I date and pretend I don't see how much it crushes you. Let's never lose that. That's what makes us us.

Don't worry. You're so funny and smart and amazing, any girl but me would be lucky to date you. You'll find someone, I know it. And when you do, I'll be right by your side to suddenly become all flirty and affectionate with you in front of her, until she grows jealous and won't believe it when you say we're just friends. But when she dumps you, that's just what we'll be.

Best friends. Friends forever.

She's not worth it. You are best moving on and finding someone who makes you feel just as special as you tried to make her feel. You deserve that.

who ever "the ugly truth" is... its not my ex? idk if your trying to act like it but she never had a job, and i didnt know her for six years. im confused.

Alright, i read your messages and everyone's reply. The Guy user has a point. I feel like you are setting yourself to get hurt more and more when you allow her to control you. For example, you answer her calls when all she only does is telling you about her day. You even anticipated her which drives you crazy and if she doesn't call, you get some sort of anxiety over it. I feel like you are keeping hope for something that you'll never get again with your ex. The reality that you can't seem to see or want to see is that she is using you and it is over. The reason why she still contacts you is keep you as back up and she knows that you would do anything for her. You kind of gave a power trip by letting walk over you. You are in self denial and you can't what we all see which is that she is a cheat, a liar, and will always hurt you. Since she was your first everything, you formed a strong attachment that has made it really hard to let go. You know why you are hurting so much? It is because you allow yourself to be a victim and giving her the power to do that to you. It is not just her, but you that is preventing you from moving on and giving some other girl out there your attention. Do you love yourself enough to think about what is good for you? It is okay to be selfish because we are HUMAN. You gotta understand that things change and it is up to you to change for the better. If you truly want to get over then cut all contact with her completely like get rid of your number so she doesn't call you. You come to this forum for help and it seems like you are not taking anyone's advice. It is like you are repeating your mistakes instead of learning from them. You are in college, where you can have fun and live your life. I understand that you don't want to hurt anyone, but you gotta get past that cuz everyone experiences hurt. If you ignore her then so who cares how she feels about that. You need to LIVE your life, and you are wasting it. I don't really feel sorry for you because you refuse to see the truth and you are holding onto to the past too much. What comes down to it, do not give in to delusions that she will change or will come back to you cuz so far she has more than 3 strikes with you. If it helps for you to understand listen to this song by Alicia Keys: Why do I feel so sad.

that is a great reply and i thank you for helping me/ giving advice.

i have not talked to her since tuesday. i even have her new number and will not contact her. her last words were 'i dont love you anymore', and once i heard that, i said 'okay bye' and i felt like i got closure. its like i WANTED to hear her say it and i finally did.

im talking to a new girl right now and doing the no contact rule and all that stuff, its less harder than it was, but i still miss her like crazy, but im not talking to her. im surrounding myself with friends, going to the movies, working out even more like crazy and i can tell a major difference in the abs and arms.

i was really good to her. its a shame she prolly wont remember me. im not a girl so idk how she thinks or acts but eh, its life i guess.

Hmmm, that sounds good. I just hope that you are strong enough to fall back like to go back to talking to your ex and all that. The thing noticed about your answers is that you care too much about your ex thinks or what she is thinking. You shouldn't care what she thinks. You don't need to prove anything to her so cares if she is sad or mad cuz it isn't your problem anymore so don't think about that anymore. Keep in mind that in any kind of relationships whether it is friendship or Bf/Gf that it takes both groups to put in effort to make things work out. If you see that you are the only one trying and putting the effort then why keep the relationship going? Whether or not, this makes sense but it is like people who go to rehab for an addiction. Some people manage to be well and others find themselves going back to the thing that hurt them. I don't want you to be the one who goes back and gets hurt ya know? What I'm referring to is that you should not talk to her at all even if she gave you her new number, unless you feel that you are strong enough to be okay with talking and not have any feelings come out for her. You know yourself and i wish you luck with that new. Also, you are still young and plenty of people out there that you will find to be amazing people.

Ugh, I should have checked my last response for errors. "I hope that you DON'T fall back..." Sorry lol.

well when we last talked tuesday, i was walking with my friend late at night, we had walked like 4 miles when i got a call from her, i said "dude, look who it is, thank god your here, you can judge for yourself how she acts"

so i answer it, and in her soft innocent voice "hiiiii jason, how are you? i just got home what are you doing?"

so we start talking and then i get really upset, i break down "why are you calling me, seriously, why? you and i arent gonna get back together, you keep using me and leading me on"

"using you? how am i using you? im not even doing anything to lead you on"

we talk/ argue for an hour until i finally get her to say i dont love you anymore. its all i needed to here.
since then i felt sick to my stomach knowing i did all that i could for her and she wouldnt take me back.

her excuse for not taking me back: i hurt her to much.

she cheated on me 4 times, compared me to other guys and looks, she never once paid for anything, broke up with me the week of my birthday, i took her everywhere, bought her everything, and she goes and says:

"jason im not like you, when i get hurt, i dont wanna take you back, im just not like you"

that got me so upset when she said that...
so im pretty strong right now when it comes to wanting to contact her or something. im trying to move on with my life but ugh, i just MISS HER. its all i think or dream about, i still wake up every morning and look at my phone with a glimpse of hope to see a good morning text from her, but i never see it.

i doubt i'll fall back. i doubt she even remembers me now. its church today so cant wait to see what unfolds today :/

wow dude your story is very intresting i have my first GF to when we said let have a break since school started but then after i see her in school i don't know why but i miss her. BTW try to not answer her call for like 3 day and get a new GF to show off in her face and lets see what she say lol.

Dude, I can't explain to you how much i can relate. I helped a girl get over her ex and helped her stop cutting herself and eventually helped her graduate from high school. we would cuddle and we would pray together and everything was great. than she texts me saying i got too attached and now i feel so used. i know it's not the same as your situation. but i just feel that way. trust me man, you're better off. i'm still crying over it and i'm still hurt. but they don't deserve us.

You stated you were 19. You have your whole life ahead of you. If a woman or (girl, hence the age of your ex) starts treating you like that and you let her. You both don't need to be together anyway. Reason... She is not trusting and has no respect for you or herself. If you don't have those 2 components. No relationship will last. Count your blessings. Besides history has a way of repeating itself...You will reap what you sow! Good luck

Hey bro I'm kinda going thru something, idk if you would say its so similar to yours but idk the out come kinda seems like its heading in that direction..... but man if you really see this and want to reply and help it would be great. Cuz idk what to do? I mean its so hard when you treat the girl like a queen and do everything and make her happy and like all of a sudden its over. Mainly because of arguing but still, idk its a long story. so if you reply ill let you know more

wow you seem like such a sweet guy i wish my boyfriend was half as sweet as you. Anyways just get over this girl QUICK you will make any girl you choose to be with soo happy to be your girlfriend and most likely they wont be soo psycho next time around. I know you really like this girl but she is not going to change.

well i forgot about this post up until now.. its kinda bittersweet for me...

around november i started to stop caring for my ex.. she had her new bf and was ignoring me, i was in college and dealing with other stuff that kept my mind off her.

well towards the end of november, i randomly asked this girl out in my art class at college. i didnt know her at all, and to my surprise, she said yes.

we dated 3 weeks and in the 2nd week, my ex saw me at church and came up to me saying she wants to have lunch with me if thats okay. me being stupid, i said yes.
so i ignored my new gf and talked to my ex that week.
i dumped my new gf cuz i knew i wasnt over my ex at the time.



that sunday comes when i was gonna have lunch with my ex. she ignored me and didnt answer her phone. she blew me off...
i was pissed.
so i actually hooked up with a girl right after that. this girl who had her eye on me for a while and we just did stuff....


so after that happened, the semester ended at college and i worked like crazy. 40 hour weeks and still going. im keeping my mind constantly busy.



i now have gotten to the point where i wake up, and its about afternoon time i think of my ex.. i think of her less and less. i miss her, yes, i havent talked to her since the first week of december..
but im over her and am trying to become a better person. including apologizing to the ex i dumped after 3 weeks.




its taking a long time but im getting over her at long last. and it feels good. best feeling in the world knowing i can move on. i feel strong.

Hi jhen_90~

I see that this thread is quite lengthy from a time standpoint. This is a nice update to read since its' inception three months ago.

Wow...that girl, was indeed, a bad seed. I am certainly ecstatic that you have moved on from her.

I was beginning to get emotionally drained just from reading her weekly drama. I can only imagine what that experience was like for you.

You are in a better place with your emotions I am sure.

Good for you and stay away from the ex!