My Long Distance Girlfriend Won't Put in an Effort. Help?

Hello, my girlfriend of 2 years has moved away for college to another state. Ever since her leaving a month ago, she has completely begun moving me aside from her daily life. She never calls me to see how I am doing, says she doesn't like Skype, and we text for maybe 3 or 4 texts out of the day. The rest of the time, she is either in school (3 days a week), out with friends till late at night, or just choosing not to respond to my texts or calls. She even rejects my calls sometimes. If I try to bring it up to her saying that I feel she isn't communicating back to me, she flips out and says "everything is always your fault, grow up" kinds of things. It's really begun hurting me and she even says she doesn't miss me because school feels like a vacation. I've tried desperately to call and text her, but she only replies when she feels like it. Again, not once has she called out of the blue to see how I am.

What should I do? I love her and I know that she loves me, but the level of communication she is giving me just isn't there. It really hurts because I want my girlfriend to ask how I am doing or make an effort to reach out to me. I feel she is using school and her new friends and life as an excuse to not text or call me. Sadly, she does the exact same thing with family. They miss her very much yet she doesn't put in an effort to call them. The long distance thing is tough enough, but for her to not put in a strong effort in our relationship has taken a toll on me emotionally. How could I even get her to answer the phone or talk to me about this? She is very stubborn. Thanks everyone.

Posted on Dating
4 years ago #2

Hey Man.

I'm in the same boat... I had to leave a girl for Visa reasons. I almost feel the same as you. What really sucks is before I dated her, I was so popular with girls, and I committed to her, and I haven't cheated on her in my long distance relationship.

She doesn't like Skype, I feel she is using, work and school as an excuse. When school finished, a week ago, I thought she would have time to Skype, or talk on the phone, more than a couple of minutes. Not so.

I'm trying to be positive, though when I read your story, and see it as the same as mine, it doesn't seem good. Because I love her, I think, yeah she is busy, or fair enough if she doesn't like Skype. But where does the line, where you trust someone, cross over to being deceived...

Ah well, I guess it's hard for me to answer this as we are in the same situation. But I would say, it looks like we need to protect ourselves buddy. Because although we could be wrong, the warning signs are there. I guess, maybe you could imagine the situation in the reverse. Imagine you are her, in the exact same situation, and what could the other person do to have any effect on you.

3 years ago #3
your mother

My GF was exactly like that aswell, but its was only because of reasons what I don't want to tell now..

But I repaired our relationship by understanding and just holding really tight and letting go and holding really tight..

ok ok, fine. It wasn't only about me, it was about her aswell.

She was unsure about her feelings, we can meet after 2 years, really sad, and very HARD...

But I wrote essay to her about my feelings, plans and my vision of future and what is our POINT of continuing. Finalé was when I sent her videos about LDR meetups, she MELT to them..

Allthought, I guess it was about lucky timing of contacting her, and giving space to her and having arguements about (good way)

Womens are EVIL!

I can't say that she wouldn't have had any terrible secret behind it (cheating), but as long as I don't know about it, I can't judge her and won't, until she tells, its only jealousity.


But for me, sounds like U are too slow to go forward, she got very "bored". (dirty way) ;D
Like u are too "Good" man, sexually anorexy.

but still she is a ****.. honestly, if my gf was like that, I would've flipped twice as much and tell that ain't got time for u..

Sorry if hurts but, what i'd do.

But I would say, let her go.. Maybe she may regret after some time, like half an year or year

Then it will be your decision, if u want her back or not, but make your decision carefully, see if she has changed, but I know that she has been with other mens in bed until that... or maybe not, but think about things.

Farewell homie
Best luck that

1 year ago #4

She loves you when you're together. Whilst you're away from each other she loves her new life without you. I'm telling you this as I have been this girl. After a 2 year relationship I moved abroad to study. I am still here. I met so many different and exciting people it made me loose interest in my boyfriend. I couldn't be bothered to talk to him or make time for him. After 6 weeks I visited home planning to break up with him. We got on so well when we were together I almost forgot about my other feelings. As soon as I came back and felt like I was single and independent these feelings came flooding back. Obviously I ended up breaking up with him and it was a horrible decision but for the best. I would've ended up cheating on him. It feel like I was with him through my final years of high school because obviously I did love him but nothing else exciting or new was happening in my life. You need to force your girls to tell you how they feel without making them feel guilty. Then they're more likely to be honest. Good luck and sorry about this **** time

1 year ago #5

i have pretty much the same problem, i live in england and my gf is from Colombia... and i try talking to her at times but she just doesnt let me.. i work away at times too so when i do i cant text her, so for the past two days i only sent her 2 messages but they were the longest most heartfelt messages you would ever get out of me and now that i am home this morning i sent her a long message of about 8 paragraphs telling her how much i missed talking to her for the past two days and all she responded with was "we'll talk after".. i asked "after what" and she said "after..." as if she is annoyed with me.. i dont know mate, im thinking i might as well just end it with her coz long distance just isnt gonna work if she is gonna be like that, you should start by giving your girlfriend some space and slowly back off, because she might come back and be all lovey with you, you dont want to end it with a bang, just slowly back aways so if things change you can reel it back in quickly....

1 year ago #6

Hello , think we all going thought the same problem , me and my gf have been together for round 11 months now , I live in England and she is in south Africa , I message her every day and get little back, so if I was you i would tell her to put more effort in to it which I'm going to tell my gf if she messages me back , there only so much you can do and take of this rude thing To do , hope things work out for all of us

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