need advice about no contact asap plz....

finally got my self to do the no contact thing...i loved this girl off and still do...but she hurt me alot and even after all of this i still love her to death...she said that she wasint in love with me anymore and started doing stuff that i had never seen and when i confronted her on it she said how i was a "stalker" etc..

i was on her facebook and i saw some pictures and asked her whats up with the pictures and how it took it me by surprise and how it was kind of hurtful to see that...she flipped on me and said how i ruined her life etc...even after all the times i was there for her...well it really got to me and I told her that id stay out of her life...

well its been a month of no contact...but i broke a couple of days ago called her private...but no one answered...well that day she called back and i didnt answer and yesterday she called again and i missed her calls...i dont know if i should wait and see if she calls again or if i should call her and see whats up...i know it sounds trivial and childish but ya i need help...i feel a little better after the no contact...its like everytime i give in i always end up getting hurt and she doesnt care...i don't know what to do..

a part of me thinks that she wants to tell me about a new relationship or something....or thinking positively she wants to know if im "okay"...after all this i basically dropped off the face of the earth...really confused...
plz help

what does she mean by you ruining herlife? anyway, i guess she's just returning your call but at least she doesn't seem as mad anymore. I know you may feel fear calling her not knowing what she's going to say to you, but sometimes we just have to do it to get it over with. We can't be scared all the time. You will never know what's going to happen until you try or you'll always going to be wondering what if. Even if she had moved on...then oh well at least you know and you can continue moving on. keep us updated =)

update: so she txted me the other day asking me if i was okay?...and how it was weird on her part to be wondering after what had happend...

i havnt responded back...im confused here...she said all those things even if out of anger...and after all the things that have happened in between...and she's out having fun checking out guys...and making alot of guy friends...but is still wondering about me...

i dont know what to do..should i contact her or should i just leave it...right now if i contact her i dont know what to say..it would be like "ya everything's fine" and end of story...i want to win her back but i know the time is not right...so im not sure what to do...

any thoughts anyone???

anyone?

Hmm, Well if shes ringing you and asking you if you are ok, im sure shes missing you and trying to stay close to you, you need to play the same game as her, just be her friend for now, go out and have fun, be there for her..

Just don't talk about your relationship or how much you love and miss her.

Just have a laugh and be happy, Don't show any upset or feelings for her.

Soon as you two are close mates again, and if she loves you like you love her, she will soon be asking if you two can give it another go, Remember IF she does go out with another guy, Don't get upset or anything because everyone knows once a couple break up, there looking for a rebound... So just think that.

Hope this helps!
Keep me posted =]

She's calling because she wants to know you are still there and she still has you attention. Cut all contact for good, she ended it for a reason and you don't want to get back with someone who does'nt know for sure they love you. Take my advice, I have been in your shoes not long ago. You say she's going out meeting guys, well mine had a new guy a week after...You dont need this, stay far away and you will heel much faster.

Cheers

I am with Fishon He is speaking the truth. She might truly mean what you say man but face it she has hurt you really really bad. And calling you a stalker is not cool unless you were sitting outside her house waiting for her to get home which it doesn't sound like you were doing that. Facebook and myspace make breaking up unbearable because you can always see pictures of them with other people and what not. It is even worse when you have lived together and have pictures of the two of you together all over the place. Best thing would be no contact if she truly wanted to be with you she would not have done the things she did to hurt you, as well as she would be making a solid effort to come make sure you were all right.

she has been trying to reach me called me a couple of times and emailed me recently...things ended really badly...your right i wasin't waiting outside her house...thing is is she's far away from me...

all i did was look at her facebook and she called me that...

you guys all make good points...i was going to get in contact with her but i will think about it some more...

your right...she didnt make that "solid" effort...it was always on me...even now she's going out having fun...not worried at all...don't get me wrong im happy for her..but after all thats happend and based on how long we were together i still dont get how they can do that to someone...

well this is all making me that much stronger for the future...

thanks guys i will keep you posted.

okay so she has been calling me at around midnight the past couple of days...sent me the same e-mail two times the latest was sent yesterday...pretty much saying that how things ended badly and how i must be wondering y she's contacting me and how she just wants know if "IM okay" and how thats it...

well besides that i found that she blocked me on MSN...it bothered me for 5 mins but i didtn care afterwards...

i really want this girl back and im really confused here...i dont know what to do...i dont want to contact her back and have her tell me that she just wanted to know if i was okay and thats the end of that...

i dont know what to do...at the same time i feel better as each day passes...and i dont want to be in square one again where im asking her to come back to me b/c i love her so much...

and she has met new friends and my friend told me about a guy she's confiding in with all thats going on...i don't want her to hurt but at the same time if i go back i pretty certain im going to get burned again....i miss her so much...

i dont know what to do..how much longer should i wait before i contact her again...another thing is i dont even know what to say when i do talk to her again...i completely ignored her calls for the past 2 weeks...and havnt evne responded to her e-mails...

what are my options..plz help!

"if i go back i pretty certain im going to get burned again...."

There is your answer...You're number one and if your gonna get hurt again its not worth it my friend!

your right...but its that hope that this time is somehow going to be different...

i feel really bad for ignoring her...its not my character..ive alwways replied to her

i dont understand why she wants to know "im okay" all of a sudden...she went on without me for so long and all of a sudden i want to know if your "okay"...im just trying to make sense of it...

what would you do if you were trying to get someone back?

You are better off without this person as shes giving you mixed messages! but the fact is that youwant her back! My question is why would you want someone back who treats you badly? The point of the no contact rule is to have distance and time to get to know yourself, and in doing this to appreciate yourself and respect yourself because YOU deserve nothing but the best in life!! Are YOU this person? Do YOU want the best in life? because YOU deserve it!!!...your ex is doing what is meant to happen when using the no contact rule, becasue to her it seems like you've moved on! thats why shes ringing, she curious of what you're doing and wants to know! You must decide whether or not you want to start a relationship with this person again? If you make contact I suggest you take each step slowly and cautiously because you know that theres a chance that you may get hurt again! Good luck

okay ive considered everything...i want to contact her again...i want to let her know that i'm alright...regardless of how she made me feel i dont want to go down the same path...so i dont know how to contact her again...

i wrote up an email i dont know if its appropriate or what not...could some1 give me some advice on how i should write this...

she emailed saying how it was weird of her to ask but she wants know if im doing okay...last email was on the 11th...so its been a while...i had alot of private calls on the 12th but after that it all stoppped...

anyhow i just wrote that:

hey
how are you? its been awhile.im not okay.
its not weird of you to ask...having urges is...and about the way things ended, sometimes things end so badly so better things begin so well...


i said im "not" okay so she will email back and we can start to communicate again...i dont know what do you guys think???

Thats the worst thing you could of said...Now you will come across as neady and you will only push her further away...Here is what you could have said if you absolutely wanted to answer: Hey, I am doing good...hope you are doing good too...Bye.

Now you re-assured her that she is still missed, thats good for her ego! She was just making sure you are still there...Sorry man, I know it sucks to hear the truth but you don't want and should not get back with someone who rejected you...I know how you feel and the hardest thing is too move on, but it is the best thing...

If she answers you, I suggest you do not respond.

Take care

i didnt send the email...i wasint sure what to write...hence i posted it on here

today, she called again at 4:30AM!!! i don't know what to make of what she's doing...she emailed the same thing twice to different email accounts...

then she kept calling...i think she even ended up getting one of her friends to call my house...i've ignored and not responded to any of these...she's been trying to get a hold of me since i'd say about march 1st...but i didnt respond at all...

like i said i really love this girl and would like to work it out with her...whatever it leads to im prepared..i know all the things thats happend in the past...but i still feel the same way...i dont think if she does anything it could hurt me in anyway... and lately i've started to realize the bad and how i really wasint happy in the relationship due to the fact that i gave it my all and got nothing in return...it all seems so unreal now

i want to talk to her again..i dont feel needy at all..i do alot of things now and far better off than i was emotionally...im not even looking for a relationship with her at the moment..she was such a big part of my life and i dont want to block her out like that...regardless of what she did...

can someone shed light on the fact that she didnt want me to be part of her life and wanted me to dissappear and then when i did she is calling me and emailing me..why does she want to know if im "okay" or w.e it is when she said all of those things and didnt want anything to do with me and now she does...what does this mean...i dont get it...what do the girls on here think?????

I'm not a girl but perhaps she is feeling guilty or just concerned about you.

Regretful and as Father said guilty for what happened now the fog has lifted.

If you still Love her just be honest with her.

If you don't want this role reversal of desperation now time has passed you must tell her this.

what do i tell her? she called me again 5 times already...i don't know what to do here...i dont want to be back to square one...

starting all over again...and she just goes on...i feel really conflicted here...

i feel like ive made so much progress and now she wants to know i'm alright...and im supposed to give that..

what do i be honest about...that i want to give it another go? and get rejected again...that i want to be friends when i don't want that ...ive started working on my self but i didnt get to where i want to be my whole thing was to go back as a new person not go half way..if that makes any sense...

i may be overanalyzing...im going to pick up next time and just talk...or is email a better way...the funny thing is she still has me BLOCKED online which doesnt make sense at all

I suggest you try acting like you are just fine without her.

The benefit will be two-fold: (1) She will find you more attractive that way. (2) She will respect you more.

Do not tell her "I'm not okay." That would be a big mistake, as another poster already said. Be polite, but be brief. Act like you are happy, and very busy with other things.

thanks nabs i was thinking along the same lines...if she does call again i will answer and do just that..

hopefully it all works out

If you can ignore it do so until you are not "half healed" as you said but fully.

If you can't tell her that you are not willing to go backwards you are changing things for you and suggest she does the same.

Let her know you can maybe reconnect if she calms things and backs off and lets you breathe.

She will oblige if you mean enough to her guaranteed.

Two options: Respond or don’t respond.

If you have completely given up hope or don’t wish to reconcile with your ex – ignore the contact and keep ignoring any further attempts at contact. Easy.

If you are seeking reconciliation, then it depends on what the ex says when they contact you.
If they are calling for a ‘catch up’, politely tell your ex that you were serious about NC and that they must respect your decision. This call may come after a few days, a few weeks or a few months. Don’t get into any discussions about yourself and what you’re up to – keep it short, and make it clear to your ex that NC isn’t just a whim….you are serious about it. Remind them, if it comes up, that friendship is not an option.

Make it clear that you are respecting their decision to end the relationship, and now they have to respect your decision to end contact.
If you are seeking reconciliation, you also have every right to question your ex about their intentions if they contact you. Do so at the beginning of the interaction – there’s no point having a great conversation with the ex and getting your hopes up only to find out at the end of the call that nothing has changed. Save yourself the trouble and find out at the start - if their motivation for calling you is anything short of what you are after, terminate the conversation politely…but quickly.

i guess this is an update of sorts, so here it goes:

so i decided to answer her 2am call...and ended up talking to her for an hour online...basically found out that she wasin't really "worried" per se and was actually just thrown off by the fact that i didnt pick up her call as i used to do...

she went on to say that she has feelings for me still and that she does'nt think that she'll ever get over them...and continued to talk about how she's been confused and how she wants to make things "right" with me...

she went on to say that her way of thinking changed and that she wants us to forget about the past and start something completely new with no expectations whatsoever and that she's not looking to be my girlfriend or best friend or anything like that...she wants to be in my life and me be in her life...

she went on to appologize for coming into my life and said that ive probably moved on..and then went to say that how we should take this "new" relationship slow with no expectations..and discover each other again...

throughout this i tried to help her out and be at ease. she didnt think id pick up, she said that calling me helps her sleep at night...throughout this whole conversations i denied her request to come on webcam and suggested the weekend which she refused due to some work commitments...she went on to talk about the fact that she cant see us being together in the new future because there are so many things that she has to do and the distance thing is also a concern...

i didnt acknowledge that ive moved on nor deny it...i don't want to put my self out there if she wants me back she can work for it was my thinking at the time...

well two days has passed since that talk...and here i am again...trying to figure out what in the world she is thinking...i havnt contacted her nor has she tried to contact me...so im back to the no contac thing again...my whole thinking in contacting her was b/c i didnt want her to worry and i thought that was the gist of the call but for her to say that gives me that hope again...

am i being delusional here or is this a good thing...so confused here...honestly i miss her everyday and think of her but not desperate as before, im happy in the direction my life is heading...for her to tell me that she can never get over me was something...and it made me more confused...i dont understand whats going on...i love ths girl and want to be with her at the same time i dont ever want to be back to where i was....how should i go about this whole thing...

someone help me make sense of this please...

This must be very confusing for you! I think it was great that she was honest with you on how she feels and thats great; however she did state that she too is also confused and that she can not see both of you together in the near future!! This is very important that you understand what she has just said!

I think it will be important to make sure that you are both on the same page when you both talk about entering a new relationship, because it looks like she wants to be in your life but not as the love of your life! and that purely is what you want? If she does not want the same thing that you want, are you sure you want to continue giving yourself to someone who does not want the same thing?

Continue your no contact rule! I do hope she will end up wanting the same thing that you want!
Good luck and all the best

thanks. just going to take it slow as she suggested and continue the no contact thing...

hopefully it all works out...

If she called you for some unknown or very trivial reasons, it may be a sign of wanting to get back to you. See the post http://www.relationshiptalk.net/how-to-cure-a-broken- relationship-4933632.html

if she wanted me back then why not just say that without suggesting to "take it slow" and "lets not talk everday"...

well she called me again, i wasint able to pick up her call...didnt get back to her either...she mentioned that she was studying for exams coming up this week so im just going to shoot off a text saying good luck.

if she was really specific as to what she wanted it would be helpful and i don't want to push the matter and look more desperate than before...

i feel more and more indifferent these days..im neither mad or sad...although i still think about her everyday...