5 years ago #1
Guest
Guest

Tell me why. Now that i've been feeling better after the break up and thinking that the break up was a good idea (he broke it off 2 mos ago), the feeling of sadness and missing him creeps back. Now, i feel like crying... again. For the past week i've felt that I deserve someone better who will treat me great as I treated him. We may meet this weekend, but it's up to him. I want to see him and tell him just one more time how much he meant to me and hope that I meant something to him... but at the same time I don't want to scare him off or seem desperate. I don't know if we'll get back together in the future, i'm not hoping for it, but I don't want to ruin any chances I have with him again. what should I do or say? I feel like I am going in circles.

Posted on Breaking up
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5 years ago #2
Guy
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What was the reason behind the breakup?
How long were you two together?
Were there any problems in the relationship?

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5 years ago #3
guest
Guest

break up reason: his feelings weren't as strong for me as mine was for him


we were together for 14 months.

problems: perhaps communication issues, I thought he was ready to be in a serious relationship, so i may have acted more "family" oriented (more caring and sharing). He sometimes would ignore "relationship questions/issues" or change the subject, he is really sensitive to criticism or even suggestions (from everyone, not just me) it seemed like he didn't know how to deal with emotions, it almost seemed like he didn't grasp the concept that relationship can't always be on the "high" that there are up and downs (boredom, sluggish feelings, normal human emotions, etc). as on my part, maybe I was too loving or maybe smothering him (i only called and texted him 1/day and saw him on the weekends). PErhaps it is smothering to someone with commitment issues or someone who is emotionally immature.

but other than that I was willing to help him in all those areas, but he just pushed me away (he doesn't really like getting help from others, he is very much rather do things on his own)

I Just don't get it.

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5 years ago #4
Guy
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You already said it. Your feelings were stronger than his.

tell him just one more time how much he meant to me
He already knows this.
We may meet this weekend, but it's up to him.
I agree. Let him decide or else he may push you away again.
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5 years ago #5
guest
Guest

I think you're right. BUt I have this feeling that if we don't meet soon then I have lost him... Am I right about this one?

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5 years ago #6
Guy
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If you want to meet so that he doesn't leave, fine, but it seems like to mention anything close to a relationship would be risky.

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5 years ago #7
yes
Guest

i think you're right. honestly i don't nkow why i want to see him. I don't want him back. I am in that stage of anger... at him for not being mature enough for me and treating me the way he did which I kind of think was disrespectful to me and not honest. Angry at myself for not trusting my gut b/c I knew in the beginning that he was not a commitment person and was/is emotionally immature to handle a relationship. I was too forgiving and selfless, sometimes I forget about me.

should I just send a <email> saying that he is manchild. a soon to be 30year old with a 5 yearold mental capacity and a chronic bachelor??? LOL Am I being mean?

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5 years ago #8
Guy
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If you don't want him back, then don't give him a reason to contact you.

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5 years ago #9
guest
Guest

well that's easy because if we are going to meet up or anything like that, it would probably be me that contacts him.

I don't want him back, but I guess i'm just curious. Since he has not contacted me at all since we broke up (except the emails if he wants to meet or not), i guess it's hard for me to accept that he has moved on and has forgotten about me so quickly. i feel like I meant nothing to him and that really hurts me still b/c I put so much into the relationship to make him happy. i thought our relationship was special.

why do i want him to feel guilty that he broke up with me? why do i want him to suffer alittle? am i crazy? i am trying so hard to not care about him and what he does, but its so hard

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5 years ago #10
Guy
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You want him to "suffer a little" because you're shocked at his lack of reaction over the breakup.

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5 years ago #11
guest
Guest

thank you. gosh you interpret things so well. i just couldn't figure it out... but am i wrong for wanting that? i still feel horrible from the break up.

i do want him happy and wish him well, but still can't get over the fact that he doesn't acknowledge the work i put into the relationship. he should be grateful and appreciative for wanting ot be with him. he's not exactly the best bf, but unfortunately i fell for him.

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5 years ago #12
Guy
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You're welcome. Well, the shock of the breakup is there for you, but he was probably thinking about it for a while. That's probably why it seems like he's not bothered enough to really say anything about it now.

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5 years ago #13
anne
Guest

It's probably too late for my reply, just came across your posting. I don't know how things are with you two now. But if you are still pining for him, I'll tell you this. It's been a while since you two broke up, so by now you should do better in terms of moving on.
See, the way I see it, is: after someone breaks up with you, especially when the reason is that they didn't love you as much as you loved them (not because you cheated on them or were abusive - you get the point), you are going to be really hurt and heartbroken, the shock of break up, of being "officially" told that a person you had strong feeling for, is out. But then as pain fades away (and it always-always does), you get over it and then you look back and realize how undeserving of you the person was. See, there is absolutely no point to still feel hurt after months since your break up with a person who didn't love you and wanted out.
The only time when it would be justified to feel they hurt is when the break up was your fault, when they loved you, but you did something (e.g. cheated), or were emotionally unavailable with them (sort of your situation with ex reversed) and at some point, although they loved you, they couldn't take it anymore, and so they broke up with you, and this time around they didn't want you back, simply because they knew you were not "good" to them and for them. Then it stings, and even months later you might still feel the pain, you know why? REGRET, thinking about all the wrongs you had done to them, all the things you should've done differently - in other words, thoughts about, what if they were the love of your life, but you screwed it up (coming from a person who did exactly that), and now you are left with this pain that it was your loss, not theirs, you know?

But why suffer offer something that was out of your hands? Why cry over a guy who was never right for you or good to you and for you? Why cry over a pair of shoes that was beautiful, but tore your feet to blood, months after getting rid of the shoes?

It's been enough time to just get over your hurt, since there was nothing you did wrong, you should absolutely move on. He wasn't the one for you, possibly he is not even a decent person if he led you on for all those months, using the fact that you had all those feeling for him.

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4 years ago #14
Sarah
Guest

I have just been dumped by my boyfriend after two years, he didn't love me and was not prepared to commit to me,I am the second one in four years he has done this too. Emotionally immature men tend to behave this way, once the sexual excitement wears off, so do they. An unbalanced relationship is a miserable one, leaving you with low self esteem and feeling unlovable and unworthy, I am hurt and feel let down but all the crying and anger will not bring him back, we split 4 months ago for the same reason, we got back together and the same thing happened, stay away, let yourself heal, lift you self esteem and find a man more worthy of your love, I'm becoming a volunteer and staying away from men for a while because I deserve better than a man who sees me as a friend with benefits, love too you and be happy.x

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4 years ago #15
marc
Junior Member
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sorry to hear that. my girlfriend dumped me after 6 and half years with no proper explanation.I hope ur ok. she left me on monday and although i managed to speak to her on wednesday at her mums for 20 mins, she hasnt come back and/or contacted me since. im thinking i cant wait for her forever and if she doesnt come back soon i think i should move on. even if she walked through the door right now (more chance of a plane landing on my head)i wouldnt feel confortable i dont think.all i can say is dont worry and time is a great healer.good luckxxx

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4 years ago #16
Sarah
Guest

Oh sorry to read that, six and a half years is a long time, he broke up with me nearly two weeks ago, three weeks after our holiday. You must be going through the feeling sick stage with added sleeplessness, oh and not to mention numbness that gives you the feeling of a mist over your eyes, every mouthful of food will be like swallowing a tennis ball, this gives you the advantage of weight loss, a bonus for a female, crying actually makes me feel better, you cry as much as possible even tho you might think its not manly, trust me it helps.x

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4 years ago #17
marc
Junior Member
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thanks sarah...is this your real name? im from the uk and im 33. what about you?

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4 years ago #18
Sarah
Guest

I'm English too, no thats not my real name cause its embarrassing to be dumped but you need to vent your frustration with other dumpies and give a bit advice and encouragement, watch Black Books that helps cause its daft.

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4 years ago #19
marc
Junior Member
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yes ur absolutely right its not nice being dumped.im not looking forward to returning to work on wednesday as me and ex used to work together can i ask where abouts u from in england?

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4 years ago #20
Sarah
Guest

Well would you Adam n Eve it, I used to work with my ex to, not anymore tho, I'm from the north west, what about you?

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4 years ago #21
marc
Junior Member
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nah, shes off work sick for a few weeks cause shes been having back ache. im from the midlands

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4 years ago #22
Sarah
Guest

Well at least you'll have a bit of space between the breakup before she comes back, just be nice to her when she does it will make it easier between you, it will be fine.

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4 years ago #23
marc
Guest

hiya. my ex turned up sunday evening with her parents. her mum had a massive go at me so i threw her mum n dad out. i then spoke my ex and she told me its all over. she then picked up some of her stuff.since ive seen her again im feeling a lot worse, im very depressed, dont eat, only sleep 4 hrs per night, and i cant do anything at all to console myself or distract me. i was hoping that sunday would be a patching up meeting but it was the opposite. ive been told by a relative that i blew it and that when i was attacked by her mum i should have just been friendly. after all if its her mum splitting us up then i perhaps should have gritted my teeth and kept calm.i heard her mum say to my ex that if she got back with me they dont want to know her anymore. today im feeling terrible, lonely depressed miserable ect. i really love her still, and i miss her. i wish id recognised the signs and done something about it. i feel like i want to pick up the phone and try to get her back but ive been advised not to, and so far everything ive done has been a mistake.

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4 years ago #24
Sarah
Guest

Oh I'm so sorry, nothing I can write will make you feel better at the moment, your gunna have to grieve. Let the dust settle and see what happens,outsiders should never be allowed to mess things up like that because it makes things a lot worse and I'm afraid you should have stayed calm but theres nothing you can do about it now. I"m feeling a lot better, its been two weeks of no sleep and a face like a melted candle, hes not worth this misery any more cause he just don't give a **** about me, what I'm trying to say is you will feel better, spend some time with yourself, do some gaming and stay off the booze, I shall keep an eye on his message board to see how your doing, oh and no women, stay away.

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5 days ago #25
WiserForIt
Guest

Hi, my ex dumped me a little while ago, and I was in bits, it came out if the blue. Been together 2 years, wanted the same things, etc the usual; We'd just been on a really great holiday, sexual chemistry was amazing and intense and we laughed and were affectional all of the time. But all of a sudden she said 'her feelings have changed' but couldn't give me any more info than that. I was so in love with her and when we ended she then became rude, disruptive and all she could muster was 'feelings have changed'. Because she wouldn't give me a reason (that wasn't a BS cliche) I cryed (yes men cry too he he) and was upset for 1 week .... But after that I just thought f*k it.... Your feelings have changed - so have mine, ........so far..... I feel ok..... Just think to yourself.....if they want to break up then let them have what they want..... But DONT let them come crying back to you when they realise they have made a "mistake". In my opinion, you reap what you <email> life for YOU not your previous 'US' xx future, not the past.

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