recent ex gf already got a new boyfriend, she's tellin me to move on BUT she gets jealous...?

im new to this site, i asked another, rather long question, in the breakup forum, but ill make a shorter question now:

basically my ex gf of almost one year, *we made it 11 months*, ended it and it ended quite badly. she led me on. i thought we were gonna get back and she kept sayin she loved me, and i bought her a ton of stuff one afternoon, then she changed her number and ignored me the next day/ week....

anyways, she already has a new boyfriend. im sooo hurt and upset. her and her mom saw me at church and she called me the other night. she said "i saw you! you look gooood yea my mom was like 'you need to hook him up with a new girl', and it made me upset when she said it'

but she is telling me that i need to move on. i asked her flat out today, "why do you keep asking if im talking to girls if you have a new boyfriend and i cant ask about that"

she said "heyyy thats not fair..." then i asked 'will we ever stand another chance of getting back together', and she goes ..."ugh... jason....." and that was her answer.


so my question is:

girls, if you found out your prince charming ex (she said that, she said i was the nicest guy ever and i gave her the world, which i literally did, i went broke for that girl, i love her so much)

...if you found out your ex bf moved on after he was super clingy to you, how would you react if you had a new boyfriend so fast?? would you be hurt or confused or want him back??

just curious, i dont want a new gf to make her mad, it would hurt the other girl and i have to much feelings for other girls to not wanna hurt them.

Posted on Jealousy
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Guy avatar
7 years ago #2
Guy
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You left out the part out about how she cheated on you on the same guy for four times in a month.

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j
7 years ago #3
jhen_90
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ill go into detail about the cheating she did....
it was last october, about 2 months into our relationship.
she had cheated on guys before she said but i was totally unique. she said she saw something with me, like a real future cuz i had a job, i was confident, i take care of myself and am in healthy shape. she said i blew her mind...

but for some reason one night on myspace, she posted a bulliten with her number in it. some guy named max emails her, then texts her...
that night they go on and on and on. he's a football player at another school and she is a cheerleader.
so they start sayin they love each other and ****, and he is a huge player... he already had another gf.

so she ends up meeting him, and kisses him and stuff.
i break up with her and it broke her heart cuz she really didnt wanna lose me, she told me she would change so i took her back.
she lied and went to the mall with him..

long story short, on the 4th time i ignored her for a week, it broke her. she couldnt stand losing me so she dropped the other guy. blocked all contact with him.
and i respected it. it took a long time but i got my trust back in her. she never cheated on me again after that..

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #4
Guy
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Ah, so you broke up with her after what she did. I bet she got back with you only to flip that around so that she could break up with you. You treated her a lot better than she did. Stop letting her control you.

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j
7 years ago #5
jhen_90
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no no no no... this was back in october. yes, i broke up with her when she first cheated on me. then i wanted her back, she took me back, and all that stuff.

but talking in terms of now, this is how we ended up breaking up for good:

she broke up with me in june.
she goes to another guys house 2 days later and lied to me about it..
2 weeks later we hung out on 4th of july and things went perfect.
she wanted me back.
i took her back, but i was still really upset about her lying and going to another guys house.
so a few short hours later, i broke up with her cuz i wasnt ready.
3 days later (after hanging out with her and everything), i decided i was cooled off and forgave her.

i asked her to be my girlfriend again and she declined.


of course i was upset, and i saw her myspace and she had like 200 new friends, all guys, all football players or guys in bands. so me being an ****, i called her a 'jockwhore' and 'all you want are football players dont you?' she tried being mean back and said some hateful stuff to me, then i said somethin mean to her.


it was bad but we ended up hanging out a few short days after that and i took her on a FANTASTIC date and we ended up 'having sex', *(our way, if you read my other post)*, but that night on the phone i said "good night i love you" and she said "umm... about that... listen, i dont think i love you anymore, im sorry"...


so thats how it pretty much ended. hung out with her a few short days after that, bought her a ton of stuff, she said she loved me, next day, changes her number...


call me crazy but i STILL MISS HER and want her back!!


will me getting a new gf or something make her upset? our would be one year would be tomorrow, i know she will be thinkin of me, but idk what to do anymore..

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #6
Guy
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Forget about what she thinks. Focus on what you think. You bought all those gifts for her and she said some nice things...then ditched you. Well, thank you for your services, Jeeves. I'm sure that she enjoyed the prom, beach, concert, and the rest of your wallet's generosity.

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j
7 years ago #7
jhen_90
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Guy wrote:
Forget about what she thinks. Focus on what you think. You bought all those gifts for her and she said some nice things...then ditched you. Well, thank you for your services, Jeeves. I'm sure that she enjoyed the prom, beach, concert, and the rest of your wallet's generosity.


lol everyone says the same thing. she used me for the money and stuff. she even said one time, "i know you'll get me whatever i want cuz you love me"

but i mean dont get the hint that that's all we ever did, go out and me spend money on her... we had a lot of good memories, but i just dont see why she is throwin them away, yet she STILL tries talkin to me.

has ANY GIRL ever rejected taking a guy back and ended up regretting it when they saw him happy with another guy?? or is this a question i should post in a new topic lol?
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Guy avatar
7 years ago #8
Guy
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She's talking to you because she wants to keep you handy in case she wants something that her boyfriend should be handling.

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j
7 years ago #9
jhen_90
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boyfriend should be handeling? what do you mean??

im thinking if i talk to her again, i should tell her something like 'listen im not gonna chase after you anymore. ill ask one last time and thats it.' then ill tell her 'okay well then im gonna go on a date saturday night then with this girl.'

im debating whether or not to say it or not. idk im pretty confused.. i miss her alot, especially cuz of today, our would be one year, and i would love to have her back, but i also am so mad at her for what she has done to me. :-/

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BackToBasic avatar
7 years ago #10
BackToBasic
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Just don't think about her anymore. She doesn't deserve you,

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j
7 years ago #11
jhen_90
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first off i wanna thank you Guy and BackToBasic, you help me out a lot ive noticed.

and second off, i know she really doesnt deserve me, but i feel like i can change her outlook on stuff. like... i changed how she was a cheater. i made her realize that i was a real caring guy and she hurt me. she stopped after that.

there are a TON of cute girls at college i must admit... i wish i wasnt too shy to just talk to them. if i could i know for a fact it would take my mind off her. but im tortured by my ex, missing that feeling of kissing and holding someone so close. ahhh... very painful

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #12
Guy
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My previous comment meant that you could be a backup for her.

All right, you should get some credit for sticking it through the cheating.

Even though it would be a step forward to go on a date or two, it's better that you don't force yourself if you're not yet comfortable. It won't be a fun date if you're just replaying these events in your mind and getting distracted.

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j
7 years ago #13
jhen_90
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ah, thats the thing though... i wont be on a date with a girl. ill be out watchin a movie with the guys prolly.

i can just tell her im going on a date, see her reaction couldnt i? and avoid all contact with her after i tell her that i have a date. so if she calls and what not, ill reject it, make her think im into other girls now.

not sure if it would backfire though. if she can move on that quick and get a new bf and stuff, idk how she would react if i told her im gonna go out to elephant bar with some girl from one of my classes (her favorite restaurant), when im really NOT going out on a date lol

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #14
Guy
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Are you prepared if it backfires?

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j
7 years ago #15
jhen_90
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well i dont have to worry about that... i had a real conversation with her on the phone for over 2 hours last night.

basically i texted her cousin saying 'have her call me please its important'

i pretty much told her the truth, i was getting fed up with her calling me from a blocked number and how she wants to 'be friends' and how she calls asking how i am, i told her i dont wanna be your friend, i want my time to move on and if she can please stop it with the calls.

it was a pretty serious convo. she ended up saying she never see's the guy she is dating now and it isnt even real love like we had. and she thinks of us all the time. she said she's really depressed now and doesnt know why.

she did tell me that we never got along when we dated which is one reason why she wont get back right now. i told her that i really miss her and things have changed since we seperated, which they have. she told me i am the best guy she has ever known. i told her

'listen, you deserve the best alexis and i know you will find it one day, sorry im not him' and she cut me off laughing, 'jason... you ARE the best... dont you realize that you gave me the world, no one will love me like you did'

then she went off saying nice things cuz she said 'i have a hard time expressing my feelings but here it goes... i am in love with your eyes, how they're so blue and they change to gray sometimes, your smile and how it lights up a room, your incredible body and abs, and remember how i got all excited when i touched them that one time? and i love how your so sweet and kind, and now how to treat me right...'

she then told me 'i dont even know why i dont wanna be with you right now i really dont'


needless to say, i told her i am not gonna wait much longer, i told her to be in my shoes, how would she feel if i got a gf? she said she would feel sick and really sad and be worried im doing sexual stuff with her and treating her like a princess.

she wants to hang out but i told her, 'i'll only hang out with you if you text me when. i dont want a blocked call saying you wanna hang out, please text me' and idk if she will do it. she really wants to, but she is also worried about what will happen if we go out to dinner. she REALLY wants to though.


so this totally flipped me around last night, idk what to do. im serious though i told her, im not gonna wait much longer, there are girls who i know want to go on some dates with me and she sounded sad when she said 'i know jason i know....'

idk what to think! or do!

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #16
Guy
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Good! She's feeling the pressure now. Leave contact up to her. If she wants you, she's going to have to do something about it.

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j
7 years ago #17
jhen_90
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funny thing is, i feel so good today, im not depressed or down, or thinking about her.
ive been talking to new girls at college getting their numbers, and half an hour ago, my ex called me!

it was wierd though. she said
'hey... um... so, this is wierd but, i was cooking a pizza, and a piece of cheese dripped off onto my chest, and now it burnt my *****, and yea, i got no one else to tell this to, so i thought i would just call you and tell you'... it was really random! i was cool and nice, but i didnt make it seem like i was missing her, i was actually busy. she said she was gonna nap.

can i just tell you that your awesome Guy. you always help out everyone on here. thanks

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #18
Guy
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You're welcome.

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j
7 years ago #19
jhen_90
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she called twice last night after calling me about 'the pizza' thing. i was in the shower once and told her call me back, and 10 minutes later she did.

she said she had no one to talk to, and i said politley, 'you have a boyfriend, go talk to him and stuff' and she laughed sarcastically, and said "um.. no",

then i told her, "did you think about what i said last night? i dont want you contacting me if your over me. im not over you and i want my time to move on. please respect this.. i really dont want any contact from you so i have the time to move on properly" she sounded really sad and said "yes i thought of it and i understand..." but i have a feeling she will keep calling.

do i have the upper hand here now? i was serious when i told her that stuff too, about me moving on.

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #20
Guy
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I see that you've told her that you want to move on. Just to be sure: Do you want her or not?

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j
7 years ago #21
jhen_90
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i do want her.... but if she doesnt want me anymore i dont wanna waste my time. it hurts cuz she keeps contacting me and she isnt making any effort in wanting me back.

i keep letting her know i still would love for a second chance. i dont wanna be led on anymore, the only way ill be able to get over her is by her not talking to me. so i told her, if she doesnt see us getting back together then i dont wanna talk to her, so i can move on.


so yes, i still want her. but... i dont wanna be led on and hurt, so i wanna let go if she doesnt want me back.

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #22
Guy
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Maybe she's keeping you handy in case things don't work out with the boyfriend. It's an emergency situation: In case of breakup, call Jason.

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j
7 years ago #23
jhen_90
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well im not sure what to do if she calls tonight.
cuz last night i told her, please dont call me anymore if you dont have any interest in getting back with me. i want my time to move on as hard as it may be.

if she calls tonight, idk if i should answer.. or ignore it, or what to ask her...

oh yea she told me the other night why she wants to know if im going out with any girls yet. she said "i wanna know cuz i dont have any friends who will tell me if your dating someone else, i wanna find out for myself so i know, not find out from someone else a month or so later"

and i kept saying "we wont ever be together again and it sucks" and she got emotional, she was like 'please dont say that i dont like thinking like that...' like she almost wants to be with me again in the future, just not now..

girls are confusing. maybe i am a backup... well if thats the case i cant confront her and tell her that, ive said it before and she gets all defensive and says she just wants to be my friend

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #24
Guy
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Do you really think that she would actually say, "Yeah, I'm seeing this one guy right now, but just stay on the line while I try all sorts of things with him."?

She's calling with the expectation that you'll answer. It's up to you if you want to keep doing that.

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j
7 years ago #25
jhen_90
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hmmm, so by me not answering, all sorts of things will run through her head, like 'where is he, what is he doing, he always answers my calls, what is he doing tonight?'

by me answering however... its like 'oh good, he isnt doing anything, i dont gotta worry he still is all for me and no one else yet'


in your opinion, i should ignore the calls tonight then maybe. or at least the first few calls? i honestly want her back... i do... but i dont know how to act right now without sounding desperate or needy

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #26
Guy
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Flip a coin then as to whether to answer or not or actually do something so that you aren't available to take her calls.

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j
7 years ago #27
jhen_90
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well i talked to her last night.
i was on the phone with another girl though for an hour when she tried calling, she called 4 times when i was with the other girl, so i answered finally when i got off the phone with the other girl.

we had an okay convo... but i had ran into a girl last night who told me stuff about what she used to say about me supposidly "jason is so obsessive, but he buys me everything and i love that" or something along the lines of that.... so, i confronted my ex on the phone about that and she sounded really mad and upset cuz she claims she never said that, but it sounds like something she would say...

anyway, we talked. i go to church on sunday's and so does she. i told her if she wants to talk to me or hang out with me, either text me, or talk to me at church, because im just gonna walk right past her cuz i have no desire to talk to her... she said she would talk to me, she is just 'shy'.

idk... im kind of confused. i dont know if she really misses me and wants me back, or if she is playing me...

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #28
Guy
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Get a sheet of paper and describe how she treats you. In a month from now, write how she treats you then. Note the patterns, and let them help you to judge the situation.

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j
7 years ago #29
jhen_90
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hmmm interesting idea. how would it help though, ill try it. i can actually do it right now:

June 24th:
our break up, she was nice/ distant... talked to other guys, acted like she was more free. not too sad or anything.

july 6th: she was heartbroken, really sad, wanting me back, cuz i couldnt accept that she went to another guys house and lied to me. so i took a few days to think about whether i wanted her back. she was really upset and sad.

a week after that...
she was acting like she didnt care. i wanted her back and she didnt want me back. she was talking to all these guys and lying to me about it.

now:
she is calling me from her blocked number, calm, nice, sounding like she misses me, but also sounds like she could be playing me still.... cuz she is hinting she wants me back, but she has a bf and stuff...

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Guy avatar
7 years ago #30
Guy
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What I'm seeing is that she is going after what she wants, but when you do the same, she starts making you want her. Then when you start wanting her, she goes back to leaving you to wonder what is going on again.

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