Should I date my ex-boyfriend?

My ex-boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me a short time ago because he does not want a serious relationship right now, and wants to know what its like to date (he’s only had serious relationships). The first few days I was a wreck and didn’t think I could make it, but now I’m okay. The only thing is, I still want to be in his life and he only gave me one choice in order to do that-we have to date. He doesn’t want to be just friends (really not my ideal either but if it is the only way) because if he is around me he wants to be able to hold me and kiss me and such. But, he wants to be able to date others if they come along and I am also encouraged to do so. I think I am strong enough to handle this (although I get jealous easily), and to be honest he isn’t great looking to the general public (he grew on me ) so if anything I would probably date more then he would if he would at all due to lack of interested parties.

So I’m just wondering if this is a lousy idea or not? Two days was like our first "date" after the break up and it was like we were togther again. We went out to eat, played games and the whole time he called me sweetie, which is very confusing but nice. Then at the end of the night he asked if I felt weird because he did in that we were just dating and I really didn't think it was weird. Then yesterday he called me at work and told me something he thought was funny and told me he was working late and wasn't going to see anyone (he had said he might hang out with friends that night) and this was something he did when we were together...

So do you think this is a good idea or not? Maybe if we date he will realize how much I meant to him in the first place, or no? He told me he still loves me and cares about me and that he always thought I was marriage material but he just wants to see what else is out there and not be committed right now. I want him back sooo bad I just love him soo much. Should I be doing this? How do I get him to come back to me???

btw I'm 21 and hes 22...
Thanks
rayne

NO NO NO!
Let him go and if he comes back and says he wants to be with you, then think about it. Right now he just wants to have a relationship with no strings attached. He doesn't want the responsibility of your feelings and such.

Show him what it's like with out you and if he wants to be with you he will be, don't take a half man, you need someone who is ready to be a full grown man.

Believe me, I've been there...

rayne08, welcome to the forum

I agree with Yelenar. He wants to "fool around" - let him and break with him. Let him learn his lesson the hard way. You are way too good to be serving as a toy

Thanks you two, thats what i'm getting a lot of.

Last night he told me he really wanted me back, but wished that I had been two girlfriends down the road, because then he would marry me in an instant He also told me he misses me and still really loves me, but doesn't know what to do. It's either all or nothing with us and he's very scared right now. I just wish he could figure things out quickly. I don't know if downt he road I think he would be my husband, but right now I think he could be.

I kindof think that the dating is helping because he still sees me and it reminds him of what we had, but I don't want to be his F*** buddy and make him think that i'm just there for his pleasure. I'm very confused right now!

Rayne, it all depends on you really how you'd like to proceed. You can either stand for it or refuse it all together and try to go on with YOUR life. Taking that last option also means, probably, that he definitely won't become your husband. Unless he is so taken-aback by such a decision that he is willing to fully commit himself to you.

Thanks everyone. I just thought I would let you know that he decided that I was more important to him then his dating freedom, so we are now back together

Rayne, that is GREAT! I am so happy for you. Good luck girl

I'm in a similiar situation. After 15 months of being in a relationship I caught my b/f with his ex g/f (whom he dated for 5 months before me). He was seeing her every other Saturday because she has an 11 year old (she is 20 years younger..I'm 51 and he is 56). I used to be with him 4 nights a week, met his family etc.. We have a strong bond. So anyway I confronted him on that and brokeup with him. Days later he called saying he wanted me and only me in his life and loved me from the bottom of his heart. So i took him back. A week later i saw a text on his phone from her something about him coming up that day. So i broke it off again. 2 weeks later he started to talk to me. He had me over for dinner last night and tonight we are going out to listen to a band. Hanging out, we have the fun we had when we first started to date. We have fun, we are playful with each other, kiss, etc... Then he asked me to stay over and I said i could not sleep with him while he is still seeing someone else. After knowing where I stand he still wants to see me & do things. In meantime I still plan to date others if I am asked out.I just hope he wakes up and realizes that the other one is not worth losing the relationship we had.

Hi Classladie, welcome to the forum

I think you made a wise decision. He's gotta choose, either her or you.

I think you show real class (most certainly when compared with that other woman, who knows he was in a relationship with you) - kudos

Glad your back together.

I think the only time you should ever consider going back with an ex if it was because one of you moved away and you both decided it's better to see new people. If that's the only cause and one day, one of you is back permanently, then I can see how it will work. Otherwise, it seems like a disaster waiting to happen.

Classladie, let go of him, he does not know what he wants. Don't you see the pattern...every time he sees that he is about to lose you, he chases you and when he has you, he lets you go??? it's a matter of possessiveness and not love. I am very sorry to tell you that, but you are his possession and not the real thing. You need somebody who'd want to be with you at all times, not when you are slipping through his greedy fingers.
My advice, let go of him, let yourself go of him, focus on yourself and with time, you'll find a better man!

Jewelman wrote:

I think the only time you should ever consider going back with an ex if it was because one of you moved away and you both decided it's better to see new people. If that's the only cause and one day, one of you is back permanently, then I can see how it will work. Otherwise, it seems like a disaster waiting to happen.

Not always, Jewelman. Not always. There are also people who think it's great outside of the relationship and then when they break up are shocked to see how much they miss their ex. If they get back together they stand a pretty good chance of living happily ever after...

I think I have what can help you...after my last episode with an ex, wanting him back so badly (and still do) I wrote a book to describe what works and what doesnt. I think it would help you understand your ex, why he thinks the way he does and work towards a compromise. it's available on ebay as an ebook and i'm working on getting a website up for it seperate than the one for my art. http://cgi.ebay.com/Saving-the-World-One-Heart-At-A- Time-Win-him- back_W0QQitemZ200254676333QQihZ010QQcategoryZ102486QQss PageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

Hope this helps

Hi.... um i read your thing and i think it could be a good idea to go for him again.... maybe this time itll work out!!!
im going thro something kinda the same but im the one who wants to be with my ex... not him. but it might be hard in the begining so just go with the flow and see what happens!!

Nope i think it is a very bad idea because wat if one of is dating someone else and u like this person more u are goin to be stuck in the middle and its not easy! so i think u should try and convince him to just be friends!!

Hi guys. just wondering if you can give me some advice. my boyfriend and i broke up over a month ago after being together for over a year. Now hes telling me that he misses me and wants to try hanging out together and working through all of this. He said he felt like everything in his life was settled and that freaked him out. Im still very much in love with him, and dont know how to handle the situation. im scared he will turn around again and say that he doesnt want to be with me .

It's up to you if you want to take that risk.

Well it up yo you to decide but I advise you to move on you can be friends but not a couple - people do not change especiaaly for s short period of time and he will break up with you sooner or later...

I'm going through the same thing after 15 months. My ex-boyfriend told me he didn't want a girlfriend now. He's ultra religious and felt he needed to dedicate himself to the church. He recently got one of those minister certificates. It hurt a lot, however he made a choice and I'm not feeling that strongly about him anymore. I want someone to love me fully and he doesn't want to. His loss not mine. He also broke up with me about 3 months ago. So it seems like a pattern. He's also very controlling. Doesn't want me to go out with anyone else. But it's too bad, cause I deserve someone that will stay with me through good and bad. Oh, by the way, I saw him a couple days ago and he was pawing at me saying he's so attracted to me. Needless to say, I wouldn't go to bed with him now. No way! So to all those women who can't let go. You're worth more than he's giving you credit. Don't lower yourself for anyone. You're just asking for more heartache. I know it hurts a lot, but someday you'll meet someone much better.

hey guys, i was wondering if you could help me out with something. About four weeks ago I was dating this guy. When we were dating it was going good at the start and then he just started not paying very much attention to me. He would never answer or return my calls. He says that was because he didn't like talking on the phone, and then on a friday night i went to one of my friends birthday party. We were all drinking and having a good time. And then one of my guy bestfriends came and hes really touchy when hes drunk. I made out with him that night and felt terribly horrible the next morning, about it all. It was my first time ever cheating on any boyfriend i had, had. I let my boyfriend know and we broke up. He was pretty pissed off about it all which is understandable. But now we talk because he says he's not pissed anymore. I let him know i was sorry and still like him even after making a huge mistake. He told me he was sorry for not paying attention to me and that the reason for that was because he was dating a girl about a month before and he had just broke up with her after eight months and just wasn't sure. How do i get him back i still like him very much.

i don't know why you would care so much. guys love sleeping with girls. just have fun. who cares about the relationship part. you only live once. enjoy it and stop worrying.

Rayne.

Ex. Made up some new rules for you.

This is great for him but not for you.

No he will not see how much you love him.
All he sees is that you love him so much he can do whatever he wants.

Do you think he will marry a girl that let him do this?

The answer is no.

And your lying to yourself.
For every "date" you go on with him now...
You are falling more into a desperate love for him and not a secure love and it becomes, slowly, a real mess.

Because you become a real mess.
And any moment...if you flinch whatsoever...you get dumped...other chic becomes girlfriend.

Nope. Not on these terms. Not on these terms.

He is trying things.
He wins.
You lose.

Many men have many games not to get tied down so young. He may think this is real but its just another game.

And its that hope of winning him back that you just jumped you first desperation hoop.

You will not be rewarded for this loving caring jump hoop behavior.

Oh darn, this is an old post.

People, watch your dates.

Oh well, anyone ever know what happened to Rayne?

Now everyone knows what to do about that scenario hey?