should my husband pick his wife or his neice to side with....???

Here's a long one for all of you..
I've been with my husband for almost ten years, we've only been married for 2 months. We have four great kids. He's my high school sweetheart. We have always been the best of friends with minor fighting though we have been through A LOT!!!!
So here's the scenario... the day before we got married his neice showed up to attend the wedding. This is an adult neice, only a few years younger than myself. She is a single mom. The day after the wedding she lost her job. We were under the impression that she was a very responsible and caring young mother and decided jointly that she could stay with us until she could get back on her feet. So, being parents ourselves, we couldn't really afford a honeymoon, we just took 4 days off of work to spend alone together. My mom took the kids. Only neice did'nt leave. She was with us the entire time, much to my dismay. Oh yeah, AND at the wedding, when we were dancing to OUR song, she was drunk and broke between us screaming that she loved the song and wanted to dance with her uncle!!! He danced with her instead!!!! (she doesn't have much of a father figure) So, anyway, the last day of our "honeymoon" we were going to a concert. She pouted the whole time we were getting ready about being bored until my husband bought her a ticket. Three's a crowd.
So she didn't get another job. She spent about 3 weeks sitting on my couch watching tv and screaming at her kid. I had to clean up after them, with only a small contribution here and there from her (doing dishes). Her child is a sweet kid but does not behave very well and she can not control the kid at all. She gives in to whatever the kid wants just to be left alone to watch tv. So I got her a job where I was once employed, because I wanted her to save money and leave. She quit. Now she's back on her butt after 2 months of being here, not saving a dime.
This has caused nothing but turmoil in my own head and heart and soul, not to mention my marriage. My husband has some unspoken obligation to this girl and I just want my house back. Everyday I consider taking my kids and just getting my own apartment. I can't speak to him when he gets home from work, she is always there, telling him about her day and her problems. She has become one of our children as has her child. Nothing is just us anymore. She's always there, talking and talking and talking. They are very needy and they are draining me mentally and emotionally. I am ready to leave a man Ive been with for ten years because he will not stand up for me and put an end to all of this. I cannot stand much more of this and I don't know what to do anymore. She really is pitiful, even I have a hard time saying things to her that are bothering me. She gets all hurt and looks like shes going to cry. She seems so helpless and hopeless. But I was under the impression that she would only be getting on her feet, not sucking us dry financially and emotionally...please help!!!!!!!!!

Take your husband aside and tell him how much this is straining you. See what he has to say and what he wants to do. It may not have to be a choice between you and her, but at the same time, if you don't bring it up, it's as though he has chosen the niece over you.

That is the reason it is straining our marriage, I am very open about my feelings with him. So 90 percent of our arguments stem from this situation. He listens to me but then does nothing about it. The only thing he talked to her about was to stop yelling at her child... other than that, he pushes aside anything else I say, so we fight because I am tired of my opinion being ignored. I feel like this isn't even my house anymore, it's been taken over. He even told me once to stop competing with her for his attention!! Why does she need his attention? She's a grown woman. He's MY husband and my children's father, not either of those things apply to her. Maybe I'm just being selfish.

Well, no, considering that it's your house, you are not being selfish. Rather, I'd say that you are taken advantage of, and this is not necessarily the niece's fault either.

He listens to me but then does nothing about it.

You could see what happens in a month, but I think that he has made himself clear that he will cater to his niece even at your expense.

Thanks for your responses.. and I believe that you are very right unfortunately...

You're welcome. Feel free to return.