Text Messaging (Do or Do Not?)

Text Messaging (Do or Do Not?)

I have read a lot of material about how to get my girlfriend back. I understand I stopped being the masculine male I was. My plan to move to NYC that I developed into her plan is taking me longer than her. Which lead the balance of power to move away from me. I understand completely why she left me.

We broke up three weeks ago. She moved to NYC then too. I am still in ATL taking all 4 parts of my CPA this month. I will move to NYC as soon as I am done. But, she does not know this completely, because I have a job offer in Texas.

1) I stopped talking to her for a week.
2) Week two and three I reached out to her and we have had contact every day for 2 weeks. Yet, I am making about 90% of the communication contact and effort.

Everything I have read says the more I contact her makes it easier for her to heal. I feel she does this I got texts this week at 12 at night about random stuff. It hurts when I reach out and get nothing. She is holding all the power.

So I am taking her out of my life for at while. Get myself back. But, everything I have read says if she calls be nice talk belief and get off the phone. I am long distance it is hard till I move.


QUESTION: Over this next period of time which I get my life back together, study, have a blast, and convey I don’t need her approval, what do I do when she text messages me?

Is the only reason she is texting me, because she feels lonely, and I am the quick fix? By not responding does that make me an ass/jerk?


I just want to know someone’s ground work on text messages right after a break up. I am not going to text her, but when she texts me do I write back? I mean I can be witty and phone, vague…. I know all the tricks. But, if I want to be back with her does texting back show self worth in me?

What are the rules for texting after break ups and I am 1000 miles away. That throws a loop in the situation.


Kind Regards,

Andrew

You could simply ask her why she is messaging you these things. That will give her reason to either be more serious about her contact or to just drop the pretense.

I know why she is texting me. It is to make so she still knows I am there. It is like. I feel lonely so I am reaching out to say hi so you still care about me without actually doing it.

If I asked her why are you sending me messages she would say something like I care about how are you doing. I know this.

We both care. Care enough to be back together? Well I would like to take the power back.

So how does texting work when she breaks up with you?

What was the reason for the breakup?

One main reason, but a couple sub reasons.

We both have goals in life. We were dating for 20 months, but we both knew were would have to move to advance. The idea was orginally NYC. So she told her company she wanted NYC. It is a good way to go international. But, my plan has not 100% materialized. That put presure on the relationship. With passing the CPA this month should allow me to get a job anywhere. 2 Year experience CPA,CIA,CISA. I should be able to write my ticket if i pass. Yet, this variable is big enough that is has broken down the relationship. As she put it "We have had an amazing relationship, but long term I don't see it." Which is exactly how I saw it too. Because of the variable of where am I going to be.


Love can come at the wrong time and you have to make choices. If I acutually love her I don't want her to EVER regret.


But the sub problem is I use to be much more alpha: independent, leader, made decisions, and never thought twice. Over the last 3 months as the D-Day has come down. I have been more needy, clingy, and asking for her exceptance. All turn offs. So I am now in an issue where I realize wow. This girl meant a TON to me.

We didn't have a nasty breakup. It was on the phone the day she was flying to NYC. Does she love me. Sure.... But, sometimes love is not enough. So I am in the process of gettin my life back together and making myself worth look better. Like it use to be. It will also make my interviewing better. Next I am trying to distance myself from her a little. I have to pass these exams. It is hard when I am wondering is she going to call or text.


But, I dont know about test messages and should I respond or does that make me look like an ass if i dont.

A relationship is more than just location and turn-ons. You mention being "alpha" multiple times, but that doesn't mean that you must act in a certain way if it's not you. If that is what attracted her in the first place, then it means that she liked what you did and not who you were. If you want to take the logical approach: You are doing well for yourself already, even if it's not at the same pace as hers. You are still pursuing your goals. The breakup has a "business deal" vibe to it. It's like she's feeling you out, seeing what you have to offer, while you are trying to sell yourself while getting what you want as well. Is that the case or am I missing the point?

Is this the one thing you are over looking or am I confused?

If she doesn't know that in one month you may very well pass and be going there how would she think anything else?

Could it be that you aren't telling her this variable incase there is an odd chance you "fail"?

I think if she knew you were coming "for sure" this break up wouldn't be happening.

My guess is you are thinking of how to keep her on the backburner until yu succeed.

Stop putting your studies off wondering how to keep her on the backburner. Just get to studying, passing, moving forth and let her know what you are doing without promising her and let her decide for herself if she wants to wait for you.

I agree with you.... Gymgirlie, I am afraid to tell her I am moving to NYC. Because I am trying to figure out if it would be for her or best for me. The more I think about it for my career it is not a wrong call to go to NYC, I have an offer in TEXAS. But, Texas is not me. I agree I have not told her with 100% I am moving there and shown her movement. I have told her, but I think declining this offer and telling her after labor day I am moving there.

I don't know if it backburner, I just don't want to fail and then not be able to move there. I have to realize I am smart enough I can get a job. Act as if. Make the move. If you never risk, you have never won....


Relationships are totally about locations only about 1% of long distance relationships work.


The breakup is because I have not made up my mind and taken charge of my life outcome. I guess I need to do so... It has put a rift in our relationship.....


I though think the break is good. It is showing me how passionate about her and her efforts to succeed.

I guess i will contunue studying like I do for 10-12 hours a day.


But when she texts me should I text back. Still I want to know that.

It has been 36 hours since I conacted her wow this is really hard to break the contact....

The one mistake you can make is not tell her and let her move on.

Why would you give up a great future together?

If the woman loves you, whats a few months waiting for the man she loves?

I don't think letting her move on is about her so much as about you and certain fears.

Sometimes people stare at life like its a movie.

Like, you are going to study, pass, get the job, move and then show up with the pearly whites and the sparkling gleam in your eye.

The problem with movies is that they delete those scenes of how long that actually takes in reality.

If you do not keep a real person informed.

She may think otherwise and imagine you get there and she had no reason to wait and she moved on.

But then isn't it great if she left him for you?

Only in the movies.

In real life.
Jealousy and mistrust would move in.

But would you even admit then that it was you that let her hang?

Life isn't like the movies.

Real life takes hard dedicated work, honesty discipline and focus.

Whether its the gym or a relationship.