The Advice Guide for the Cheated!

Below I will list several hypothetical questions/scenarios. If it happens to fit your particular situation or sounds similar..then my job is done. So..lets get to it!

1. My spouse of x years has cheated on me..why?

For those that identify with the above..you have to understand that it is not so much the why. Someone like myself can never tell you why exactly. Its all situational and as we are party to..we never can give an absolute. However, instead of asking why. You should ask how. Many people cheat. This is the way of many relationships. But you have to first get your mental state in check. You have to KNOW that it is not your fault. Maybe you think..I was always moody...jealous..etc. It doesnt matter. You have to KNOW that the person that did this to you is a coward. He/She decided to cheat on you as opposed to sitting down with you and discussing the issues in the relationship. So instead of asking why..like you have done something..ask how could they have done that...and WHY they didnt come to you and discuss your relationship before making such a disrespectful decision.


2. Should I try and work it out after he has cheated on me?

Honestly no one can tell you what to do. Again it is all situational. But I can give advice on what you could do.

Personally I wouldnt give that person the satisfaction. I would however sit down with them and ask them their reasons for doing so...just so I could resolve my own opinion on the matter...but no I wouldnt work it out. It takes a person a seriously lack of respect and love to cheat. Usually someone will cheat believing they can indulge their own selfish desires and never get caught. When the fact of the matter is...they are cowards. A lot of times the excuse for such action is.."oh you never give me attention" or "we never have sex anymore" and maybe even "our relationship has gotten stagnate". And then surprisingly in many situations they try and rectify the situation saying they messed up..but that they love you. Its garbage. No other way around it. They messed up but in their mind it was that they got caught. If you let them weasel their way back in..odds are it will happen again. Now dont get me wrong..to be fair..as I must..unfortunately..sometimes a male or female that cheats..generally feels horrible and realizes what they have done. This is where the situational decision comes into play. But to be perfectly honest..when it comes to my own marriage..I dont care if she groveled for months...its over. Plain and simple. Because when your love makes that decision then they admit in action their disrespect for your feelings. You can always tell their excuses are bogus and bullshit answers because their excuse always involves something that you as a couple could have sat down and worked out. If they actually cared they would have talked it out. Thusly if they cheated instead of talking to you about the problems..clearly they are over the relationship. And the only reason they would try and rectify the situation is because they want someone to be with..but still be allowed to go wild every once in a while behind their back.

3. I broke up with my love after he/she cheated on me but I cant get them out of my mind!

Unfortunately this is the way of things. Someone will always feel this way in a situation like this. Either the person that screwed up and cheated and then realized their stupidity or the person cheated on that was blindsided.

What is important to remember is that you the person in agony over the breakup were the one disrespected and crushed. Of course you miss the person because you were seemingly the only one that cared about the relationship. But, and this is easier said than done..you need to let it go. There are 6 billion people on this planet. If you truly know your worth than you will not tolerate someone treading all over your emotions.

People say that all of the time..but its true. I have known girls that were never happy and our relationship has grow stagnate. But I made the right decision and talked to them about it..and in most instances we went our separate ways. Now in a cheating situation..you have to truly understand the underlying reason that this person cheated. They cheated because they didnt care for you anymore. They dont actually love you, they dont respect you, and they didnt want to be with you at all for that space in time. So to be blunt "screw em". You have to have the courage to look inward and understand that you as a person can find and will find someone that will treat you as you deserve. You put your heart and soul in a relationship and it backfired. But that doesnt mean there isnt that perfect person that can likewise shower you with all the love you show them. So you just have to let it go. Again easier said then done but it has to happen in order for you to fully open your eyes to the possible opportunities you may encounter.


In closing I would like to say this and only this. Life is very short. We have but a brief existence on this planet and with other people. DO NOT waste what precious time you have sacrificing your happiness to someone that could careless. Instead spend all those wasted tears and fears directed at living life and when you do find the person you are looking for...all of the past heartache and grief will seem stupid. Because when you are truly in love..you know it. Because you know that person loves you whether you are mad, angry, a little crazy, happy, sad, depressed.

A true love cannot exist without the other. So if your love is able to cheat on you...easy answer..he isnt the one. Because as I said..a true love could never get bored and could never entertain even the slightest thought of having an affair.

Thanks for reading and look for more.
You may pm me if you have a particular situation you would like to discuss on any topic.

Joe aka Bumbadawg