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Have you ever read The Rules Book? If you haven’t been lucky enough to have read The Rules Book and you’re currently dating, get a copy fast. One of the biggest mistakes women (and teenage girls) make today is approaching men they find attractive first.
Let’s face it you rationalize, it’s 2010. Why can’t a woman go up to a man and ask him to dance or ask him for his phone number? Why can’t we just say “hi” to them?
The Rules Book tells you why. No matter how much women refuse to accept this natural laws of the species - man pursues woman. Biologically, men are wired to hunt.
By talking to a man first, you kill his desire to chase you. Men love a challenge. By giving him your phone number to him so easily, texting him, asking him out and making excuses to be around him, it makes men lose their animal drive - and their interest in you.
A man must spot you and make the effort to come to your side of the room and introduce himself. You might think this is old fashioned, but it works. Why? Because it’s true! If you make the chase too easy, he’ll lose interest. By talking to a man first, you won’t know if he’s just being polite or if he is really, really crazy about you and must have your number.
Here are some common excuses women use to talk to men first:
- He told me to call him some time
- He told me he needed the name of a good massage therapist
- He hasn’t called me and I wanted to make sure he didn’t lose my telephone number
- I just moved and forgot to give him my new cell
- I just wanted to say “Hi”
Listen girls, if you want your relationship to start out right, you need to follow these 10 basic rules:
- Be a creature unlike any other
- Don’t talk to a man first (don’t ask him to dance)
- Don’t look at men or stare at them (dead giveaway you like them)
- Don’t go dutch on a date
- Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday
- Always end the date first
- Be busy sometimes when he calls
- Don’t call him and rarely return his calls
- Don’t stay on the phone longer than 10 minutes with him
- Always end phone calls first
Now, I know I’m going to get a lot of flack for giving these pointers out, but I assure you - behaving in the above way will have your man eating out of your hand. You’ll never have to worry about him chasing your best friend.
You’ll also never hear him say, I need space when you follow these time tested secrets of capturing the heart of Mr. Right. Read The Rules Book and start dating with dignity.
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Im sorry Shalisa but writing as a man..i find all that hard to take…if a women i liked did all that to me i would think she wasnt interested and would find it a bit barriered…i know also a lot of men are shy and feel intimidated by women so all that stuff up there could cause a man who a women actually wanted to just let her be and she could in fact be missing out on the man of her dreams…
* Be a creature unlike any other
* Don’t talk to a man first (don’t ask him to dance)
* Don’t look at men or stare at them (dead giveaway you like them)
* Don’t go dutch on a date
* Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday
* Always end the date first
* Be busy sometimes when he calls
* Don’t call him and rarely return his calls
* Don’t stay on the phone longer than 10 minutes with him
* Always end phone calls first
all of this apart from the first one would send signals to me that she either :
a)wasn’t interested and was just going along for the ride
b)the girl is so self centred it is unbelievable
c)wasn’t receptive to my advances and the thing is a waste of time
Let me put it this way…the book was probably written by a women
Its women who like being chased…men really find it tiresome
most men deep down are hopeless romantics just go and read a few threads on here most have had their hearts ripped out and fed to them by their beloveds
Rather than devising a plan on how to catch a man id suggest you do the exact opposite to what is written here and actually show a man you do care and you do like him…he’ll be far more receptive and you’ll probably have a much more enjoyable time SHARING THE MOMENT!
(Just an opinion from a man who absolutely hates this sort of manipulation by women!)
If a women did all this to me i for one would certainly not be eating out of her hand…i would be telling her to pull her head from her ass! My advice to women would be this… Burn the rule book and follow your heart for guidance it can tell you a lot more about Love than your mind…
Hi Crash. I totally respect your opinion. I totally expected this. Well, actually, it’s my own experience of doing it this way (I used to wear my heart on a sleeve) that made me convinced that the only way to weed out Mr. Wrong was by implementing these strategies. I’ve read a lot of posts on here about guys and girls getting hurt. But one thing is for sure:
As soon as the woman starts acting hard to get, the man is interested. Men say they hate manipulative games but that’s not what you guys respond to. Men love a challenge - that goes for women too, not just football games and corporate takeovers.
Just my observation:)
just a thought, to a point sure it can get a man challenged. but what if the guy is just a gamer and loves the challenge? sure he’ll push at far as it gets until he gets the prize, but when all things are said and done dont you think he will look for new interests that will give him that challenge again? how will the girl feel now? sure some men may stick it out knowing full well that they worked hard for these, but during this process dont you think men will also look for signs that woman is also interested? honestly i tried to play that game once, and you know what? we got together and in the end she left me for another. i guess im the only one that proved my worth.
i dont know, to me these are all part of the game, as for me, i dont play into these stuff. i dont like approaching women out of the blue, im more of the "if i meet someone through another friend or because of work, then so be it, if not then i just continue living". i just take things at face value and no game playing. it could be boring but thats me, i dont like the complications. if you dont want me then i wont force myself, if you do then lets both see where it goes as time passes by. i’ll be respectful, open and honest and i expect the same as well…again no games.
then again maybe your right Shalisha, but getting the man is no assurance you’ll also be getting a meaningful relationship. :) plus if the woman keeps hiding with these tips what assurance also does a guy have that the woman is worth fighting and loving for? :)
in the end maybe what crash states "so all that stuff up there could cause a man who a women actually wanted to just let her be and she could in fact be missing out on the man of her dreams…" could also hold true. :)
Well, actually, it’s my own experience of doing it this way (I used to wear my heart on a sleeve) that made me convinced that the only way to weed out Mr. Wrong was by implementing these strategies.
Honey from my point of view this is not weeding out Mr. Wrong…this is all about putting off Mr. Right…and attracting Mr. Wrong..
Its ok for a man to have confidence…but for a man to get through all of that red tape..he’d have to be an egomaniac who fancied himself more than he does you…that level of confidence is for people full of themselves who as jamessydon posted ARE up for a challenge and as he rightfully says if thats what you want and that is what you perceive as you Mr Right..then fine…but you will have just brought two game players together and that is not a good setting for any realtionship to develop from and i could be wrong but it is surely destined to be short lived..
I know you’ve been burned Shalisha and you dont want that sort of thing to happen again…God we’re all looking for the way to not get hurt again but i feel this information is bringing about more barriers than it helps break down and things are hard enough to get right in relationships…ive been burned a few times myself cos i wear my heart out in the open…but why should i change who i am because others don’t appreciate that?? I love being me, i know im generous, i know i’m kind, considerate, caring, gentle, rough (whichever you want me to be rrrr..ha) and i would gladly bring elements of fairytale to a ladies life if she made me aware that she would be receptive to SHARING THAT…
i don’t want to have to jump through hoops to be able to do that…and maybe ive learned a lot through my broken relationships, but only to make me stronger in realising what i am doing wrong and how i can rectify that in me and can be the best possible ME.
…I know when i was wrong in a relationship because i take a look at myself…and if my biggest mistake be told its because i hold myself back in fear of being hurt….when truly i should open up MORE NOT LESS…I should have been treating the girls in my life like this all my life, but i didnt know did i? They didnt tell me what they wanted, they held it back expecting me to know….
If i would have knew i would have realised how a lady should and wants to be treated from the word go…the full 360 degrees not just a little rough and no tenderness…not just tenderness and no rough if ya gets my drift…2 way communication is key! Its VITAL!
i think awareness of your other halfs feelings and communication about it have to be the two singlemost factors in creating a stable relationship..and that HAS to come from revealing your feelings NOT hiding them! The game that is being played out above is actually dishonest and concealed and no one actually wins.
i swear this much, if you want a man whos caring and has emotion to burn for you…be soft, sweet and caring with him and he will actually reveal if he is the man you want and from there your wildest dreams could well come true…its called intimacy, its where TRUE passion lies and it starts with things like EYE CONTACT! If you dont give that as a women, my lord, what are you missing out on???
Girls don’t be standoffish please, i like a woman who knows what she wants and aint afraid to tell me…THAT is a real woman…its like Olivia Newton John in Grease…when she realises what she wants and goes all out to grab it! and well THATS ELECTRIFYING AND NO MAN COULD RESIST IT!!!
Its then a mans job then to give her the world! And if he’s a REAL man….that will be alls he wants to do!
If i wrote a book, it would be the complete opposite of that one you have quoted from…
Hi James. I totally see what you’re saying. There really are no guarantees in life. But a man is not going to work that hard for a girl he is just gaming… in my humble opinion.
Crash: The beauty of this forum is that everyone is entitled to share their own experience. Thank you so much for your valuable feedback.
"But a man is not going to work that hard for a girl he is just gaming." - how i really wish this was true (my female best friend was a victim of such a case unfortunately, though they lasted for i think a year or so but in the end the guy fooled around). :) actually it also falls the same for the girls that play as well, thats why i’d rather keep it simple and no games. :) but thats what being human is all about, figuring things out and learning. :)
What ever happened to the good old fashioned "just be yourself" situation? I mean in all honesty, why would you pretend to be something that you are not in order to appease to the opposite sex?
In a woman’s point of view, I agree that there are a few things that us as women could be a little more conscious of and go about certain things in a more tactful manner. (I swear I am not generalizing) However, I strongly believe that if you go out with someone and you just be who you are and it doesnt work out. Well it just wasnt meant to be!
I would rather have someone know that I am huge nerd, I quote movies, im extremely blunt, that I do in fact wear the ol heart on my sleeve and that I like to laugh at retarded parts of movies in the middle of a crowded theater, etc. And have that other person like me for who I am and not for the facade that I have created. What you see is what you get. End of story. And if you dont like me? Well I guess thats tuff titties and you should move along.
The one thing that people should strive to acheive for in life in regards to up and coming relationships is that genuine natural human attraction to someone. I mean the type of attraction that is unexplainable to yourself. That is the type of person you want to persue opposed to wasting your time. Because I think we can all agree that we have been on dates where in the back of your mind youre thinking "Yeah, this isnt going to work. Not even as friends."
The inner workings of myself goes as follows, if I go on a date with a man and find that there are a few things that irk me (that I potentially know would cause problems down the road) I cut ties immediately. Why prolong the inevitable because you clearly werent feeling it with this person to begin with.
But to touch back to the original point, I feel that following a list of rules to instigate an attraction that should already be there in beginning is unnecessary. It seems like it could potentially help the ladys who cant handle their emotions, or excitement. haha But as Crash said, it also shows a huge lack of interest and conveys the wrong message to opposite sex.
Hi. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be yourself. The point of the Rules is “less is more.” You don’t show your hand too soon. That’s what happens to women too often. They tell their whole life story on the first or second date, the guy gets bored and leaves. You have to leave something for them to look forward to. In time (WHEN HE COMMITS TO YOU) you can be yourself completely. Until then, he should only get bits and drabs of you.
I tell you, the more I read posts on this forum about heartbroken women, the more I see that if they would have waited and not given the guy everything all at once (emotions, sex, commitment) before they even could trust the guy, and before the guy proves he is trustworthy and worthy of their love, commitment and sex, they always get slammed. I know. This is a very hard concept because we are no longer in the 50s. There’s a new kind of thinking out there… that women can let it all hang out on the first few dates, sleep with a guy too soon, get emotionally “deep” too soon and still have his assurances. Inevitably, the guy finds a way to show he’s a creep and/or breaks up with the girl.
My point is, the Rules teach you how to take it slow. The guys that only want you for sex or end up misers will be weeded out immediately with this method. Of course, these women can continue to do what they do - and get the same results - heartbreak!
hhmmm just wondering, what about on the guy’s end? in this forum including myself how do we also get that assurance especially us that has been on the receiving end of such "heartbreak"? a lot of the heartbreaked ones are guys here too right? you mentioned "(WHEN HE COMMITS TO YOU) you can be yourself completely", well, how then can a guy know if the woman is also sincere if this should be the case?
again just wondering on your thoughts … :)
somehow at the end of the day, i still believe it will still boil down to sincerity of both parties… honesty, respect, trust and love…no games.
oh yeah, i forgot to add i hope im not making this topic a battle of the sexes. :) im just simply wondering about your thoughts on the matter Shalisha, nothing more. :) im also taking things at face value from your post and what your take should be on the guy. :)
just so you know i value very much on equality. :)
I like to laugh at retarded parts of movies in the middle of a crowded theater, etc.
that sounds like me….haaa…do you throw popcorn too..lol
Haha Being myself, eliminates "guys who only want me for sex or misers".
Im straight up, and im realistic. And thats the best way to go about it. Like Jamessydon posted "it boils down to sincerity of both parties… honesty, respect, trust and love… No games"
Well put mt friend.
Shalisha I agree to extent with you though. There is a plethora of heart broken ladies on this forum and I believe that some of them could honestly use your information as a subtle reminder to themselves or a slight guide if you will they may be in a better position than they currently are in.
However, heartbreak is inevitable. You put yourself out there with high hopes, a strong heart and unconditional trust. Thats the risk you are willing to take in the hopes of seeking out love and a companion. In addition to that, we dont choose who we fall in love with lol and we all make mistakes in order to learn from them.
Some make the same mistakes over and over again until they hit that point, some get burned once and learn right away, some people learn the hard way (haha This girl) and some people NEVER learn. All we can do (such as your post) is be there for the heartbroken (MALE or female ;)) and provide that web of support. Because honestly, if you never experienced anything bad how would you know when something is really good?
Jamessydon, there is quite a few heartbroken lad’s on this forum aswell! And I would also like to read some insight (Shalisha) on what a man should do in regards to a fresh relationship. :)
Crash - I am a popcorn flinging machine! haha
And when I say I laugh at the retarded parts, no one else is laughing. haha ;)
Good times.
Hi James - valid point. I love this thread!
Okay guys, listen up. Here’s how you know a girl is sincere and she really likes you - it really is simple:
1. She is friendly but not too eager towards you on dates
2. She says yes to you when you ask her out on a date IN ADVANCE (not that last minute nonsense you guys pull when you can’t get someone else you really wanted)
3. She’s affectionate (after getting to know you)
4. She smiles at you on the date not just with her mouth but with her eyes
5. She keeps going out with you - that is until you do something stupid
6. She opens up to you slowly - but surely
7. She is nice to you on dates
Here’s how you know she doesn’t want you:
She repeatedly says "no" to you when you ask her out as early as Monday for a Saturday night date.
Okay - But since the premise of the Rules is that man pursues woman, we have to assume that you guys are behaving in a gentlemanly fashion.
On another note: Yes, a lot of guys on here are getting burned, but from what I’ve been reading that’s because they are picking girls/women who are unstable and shady to begin with. So far, I’ve read about girls who are lying and cheating on their boyfriends.
LASTLY - This goes for everyone - DON’T BE A REBOUND PERSON. It will never work. Some of you guys are going with girls who just got out of relationships. No wonder you’re getting hurt. Just because a girl breaks up with a guy 3 months ago, doesn’t mean her heart is not still with the other guy - especially if they dated a year or more.
So you guys are going with girls/women who are really only picking you on the rebound - THAT’S why you’re also getting hurt! Keep that in mind.
1. She is friendly but not too eager towards you on dates
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This girl is cool..ok!
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2. She says yes to you when you ask her out on a date IN ADVANCE (not that last minute nonsense you guys pull when you can’t get someone else you really wanted)
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Bit sexist that, ive known girls to do exactly the same
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3. She’s affectionate (after getting to know you)
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Shes Affectionate WHILST getting to know me
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4. She smiles at you on the date not just with her mouth but with her eyes
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She is smiling constantly because she knows how great i actually am! And i am smiling back because she is HAPPY!
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5. She keeps going out with you - that is until you do something stupid
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Okay look i did a stupid thing but i realise my error and it wont crop up again are we over it?? You won’t beat me with it like a big stick??
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6. She opens up to you slowly - but surely
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WOAH thats hot girl just the way i likes it…lol
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7. She is nice to you on dates
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If she weren’t i wouldn’t be there
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Ha…
this is kindda ironic i think. a girl/woman that wont show her true self based on such rules so she can get the right guy as you would say. but hows then would this solve your other statement:
On another note: Yes, a lot of guys on here are getting burned, but from what I’ve been reading that’s because they are picking girls/women who are unstable and shady to begin with. So far, I’ve read about girls who are lying and cheating on their boyfriends.
Now if lets say for the sake of noting it, i pursue such a woman that follows such rules (or guidelines) how then will i know her sincerity? how then will a guy know as you would say are not "lying and cheating on their boyfriends".
and can you imagine how the guy would feel if he struggled to all of the rules to prove his love, won her heart (or thought he did), valued her for dear life just to end up being lied to in the end? do you think this good natured person who gave up everything will do it again if assuming he meets someone that follows such rules again? dont you think this would be such a sad fate for a guy? (honestly this is whats happening to my best friend now, heck he even got married to her only to be fooled around because, and i witnessed it, she was so used to following such rules, she got lost in it and never showed her true colors until they got married). now my friend tries to go on dates but to this day, he thinks every woman that likes to play this game is not trust worthy enough. and not because he is my friend, but really i have nothing bad to say about this guy, he really gave it his all, would you believe the woman even ran away and cleaned up his bank account? and trust me on this, she was your typical girl next door type, guess again. poor fellow.
As for the rebound thing, well your spot on, that falls for everyone, not just guys but everyone. :)
my personal point of view: i show myself completely no hidden agendas, no lies, no games. and i expect from my future partner to be the same. if she likes me, then lets see, if not then life moves on. but i guess i said that before already. :)
LOL, Crash you are funny! I love this thread.. very insightful!!
James: He wouldn’t waste his time because you would know long before that she didn’t like you because she would constantly reject you if she didn’t like you.:) Get it?
OK, i’d like to give the point of a guy who dates. A LOT.
Firstly. We go dutch. I always make it clear to a girl that if i pay for everything, it insinuates to her that i am after something, which i am not. And i am a high status guy with a lot going for him, and many potential suitors. If we start off on an even kiel , we go out as friends. We take sex, agenda and whos paying for what off the table, then we can relax and have good time.
And you know , in human behaviour. Investment and value is the key. I have asked many of my female friends this and they said that because they had invested in the date, they felt more prone to seeing it through , and respected my value as a male.
Ladies, i know you can find a guy who will buy you roses, spend money on lavish dinners and puruse you. But is that what you want? Are these guys really the type of man that you are attracted to, ones with limited options who bombard the first woman they meet with bribes to get her into a relationship.
If i can lay my cards on the table and say that i have a lot going for me, im happy with who i am, and if you want to hang out and be a part of that, lets do that. But im not buying your time :) That will create more attraction than some guy who doesnt know you, treating you like a princess.
And by the way, im not saying i wouldnt buy dinner, but i need to know the woman is someone i WANT to buy dinner for, that wouldnt happen unless i got to know them :)
Shalisha: "He wouldn’t waste his time because you would know long before that she didn’t like you because she would constantly reject you if she didn’t like you.:) Get it? " please connect with what i said, about my friend that got fooled (take note though he was robbed, he was not a rich guy, just your typical hard working guy). he was not rejected, they even got married, but in the end to her it was just all a game. at the end of the day, a game is just a game. sure there are pros, but thats just to the player. i still feel men and women should just be themselves, slowly opening up to what they they feel, no need to follow such guidelines or rules of engagement (just be smart not to open up faster than the speed of light of course, but both should be gradual as the relationship progresses). both should at the same time learn to prove their or worth. both should learn to trust and understand and love one another. relationships to me isnt a game but reality and should be treated as such with respect to one another if not for being the opposite sex, but for simply just being human beings.
My main point being this: i am old fashioned in a way, and i agree a man should at least start first, heck i also agree that men should buy dinner for women (i was born with that culture so it doesnt bother me regardless who the woman is). but to instill in everyone here that "Biologically, men are wired to hunt" then that even gives more fear to women because when the hunt is over, win or lose, if such is true "Biologically" then the natural order of things would be for him to hunt for the next prey. all you did was get the best hunter so to speak, (and the best hunter will always love to hunt) but never knowing if he is the best partner.
men and women are created equal, history even points to women constantly proving this up to this day. why dont we just treat it as such, lets just all be a little bit smarter so we dont get burned in the process, by getting to know the other person more with no hidden rules. take everything slowly and easy. you see, the book tends to be one sided for the female only (well from the opening of this thread at least), i only commented here for the reason of how will this fare with men. how will this be equalized.
Crash made this point: i know also a lot of men are shy and feel intimidated by women so all that stuff up there could cause a man who a women actually wanted to just let her be and she could in fact be missing out on the man of her dreams. No equality here, no reality.
Such equality and true self i think is shared by the others such as high strung betty: would rather have someone know that I am huge nerd, I quote movies, im extremely blunt, that I do in fact wear the ol heart on my sleeve and that I like to laugh at retarded parts of movies in the middle of a crowded theater, etc. And have that other person like me for who I am and not for the facade that I have created. What you see is what you get. End of story.
and JamieUk: If i can lay my cards on the table and say that i have a lot going for me, im happy with who i am, and if you want to hang out and be a part of that, lets do that. But im not buying your time :) That will create more attraction than some guy who doesnt know you, treating you like a princess.
You said: Hi. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be yourself. The point of the Rules is “less is more.” You don’t show your hand too soon. (in most cases true, even in business this is a fact) That’s what happens to women too often. - again it is not just for women but for men as well.
it all boils down to what you said actually " There really are no guarantees in life." thats why treat it as such with equal billing to both men and women. maybe bacause im a guy thats why i have been commenting here, but for me, i am a person who treats everyone with equality and dignity, willing to show my true colors despite it being ugly or what, i really expect the other to do the same. if i smell something off (be it playing this game or whatever) i dont want it anymore. i learned from that mistake all too well.
But im not buying your time :) That will create more attraction than some guy who doesnt know you, treating you like a princess.
And by the way, im not saying i wouldnt buy dinner, but i need to know the woman is someone i WANT to buy dinner for, that wouldnt happen unless i got to know them :)
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I reckon your just tight…lol
sorry bud but i reckon i must in a different class.im not flash but id always buy dinner and it wouldnt matter to me if they decided to piss off at the end of the night without even a thank you…i just like giving..i dont expect things back just because i choose to give…and i also reckon EVERY women deserves the princess treatment even if shes an utter utter cow! at the end of the day as long as your living in reality and living the dream i dont see how all these rules apply! Go with the natural flow of things…get in Loves slipstream dudes…its free ya know and everyones a princess and as far as that book gos all guys are assholes, so that at least gives me a fighting chance…lol ha