Tired Of Tears
This is my first post about my situation...I dont have a question. I know what has to be done. I just needed to tell my story.
When I met Don I was married for 8 years and he was separated. My relationship with my husband was bad. I did not love him anymore. We were not having sex (18 mos and barely kissing). We do not have kids together.
Don’s wife of 14 years left him at her parents house with two children (7 and 12) to be with a 70 year old man. She was 36 at the time. I met Don 4 months after his wife left them. We met at work. He spoke to me first. It was obvious to him that I liked going to the gym and he was a pro bodybuilder. So we made a date to workout together. It was the best workout I had ever had. We met several more times at the gym. We were enjoying each others company very much. Meanwhile I moved out of my new house with my husband and he filed for divorce. Don moved out from his wife’s parents place. His kids were now completely confused I am sure. Their Mom was with a much older man and Dad has moved to a tiny one bedroom apartment. Don is a good Dad and was so devastated to leave them but could not remain with his in-laws. His wife was not spending much time with the children at all. The grandma was waking them up every morning, making them breakfast, driving them to school and picking them up. Their Mom according to Don has never really been involved with the day to day tasks of raising children. She relied on her Mom to do all those things. Grandma even washed all of her clothes and made dinner every night.
Don and I began a love affair. We fell very deep in love. We were so attracted to each other too. Sex was really over the top. We worked out together everyday, we enjoyed each others company and it didnt matter what we were doing. We talked the same, We ate the same kinds of food, we liked the same things. We never had a disagreement. For the first time in our lives we had found someone that we could be ourselves. We were so good together. I fell so deeply in love with him. I would have done anything for him.
For the next 18 mos we were together nearly every day. When I would ask about him about getting a divorce, his excuse was that he had talked to his wife about it and they could not come to an agreement on child support or custody and that he knew it was going to be a battle. He said he had done nothing wrong and that she should be the one to hire the lawyer and pay to file etc,,, Don assured me more than once that he didnt love her and he was never going back to her.
He talked about her so bad. That when he met her in college and decided he wanted to date here, that a mutual friend advised Don not to. That she had F***d the whole baseball team. He did not listen. Don ended up getting her pregnant so they got married. She wanted to move back to her Moms so she could help her with the baby. He also said that while they were married she got her massage therapy license and began doing in home private massages. He said he was always a little suspicious of her. He said that he gave her his paycheck every week and she worked two jobs yet always had credit card debt and no money for a down payment on a house. She always drove an expensive car, got breast enlargement and shopped all the time. Don worked and went to the gym. The rest of his time was spent raising his daughter. His wife got pregnant again 7 years later with their son.
After about 6 mos into our relationship, Don began to bring his children around me. After about three months of casual meetings with them they began to come over to my house with their Dad. I began to love them too. I was ready to accept everything Don was bringing to the table. I wanted it. I met his parents and siblings. His family loved me and they all told me how they would never forgive Dons wife for what she had done.
Then it happened...Don’s wife broke up with her old man lover. She began telling Don that she wanted their life back and wanted her family back. She started telling their daughter to ask Don to try again with their Mom. It began to wear on Don’s emotions. He decided that he would give it another try. However, he did not bother to tell me all of this until he had slept with his wife again and got her pregnant. He was acting strange one day, heavy texting and decided last minute that he was gonna meet his wife at his apartment to retrieve their daughter but that he would be back. After several hours of not hearing from him and late at night, I drove to his apartment and there sat her car. I knew it was over.
I confronted him the next day and he admitted everything that had been going on. He told me that he loved me and that he wished I was their Mom. He said he wanted to see his kids everyday and that his wife would not be cooperative with flexible visitation if he divorced her for me. He said he needed some time and space from me and her to figure out what he was going to do. However; he only left me alone for about three weeks. He said that it was probably not going to work out with him and his wife and that he did not want to lose me. So he began coming over to my house. That lasted about 5 days until his wife pulled up in my driveway with the kids in tow and began to physically and verbally abuse him for being at my house. That is when she told me that she was pregnant. He had not told me. She told him that it was over and that he would never see his kids. She even got their daughter to text him and say “I hate you!” You left us for Her” He was crushed. His daughter later admitted that her Mom made her say all that stuff and that she didnt mean it.
So now he has told his wife that him and I are over and that he is going to buy a house for them. He told me that he felt like he needed to try again and that his kids deserve a house with both parents. He says it is all for his kids and now since she is pregnant that he feels like he could not bare not seeing the baby everyday. He says he has no other choice.
He text me every now and then and says Hello but they have gotten farther and farther apart. I have not been the same. I have literally cried some every day since he officially ended it in August. I have let him go but I am very sad. My tears are pouring right now as I type. I have lost all my motivation to do anything. I can barely get myself to work everyday and I have stopped going to the gym. I dont cook anymore. Everything I do is a chore now. It doesnt help that I am alone most of the time. I have no friends or family close by. I moved to this small small town with my now ex husband three years ago. I tried going to the gym but I broke down crying on the treadmill and had to leave. I am feeling so desperate and low. I feel like even death itself would not hurt this much.
I know most of you will call me a home breaker or a cheater. I truly believed that he would get a divorce. I will never ever love this way again. It took me 40 years to find it and I doubt I will find it again in the next 40. Perhaps being alone will be my punishment for getting involved with a married man. To spend the rest of my life alone and sad.
I wish I had a good ending to this story but there is not one for me. I just hope that he is happy. That’s what i truly want for him.
Thanks for reading.