Trying to win a girl back

i was with my girl for 8 years. we broke up about 4 months ago. we have been together since college and I believed that she was the one just as she had told me. In our 7th year mark of the relationship I proposed to her and told her that I loved her and all that I have in this world is my word which I gave to her. The biggest issuse of the time was finding more time to spend with each other. I told her that we needed to talk because I wanted our upcoming marriage to last. she is a high school english teacher and I a recent med school grad waiting for residency. The whole time she is telling me that we will be together and that we will work and that I was the man of her dreams to which I felt the same. time pass and it is the summer of 08, alot of personal family issues stressing me out and her so I decide that we need to get away so I pay for a cancun getaway so the we can relax and be just us. during this period she is still saying the same thing about us being together.
with the summer ending. I still felt that we were good and thats what she was telling me. We have some minor things but nothing major like spending time. All of sept 08 was good, then on oct 18th and a week before i started to notice a change. she starte to grow distant and avoiding me. I finally found out that she had a change in heart:

She told me that she felt emotionally distant and that she didn't trust me with her heart. she didn't know that if we ad a bad tim if we could make it thru. She told me that 10-20% of me is something that she didn't want to marry or have kids with because I poisoned her and made her emotionally distant. her resoning was based on events such as in 2001 i told her to shut the hell up or in 2007 when she had to have surgery and I had just got finish dealling with my sick aunt she called and I was telling her that it was not serious though I should have listened it was not the right time because I was already stressed but she was upset that I was able to listen to my friend and give advise to which i dont remember. then she told me that I didn't respect her and that she should have stopped me a longtime ago. which i was shocked because i made me sound like a villian. she told me that she had no hope or faith and didn't want to try anymore because she has given me pleny of chances to change and that I never will because it is a part of me. i asked if we could get back together and she told me that she never wanted to get back with me because i did this

fastforward. for the past 4 months I have tried it all to get her back and some of them have been the wrong thing. I sent flowers, poems, love letters both e-mail and typed and mix love cd.for awhile she was not returning my calls or texts. we went out once for coffee and I asked her out again and she said yes. but the new year she did not call i did and went it my questions of what and why we can't make it work. I downloaded ebook on winning ur ex back and that didn't help. I talked to everyone I knew and didn't know to try and make since but they were confused as well because they couldn't make heads or tell. they said that she was either cheating or psycho.

in jan 09 i made arrangements to get the ring back. she came to my house gave the ring tried to make small talk. i pulled her towards me and I kissed her not once but twice which confused me since this is the woman who said i poisoned her and mad her emotionally distant. in feb 09 on my birthday i went to her house un invited and basically accused her of possibly cheating on me she sadi no, I told her that I hated her and she started to cry briefly the she asked me was i going to call her a bitch or a whore since i could say worst but i did not say anything in the negative name calling. then I convinced her to go and have coffeee with me. then as we had coffee i continued to push and see why sh did what she did and she continue to use the same reasoning itold her that I gave her my heart as well and my word the iasked her is she was a person of her word and she said yes but I told her she said things that didn't agree with what she told me. she said that hse loved me and that she was in love with me and as we left I kissed her again and she let me she still carries a pic of me in her wallet. then she told me that part of her was in love with me but part of her was not. I am confused. part o f me wants to fight but i don't know how. some people tell me to let het her go because it will hit her and she will try to come back but I don't believe that she will. i want to get her backbut i don't know what else to do. her wall is up she has her job and grad school to keep her busy. should i take the sign that she is not fighting for me as a sign to move on? she tells everyone that we had some problems that we couldn't work out but i asked did she tell them thestuff she told me and she said know. i would appreciate any advice

My heart goes out to you, similar situation just now i know i need to let go but i'm frightened to incase they never come. Partly you have started to let go 4 months have passed, like you my ex knows how much i love her and that in a way is the hook that keeps tugging. i waiting to see if she returns i hope and pray she does but for now i'm slowly coming to understand that the problem was maybe caused by me but the issues are with my partner. So maybe if you just tell her that you understand her feelings that your life has to move on also and you would love her to be part of that but if not thats her choice and you accept it. its cold and i'm giving you advice and i haven't done it yet myself but when i do it, i need to be strong enough to cope with the acceptance thw relationship is finally over if ex doesn't return. its like anything else the only person who help themself is them.. Sorry its probably not want you want to hear and if i could fix my own relationship i would but i can only assist her in making her final choice stay or go... I would much rather have someone who cares for me than loves me as love is fleeting

is it unattractive if you try to win a girl back

He man,

I feel with you. I have been with my EX-fiance for more then 8.5 years and she also said 5 weeks ago that she is not happy with her life and left. I also downloaded the ebook and all that stuff, but let me be honest with you: LET HER BE > no ebook or action can bring her back to you right now. Work on yourself and let time heal the wounds. I am currently also working on myself and she is distancing more by the day. If she is willing to drop you after 8 years then she is not worth it. I know you think the whole time:

Is she cheating? Is this the reason why she left me?
What if she stands in front of my door saying that she wants to make up?
Is there any way I can win her back I haven't done yet?

Those questions will kill you, because she is moving on and it's time for you to take that step. MAYBE, but that's only an assumption and you know what they say about assumptions (they are the mothers of all fuckups)she will realize what she is missing and will try to approch you gently, but let's be honest: the chance that this will happen is pretty small. I am saying this, because I know in what kind of shit we are, so please try to be strong and live for yourself. One day unexpected an amazing girl (I know what your thinking > my ex was all what I hoped for in a girl and she is/was perfect for me) will be there for you to start a new chapter with. Learn from your mistakes and make your next relationship better.

All the good luck.

Still-in-love-with-her