VERY LONG: My girlfriend broke up with me and i feel fkn confused.

Hello everyone, sorry for my bad english. I'm dutch and have hardly slept in 3 days so I hope I dont make to many mistakes.

5 days ago my gf broke up with me after 7 months.. Maybe I should tell somehing about how our relationship started first:

When we met we where roommates and at first all we did was drink coffee and have endless talks about politics, philosophy and previous relationships. In the beginning I wasnt really in love but this developed as I got to know her better. I started feeling very strong for her. After a while I asked here if she wanted to go on a date with me. That night we kissed and slept together.

After 2 weeks she told me she wasnt sure she wanted a relationship in general, because she got hurt by ex boyfriends, she appreciated her freedom. Then she said that she had binding anxiety and that it was tough for her to admitt she was in love. We decided I should step back a little and let her figure out what she wanted. When I got back everything went great and we had a great time untill a little over 2 months ago:

She came to my house (she moved to another place, because her room kind off sucked and to keep the young relationship healthy) panicking and told me she kissed with a guy but she felt really bad about it and she loved me and didnt want to lose me. My first reaction was to say that it was over and she started panicking even more and said it was the biggest misstake she had ever made, that she was drunk and it would never happen again. I forgave her but told her it might take some time for me to get over this whole thing, I also told her I might be a little more suspicious in the beginning and it was up to her to make me trust her again. The first couple off days, I felt pretty anxious and sad and sometimes I got angry inside just by looking at her. There where times where I would just pretend she wasnt there...

After about 3 weeks I started to feel better about us and I knew for sure our relationship was not over yet, she was so good to me and in fact I started loving her even more.

So last wednesday night she came to my house and told me it was over. I started crying like a baby and told her I loved her and I didnt want this to happen. I kept on asking her why and she said she was afraid she didnt love me as much as I loved her, but she was still in love with me. She said she wasnt able to show that enough and sometimes I seemed unhappy. I made her feel alot of emotions, alot more then she felt in previous relationships and that made her feel insucure and scared sometimes. Then she said she thought that this might only be for a while and that she couldnt stand the thought of missing me. But this was just for the best

I know I might have been focussing on this relationship a little to much, but because I work from home in my own hours and she still went to university and her job I was usualy the one waiting and having/making time to see her and also having time to miss her. When she was with me she often said I treaded her like a princess and we had great sex nd talks all the time. Before I met her I was looking for a job on the side to meet new people, doing more sports etc. But love gives you this feeling of completeness and makes me kind of lazy.

We just sat there for a couple off hours and we where both making jokes and it felt like she didnt just broke up with me, after a while we fell asleep in eachother arms. The next morning I woke up and I woke here up asking; do we really have to do this?, and she said she prommised herself not to give in, that she wouldnt be able to look herself in the mirror if she did. We decided she would stay till the evening and then she started crying, she said she was afraid to step out of my door because she might start regreting it to much. So I said; then why are you doing this? But she already explained.

I told her our friendship was also very important to me, but that I wasnt sure if I was able to just stay friends with someone I have those kind off feelings for, We then made the appoinement that I would see her again in 6 weeks and that we wouldnt contact eachother in between, no phonecalls, nothing. I told her I thought I understood what created her feelings, that her cheating on me also changed my view on her for a while, but that was over allready over, that I was not really happy with myself atm and that makes her insecure, and i might have been focusing on us a little to much. She agreed and I asked her if there was a chance that we came back together after those six weeks if it was going better with me and she said there was.

For the last two hours all we did was cry and in the end she said she loved me and that we would be allright, that she never had a boyfriend where she could be herself as much as with me, that she learned a lot from me in many aspects. We then said goodbye and when she walked away she was afraid to look back at me.

I then ran to the pub and started drinking till 7am. Some bad advice my father gave to me a few years ago. The next (same) day I woke up feeling absolutely horrible and I realised I called here at 8am or something in a state of half sleep, and completely drunk. I dont remember the beginning of the call but I remember I asked her; 'do you stil love me?'. She said: 'Its 12 hours ago since we broke up and I thought we had a great conversation yesterday. I didnt sleep al night either and you can't call me this whole weekend cuz im on holidays with a bunch of girlfriends, and you are drunk and tired so this is bad timing to talk anyway' *click* It feels like a big mistake I called her, cuz it shows alot of weakness. But I guess she will understand when I tell her I had half a bottle of whiskey and 6 beers.

At this moment im missing her like crazy, I'm almost unable to eat or sleep, but I regonize that from my first breakup after 4 years. The thing thats different is that I just dont know what to expect, I dont understand what it is she really wants from me and speculating about this drives me completely insane. I wont call her anymore im sure (I want it realy bad though). But thinking about those six weeks drives me nuts, I know that in 6 weeks we are gonna 'drink some cofee and we'll see what happens from there'. and I dont know what to expect from that, I probably just want to hold her when I see her, im sure. I dont feel like I can completely let go of her in the way I could if she just said: 'you're an ******. Im not in love anymore, bye'. I just want to look foreward to getting back together but then I wont ever get over her and might get hurt even more after those six weeks. I somehow, very urgently, feel the need to change things in my life and show her what i'm made off, But then im afraid Im only doing that to get her back and I will get hurt even more if we see eachother.

I'm so confused and sad atm and its a horrible combination. Is it smart to be hoping on a happy ending and focus on that? Should I send her a mail where I give her an ultimatum, tell her I realy love her but that she can't just keep me on the side like a toy or should I let the next 6 weeks just be and see what happens?

Yes, she did a bad thing by kissing someone else when she was with you, but you must do the six weeks if you are interested in being with her again. It would be better if you avoid drinking during these six weeks so that you aren't tempted to call her that easily again. This is a good time for her and you to think about what you two really want. Don't think about "happy endings" or "an ultimatum". Focus on what is happening now and think about what to say in your next meeting.

Thanks for the tip. It's all so confusing. I spend the last 2 hours with my phone in my hand, ready to call her. I dont even know what to say and i'm sure she will respond that we talked about it allready. I wont call, just want to. I wont be whining about how I miss her or something. I got a big assignment that I should finish before thursday and i cant concentrate, missing her is driving me crazy and My room is a fucking mess. I had a few moments where I just wanted to tell her that I have no time for this BS waiting games, and I'm not gonna wait for her. But then I'm scared to push her away and make it easy for her. I also want to tell her that I want her back but I have to change some things about myself to make her or anyone I love happy, I want to know that if those things changed she would give me another chance and I want to ask her that. But she will just respond with; we'll see. Its a dilemma between my desire and my ego. I'm scared that if I upgrade my life now it will go down the drain again in 6 weeks if she tells me she has someone else or she had a great time alone and wont take me back. I might be able to change if I know I'm not getting her back or if I know I will. Nothing feels like the right thing to do. IM so fkn tired from thinking and I cant go on like this, all she has to do is be clear to me. ppl around me say I should prepare for the worst but I cant and I dont want to. I care about her to much and really want to believe what she said to me about her feelings. I tell myself she's just confused and will see that we belong together after a while. Does anyone, who's been in this situation, know what I should expect?

I don't know what you should expect, but I'm in the same situation....I can't eat I can't sleep I'm totally fucked...and she said similar things. I'm lazy and want to be with her all the time...and therefore I'm not living my life and that sucks...somebody rip my heart out plz

OMG!... You know what? You made me cry suitcases! Im a girl, And i was the one who broke up with him. And that was exactly happened to me too!...
It breaks my heart.
As i posted something like this before...

man your preachin to the quire with your situation, i thought it followed my situation very closely. I wonder how in the world, after so many memories, and so many nights of just laying there staring into eachothers hearts that she could just up and be confused and let it all just blow away in the wind. she told me crying, how she'll never forget the memories, and she still wasnt sure yet that she wanted what she was doing by going off to enjoy her last semester of freedom with her sorority girls. The way i take it is that she wants her cake and wants to eat it too. I bet we could both agree that time heals all wounds, but on the same hand thats also not what we want. Im afraid that by letting time pass, it could very well not work in my favor. This thing just happened to me over the weekend right before college started.
I feel like in the perfect world, a little time would make her realize what she's done and indeed she may have taken us for granted. But the on the flip side its not a perfect world. I dont want to keep begging her back to reconsider her feelings, for fear of pushing her further away. But at the same time i feel like if i dont theres always that chance that time will make her just move on. It's the worst situation iv'e ever found myself in especially when i feel like she was the one who i could see myself on down the road with. Now im on my second day of classes and i just honestly dont have a clue what any of the professors are even saying becuase my heads off in a different world, and i do nothing but sit there and wonder if shes doing the same somewhere else in one of her classes. I sure pray things work out for us dubuddy, i dont guess we can do a damn thing but watch the clock go by and look forward to the day we can actually look back.

Ok, I really don't see the problem here, really? She was actually very nice to you! You have six weeks to enjoy your single life so do that.
I know you're worried that at the end of the six weeks she may not want you, but all you can do is worry. Fear is a good thing, just don't let it paralyze you.

I get all what you're saying buddy but in contrary to what "gvk" says, there is a huge problem...and that is that you are still in LOVE. I am in a very, very similar situation and I think the problem doesn't lie with you or with me or with anybody else with the same circumstances; the problem lies with these girls who take nice, loving guys for granted. Girls don't realize that if they found somebody that loves them unconditionally and strives to make them happy...then they should be thankful, but that's not the case..they usually go and fuck it up. I think part of it is that they don't know what they want. But honestly, it is their mistake and you and I shouldn't pay for it...as hard as this will sound...YOU HAVE TO MOVE ON. I know that moving on is one of the hardest things humans can possiblly do because we are comfortable with what we have and we like to stick with it...moving on to a new opportunity is terrifying because we simply don't know what to except...but we have to do it. From my experience, if a girl greatly breaks your heart once...she will do it again and again..and it will be more painful. So move on...start first by focusing on yourself...start doing things you stopped doing because you were busy with her, go to the gym...go to parks..call your guy friends and go bowling...and once you're comfortable again with yourself, keep on eye out for a nice girl that appreciates you. REMEMBER, LIFE GOES ON...SO SHOULD YOU!

I agree with LOVE. I just broke up a mth and a half ago with pretty much the same circumstances. The bad part is that she still wants to be my friend, and she smses me now and then to tell me random stuff. No disrespect to such girls but i think its in their nature to get the best of both worlds. Which is to have a nice guy to lean on at times, and yet not have the pressure of being in a relationship. Shes going to college soon so i guess that must have influenced her decision. But yes. Whoever is in this situation, you have to leave her as that, and do not be a nice guy anymore. Break off contact. People do not see what they have until its gone.

ps i know the post is really old but its just advice to anyone who has the same problem as me now