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courtesy of ThairmsIt’s the question of the millennium.
Why is the grass always greener on the other side, we’re never happy with what we have, or we’re always looking for something more? Will we ever be satisfied with our lives? Are we always going to settle?
I know other people can and must be content with their significant other, but in my own life I keep thinking there has to be more. It might be because I watched too many Disney happily ever afters as a child, or that I sincerely believe in real love. or maybe it’s because I’m only 22. Sometimes I can sound like a pessimistic woman who hates boys and relationships, but the truth is, I’m just afraid that those happily ever afters are just a fantasy.
Real love is hard to find and don’t act like we are all not looking for it. This world is obsessed with love and all that comes with it. Just look at Valentines Day. Sharing our life with someone who makes us laugh, cry, smile and frown is probably the most exiting thing we have to look forward to.
When I was a kid I looked at my parents for my first up close look at what love was like. Turns out fighting, silence, and ignoring each other was love for them. As I grew up and had my first kiss, boyfriend, “man on the moon” and so on … I took every hard earned lesson along with me.
From the first boy to the twenty third, they all have had different personalities and qualities that i either admired or hated. I never seemed to find someone who had it all. To this day I’m still wondering will I ever be happy? I have come across complete jerks and 100% gentlemen and it just wasn’t there.
What, you might ask, was I looking for? I had a great guy, loyal, honest, and treated me right, but I just couldn’t find it in me to feel excited to see him. I just “lost my love.” I keep wondering was it love in the first place? What is love and how do you know when it’s real.
Well, that’s something I haven’t even come close to figuring out yet. All I can do is trust in my self and have faith that there is more out there and as for me, I just won’t settle. OK, OK, maybe when I’m 35 and the clock is ticking, but for now I will be happy with what I have.
I’ll be happy with graduating college, having a wonderful family and friends, and for the first time in my life, happy just being me, single and alone. Once I accepted that I didn’t need a man to survive, I realized a whole new me, and that’s worth all the happily ever afters in the world.
Photo by jennifer rose
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Andi @ twentythreeboys.blogspot.com
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Andi I have to totally agree with you. I say that every person especially women need to learn to first be happy with ourselves and THEN worry about a man because once we learn to love and appreciate ourselves no man will be able to approach us without doing the same. We will not tolerate someone treating us less than we know we deserve because we’ll KNOW we can do great and be happy without them.
As for wanting what we can’t have, I say that’s where the 80/20 rule applies. It goes like this:
In most cases you will only get 80% of what you NEED and you will hardly get the other 20% that you WANT in your relationship. There is always another person (man or women) that you will meet and that will offer you the other 20% which is lacking in your relationship and 20% looks really good when you are not getting it at all in your current relationship. But the problem is that you will always be tempted to leave that good 80% that you have, thinking that you will get something better with the other 20% that you WANT. But as reality has proven, in most cases, you will always end up with having the 20% that you WANT and loosing the 80% that you really NEED and that you already had.
Read more on my blog: http://allstuffadult.blogspot.com/
I agree also. I know relationsips are never 100%, there will always be tempations and other thing going on. It’s just you have to be sure that the person in front of you is that person who will give you 80 and that you feel it with them you know? Love your comment though, it’s nice to listen to someone besides myself all the time haha.
Andi
thats some deep shit yo.
Relationship is not a Disney movie, it has up and downs as there is no perfect person there is not a perfect relationship.
OH i know that, I more meant falling in love and how do you know if it’s real. Also just chasing after things that aren’t real. Sorry if I wasn’t clearer but I think we all know that no one is perfect and neither is a relationship haha. I like the 80/20 idea.
I too am one who always looked at myself as being a fool for believing that what we see in the movies can be real and when I watch them, I used that as a gauge on what real love is all about. Not actually what I am watching in the movies but more or less the feeling that you get when all the stuff is taking place. Let’s be honest every single love story movie starts off with a conflict but, how they in the movies work through the conflict and get through it is what most people in the real world fail to do.
I can also offer this as a word of advice. I am about to be 30 and I have had that movie love feeling with only 2 people in my life, dated about 30. The absolute best way that I can describe it to you in terms you can understand is, before I would enter a relationship of some kind I would always have like a little checklist in my head of what I desired (brunette, younger than me, non smoker, etc.) and when I got to know them and found out they were not what I wanted, I would move on. NOW, when you come across someone who displays some of the qualities that you normally do not desire and for some unknown reason, those things do not bother you at all and you actually like them more because of them, then I believe you found LOVE.
Mrs. J is right, you NEED to be ok with yourself first in order to even know if it is the real thing. If you aren’t ok with yourself, then you are not ready for the real thing.
Oh yeah, those 2 people found me, I did nothing to find them,WEIRD.
Good Luck you are still so young
Thanks! I know. Now I’m just sitting back waiting and when it happens it will happen. I think I’ll just know because I still believe you can get that feeling. It just has to be real or why do we obsess over love so much in the first place? Because it’s everything you need and want, yet it’s hard to come by. I’ll be just fine until I find him. Thanks for all the great advice :)
Of course you are doing right to concentrate on graduating college first and to find someone that you really feel love for. However, as others have already mentioned, be careful when looking for the greener grass. I had my 80 percent, but went chasing the 20 percent and ended up with nothing. Now I’m married to someone that is everything I need her to be and having learned my lesson, she is all I will ever need or want. Don’t worry about a relationship right now, continue concentrating on yourself, but when you find the guy you want, don’t walk away just because you get a little bored or think something better is out there — it probably isn’t.