We are both married, in a long distance emotional affair, wa...

We are both married, in a long distance emotional affair, was in high school together, found eachother after 20yrs, live in different countries, his wife read my text, we continued after a while texting/emailing eachother. Recently he's been acting strange, limiting calls and texting, two wks ago, informed me that he want us to stop the affair, I still want him, and I am so devastated. I know many people will crucify me here with their comments, which is ok, but I cannot get over him.

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5 years ago #2
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He didnt want to sacrifice his married life, thats why he backed off. So respect his feelings and stop contacting him. And you have to move on and concentrate in your life. Do you love your husband and family?

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5 years ago #3
guest
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Thanks for your advise, I am trying to get over him, and to not contact him as you said. It's just kind of hard, but I know I'll be fine with time.

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5 years ago #4
punished
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one cannot crucify another if you have been in the same situation - I am married to a wonderful man - have been for 16 years... and formed a friendship a couple of years ago with a colleague (also happily married) which turned into an emotional affair, followed by a physical affair - something I looked down on people for previously. The pain and constant restlessness, frustration, guilt and insecurities way outweigh the happiness.... but I love him and cannot break free - I always feel if this sin is punishable the pain of the affair is punishment enough!

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5 years ago #5
guest
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Thanks for your understanding.

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5 years ago #6
Saint & Sinner
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I too, understand your pain... Whether right or wrong you are grieving the loss of a relationship. One day I simply broke down and cried...left work and spent the afternoon listening to sad songs in order to keep crying as if to wash it from my system. I then started an electronic journal...and whenever I was tempted to text or email, I wrote my feelings down. Eventually the journalling became less and less as I healed. Eventually I deleted the electronic journal. At this point I knew I was moving beyond. Anyone who says you can simply end and forget a relationship, be it 'right or wrong' does not understand that an emotional affair entails emotions and giving of ones self... Grieving must take place in order to be able to move beyond! Blessings for healing of heart, soul and mind!

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4 years ago #7
jeffro73
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No, just wait punished if the affair is so hard on you then you would of ended it already. The real punishment will start happening once it gets out(and they almost always get out in the open)and your husband, friends, family, and kids if you have any will all start looking at you in a different light and start to treat you differently. Thats the thing affairs are never just between the two involved almost always at some point loved ones get dragged in and thats when lives get ruined.

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4 years ago #8
Mrs.N
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Are you kidding me? Really! Your first mistake was getting involved! It is girls like yourself that give girls like myself a bad name. Get your own man!

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3 years ago #9
pn
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I wonder what will happen when your husband dumps you and you are left out in the cold. your friend is only having fun, he does not really want you!!! Wake up.

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1 year ago #10
No 2nd fiddle
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I'm on the receiving end of the selfishness of an emotional affair and the toll it's taken on my life. So now you will hear from a "woman scorned"! You have zero idea of the destruction and turmoil this has caused our relationship, livelihood and general wellbeing. The betrayal, lying, secretiveness that went on for over a year just destroyed an 8 year relationship! Not only did he lie to me, he lied to her. He was telling her that our relationship was bad but it was quite the opposite. (As so I thought). We were planning a wedding!!! THANK GOD I was smart enough to follow my instincts and start digging. Well... I found out about their means of communication AND (through a grapevine) the discussions they had. Sickened me to the core! Once I gathered everything... I contacted her husband and presented him with everything and exposed them both. Now SHE can deal with having her life turned upside down! I, on the other hand, dumped his lying cheating a$$! Bottom line is... No unsuspecting partner deserves this kind of betrayal...EVER! So if he is backing off from you, it's because he wants to salvage what's left of his relationship and you need to respect that and back off. If you are in love with this guy, then you need to reevaluate your relationship and let YOUR husband go so that he can find a woman that will make him a priority and not an option. It's only fair. Mine was too cowardly to let me go so he thought he could have his cake and eat it too. Nope, not in this lifetime because I come first! You need to snap out of your fantasyland and wake up to reality. My now "ex" just had a major reality check and now he lost us both. I would never in my life do this to another woman. I just can't be that evil. I can't pity you... Sorry.

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1 year ago #11
Jane
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Hi. I know you posted this question four years ago. I just Googled something about long distance relationships and this came up. I am appalled at the responses you received, criticizing you for your relationship. How truly awful; scorned women or not. No none knows what it's like to be in your shoes, to feel what you've felt, or how and why the relationship began to begin with. I'm hoping by now you are in a happy place, regardless of where that it. I just wanted to let you know that someone out there is not judging you and had I been here four years ago, I would have gladly listened to your story and given you heartfelt advice. Take care.

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6 months ago #12
Sonia
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Jane is there anyways I could contact you...
I need some advice...

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2 months ago #13
Tiredoftrying
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Wow, I'm really rather shocked that you are getting much support for how sad and bad you feel. Anyone who willingly enters into an emotional and or physical relationship with someone who is still married deserves everything they get.

That is the problem with todays society, you are selfish and immature enough to seek out and foster something that isn't yours for the taking and then ask people to understand your "situation"? Please! You're in the honeymoon phase with someone who is looking for a little relief from being an adult with responsibilities. Yes, he listens to you, yes, you have so much in common (hello...you're cheaters!). What would you say to your children (or husband) if they were doing the same thing? How would you explain this to your parents, friends, colleagues.

Grow up and stop being so selfish! That Angelina Jolie attitude won't get you a Brad Pitt, and if it does...it always ends poorly and you'll wish you had stuck it out with the person you married who thought you were worth staying with.

Reality check: marriage is hard, **** hard, and when the tough times hit, you have two choices ONLY: 1) put all your efforts into your marriage, or; 2) end it so you can go find someone else...and don't make it someone who is committed to another person! No sympathy here whatsoever.

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1 month ago #14
Bryguy
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Couldn't agree more. My wife six weeks ago was caught by me talking to a old friend she found on Facebook. In the beginning, being A year ago, told me about him. I said no worries,you guys are just friends that's cool I trust you. Well she started hiding there chit chat via text. So I busted her and she told me it was him and on our 5 year wedding anniversary she brought him up and told me I never have to be paranoid about him no more. Six weeks ago I saw her texting and I asked who it was and she said it was our son. It was blue writing. Then I saw green so I asked her who else and finally she told me it was him and she had feeling for him and wants to visit him and how I'm an amazing father, husband etc. She says sorry and she doesn't want anyone to get hurt and this wasn't supposed happen and I told her it's not to late to turn back. I forgive her if she wants forgiveness. She said she just can't let him go. My heart broke right then. So now it's been six weeks and she says when drunk she wants her cake and eat it too and she loves me just the same as she loves him. I told her we need counseling and she says shes fine. A week later she has some drinks and told our 17year old son. Wish she never did that. He and our 19 year old daughter have disowned her. I still love her so much but also know the family will suffer if she makes tje wrong choice. Our kids are her biggest means of happiness. So sad she did this. Swore to her over 12 years ago firm an intimate moment that I would never make her look like a fool and dishonor her and she just did it to her self. I don't deserve this. My family don't deserve this. She is selfish beyond imagine and will end up very alone one day. Planning on document in my reason for leaving for a week to show her what life is like without me. We have a ten year old so it's very very hard for me to lie to her about what I'm doing and where I'm going. Just another big thanks to my wife for putting me in this position. Thanks for reading....so much more to say. Could go all day.

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1 month ago #15
Rc
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Sonia/Jane,

I also wouldnt mind advice. I too reconnected witha HS boyfriend and cant stop thinking about him.

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1 month ago #16
bundy
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I know what your going through if you really love her do what you got to but i would find that **** and beat the **** out of him

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