Weird relationship

Hello All
I'm new but I need some advice from a very matured older person. Seriously no foolishness.

Ok I have been in love with this man for 26 years. He knows how I feel. We have four children together. They are 10 to 15 years old. I want him to marry me.

Only problem is he's a divorced man - has been for 24 years.He says that he wants to move on with his life.
I used to live with him and the children all that time but he kicked me out two years ago. He said that we had to stop living in sin.

Now he lives five miles from me with my children because he can support them and I am not able to.
This is not fair. All he had to do was marry me. My children are not stupid and they hate the idea that whenever they need to talk to me they have to call me on the phone or wait until I come around to their home(which I do daily).
This constant travelling on the road is a pain but I can't just neglect my children!

I feel trapped. I want to either end the relationship or tie it. But how do L do this without losing my Kids whom I love so much. I can't throw out the baby with the bathwater.

I haven't had sex in three years. I'm lonely but what can I do. I don't even know how to look for a date. I don't even have a desire for a date I love this man. I don't know how he feels about me. But I know he's been online looking for women; Jewish women. He is a black man who is 54 and I'm a black woman 12 years younger than him.

If you have any sencible responses please send
Thanx

Therese, welcome here

This is very difficult. Advise will always be given from the starting point of what is 'wiser' for you to do because nobody but yourself can FEEL what is better. (since you write you still love this man)

What does he say when you're having a serious talk about all this? Why does he refuse to marry you? Is it because he doesn't love you anymore?