What a story...

Here’s my story guys...I’ll try to be short…

I’m 28 and I was with Isabel since my 16 yo… We dated for 6 years and we were married for 4 years so we were together for 10…
In 2007 I found that she was seeing another guy, she cheated on me and I found that she got laid with him…we broke up…
I cried, I begged, I did all I could to have her back but that guy was in her head and there was nothing I could do and I said to myself.. ok Ricardo.. move on! She doesn’t love you anymore.

2 months after I was dating another girl.. It wasn’t love… it was just an escape for me.. and when she (Isabel) found out she got confused.. she didn’t know if she wanted to be with me or with the guy…for the next month I was dating that new girl, she was still dating that guy but we were seeing each other.. I was a kind of her lover..

We did that for 1 month (being lovers) than she broke up with that guy and I broke up with my girl… I was confused.. I didn’t know what to do..I was with her but I didn’t want to because of what happened..I didn’t know if I could live with that because I trusted her 101% before that happened.. I felt that I needed some time for myself and I moved to another country… I wanted to be far from everything, only with myself…

I spent some time alone, met new people on the new country, but I always had contact with her. Actually she was my girlfriend but I wasn’t with her, at least every day because we were living in different countries…

Then.. I met a girl.. a Polish girl.. she is pretty, the most sweet person you can ever met, funny but ffs she’s not the most intelligent girl in the world.. Well the perfect woman/man doesn’t exist right?

I was dating her in that country and also dating my “ex”(Isabel)… I didn’t know what to do and if I should let my girlfriend (Isabel) because I didn’t know her (the new girl).. I was dating both for 6 months..

After that I found out that Isabel (who was dating me at that time) was confused… and one night she got drunk.. and I found a Messenger log where she told the guy who she cheated me with, that she missed him, she was sexually attracted to him etc etc.. when I found that I say enough!.. She said that it meant nothing to her, that she loved me, that she was drunk and to be honest I believe that but… I returned to the country I was living to be happy with the Polish girl..

4 months have passed…Isabel found a new boyfriend.. and I was (kind of) happy with my relation with my girlfriend until the day she (my ex) started to send me messages…

I was happy with my relation with the Polish girl.. she is really sweet, beautiful, crazy and she gave me what my ex took from me: confidence… She is someone that I can trust 200%... she’s completely transparent.. innocent… etc.. but I was always trying to compare her with Isabel… I know.. BIG mistake… everybody is different but…
Sometimes when she did something wrong I always thought “Oh.. Isabel would not do this, Isabel would be smarter, Isabel would etc, Isabel etc etc etc.”

And I started to think that she was not the right girl for me… Meanwhile Isabel left her new boyfriend… and we started to speak again… seeing again (when I flew to my country)… etc etc.. and everything was OK with us.. of course that we were not seeing too much, only some weekends 2 in 2 months etc…

Then we had an “idea”…

I left the country I was leaving… my job… everything… and she did the same.. I didn’t want to go back to my country because she had her “ex boy’s there” and she didn’t want to go to my country because I had my “ex-girl’s” there… so we choose a country to go…

I left my Polish girl but I never told her why… I just told her that I was not happy on that country and I will try to find a better life… and maybe one day we will see again…
She wanted to go with me but I told her to stay…She told me that she really love me and that she will wait for me… she gave me a kind of a “free pass”..
I wanted to explain what really happened but I was not strong enough… coward I know…

Me and Isabel (currently girlfriend) did a trip around Europe for 2 weeks.. and then we arrived to the new country to start a new life.. Everything went well on that trip..I felt I was in love but.. when I arrived to the new destination things started to go bad…
I don’t know what happened, maybe was the start of a new life, a new country, different cultures, maybe was the fact that I don’t have a job yet, maybe was the fact that I didn’t have a good house yet etc etc I don’t know.. What I know is that I started to think about the Polish girl that I left behind… I started to think if we will be happy (me and Isabel), and I got so confused..

Now, I don’t know what to do.. if I should go back to the country where the Polish is and start a new life with her, if I should forget her forever, if I should stay here some more time with Isabel and see what will happen, if I should stay alone… etc etc..

I drink every day to forget this but I just can’t… It’s not a solution but I don’t know what to do…

Please help!

It's good that you left the Polish girl instead of doing more of the same thing that Isabel did to you. I don't think that you are ready to be involved with her if that is what you're thinking because you chose to be with someone whom you can't even trust. Stop drinking because that is not helping you to figure out what to do. Instead, make a list for each choice that you are considering.

Thanks...

Why I can't stop thinking about the polish girl? I'm living with Isabel.. still don't know what to do but I look at her like a sister..because I'm really sorry for her.. she left everything for me (job, country, etc..) and I'm confused... I Think she doesn't deserve that and I already asked her for some time... but I don't know if I should...and I can't let her go..

Also, I don't know if I should go for a weekend to the other country to meet the Polish girl and see what I feel, try to get some answers.. I don't know..

:-/

You are probably thinking about the Polish girl because she treated you better than Isabel has. The answers are not going to come from her because it is your decision.

That's true... she gave me all that Isabel took from me... Trust, Confidence, ... And maybe things didn't work with the Polish because I couldn't take (never took) Isabel out of my mind...

And if she did, why wasn't that enough to forget Isabel?... o many questions :-/

What made you choose Isabel over her?

I wish to know the answer...

Because I was with her 10 years and I grew up with her? Because I know her and she knows me like no one? Or because I'm afraid of the future (stability) with the Polish? and I'm afraid I can't move on with another person, I feel "attached" to Isabel?

Don't know for sure...

Your guesses for choosing Isabel could be right, but then I wonder if she will cheat on you again. See if your relationship with Isabel improves this year. That should help to answer your questions. It is troubling to consider that if the Polish girl has been hurt by what you did, she may continue the cycle that Isabel started with you and you did with the Polish girl. In the meantime, while you are figuring what to do, the Polish girl will also decide whether she wants to wait for you or to find someone to make her happy.

True.. but the Polish doesn't know about what I did, I left her 2 months ago and she is still there waiting for me..

About Isabel, if she was "the one" I should be happy and stop thinking about the Polish right? But that's not happening.. I can't get the Polish out of my head...

Thanks for your words..

You're welcome. Even though she doesn't know what you did to her, the breakup is still damaging enough (think of how it was for you when you and Isabel broke up). As for Isabel, I think that you are with her because you are most familiar with her, but your mind will not ignore the things that the Polish girl did for you that Isabel hasn't.

Isabel is doing everything she can... maybe I'm that type of guy that can't live with the past... And with the Polish, I didn't broke up 100%.. I told her that I just need some time, I was hoping she can forget me but it didn't happen...

I don't even know why I didn't broke up with her 100%.. maybe I wasn't sure.. maybe I wanted to leave her waiting if something goes wrong with Isabel...

You know that when you met a foreign girl.. the language is a problem, she doesn't speak my language (yet) and I don't speak her language, the family will never meet, friends are different, you think where you are going to live in 5 years, you think that she will never find a job in your country etc. etc.. astupid things I know.. and I thought a lot about that.. that's why I was afraid about the future with the Polish.. maybe I was wrong..

I don't even know why I didn't broke up with her 100%.. maybe I wasn't sure.. maybe I wanted to leave her waiting if something goes wrong with Isabel...

That's probably it. As for Isabel, if you are right about "doing everything she can," then focus on her for now because you aren't doing anything with the Polish girl anyway.

True... that's the problem, I can't focus on her 100% and I don't know why.. I can always go back to the country I was and start a new life with the Polish.. but then what? I will start thinking about Isabel?..

What I think I should do is get some time for me and be alone but... I can't :-/

Isabel cheated on you. She means more to you than you mean to her.

It's your decision.