This is going to be sorta long, but I’m really confused about what I should do.
So last year I started talking to this guy, Noah. I’ve always thought he was so cute and when we started to talk, I was excited because I never thought we would. Anyways, I started to like him and he started to like me. When we were together I was the happiest I had ever been in awhile. I would always be smiling whenever he texted me or especially when we were together. There was never a dull moment when we hung out. We would joke around and I could just be myself with him. We ran out of things to say over text though. I don’t know why but this made me question how he really felt about me. I thought maybe he didn’t really like me, or that I annoyed him. There were other times when I knew that he liked him and I knew that things were okay. All I know is that I was the happiest with him and to be honest he was the first guy that I actually let in. Before him I would be a major flirt with different guys, but with him, I wouldn’t flirt with anyone else. I would only talk to other guys as a friend and if they flirted with me, I wouldn’t flirt back. I wanted things with Noah to work out really badly and I didn’t want to do anything that would ruin my happiness or his.
This one night when we were texting I had told him that I was going to sleep. I really did too, but I woke up to my ex-boyfriend calling me. His name is Jake. Jake and I had dated our freshman year in high school, but we decided that we more friends than a couple. After our break up, we were really close friends. We told each other everything and we were always there to help each other out. Anyways, he told me that he was with a couple of his friends and he had to go to the bathroom. They were by a school by my house and he went to go to the bathroom and as he was going back to the car, he realized that his friends decided to leave him. He tried calling them but they wouldn’t answer so he called me remembering that I lived by that park. I was with my friend that Jake had liked at the time, Jackie, that night and Jake asked if we would come over to the park to wait with him until they picked him up. I said yes, but told him to come over to by my house because we weren’t going to walk to the park and the hung up. I tried waking Jackie up but she wouldn’t. I would have felt bad if I didn’t go out there like I said I would, so I just went by myself. I got out there and we were sitting on the curb just talking and we weren’t sitting close at all. Then this black car drove up and stopped in front of us. I thought it was Jake’s friends, but he told me that that wasn’t their car. Then two guys got out of the back seat and when I looked in the car, there was Noah. I was happy to see him but that quickly faded after he said, “This is so shady.” I got up to go over and talk to him but the two guys that got out quickly got back in the car and drove off fast. I started to cry, and then Jake just told me that he was sorry he got me in trouble and that I didn’t have to wait with him. I ran back to my house and texted Noah explaining everything to him. I mean I can see it from his point of view because he had thought I was sleeping, but this was late and I was going to text him when I woke up, I just didn’t know if he was still awake so I didn’t. He wouldn’t believe what I was saying. I tried telling him how I felt over and over again. I honestly felt like my heart was falling out of my chest. It was the worst pain I had ever experienced. After that night, I was so depressed. I couldn’t really eat and I couldn’t stop crying.
That happened at the beginning of summer. My friend had tried to set me up with guys and they were cute and all, I just kept thinking about Noah and how much I missed him. Before school started, I tried talking to him again and it felt like nothing bad happened between us. We were joking around and when I told him that I missed him and still had feelings for him, things got a bit weird. I asked if he could ever feel that way about me again and he said maybe sometime in the future but who knows. When school started again I had though that I would be okay and be strong. I was for awhile until he started dating this girl and I got insanely jealous. I tried to let it not get to me though. I dated a few guys during this time but I would end things with them before we got too close because I didn’t want to feel like I did over summer. Then me and this guy, Justin, started talking. He was really easy to talk to and I liked being around him. But he was friends with Noah and I mean really good friends. Justin started to like me and I guess I started to kinda like him too but I was still missing Noah. I felt like it wasn’t fair to Justin, I told him everything about Noah and how I still had feelings for him. He took it really well, and told me to try and start talking to Noah again. I did and we’ve been talking for a few days now. We mess around like we used too and all but he knew that me and Justin we talking. I feel like he won’t give me another chance after what happened and especially after I was talking to Justin. But Justin and I haven’t been talking for long at all. I just don’t know how Noah does or will feel about me. What should I do?