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Right after high school I moved 1,000 miles away from home to go to college. In my first class I fell for a guy named Jordan. We have been dating for 2.5 years. We started living with one another about 1.5 years into it. We get along great! He is my absolute BEST FRIEND! I love him with all my heart, I really do. The other day I saw that he had a girls phone number in his phone. Its a girl that works at a bar we go to and she flirts with him right in front of me. He knows I dont like her. We barely know her and she isnt in our circle of friends so I thought it was really weird that he had her number. I asked him about it and he said he has no idea how it got in his phone. He said thinks he left his phone on the table, she grabbed it when he wasnt looking at put her number in. Well, I believed him. We went out that night and our mutual guy friend tells me that Jordan had been texting this girl. Now I was upset. I comfronted him about it and he denied. I looked him in his eyes and said you tell me the abosolute truth Jordan. He still swore he had never texted her even once. Now, I proceeded to call the girl (call me crazy, but I am living with him and I need to watch out for myself). Well, she tells me how he got her number, he asked for it. But, she said he was innocent when asking for it. She said he mentioned me and that we should all go out sometime. Well, then she sent me the texts he had sent her that night. He had asked her if she was working that night (at the bar). She wasnt. So he asked her what good places were to go out to. He then proceeded to tell her he didnt have any friends that wanted to go out and that she should come. Now I dont mind if my boyfriend has friends. But when you are inviting a girl out that you know your girlfriend hates whats up with that? He invited me out as well I should mention.
Anyways, I heard the news of the proof of him lying. I called and ended it. 2.5 years and I just ended it. It wasnt for the texting, it was for the fact that he could look me in the eyes and lie to me about something that was supposedly harmless. Now he has had issues lying in the past. I honestly think he may have somewhat of a disorder with lying. He can come up with some crazy things in a matter of seconds.
The next day he called me (He is in FL for 2 weeks). He appoligized for lying about the messages. He also said he realizes he has an issue with lying. He then told me I was his best friend and that he loved me. He is my best friend, and I love him too.
NOW is where you come in! I have a huge decision to make. I have a week and a half until he comes back. Should I:
A. Stay here and just talk about things when he gets back. (Remember, I am officially broken up with him) I do live with him, BUT we have a two bed two bath house. I know I couldnt see him bring other girls home, so Im not sure I could live with him broken up.
B. Bring most of my stuff to my friends and stay there for a while so he knows I am not afraid to leave. It might give us some time to work things out and recognize how much we really want to be together.
C. Rent a quick 6 month apartment, move everything out and try it on my own.
D. Move out and never look back.
E. Any other ideas?
When I ended the last conversation on the phone with him he said he was going to give me time to think. If he calls me back (which I am just waiting by the phone for!) then I will answer and talk to him about everything, but what happened. Talk to him as a friend, and wait until he gets back to talk face to face wtih him. I am not planning on calling him, even though its really really hard!
I want to trust him, but I am not sure I will be able to with all of the lying. For me reading the text messages they were flirty, do I really want to mess with that? This is the 2nd time I have found another girls number in his phone, and the same i dont know how it got there story. But the first time I was told it was innocent too.
Thank you all for any advice you can give me. I am really in a predicament and I need to make some serious decisions that will be majorly affecting my life.
UPDATE: I have moved out and signed an 11 month lease. It was so darn hard to do but I felt it was needed. I dont trust him, nor should I. Well, he came back from Florida to find my room empty. We had been talking a few days and I made it very clear that he would have to work hard to get my trust back. He swore he would try anything. He took me out on a few dates and we had a lot of fun. We didnt really talk about what happened, we almost acted as though it was a new relationship. I would not kiss him, I would hug him though. I was starting to come around. Well, he kept telling me that he deleted this girls number from his phone. About 6 days after we had been basically talking and trying to get back together I asked if I could look at his phone and see if her number was deleted. He gave his phone to me and I took a look. Her number was deleted. HOWEVER, there was a new number in there. It said “Katie wildwings” I asked him who it was. He said it was a girl that worked at wildwings and he got it while he was in Daytona. Ok, so it took him less then a week to get over our breakup and he got another girls number? Not cool. Yes, he was single, but dont be getting another girls number less then a week after we break up then tell me you want to be with me! Seriously? He said, the funny thing is I havent called or texted her since I got it. Like that was supposed to make it ok. If he was with his buddies and they were egging him on to cheer him up, I understand. But then delete the number when you get home, pretend to save it when you get it, but at least, AT LEAST when we had been talking for 6 days, delete the number. That just makes me reaffirm that fact that hes a player. Or at least really likes attention from women. So, Ive been distancing myself and its been really good. Im fine if I dont talk to him or see him. I need to delete him off my friends on facebook because I keep looking for him. Ill keep you all updated! Thus far, he wants to get back together, but I really just dont think hes ready for a relationship, and being single ive seen that I dont think I am either.
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I know a lot of people will jump on me for this, but cheating isn’t necessarily a reason to dump a relationship. It is a sign that something is very wrong and needs taking care of.
lying is a no no.
If you two are really best friends, you should be able to work it out. Maybe go to a couples counselor?
You do need to make it clear though, in what ever way you decide, that this isn’t going to disappear, and that he will have to prove that he is serious about you.
(and not by whooing you…)
i dont feel like i should jump on arlene for saying what she did, i think shes right. couples dont realise sometimes NOT ALWAYS…i repeat…NOT ALWAYS… that sometimes these things happen because they want an issue to be brought to the attention of the other person in the relationship without them actually doing so.
all couples have problems,,, its been tested and proven that there is no such thing as a compatible couple. it is all up to what the two in the relationship want and whether or not they want to stick it out with the other person through thick and thin. theres a difference between facing an obstacle and giving up and facing an obstacle and saying ok lets try this again together. if someone doesnt even apologise for their actions or state they want you dont bother but this case is different.
Thanks for the replies. This is such a big deal for me. I have to make a decision that is going to completely impact my life. I honestly have cried for hours over this. I havent talked to him since he called and appoligized. The thing is, I would be with him if this didnt happen. We have gone through so much, and have so many memories. It really makes me sad to push someone whos been such a big impact in my life away. None of my friends are looking for roommates. I could however move into my friends attic. It only has one window, and one bathroom for 3 girls. Im not sure that would fit me. So I just applied for a one bedroom apartment. I got it. I havent signed the lease yet, but before I do I would like to talk to him. I feel I owe him enough respect to tell him I am moving out for him to get another roommate. It would be so much easier to text, but I owe him respect enough to call. My friends all hate him(thats whats getting in my head too im afraid) and they say they think I should just leave and not say anything. He would get home to see a half empty two bedroom house. I still love him, and I want to be corgial. I know friendship doesnt work after a long relationship. But I want to try my hardest to be respectful of one another.
I have been told by a relationship expert on here to leave and never look back. She tried to analyze the situation and give me what he was feeling. That was my plan. Until I got to this crossroads of having to call him. When I sign this lease it is set in stone for a year. I dont want to have this apartment and never stay there.
I guess I am just a really indecisive person. I hate conflict, and dislike change. I think this will be good for me, but I also havent talked to him. I think the moment I talk to him I will be suckered in and not know what I want. My mom really likes him and thats also what makes it hard.
I understand every couple has obstacles. And I know that flirting will go on. Its human nature. But I cant do the lying. That is what is ticking me off. He looked me in the eyes and could lie to me. He continued to lie about it until I actually saw the texts with my own eyes. Then he gave in and appoligized. He has an issue lying. I have to know in my heart that I dont want to be around that. I cant live or grow old with a person that can lie like that.