when asked she says its complicated

my gf broke up with me when she went to college and said its because she wanted to find herself which i understand. she cheated on me though and we havent talked since october. we dated for 2.5 years so i dont think i could have vanished from her thoughts completly yet. she knows i know she cheated on me and whenever i try to communicate with her(one email on thanksgiving just to say happy thanksgiving) she ignores me just like the month leading up to her breaking up with me. it was literally like a switch though when it happened. one night she tells me how much she loves me and the next morning she couldnt say she loved me and would talk without any emotion and short answers when i would try to talk to her so i know she was forcing it. we are eachothers first loves/first relationships and right befor this happened she said she decided she didnt want to go thru life only being with one person. well now its been 6 months and i still cant get her out of my head. its a tourment every time i think about her although it got better over time it still sucks. when she was asked by her friends about what happened to us she only says its complicated and leaves it at that. why does she do this? does/did she still love me? why did she shut down on me like that? should i try to contact her eventually? i feel bad loosing contact with her but what more can i do without making it worse? do you think she still thinks about me and her actions? its at the point where i dont know what i should do, i did enjoy her company a lot and i feel like something is missing and i want to know if she feels the same way. please advise, thank you everyone

she said she decided she didnt want to go thru life only being with one person

That's what she means when she says that it's "complicated." She is looking for others, not you. The cheating drives the point home.

whens the last time you taked to her? How did it sound?

Well she most likely doesnt feel the same way as you, or she would have contacted you in some way! I know its tough to go through with having someone in your life, then all of sudden they are gone. I have had the same thing happen, and yeah it still does hurt me from time to time.

So I suggest you try to accept the past and what has happened with her, and try to move on as best as you can. I mean she cheated on you! You dont need to put up with a girl like that. There are plenty more out there that wont cheat on you! Get out and look!

That's what she means when she says that it's "complicated." She is looking for others, not you. The cheating drives the point home.

GUY is right. And Cheating is a big no no. Thats what my first love did to me too. It happens sometimes. The best thing u can do is do is take of yourself first and always try to improve on yourself. I wouldnt try to get ahold of her right now. She may need to learn the hard way by you not showing you care as much. But dont worry, no one ever forgets their first love so she always think about you. When she says she needs to find herself it will take time. But trust me she'll learn the hard way and just might regret one day leaving you. If you do talk to her always be cool because you are a mature man. If you got one hottie, you can get a better one

the last time i talked to her was around thanksgiving/halloween time just saying that our mutual friend commited suicide, yah i know yikes. so of course she was upset and sounded sad and we talked for a few minutes just about the memories with him then she rushed off the phone. that was the last time.

as far as improving myself i started working out and actually caring about my grades (just a little). i always treated her like royalty, i think in the total amount of time we were together all she payed for was one or two movie tickets cause i was that broke but otherwise i spoiled her in every way possible because i thought that was what she wanted and just the fact that she was happy made me happy. i hope it is just a phase though and once she finds herself we can at least talk like mature adults and try to be friends which i honestly dont even know is possible but im willing to try and at one point she said that she would like to be friends too. thanks for your responses everyone!

Ok let me tell you a little something else. You say that you treated her like royalty. Thats a big NO! Though in a relationship you need to compromise, but you cant be a pushover and jump at every little thing she says. You need to be a little bit of a challenge all through the relationship. You have to be the man in the relationship.

Remember these things and it will greatly help in your next relationship.

And in my opinion since you 2 really have not talked since thanksgiving I think that she has surely moved on. You need to do the same thing. This is not the nicest way to go about it, but whenever you start thinking about her think of the bad things. It does help. Best of luck to ya Man!

Shes probably not ready to be friends yet because she knows you still have feelings for her. She may miss you but is still living her life and hoping you do to, my ex was the same way.

do you think she will want to talk to me by the summer? or will she just blow me off after everything?

No one can really say for sure about summer but who knows maybe by then YOU wont want to talk to her.

its been a constant feeling since this all started and hasnt gotten any better since 6 months ago. i do go back and forth though from hating her to missing her and just wanting to see her again but no matter what i always end up still wanting to talk to her.

Dont worry the majority of us on here are feeling the same way. But its going to create a ping pong effect if you stay friends with her for now. Shell be hot and cold in a second until you decide enoughs enough.

so your saying i shouldnt even try to be friends with her eventually? towards the end of the break up (it was stretched over a month) we were able to talk normally twice for a good ten moinutes and we got along great then. this is of course befor i let her know i knew she cheated on me so that complicated things a little but the point is that i know we can still get along and i would like to talk to her again, it feels like i lost a good friend and that something is missing in my life.

Trust me I know how your feeling because Im feeling it now, but I finally realized I cant be friends NOW that doesnt mean ever just until it doesnt bring up unnecessary complicated emotions when your past that stage then you can decide whether you would like to be friends or not.

would that also explain why she shut down on me during the break up?wouldnt talk and if she did it was only a one word answer with no emotion, like a switch. i feel really bad because i have all of these horrible feelings towards her and i dont want to have those feelings about my first relationship and especially about her because i know what she was to me and its just a shame how everything happened. i wish i could have done more in the situation but now i realize i can only hope we can be friends sometime in the future. i dont know though if i call her up in the future just to get lunch or something if she will even answer and thats another thing that bothers me. how could you just turn off the way she did and after all that time not want to at least talk? it just doesnt make sence to me. i feel so used like when she got to college she didnt need me anymore and my 2 year wait for her to experience really being together with her(partying, sleeping together, staying out late together) was all for nothing and i got robbed of the first 2 years of the college experience. how could someone do that? does she still at least have feelings for me in some way still?

She has to have some sort of feelings for you she just might have decided its not right for you guys to be in a relationship. But its not important what shes feeling because itll eat you up and never solve anything you have to force yourself to only think about you right now.

its just so frustrating, i have difficulty sleeping through the night because of it now and i constantly have a stomach ache which makes moving suck. i dont get it up until a month ago i was a lot better and now its like its all happening again and i dont know why. why all of a sudden do i want to be with her again so strongly? everyone says that it will go away over time but its been 6 months already and its still not away. i just feel singled out because the way she explained it when we still talked it sounded like the only reason she had for doing this is that she singled me out because i was her first and she didnt want to go through life with only one person. to me thats kind of messed up because i waited for her for 2 years cause she assured me several times she wouldnt do exactly this when she got to college. its so frustrating that i wasted my freshman and sophmore year of college waiting for this girl and when she finally gets to that point she pulls the plug and here i am 2 years down the road with nothing still while she is getting to do all the things she said she always wanted to do with me with other guys while im here just left in the dust. i cant just think about myself because thats not who i am. she is always on my mind constantly throught the day. to the point where i cant get any work done unless i sit at a computer for hours and hours just to write on essay. i just want these feelings i have for her to end so i can get on with my life but everytime i meet someone that can potentially replace her (yes i figured i need to have someone else to be able to forget about her) they always have something missing, that certain thing i liked about her that i found unique is always missing and that drives me crazy because aparently she didnt feel the same way about me because of her not talking to me. i just dont know what to do anymore.....if i could only have had one day with her in college this would have been better. she wouldnt give that to me though when she came up. the only thing i ever asked for after doing EVERYTHING for her and she couldnt just spend some time with me after 2.5 years of going out at the time. just leaves me torn in pieces that she could have changed so fast and jjust forgoten about me...

if it helps ecplain anything she didnt drink or party at all until she got to college and she has never been around so many new people at the same time befor college. could that have been what pushed her to turn off to me? is it just a phase of being able to do whatever you want and will she eventually have feelings for me again?

part of it too is yesterday i found out that she might like someone else she found in college and it seems like this guy is exactly like me only he goes to her school and she has partied with him a few times and she writes on his wall almost every day. why didnt she still want to do that with me like she always said? she never gave us a chance to see what were like together in college. i just dont understand why. could the urge to not be with only one person for your entire life be that strong? i have spoken to girls and guys about the situatin and the girls say that she was stupid for leaving me because of how i felt for her and the guys all tell me to forget about her because shes no good but i still love her and i hate her for getting me like that, hence the ping pong effect. i ijust hope this guy flakes out eventually so i can have even a remote chance in the summer of just chilling with her because i dont know if i could handle her having another boyfriend, her treating someone else like she did me, her telling him she loves him and not me. it was just so sudden, like i was blindsided when it happend that i feel like i never got closure to just see her one more time at least and just feel what its like to be with her again and see her look at me the way she used to. sorry about all the responces i just have a lot on my mind right now.

You still feeling it after 6 months doesnt make you weak it takes a lot of time to get over someone you invested so much feeling in for so long. It took me a year and a half to get over one of my relationships and looking back on the relationship I want to slap myself because he was no good. But the only way you can get over someone is to get them out of your life until your pain stops revolving around them.

so basically theres no hope of getting her back? i honestly dont even know why i am so attatched to her still. there were a few things that always bothered me about her which did turn me away and we didnt have much in common, which oddly enough kept everything interesting for me at least but we always used to get along and i guess thats what i miss the most. we started out as good friends and a relationship evolved out of that and i guess i just got too used to her that now it feels like i want her as a friend but i dont think i can be a friend to her and not want to get back together in some small way/handle the fact that shes sleepng with diffrent guys left and right. i just want the person i loved back...

I dont think theres any hope for now no one can say for the future but you have to get to a place where you can handle the friendship before a potential future because it seems like she has to get what shes feeling out of her system and its not good for you to just wait around while she does it.

that makes perfect sence, i guess thats what i tried to do in the beginning but the fact that i may have lost her forever or even never see her again bothers me a lot more then what i thought it would.i do agree that she needs to get whatever it is out of her system befor anything can happen and now that i think about it there are clear signs that this was going to happen but she always assured me it wouldnt so that didnt exactly help. ill just continue living my life i guess and il keep my fingers crossed for being friends in the summer hopefully (by then it would have been like 8 months or something since we last spoke/saw eachother so hopefully il be in a good place by then. thanks again for your help it really means a lot.

No problem I'm dealing with a similar situation and its only been two months for me so you can imagine Im a wreck right now haha. But thats why this site is awesome its almost like a support group for us.

yah its a good thing, best of luck with yours!

so i got a message saying basically she wants to be friends, doesnt know anything about how i feel abuot her or the situation and says that maybe we can catch up sometime, what do i do?

and she feels that we should re connect in some shape or form.

Idk it depends on how you feel since your feeling emotional still I think it will still torment you to be friends right now. You should probably wait.

thing is i have a desire to talk to her again and be her friend but i still have feelings for her so thats a no no and i dont think those feelings will go away because its been like 5 months and there still as strong as ever, still affecting me the same way they have since the beginning and i fear that if i wait for those feelings to go away, if they ever do then it will be too late to reconnect with her and then ill lose her forever. as you said befor no one forgets their first.