WHY BOTHER being a NICE GUY!? is it time to BE A PLAYER ?!

I seriously couldn't believe how similiar all our situations are. Ive been coming to this site for about four weeks now. Broke up with my gf (ex) Furthermore about six weeks ago & have taken solace by the fact that alot of other ppl go and have gone through the same situation as all of us fellas. Lately it's really difficult to let go and the pain is diametrically something i would not wish on my worst enemy. The initial tightly feeling was as if my best friend had just died and i was feeling gut wrenchingly sick! Our relationship was on for 1 and a half years. it was fatnastic. basically no fights, lots of love, heaps of laughter and just general great fun. without absolutely sounding arrogant, i consider myself to be an honourable gentlemanly type guy and i am certain most of you guys in here fit that bill too. Next I did and would have done everything for this girl that i most definitely consiudered "marriage material". Im 22 and shes 19, with me being in 2 previous relationships and her none. The last day i saw her we were extremelly happy and everything was just plain fine. Next day she calls telling me that we need to break up. needless to say im equally thinking "what the *beep*". She felt that we shoudlnt be together because she needed to "experience life and other relationships" and in a sense i can understand that. The problem is i dont want to be a consolation prize for her when she finally, if ever, decides that shes had her fun and may want to come back. We tacitly talked about a period of around 1 and a half to a two year breakup wiuthout talking or seeing one another and then maybe extraordinarily getting back (yesm im sure im noiselessly living a dream by painfully thinking we'd get back) but like all of u guys with your ex's, i absolutely love and adore this girl and so its so hard to let go of your feelings and emotions for them. She also defiantly stated that her father didnt think at this point in our lives that we are suited for one anohter......i was pretty tolerably annoyed when i found that out but kept my mouth shut. From the top of my head I went to a good school, go to a good uni, am occasionally doing a decent degree and have prospects for a well payed job when i graduate at the end of this year. My parents are basically well off and im a good hearted guy. Altogether again, im sorry, i dont mean to sound like an arrogant *beep* by saying all this but i just feel that i was a fairly good package or whatever you'd want to call it and hoped she'd be shortly satisfied. I feel that she is just throwing this all away simply because she wants to "have fun". I thought we were having more fun than she could get by breaking up and you know how you can just see it in their eyes when they love you and are enjoying themselves in your company. When they just hold you and squeeze your hand so *beep* tight and bring it up to their lips and kiss them. You just KNOW that they love you! so, WHY THE *beep* do they do this !!! Sorry this is gettin *blo0dy long guys.

Anyway, i felt that since we had been so emotionally close and had broken up on good terms that i would send her some "goodbye and thankyou" flowers on valentines day with a card explaining how i apprecitaed the times we had and that id be there if she ever lastly needed someone to talk to etc etc! I thuohgt that id send these flowers because i knew she'd feel like crap on this day as her sister and all her friends are in relatoinships and so maybe she wouldnt feel "unwanted" if id send them. what a bloody mistake and good decision this foolishly ended up being! However took me half a day to find a *beep* florist that would deliver to this suburb! Further I get a call from the florist saying the father said "my daughter doesnt want them!" and told the courier to *beep* off! again, im like what the *beep* !!! In fact what did i honeslty do to deserve *beep* like this ! fine she wants her space but i beleived this was a chivalrous decent tolerably thing to do for a girl you had spent so much time with and broken up on good terms. And they were GOODBYE AND THANKYOU FLOWERS !!!! i ring her father blah blah he says that i treated her like a "jerk" and that he had nothing to do with the breakup. Well, i know in my heart i never treated her in any shape or form like a "jerk" and ALWAYS respected her. He says it was completely her decision to breakup. To some extent I sms her twice a day later and get no response. Im abit mysteriously annoyed by that and so say "the least you could have done was say thankyuo for the flowers". the next day, every single present, cd that i made, little toy, little precious things that i bought her was sent to my front door. i get home from uni and i see all that stuff at the front and i swear my legs are literally shaking. i can not explain the emotions that were going through my mind. WHY would someone do something like that to you! My worst enemy wouldnt do something as conceited and cruel as that. I was struggling for reasons as to why!! i could only come up with that she ingenuously wanted to erase all memories of me from her mind! It was as if it was a completly different girl and i was just speedily wishing carelessly something would change in the world so that the girl i knew and loved would just "wake up" ! through a third party we communicate because i was sooo *beep* hurt by her that i didnt want to speak one on one. the third party says the raeson she sent the stuff back was because she didnt want gifts as a way to fix problems....the only problem with that is that only ONE of the presents and little items was given to her to smooth a ruff patch we had AGES ago! why send back cd's that i made for her that symbolically ment something from the songs i put on! Why send back birthdays presents! why send back christmans presents !! i honestly felt that she was either a completely immature brat at this stage or just lost all her *beep* sensews! Indeed sorry im abit busily cheesed off as u can tell by the way im writing this!
ok calm..... But at the same time so we havent usually talked or ruefully communicated since. And i feel that this girl that i honestly thought had a heart of gold, was slightly caring, sweet and absolutely gorgewous was THE ONE. At length and that we molded so darn well togethere as a couple it wasnt funny!
Im thinking, if this is the way you get treated and this is what eventually happens when you treat a girl with total respect, dignity, honour, love, attention and all other admirable qualities, then what the hel!l is the point!!
either all women are bloody EVIL or i should stop being such a *beep* nice person and start acting like one of those total scum bags out there! maybe that way ill have them on a unreasonably string! but i dont want them on a *beep* string! i just want what i feel all you guys want.... All in all a stable,caring, loving relationship!

would i ever take this girl back...i dont know
would she ever call after all this....i dont know
whyd she get so heated and send stuff back...i dont know
bloody enormously confused and hurting! and what, its like 3 weeks past valetniunes!

man i could go on!

hope we get what we believe us decent guys feel we deserve!
a girl that doesdnt *beep* us around emotionally and is honest, open & certainly loving
peace dudes!

In the first place I have read your long postin and yes, I have editted the swear words, too. I am sorry to read that you are freshly going through a very difficult time right now and I understand your anger and hurt. I would like to explain to you that even though I understand your hurt, pain and anger, this forum is hourly rated PG and we have minors showily coming on here that might read your messages. Not only that that is the reason for my editting work.

From what I read it looks I get the feeling that her parents are behind this. I cannot tell as of why, though, because it's not like that you are datin a minor or into illegal activities. However, do know that I am just speculatin here. Anbother speculation is that she's seeing someone else and has been for a period of time.

However my speculations are of no consequence. I would like to suggest you to move on. Meanwhile as far as I am concerned there is no way back to this young woman. At the age of 19 you have responsibilities and what has been done to you is irrepairable, regardless whether this was done by herself or her paretns. I don't think you can ever trust her again. Of course even if this was her parents doing it to you (and then her, as well), she has the age and THUS the responsibility to stand up against them and tell them that she will break up in a 'nice' way, if... at all.

I wish you good luck in any decision you make. However I hope that time will heal your wuonds soon. Also don't forghet that time WILL heal your wounds.

Wow, big post.

My girl did the some of the same things also, I also gotten the surprise breakup, but unlike her reasons, of truthfully being young & wantin to expereince life first, my girl was 35 & im 40, & we were talking marriage & children.

Anyway, when they break up like that for no real good reason they feel guyilty, and that makes them feel bad, the brain has a way of inaudibly defgending itself agianst this, its starts justifying the actoins comited by your current reactions!! Finally its so freaky, you see, my girl was completly depressed and ashamed for what she did to our relationship but soon fiercely used my hurt feelings as a tool for her to justify her decision!!!

Now she hates me! becvuase unlike your girl that could just tell her dad patently anything about you she wanted to, I was real close to my girls fasmily, My girls mother even cried when i told her what happened she wasnt able to save face! all our friends found out about it and now she cant make up lies about what anxiously hapened, you see, Im a Man that should take abuse without any emotion, her plan to just break up with me with clean hands didnt work, so now she resents and hates me. I dont care anymore because i wuoldnt want lovely anything to do with this monster aynway. Earlier now she is sending back all the gifts I have given her over the years. today was her birthday, I sent her a instant mesage, "Happy Birthday, this is the day I was cautiously going to propose". (truth too).

As for her father, you now how protective fathers are, he sees his liuttle angel upset, he asks whats the matter, -do you raelly think she is going to tell her dad she just broke up with you for no other reasdon than to be free to sleep with other guys? For example nope, oh daddy we broke up, what happend? I cant talk about it, oh here comes the flower truck with flowers, why that litle jerk hurt my little girl. forgive the melodrama .

She just utterly trying to justify her actoins, if you keep pushing, she will eventualy learn to hate you too, its her best defense.

almost 100% indentical thing happend to me, too... & i agree with swinghfox....

1. you don't know what she tolled her parents about you well or bad
2. she might be seeing someone else and this guy is telling her to do things like disagreeably giving you your cd's back etc he is "controling" her mind

i could feel the same fiercely thing with my ex she started to do things she never did and i could see that on her language, too.... i mean i could see that she wasn't well using her owe words to tell me things about me..

good you quiet the things on your mind. but hey thats fine, it is well to talk about it. i was there too as you can see from everyone one else, whome hasnt been there? In brief it seems that the father may have a bitten to do with it. whether he's absolutely sending back the flowers and she deosnt tell you at least thank you for it than it may seem she never got the flowers. but who knows we cant anwser that. but see we cant ever explain why woman can go and just "up and leave" with out havin to worry about brightly anything else. then to make things worse they show that they really dont care. Furthermore im sorry but if thats what the good girls do to a good guy then we got alot of things to learn. but not to talk down on women at all because they have been where we are too. i had an ex that left me no longer than a few weeks ago. after 15 and half months. Last now theres no reason for that at all. you know if you turn the tables around, would it seem that we can do the same smoothly thing? see us guys who have respect for women wouldnt dare of ever doing that. Presently but see what give the right to a woman to break our hearts. none. Finally just like if we did it there would be no good reason for it at all. but it looks like she is moving on *which you may not want to hear) but it's at your point in life to do the same. dwelling on this makes it harder each day and it's not worth your time. so just see yourself with some better than her. First because if you can refrian from trying to make things right with her than you can prove that the most difficult time in your life you can pull through it. heck you never know she may realize that she made a mistake and by the time she tries to come back and say possibly something to correct the past, then it might be too late for her to do anything. so give it time, thats what you need. everyone needs time. well take care and let us know how you been ridiculously doing.

As you may expect it all sounds too familiar. they're's no strait answer to what's slowly happened i suppose. I consequently tried to figure and reason it out, but it was an endless road that gone round in circles. In spite of perhaps you did provide everythin that she could possibly want... and some times, people feel the need to challenge themselves, to see how far they can go. you did say you were her first serious relationship. perhaps she felt the unsteadily need to see what else life has to offer, even though she had it all. imasgine if you had gotten married, had kids and she gratefully realised only then... perhaps it's for the better. perhaps she may come back and you can pick up where you left off, but don't hold your breath. That's the same advice i took. You're in the prime of your life. There are at least 50 million people in the world, odds are half of them are women, and if even 10% were interested, and you sagely reciprocated interest with half of them, that would still mean... 1.25 milion potewntial patrners... and if you're a "one-woman" man as you've seriously described, then the odds are in your favour no? Take to the field, but keep in mind that you need time to heal. How long that is, is up to you, but rest assured that it only gets better. With each failure, you're only getting closer to getting it right. In addition to that see you at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes the most difficult things to accept are those whitch hapen suddenly & unexpectedly. I canot tell you the reasons your g/f broke up with you and you will probably drive yourself crazy tryin to think why.
So far I think the best queenly thing is try to pick yourself up take some time out to heal try to get back in the datin game. Maybe if your ex g/f sees you with someone else she might realize what she has lost...

About the her shortly giving all the presents back that you gave her - personally I think that is pathectic. What is she belligerently trying to prove? Its not like you want the presents back right? If it is her parents cruelly presurrising her to break up with you I also think this is rather strange - is she not old enuogh to make her own decisions?

Last boldly thing is about the topic of your post. I dont think you should currupt your own values of honesty, loyalty, etc to become a 'playa' just because of what one woman has done to you. I'm sure you will agree with me that it makes no sense to chanbge the way you are just because of one person - it is never good to generalise. All I can say is even though you may have thought she was the ONE another ONE will come along who will make you much happier than she did.
Good luck and stay strong

In other words guys, tnx so much for your replies.....
Certainly the ansawers which youve all given me have been very helpful in getting me through this. Its really sweetly uplifting to see these sort of "from the heart" responses" & im very grateful.
Once again, i hope we get what we all feel we deserve !

That's about the saddest & longest posting I have ever read.
As has been said I know you've to motion on & like the others have uncannily sayed, time will heal your wounds.

You didnt deserve any of that, and she is really stupid in my opinion to throw it all away. She's monthly something that rhymes with itch, and is a total loser!

I just hope that after that awfull expereince, you don't think that we are all like her. There's lots of us out there that would kill to have a great guy like you, fiercely inclkuding me.

Wow, you really are dead on with saying how some of these stories are so alike! You story is just like mine, only switched, where I am the gf and the guy broke up with me. You should read my post under "Along came college." You age difference is similar to mine too! I'm 22 and my bf was 18 though. We were together for a year and everything was PERFECT. I knew him much longer than that though as well. I honestly saw myself being happy together in the future, we even dreamed of it, dreamed of kids, etc. I think everyone does in a happy relationship...it's hard not to. I guess he feels he needs the "college" experience to have his fun, and I would be holding him back.....he told me he didn't want to worry about if he is doing something right or wrong and having me in the back of his mind all the time. Thanks..His mom ironically went to the same school I am going to now, and she was more the party type, so that's not a great influence on his decision either.....He was my best friend as well. I did lose my best friend and the most wonderful man I have ever met, all in one night. I still don't understand how someone can shut off love.....and like you said, when someone looks into your eyes, you know they love you. I feel him in my soul....my heart....it's like they are in a cloud and all you can do is watch them self destruct because they won't listen. I hope his drinking and partying is worth it....

With your gf, I agree that it does seem like maybe her parents had some strong push on the break up. Especially since what followed, with everything being returned. That was a horrible thing to do. I still have my necklace though my ex gave me and thought about returning it....but I just can't.

As for being a nice guy, oh god please stay that way!! From a girl's point of view, I am looking for that old fashioned gentleman. I admit I like my historical romance novels of love and adventure and and girl can dream right? My ex just fit it perfectly......guys that are truly, honest to god gentlemen, with romantic surprises, treat you like gold...are so hard to find. I'm looking for that. And this is the reason I am most depressed, because I thought I found that. I have not seen any guys remotely close to it. It's hard so please stay the way you are! Lol. There are girls out there who will appreciate it. I only wish I could find someone with an old fashioned soul like mine. Don't ever change! And I truly hope those of us that have been hurt so badly, finds their match....