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You know... I am good at giving advice but when I need it for myself I am shameless. I can't even see straight.
I have been dating/living with my boyfriend for almost 10 months now. We were best friends for about 8 months before we ever started dating. We ended up living together for unseen reasonings. But it has worked out for the best at times. We live in a one bedroom condo and we both work from home.
My boyfriend is 42, been divorced for 2 years, and likes to go out. He can't quite give up the single life as he used to like to frequent dance clubs. He looks younger so other people think he is younger. However, he is still 42. He doesn't have any children and didn't want them with his ex even though he knew she would be the perfect Mother. He just wasn't in love with her. he divorced her, gave her all the furniture in the house, and when they sold the house gave her half the profits. They remained friends.
We have had our problems throughout our relationship. Some was due to me not trusting him as I have been cheated on in the past. Some because he stares at other women when he ie with me all the time. He is a big flirt. Funny enough, when we were friends, he made fun of me for constanly flirting with others and staring at others. I have since curbed this. He picked up on doing it when he knew he had me it seems.
All of our friends are single. His friends and mine. Our friends are different and apparently NOT that attractive to each other or they would be dating as well. So, all of our events revolve around single people. This is challenging when his friends want to point out to him how hot the chick is that is fifteen feet away. I can hear it even when he thinks I can't.
He flirts so that women want him. Now, I was biggest flirt in high school and college. I also posed for Playboy so I am not shy when it comes to meeting people. However, when I am committed to someone I don't flirt or "try to help" out the other sex when it is needed. Women take it as hitting on them. I am not insecure. I just know what is right and what is wrong. Here is an example: We were at an Oysterfestival and this girl who I had just met was telling me how she works out her glutes twice a week and how she was sore. She and I were talking in depth about working out and she hadn't even met my boyfriend yet. He walks by, listens to her say "working out her glutes" and he states, So you're working out your butt then, huh?" And smiles at her. She, realizing that he is clearly flirting with her, batts her eye lashes at her and says, "Why yes! And who might you be?" And when I introduce him as Bob my boyfriend she immediatley backed down. Now, to some of you that might be objective. But to women, you are flirting.
His staring at people is annoying. He even uses my own lines when I catch him staring at other women, "Well I stare at everyone even the men!" He has admitted to having a "problem with starting" in general and agreed to try not to do this again.
This is a man that claims he has NEVER cheated on anyone yet when he was married he slow danced (at a bar when he was on business) with a women who hit on him. He told me that he turned down her advances yet he danced with her... Hmmm... He has since admitted to that being wrong... He also had an affair with a married women who was really unhappy in her relationship when he was single. THAT is cheating to me as well. If you know someone else is in a relationship and you still have a relationship with them then shame on you as it is cheating. Just on the other side.
I also no longer have that many friends. I live in a large, single city, in the US. I had a party last year when I was single and wrote down everyone I wanted to invite. Out of 85 people, 73 were guys. I do not date people in circles. But, I may of dated on guy in a cirlce and I was still friends with his other three friends. Bob asked that when we started to date that I not have any contact with anyone I have ever dated, had a relationship with, or slept with. I agreed and did so. However, this threw me into having hardly any friends. In fact, my phone used to blow up and now it sits quietly on a Saturday night. My girlfriends are single but don't care for how Bob talks to me. They support me, however, have kind of decided to hang out with my ex's and their groups which leaves me out. I refuse to cheat or lie to Bob. So, I do the right thing everyday and don't talk to these people.
When we fight it is about these things:
1. Why don't I have more friends to hang out with
2. I was not staring at those women
3. I did not lie to you about _______________.
Bob also has a way of turning things around on me and making things look like they are my fault. For example, we went golfing the other day. He is extremley competitive and loves to win or do better than he has done before. I don't play but took my 1/2 day of beautiful sun to spend some "quality" time with him. He ended up speaking to me so poorly as if I was beneath him. "Stop the car here. HERE!!! STOP IT NOW!!" "You are making me WALK to my golf balls?" He wasn't kidding. He was yelling at me. On top of this, it was cold outside and I ended up getting sick with a mini cold. I have never been sick around him in the ten months that we have dated. But when we got home he didn't once check to see if I was okay. In fact, he threw on some show on TV and did what HE wanted to do. I went into the other room, threw on the electric blanket (that was just last night on May 29th and I live in the South...) as I had chills, and watched TV until I finally fell asleep. Not once did he check on me.
I am now unemployed. I was laid off dur to cut backs. It's the first time EVER in my life this has happened. I have been for about 4 months. I do have unemployment coming in as well as some savings. But not much. He makes about $280,000 a year. I typically make about $70,000. But right now I am broke. I live in his condo and he pays all the bills. I pay for all the food, tissue items, bath items, laundry items, etc. I do what I can. I even buy dinner when I can even though I can not afford to do so much anymore. I think he is getting irritated at paying all the bills alone. He says that he doesn't care and that he would be paying them anyways. But when we get mad at each other he will tell me from time to time that he "wishes" I had my own place so that we could get a break from each other.
Finally, we got into an argument the other day because I have been really down. I don't have much money, I am looking for a job, and I don't have many friends. He called me co-dependent and says that he is my support system for everything. If I am having a bad day, if I am sad about not getting a second interview, whatever.... He tells me that it is just too much for him to handle. I asked him if he had been unhappy for a while and he said yes. Then I asked him if he was still in love with me. He told me that he couldn't answer that at that time. That REALLY hurt me. Then I asked him if he wanted me to move out. He told me that he would need to sleep on it and let me know the next day. He did and he told me that he was happy with me being there for now.
I am sad. What are your thoughts? I want to be happy.
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