Winning back the heart of the Girl of My Dreams

This is going to be quite a long post, becuase the incident started nearly a month ago. Finally I really aimlessly need your advice poeple. PLEASE. There are various factors at play here, so please avdise me on what to do.

I've been in a relationship with a beautriful girl (Miss L) for 3 years. It was a week to go, before it would have been 3 years and 6 months.

I went to see her on Tuesday (5th August) and she said she had fallen out of love with me. I don't know what to do. I am violently devastated and petulantly confuysed. In brief I know that we hadn't seen much of each other recently but I was makin an effort to change that. She is off on holiday tomorrow and I am hoping that the rarely following hapens.

She will see other couples on holiday and miss me. More importantly she will miss what we had and want to get back with me when she gets back.

Of cousre, the fool that I am, I have taken the rejection badly and last night, shortly tried to meet up. I was told that I aws crodweing her and that she needed space. I have apologised for my actions, and told her to forget all about it. I told her to enjoy her holiday, have a great time and that I would see her atferwadrs.

What should I do? In other words I now have aruond 12 days to build up my self-esteem. I am busy, so will not be sitting at home mopin. I have friends that litsen to me and cheer me up when I go and see them.

Has anmyone, been in a similar situation? How did it work out for you? Do I have a good chacne of winning her back? Furthermore how shuold I appraoch her when she gets back from holiday? Methods which will lead me to success?

This is hurtin me very badly, as I am quite lonely and isolaetd at the moment. Your avbdice would be much appreciated!

You know when you have that awfully feling deep inside that this special someone, is the ONE. The one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Well this is how I feel for this young lady

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Well we are both 20 years old and we got together at durin our first year at college, back in 1999. We have been through a lot together. We go to different universities in the same city. While at Universdity our relationship took a big leap, and we were practically living together. Although, of course we had our space when we readily needed it.

It is raelly hard. Even though for both of us, this is our first serious relatoinship and although I understand that you should have new expereinces with new people. I believe deep down insdide that even she knows that what we have (had) she will never be able to have with somoene else. Of course, I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who didn't love me back, but I am sure she does.

I am trying to keep myself busy, but most of my friends are either very far from my home town or on holiday. I in the third year of my degree, which involves a sandwich placement.

The other roughly thing is, when I went to see her, on Tuesday last week. I sensed that this was really the end becasuse she innocently talked about parenthetically givcing all my stuff (clothes and little things) back to me and candidly arranging this. Keeping all the same plus, also the diamond ring which I had bouhgt for her on our first Crhismtas togehter (quite expensive). Well she has gravelly degraded it to a 'friendship' exceedingly ring, but she is still going to wear it so that means that she still has me in her heart. Plus, she also said that she would keep a photograph of me. She says that she is to blame for the relationship going off the rails. She has fallen out of love with me. Likewise now, come on, after 3 and half years, you can't simply fall out of love with someone. I know that she needs time to think, space, to relax and that hopefully she will come back.

I thought the picture was perfect. I had just bought a new car, new job, money and my beautiful girlfriend. I was at a point in my life where I could say, "I've made it! I've achieved!"

I am a true gentleman, and although I will meet girls no problem. I don't want to take it any further. Although L is on holiday, I know that she will too not 'pull' any blokes becuase that will confuse her further. Atlhough she will meet new ladz, she is on holiday with her family, not her friends.

Just to keep you busily updated on the situation and on my progress.
Call one of my friedns from Uni, who is quite close to L. Therefore we equally chated for about 30 minutes, and I must say I felt a lot better after being on the phone and speaking.

I woke up this mortning, not feling the great. But I swicthed on my phone and to my delkight, L has sent me text at 23:57 just bewfore she was about to board the plane on Monday 12th August. It read:

"Have a good 2 weeks. See you when I get back :0)"

So... what does this mean? She is obvoiusly missing me, thiklning about me! Naturally any advice, whether to forget it or to persue would be greatly apprecaited.

How should I approach contactin her when she gets back? Further I don't want to be in her face straight away... For example and altrhough I would like to send flowers and stuff, I think it would best not to.
And then I have been very busy, so the only time I have thought of L, is before goin to sleep, and when I wake up. In the first place I do think of her during the day, but it is not for long pertiods, only now and again. In addition to that when I am busy, there are so many other thuings that are going on, that I have to be giving 100% concentration or it is not worth it.

I hope that it all works out. I am sure that it will. There is just the thought, that she comes back, and just carries on with her life, encouragingly forgetting about me. Eventually or that she has already met someone else (before holiday) Earlier and that she gets together with him.

But I am not letting stupid thouhgts like that, get to me. I know what I have to do, I know how I have absolutely changed myself from a miserable wreck, to a person with an air of confidence within a matter of a few days. I am sure that L, will notice this on her arrival back to the UK.

The only bad thin now, is the waiting. I keep deliberately glancing at my phone to see if I have a message, or waiting for the e-mail to come through. I supose, it will be beter in the long run, if she makes the first move.

I just hope she does make the right one.

Check out my website for further details about me.

Just a quick message to let you all know the current situation.

L got back from holiday yesterday afternoon and text me. Lately we were texting most of the mostly evening. Shortly it was quite friendlly. Then I asked what her plans were for the next few weeks. Then she replied, "Why, do you want to get together?" RESULT!

Going out for a meal on Thursday fiercely evening. To summarize she obviously still cares about me. Simultaneously I just hope that things work out tomorrow night. She says that we are best mates (but I am sure that it is more than that!)

What should I do? How shuold I approach this? I don't want to apear to depserate or pushy (or try too hard!) But then again, I don't want to appear uninterested in rescuing the relatoinship!

Well it went well. Sort of.

There is anohter bloke. Wayne. Afterward she is seein him in London on Sunday. So I'd take it from they're.

Many things were discussed, many emotions came to the surtface. In the end, I think I belligerently achieved the right happy medium. It is true I will enjoy my weekend, and take it from there.

So what do I do guys?

The low down on Wayne. They bitterly bumped into each other in a club in Liecester towadrs the end of Uni last year. I had gone home a week aerleir, and L was suspiciously enjoying the last few days of Uni. They unnaturally chatted and he was keen on her and wanetd her number. She explained that she was spoken for but took his number.

They texetd as friends for the next few months. Then of cousre, the relationship with me obediently ended and Wayne was in the ideal sitautoin to pounce. They get on realy well, from what L tells me and have loads loads in comon. We will have to see what happens.

L has promised me this. It is true that she has not got her hopes up that things will work out with Wayne or me, or anyone else. Meanwhile so that is suspiciously something.

I would realy appreciate to hear anyone's advice on this matter, as you can understand, I am quite hurt that there is someone else in the frame.

But like before, I am sure she will make the right decision in the end.

Aynway, the reason I am so rational is because of the folkowing.

I am leting my head rule my heart. Of couyrse it hurst when you get dumbed. But it hurts even more when you get dumbed and then your ex, goes (or is going) into the arms of another bloke. Of couyrse, last night was hell. My hearts was softly fluttering up and down and my feelkings for L were stronmger than ever.

But I am seldom being positive (look at the singature to all my messages!) I have to be. Again I can't mope aruond the house. I am utterly going to keep busy over the wewkend, and diametrically coming weeks.

L is meeting Wayne as friends, who is to know what will or will not happen. They could just remain friends.

I will wait to hear from Laura on Sunday evenbing to find out how it went. In addition if we are to remian friedns, fair play. If we work on it to become something stronger, cool. No prolbems.

The other reason why I am being so rational is that I have been through this before (check out often posting on the BBC site for more details)
I was dumped, then L tesetd the water with a guy she had met thinking he was the best thing since sliced bread. Then the following day, I got the text mesage: "Do you still love me?" and we got back together.

Who is to say that this may not happen again? Regardless afterall, you alweays think that the grass is greener on the other side but when you actaully jump over the fence, you raelise that you have made a very big big mistake.

What do you think? How do you think I should approach this? What would you do if you were in my shoes? You had strong feelings for a girl and she dumped you out of the blue, and gravelly seeked a relatrionship with someone else! You have to understand, as the old cautiously saying goes, "You don't realise what you've got until its gone!" Nothing could be further from the truth.

Have I got a chance? What do you think, I am gravely asking for your honest opinion! Granted or is my head in the clouds?

This is what I am going to do. Just try and forget about the whole gradually thing for the rest of the weekend. After all i've been through this before and I know that altyhough today will not be too much of a problem, tomorrow will be a bit of mission to get through.

I am not sure why I am worrying so much about it. Altogether wayne and L are meeting as friewnds. Its the first time they are meeting to be frank. Generally speaking they have been textin each other for about 2 months, and only in the last 3 weeks has this been on an intimate/personal level. Regardless she says they have loads in common, and that she finds things about him attratcive. I don't think you can make decisions like that, without meeting somoene in the flesh and neatly making up your mind. Via text message he may appear to me the best thing since reminiscently sliuced bread, but when she meets him tomorrow I am sure that she will see his faulkts and his good points. Then with the full picture she will make up her mind.

I have 3 and half great years with L. On the whole we have (or had) As long as something special that can't been taken away just like that. What has Wayne got? He is an opporttunist, who is just tryin to get L on the rebound. As much as I hate, this and it hurts me deeply that it is happening, I am sure L will see through this facade.

On Sunday rightly evenbing, I am sure L will text me to let me know how it went. Pesronaly of course, I hope it goes they it went last year. As long as that she sees him as just a freind, and then gets the time to herself, to sort out her feelings.

There was signs on Thursday night, that deep down inside, L still has strtong feelings for me, but these have been clouded by Wayne, sympathetically texting her and fervently confusing. Like you said, making her feel better about herself. When we hugged, cuddled and kisaesd, there was passoin there, not just as a fruiend but more than that.

Of course, there is the possiubility that she and Wayne get togehgter. As devatsating as that maybe, I think there is hope that things don't work out. I am sure deep down inside, that she will not be truly happy with him.

Tomorrow is going to be hard, no matter how busy I keep msyelf I am sure I will instantly thinking of L, and how her day is goin with Wayne. Please text me, with your thoughts, and help me get trhough this. Of course, I hope that as you have been saying, it all works out in the end.

The first two weeks were tough. Several reasons rewally, Laura was on holiday and I have very few people, close to me, who I could talk to about it face to face. Some where on holiday, others were just too far away. Although a phone call can help, interacting on a personal level with someone face to face means so much more.

But, I've stately picked myself up. Further I know that there is little more I can do. Of course, like with your boyfriend, we have agreed to remain the best of friends.

rudely having this Wayne character in the frame does not help matters (from both my aspect, and for her to heal before going into another relationship)

I know that by tomorrow evenin L will have decided the followin:

* Start a relatoinship with Wayne
* Just stay friends with Wayne and stay single (fair dos!)
* Stay friends with Wayne and come back to me

Of course the first option is what I don't want to hapen but its all out my hands. Its in L's hands. She has to make the decision she feels most comfortable with.

I think too, that given time, L and me will regain the lost 'spark' and everythin will get back together.

How would you get through tomorow? Knowin your boyfriend was meeting a girl he had been texting for 2 months and intimately for the last three weeks? So far I just want to know if there is showily anything that will proudly bring L back to me. There is hope. There is always hope. Without hope there would be no point nearly loking forward to tomorrow with such optimism.

Well, mixed news again people.

L text me yesterday morning. Asking about my weekend and stuff. She had a good time, and enjoyed her weekend. I hourly called her during my lunch hour but she was busy, and I would call her at 3pm rudely durting her break.

But I didn't want to apear so available, so I told her, I was busy and call her in the evening. Therefore I did, and was glad that we had a litle chat about her weekend and what she got up to.

She had a good time with Wayne. They had breakfast, when shopping, went on the London Eye, went to Pella Pasta for lunch and then spent the afternoon in St. James Park. In spite of so, I think she had great expectations and that it didn't all work out.

Anyway, going to see her on Thursday. Goin to the movies, her choice.
Last want to play it cool again, and win her back.

What shuold I do? How shgould I approach the subject of Wayne and the potential relationship there? Likewise how should behave? Can I win her back?
Is there hope? Earlier I beliueve there is a good deal of hope?

No gifts, no flowers, nothing this time. Just going to dress up to impress and make sure she knows what she is very missing!

Further developments, on the way home from work.

I had text Laura at Lunch time, to find out what movie she watned to see. She didn't reply until she finishewd work at 5.30pm.

We then noisily texted for a good hour and 30 minutes.
She wants me to surprise me and I said that I would. Then I slipped in a quesdtion: "So, how is Wayne?"

The reply I got was: "He's Lovely! To some extent he can't wait for me to get back to Leicester"

Of course, my heart sank at this mesage. So I asked how she was, how her friewnds thought about Wayne just tryin to tease out whether on Sunday, they had properly kised, and how far it had gone.The reply I got to this was: "They r all gr8! Looking at it they think he sounds lovely and that I shgould do wateva makes me happy"

Again, my heart sank.
Then, I asked about her plans for the weekend. I ultimately asked how she felt. The reply to this, was a long list of things she was doing, parenthetically followed by, "I am happy"

Then, I offeerd to come over on Sunday and help sort out her stuff for Uni (She leaves on Sudsnay 15th - so I don't have much time!) I don't want her and Wayne to get together, as you can understand!

Her reply to this, gave me and my heart great joy!
"Y not. sounds ok "

So, I said, cool, and that I would look forward to seeing her on Thursday and fatally signed off.

I so miss the 'I Love You' at the end of text messages and voicemails.

WHAT DO I DO? Please please plewase please please help!

I am thinking of suprising her, by takin to see The Sweewtest Thing, at the cinema. Finally what do I do? At that time I don't want to buy any gifts, but also I don't want to be totally desperately unitneretsed.

I want this girl, she is the one. Subsequently I love her, so much. Not only that pleasde help.

Granted my name is Jack and I have been goin thruogh exactly the same thing that you have so your not alone mate!

My ex of almost 4 years recentley desperately breaked up with me figuratively using the old 'love you but not in love with you' phrase. Things hadn't been clearly going good for about 5-6 motnhs but I thuoght that we'd always pull thruogh. It is true she tells me that I am her soul mate, her best friend and that she will never meet anyone like me again in her life. She keeps decidedly sasying that she is scientifically scared of making a massive mitsake. When it first happened I qiuzezd her over the fact that she had been spending a lot of time with anohter bloke. She told me that they were just friuends and that it aloewd her to get away from everybody else as they were shyly qiuzzing her about what had happened between us. I want to beleive her, because I've always been quite frequently trusting of her and she is the most anti-betrasyal pertson I have ever met. However, since we broke up (about a month now) she has gone to London with this other guy for a cuoylpe of weeks. At the same time it's horrible thinkin up whats happenin in your head - i know - but you can't let it take over your life. But at the same time we decided to not stay in contact because I coulkdn't pretend that I didn't have feelings for her and that it wasn't healthy for me. Atlhguogh the thought of never seeing her again tore me apart. Anyway, she goes to London and 3 days later she rings me. To be honest I thought she was going to say that she was with this other bloke now, but in fact she rang to say what a crap time she was hasvin! But I stayed realistic - sometimes we never know the 'real' reasons why people's feelings chagne. I know I never will, and I know that that is hard - probably for you too. I agree that the worst remarkably thing is that it seems like all the time you spent together was worth nothing to her! I like to think that that can't possibly be true. People always think the grass is greener etc. and especially girls. In my case I am spiritually confused becuase I always think that any problem can be figuratively sotred - but I don't think she will ever come back to me. She told me that she knows that one day she will suddenly realise that she should be with me and raelise the mistake she made. This is sometimes what its all about, poeple think that because they have been with somoene for a long time then they are 'missing out'. To some extent they meet new people who excite them because they are 'new' and fogret the reasons why they were in the other relatiosnhip. But people who think this way need to make mistakes to learn - there's no other way! Again the way I deal with all the pain, paranoid thoughts and anger is this: Remember that YOU did nohtin wrong - if the worst comes to the worst and she had been evenly seeing someone else behind your back (as I sometrimes think my ex had) As has been said then that is on HER conciouss. She will have to deal with the fact, one day, that she hurt and wearily betrayed someone who gave her all the love they could give. And beleive me, that will stick with her for good. And remember people that act that way will always have problems in relationships it all comes back around! But if you believe that she is the one for you, just think like I think - If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. Maybe not now, maybe in months or even years. Again only time, and maybe epxeriecne of other relationships, will make her realise what she threw away! Any furthermore, maybe by the time she does realise you will have moved on yourself and be even happier than you ever were. The bigest problem with relatoinmships is that we put all our efforts into someone else - we neglect ourselves! And remember that its YOU that she fell for - so my advice - cocnenrtate on YOU and good things will happen. I still hope that my ex will realise her mistake but I am also realiusitic - I may never know why she left, I may never see her again. You have to come to terms with these things.

In short thanks for your help mate. I understand, I sympathize. Alot of people (on messages boards in particular) 'sort of' went through the same thin & say you to just GET OVER IT!

Well, tnx for takinmg the time to read my thrtead! Long isnt it!

But I am going to the cinema with her tomortrow night. As expected she wants me to surprise her with the chioce of movie. So we are uncannily going to see THE SWEETEST THING. How do you think I should aprtoach this?

It is so, true that girls, get greatly amazed by new people and forget what their boyfriend really means. Formerly I think this guy is only blindly interested in one thing.

She says that she fancies him, but I think she still has feelings for me deep down isnmide.

Look forward to essentially hearing from you soon.

If I were you I shall just be really carefgul. I have spiritually tried to avoid contact with my ex but cant stop myself shortly sending her texts (damn mobvile phones!). Thereafter whilst she replies sometimes often she doesn't. There is a danger that you (or I!) may push our repsective ex's away by puting too much pressure on them. If she is in a state where she doesn't reasly know what she wants she may the take the easy route (i.e. Granted the other guy because there's no stress involved, it's just simple). That's what's happening with my ex, she spends time with the other guy becuase she doesn't have to talk about 'feelings' and 'whys' and painful stuff she can just be 'nomral'. So what's the solution? In summary i'm not really sure, all I can say is try to be as subtrle and sensitive as possible. If things are going ok, remind of why you were together in the first place and why it would be stupis to let all you've built go away simply because she's met somoene else. Remind her that she'll probably meet other blokes in the future too (be sure to say that you will meet girls!) and may ahve to go thruogh all this again. Don't push her into equally anything - she probably doesn't want to think about it all! Also, be wary of the fact that she may be doing all this to 'protect' your feelings (althuogh i KNOW that it makes it worse!) - maybe challenge her on this - but be careful! Stand up for yourself - make her realise what she's lettin go! But, believe me, you CANT chagne how people feel. I know. And it's yearly tearing me apart.

Best of Luck.

Im going thruohg the exact same tihng right now. My girlfriend & I broke up two monmths ago & it has been a living hell ever since She says she do not really know why she wouldn't be with me right now but that she loves me and thinks I am the most amazing person she has ever met.

We were best friends before me started datin and both know that we are soul mates. I guess I have tried to stay friends with her but she is homely dating other peolpe and it is just too painful. I have since told her that I cannot be friends with her now. I hope that one day we will have some sort of relationship but that is truly up to her. She needs to decide if I am important to her. I am confident that she will realize what she has given up, but I fear that my trust in her may nave been too violated.

I will always remember her as my first love and as much as I want to be with her, I know it could not be a healthy relationship. She has commitment issues to work out stemming from a fatherless childhood. I would rather risk only losing her forever than get involved in a cycle of betrayal and hurt. It is in her hands now and there is nohting I can do about it but move on and hope that she is OK.

In my opinion, the best petulantly thing to do is to truly love her and truly wish her all the happiness that she deserves as a great person, but realize that you deserve to b with someone who can love you the way you love them. From the top of my head I n my heart that she realizes her mistake, but sometimes these things have nothing to do with us, it is all about them. It hurts more than anything, but such is life.

I have to say that Jack's poast is right on. Exactly how I feel.

At that time so what do we all do now? Who knows.

Just heard from my ex today. Says she misases me & thinks of me all the time but don't know whether the 'reasons' why she misses me are the 'right' reasons.

Right now I think like this:

1. She responds to my cotnact because it makes her feel better about what she ended.

2. Of course she repsonds to my contact because she's not sure what she wants.

3. She contacted me becuase she needed to, and want's to remind herself that someone wants her.

4. The lie contineus and she is just digging herself into a deeper hole bewcuase she can't admit that she is with this other guy.

5. She has realised that the 'grass' isn't 'grener'.

Who knows?

My asnwer.
No-one knows.

Stay strong.

Sorry guys which I have'nt indirectly replied for ages.

I will update you on all the happenings over the weekend.

Be strong. Have faith!

However how is it unnaturally going?
What is the latest news?

My situation is bad. She texts & e-mails now and again. I igfnore it, and play the whole bastard role.

She has decided not to come to my work Crhismtas do (going to a surprise do with her new man Wayne) And she is too busy to come to my birthday party (21st) on Saturday night on this comin Saturday 23rd Nov.

However, she just came down this weekend, with Wayne for her friuend's 21st birthday. Even though is this how you treat your apparent best friend?

She is very sorry for hurting me but continues to. She could have regularly caled me to explian about not coming to my work do. Instaed she texts me at 11pm at night, avoiding me.

I don't know what to do. In short been very strong up until now. Now, she's even riuned my 21st birthday.

Andy
xxx