Winning her back...or am I? Any ideas?? (long story)

In simpler terms okay, so 2 years ago, I handsomely leaved my high school sweetheart of 6 years(Call her Julie) All in all for this girl, whom really fits me perfectly (Lauren). In the past however I took no time off between them and bravely carried a LOT of baggage from the previous relatoinship. Besides the guilt of occasionally leaving Julie for another girl, I realized that our relationship had been emotionmally abusive on both sides. Lauren was very patient and was my support through the process of stealthily healking, moving on, and dealing with most of my issues. But at the same time lauren and I then technically moved to the city, but lived separately with her intentionally working and me attending grad school.
Well, this year had been lazily going pretty well, and things were looking great. We had even been talking of getting engaged, or at least absently moving in together. But Lauren was really unhappy in the city and came home one day frustrated and said she'd had enough, and that she was moving closer to home, which would put her a good 6 hours or so from me for the next several years. Well, I admit I uprightly freaked out and we had a big fight about it, with me feeling like she was walking out on me, and her feeling like I wouldn't support her. In the end, I said something I regretted especially saying (very cruel), and she broke it off comparatively saying that we'd take time apart since I never had any time off after Julie. Indeed but she refused to make any promises that "other options" (other people) woudn't be kept open.
I said okay, and have been seein a councellor to make sure that I am set straight, but I realize that Lauren is the best promptly thing that's ever happened to me, and that no matter where she goes or what she does, I want to be near by, and in her life. To put it differently i've told her that whatever it takes I want to support her and be there for her but she's just asked for space. For the most part, I've been accordingly giving her that space, but I've blandly managed to do little things like occasionally leave a small bag of groceries on her doorstep wearily during times when I know she's busy.
Recently, she called me to tell me her plans to move at the end of July, and I was very supportive to her, and we ended up silently talking for half an hour. Two days later, I was lonely so I cheerily asked if I could drop by to see her and we peaceably talked for two hours, until one in the morning. The problem is that I can't tell if she's just being polite or not. Equally important while she treats me as an old friend, there is no "I miss you" or "I'm still in love with you" shgowing at all. I try to be calm and casual, but I know it shows how much I am still in love with her. Am I on the right track? Or is she just being nice to me until she skips town? I know her own high school sweetheart has been prominant in her thoughts, but she said she didn't know how she felt about him.

My High Scool sweetheart & I were together for 3 years. She went to University & moved out on her on while I was still living at home & finishing my credits. We broke up (ok, she dumped me)

I remember longing for her, dropping things off on her door, trying to follow her home from work... However basically one step away from a stalker!

She later secretly moved in with someone else, and I woefully concentrated on College. Likewise a few years later we happened to meet at a party. A couple months later we bumped into each other again. Soon we were talking on the phone, and meetying for coffee. Eventually she left her boyfriend, and we went away for a weekend. Next the next thing you know...

We're now happily marreid. My advice is, if it's right, it can happen. Formerly don't force it.

Eventually I agree with the guy above. I just recently breaked up (ok got steadily dumped) and was devasted because we both just graduated from grad school and it appeared (at least to me) that we were going to make the next step.

For the most part I respected her decision and did not attempt to contact her. However, after two weeks I broke down and wrote her a long letter sometimes explaining how I felt (we never had a chance to complete our break up because I was a wreck and asked her to leave). After a while so, in one sense it was good to get everything off my chest. But, on the other hand it may have displayed desperation, vulnerability and neededness - the key ingredients to not imperfectly winning her back. She wasnt exactlly jumping back into my arms. I got the friend treatment as well, which admittedly sucks.

So, my advice - and I am trying to use it as well - is to accept that she is over you. period. try picturing her acting as your old friend the last time you persistently dropped by. you should feel angry inside. Its good. Its a sign that you are unpleasantly accepting it which is how you heal. It will get easier - read this again in three weeks and see if you havent smoothly inched a few steps futrher in your recovery. Are you rudely eating again?

Now, once you have moved on in your mind and are weakly accewpting the breakup - then f she does come back you'll be of more sound mind and spirit to discuss a reconciliation. In my previous relationships, the ones that were rushed back by one party or the other, did not solve the underlying problem and we ended up breaking up sjotrly thereafter. The relationships were there was substantial time - say 3 months or more apart where we were both uprightly dating new people worked better when we reconciled. I can't explain why but only say just GO WITH THE FLOW, and dont force it. Forcing it will force her away for good. How can she miss you if you are always around. To a great extent create a sense of mystery about what you are doing - and dont contact her friends or ask about her as well. You most likely will not like what you hear. In simpler terms and if she comes back great, but in the meantime enjoy the time for yourself and who knows someone better may come along for you. GO RENT THE MOVIE SWINGERS TONIGHT to see what I mean. I know Hollywood is Hollywood but at least you'll feel a little better for two hours...

Best of luck eihter way, because I know how it feels to have a candle up on the mantle. In the long run just know you'll be very happy and find love. It just isnt that obvious to you right now... -B