Difficult to accept that it's over

Broken 77 avatar
3 months ago #91
Broken 77
Ace
Blogs: 0
Forum: 960
Votes: 27

Oh wow you spoke to her dad? That's actually positive. Parents or close relatives can have a positive influence if they want you back together.

Also if she's not broken up, but just asked for a break, this could work in your favor.
Man I'd do anything she wants at this point, if there's Hope that is. Break, therapy, yes to all

Sponsored Links
 avatar
3 months ago #92
Billy
Guest

Nah not as good as you think, we are broken up, have been for 6weeks but we had LC in that time, but she told me I needed to back off during the LC, also, she’s not told her dad we have split, she has told her sister and friends though

 avatar
3 months ago #93
SomebodyElse
Guest

Billy and Broken,

It's really nice to see two strangers helping each other here.

I didn't get much time here today, but you guys are doing great. The more you help other people, the more you can get out from under your own troubles.

Sponsored Links
Broken 77 avatar
3 months ago #94
Broken 77
Ace
Blogs: 0
Forum: 960
Votes: 27

Thanks SomebodyElse

All strangers here, starting to feel more like family since the last few weeks.
I missed your straight, but caring advice today.

Haven't contacted her today.
Done with one more day...

 avatar
3 months ago #95
SomebodyElse
Guest

👍 Good night, then. You did good.

Broken 77 avatar
3 months ago #96
Broken 77
Ace
Blogs: 0
Forum: 960
Votes: 27

Done with day 2
Most of it was okay..

 avatar
3 months ago #97
Eldrakel
Guest

Have been following this for a week or so now and thought I may as well jump on in as I’m pretty much in the same boat. I’m NC (apart from 6 days in to tell her she needs to give me space one morning) for about 25 days now. Just trying to get through each day and give up on the belief she can change and return. Though yesterday her sister, (who I’m not overly close to) was super nice taking to me and gave a decent amount of money to a charity thing I’m doing this month which has sufficiently wigged me out for the past 2 days unfortunately. Anyway wanted to give some backstory before I started adding but I hope you guys are doing alright, at day 25 id say it’s not painful anymore but simply think about her a lot and sometimes down about it, just give it time I’m a lot better than day 2 or 3 for sure it will get easier to at least manage.

Sponsored Links
Broken 77 avatar
3 months ago #98
Broken 77
Ace
Blogs: 0
Forum: 960
Votes: 27

Eldrakel, good to know that you're doing better at day 25. I'm waiting for my day# to get outta single digits for now.

Did you ever start dating again or are planning to anytime soon?

 avatar
3 months ago #99
Eldrakel
Guest

nah been having a terrible time through my exam period but got to the end of that. I’ve also taken the whole month off drinking/drugs/smoking in the hopes to feel better, gone to the gym every morning, started taking antidepressants to deal with my depression which was a massive factor for me ending it and her not wanting to get back together. I am not worrying myself about dating and sex I think when I’m ready to I’ll be happy to get back out there full of confidence otherwise a bad experience might make me run back to her and break NC I think. (I want her back but I know she needs to see a stronger, happier side to me) I know dating will help for sure but I’m doing these things in my own time when I feel comfortable. Sometimes getting back out there too early can be more hurtful than helpful you know. And you’ll be surprised how quickly it goes by my friend just wake up, have that coffee and do whatever it is that you know makes you a happier, better person.

Clownfish avatar
3 months ago #100
Clownfish
Silver Member
Blogs: 0
Forum: 101
Votes: 2

I so wish I could do the NC thing but it is just impossible for me ☹️ seeing my ex every day and how happy she seems when I am just miserable is soul destroying. And we're spending Christmas morning together with the kids which is going to be so tough as il be there thinking we're a little family again and for her it isn't like that ☹️ glad you guys are all getting on so well I wish I was atm

Johnny Nicks avatar
3 months ago #101
Johnny Nicks
Meister
Blogs: 107
Forum: 44,802
Votes: 1,614

Clownfish, just remember outward appearances can be very deceptive and masks can be put on for different people.

Clownfish avatar
3 months ago #102
Clownfish
Silver Member
Blogs: 0
Forum: 101
Votes: 2

I know but she just genuinely seems so happy I know this is what she wants that's why she isn't struggling with it. She's told me she wanted this for a long time and felt trapped. Which is hard to understand because last time we separated she initiated us getting back together basically.. I know we were both unhappy in the relationship and have alot of history but I genuinely have always believed we were meant for each other she's said it in the past aswell

Sponsored Links
Johnny Nicks avatar
3 months ago #103
Johnny Nicks
Meister
Blogs: 107
Forum: 44,802
Votes: 1,614

Would you prefer her to be unhappy what would that mean to you?

Clownfish avatar
3 months ago #104
Clownfish
Silver Member
Blogs: 0
Forum: 101
Votes: 2

The thing is Johnny's it's hard to understand her.. She had BPD and she never really understands how she feels.. So when we're together and she seems really happy and loved up it might not even be real. She can go from loving you like your the best thing in the world to hating you and never wanting to see you again in the blink of an eye

Broken 77 avatar
3 months ago #105
Broken 77
Ace
Blogs: 0
Forum: 960
Votes: 27

You're right Eldrakel
Some of my friends were suggesting that I don't wallow on about this and start dating someone new. I didn't feel like explaining further when they felt that way. So I thought of asking if you're doing it, since you're about 25 days in.
I don't feel okay to even think of dating someone either. It's silly, I'll probably even do it solely for her to see it so she comes back or something. And I know she'll just encourage me when I date someone, probably even think that I've now truly moved on or something.

I've started working out in the mornings too. That, with a good diet. Mentally, still at the same place. But physically, I'm getting better.

Day 3 starting today

Johnny Nicks avatar
3 months ago #106
Johnny Nicks
Meister
Blogs: 107
Forum: 44,802
Votes: 1,614

Sometimes we cannot understand, but we can accept..

Have you heard of mindfulness?

Broken 77 avatar
3 months ago #107
Broken 77
Ace
Blogs: 0
Forum: 960
Votes: 27

Clownfish, here's something.
My ex broke up with me on the 14th of October. And I moved out of my apartment on the 4th of November.
Those 21 days that I stayed in the house knowing she's broken up with me, were horrible. That's when I did all the begging and pleading, crying my heart out. Just watching her come home happy made me wonder how she's doing it. I wanted her happy, but not at my expense.
And no matter how much rationally I tried thinking about the breakup, I felt like it just popped up and she could have told me about what wasn't working for her, if she wanted to make this work. Clearly she wanted out.
Despite her telling me to respect her decision to breakup and just be friends. I would start a conversation with her, as friends, that would then turn into me eventually asking her if we can try again.

When I look back at those 21 days now, I wish I'd not tortured my heart like that. I wish I knew then what I know now, that she was done and her decision was final.
I would have tried staying at my friend's to eliminate that pain.

If there is a way, for you to arrange something that can avoid you seeing her everyday and reliving this pain, please do that for yourself.

Sponsored Links
Clownfish avatar
3 months ago #108
Clownfish
Silver Member
Blogs: 0
Forum: 101
Votes: 2

Hi yes I've heard of mindfulness I'm currently doing a cbt workbook and learning about radical acceptance. I accept she wants it to be over but it's hard to accept your never going to be with the love of your life or have your little family.

There is no way around seeing her every day as we have shared custody and have to do daily handovers..

It's obvious why she didn't want to be in the relationship anymore for a long time I've completely lost myself and I've known there is something seriously wrong but this has been the kick in the backside I've needed to do something about it which is starting counselling but it's just a shame it's too late. As I know I've got what it takes to make her happy and have a life together. Before we got together she was going to get neutered but then we had a baby together. The person I was back then though is completely lost

Broken 77 avatar
3 months ago #109
Broken 77
Ace
Blogs: 0
Forum: 960
Votes: 27

Yes I looked it up the other day when SomebodyElse also suggested that.
I'm trying to just accept it now.

Clownfish avatar
3 months ago #110
Clownfish
Silver Member
Blogs: 0
Forum: 101
Votes: 2

How long was u guys together? Ive known my ex since I was 15 I'm nearly 29 have always been in love with her know I always will be

Broken 77 avatar
3 months ago #111
Broken 77
Ace
Blogs: 0
Forum: 960
Votes: 27

I met my ex when I was 27, she was 26. And we lasted almost 3 years, me 30, her 29

Clownfish avatar
3 months ago #112
Clownfish
Silver Member
Blogs: 0
Forum: 101
Votes: 2

I have been with mine 3 times every time she has left me. When we got together this time I just think I could never let go of the things she done to me in the past even though she's a different person now. I should have confronted them so I could accept them and moved on but I didn't and instead I pushed her away because of them. Pushed away the thing I've always wanted

Sponsored Links
 avatar
3 months ago #113
Eldrakel
Guest

It may be a bit harder for you guys than me. I care about her a lot but in saying that if she didn’t want to try it and I gave it everything I possibly could and I’m still strung up, my friend said, why not try channeling all that belief and hope in the other direction towards finding that woman/man who you know appreciates and deserves you, because they are out there somewhere for sure no matter how old you are. So I’ve been trying that for the past day, it still hurts but manage to see a slightly more optimistic side at times during the day just by noticing I’m feeling down about her not contacting me and shifting that focus to imagining that wonderful nice person I know is somewhere out there. Seems silly I guess it just is helping so thought I’d share.

 avatar
3 months ago #114
Eldrakel
Guest

Clownfish, did you try communicating your concerns with her? I know my ex hurt me emotionally and without her knowing and supporting me I doubt we would have gotten past that speed bump getting back together the first time.

Clownfish avatar
3 months ago #115
Clownfish
Silver Member
Blogs: 0
Forum: 101
Votes: 2

I didn't I tried to act as if it didn't bother me and say things that would make her believe that but tbh it traumatised me and I never let it go. I should have tackled it head on instead of trying to suppress it

Billy avatar
3 months ago #116
Billy
Gold Member
Blogs: 0
Forum: 194
Votes: 2

U must have done a good job convincing her that it didn’t bother you, me and my ex always had difficulty communicating which is why we broke up and it’s why we probably won’t sort things out

Clownfish avatar
3 months ago #117
Clownfish
Silver Member
Blogs: 0
Forum: 101
Votes: 2

Yeah we have a very big problem communicating but how do u communicate with someone that doesn't want to or tells you what u want to hear because they apparently care about u

Sponsored Links
Broken 77 avatar
3 months ago #118
Broken 77
Ace
Blogs: 0
Forum: 960
Votes: 27

Eldrakel, I am starting to develop the same kind of feeling. I put sincere effort into this relationship that went kaput. If she didn't appreciate me, enough to even give me a chance and a clear explanation about what is okay and what's not for her, I guess it's not her then.
I'm learning to be happy on my own first. Slowly getting hopeful about finding someone in the future. If it's her again, that's great. If not, that's great too.

I guess after the initial sorrys' I felt about what I did that hurt her, I now feel that she isn't a 100% perfect either. She is looking for someone to date right now and has probably even gone on dates. That's hurt me enough. Not that she shouldn't date somebody, but that she should have told me that she's gonna do that. I was just told that she doesn't want to be in a relationship period

 avatar
3 months ago #119
Eldrakel
Guest

Yeah broken same for me really, she said she wanted to enjoy being single and couldn’t handle the depression. So regardless of if it’s her or not, working on the depression and myself. If they have ended it there needs to be real change on their end too I think if they would consider really coming back since they need to see how it can be different I think. Saw the guy she dated slept with last night when I was out and decided to go home and sleep it off. Was an obvious sign I’m not ready for anything yet. It’s hurtful knowing they’re out there dating but I believe that’s one of the biggest ways we can grow too so it goes both ways really.

 avatar
3 months ago #120
Eldrakel
Guest

So woke up this morning and was really down a bout how much I miss her. It’s hard trying to do NC for myself, not knowing what’s happening with her and missing her so much. Mornings like these I just have no idea what to do but go autopilot and hit the gym.

4
By entering this site you declare you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to its Terms, Rules & Privacy and you understand that your use of the site's content is made at your own risk and responsibility. Copyright © 2006 - 2018 Relationship Talk