Hey I’m New here and I love this thread. What is everyone’s updates on NC? ...

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#31
3 months ago

Thanks baron. I’m in a difficult place right now. He’s pushing me to move on and sort our living arrangements. Yet in the note I found he wrote about Monday making a mistake ( the day he broke up with me) yet his actions don’t reciprocate this. Thank you for your continued support and advice.

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Baron A. avatar
#32
3 months ago

No one can push you to move or they should not have to, if he wants to move on then let him go, no one has ever convinced another to love them if they do not want to.

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#33
3 months ago

The more I push the further he’s pulling. Only time can tell. I need to just take care of myself and keep myself occupied. It’s hurting so much. I’ve never fallen in love this hard. I still can’t grt over how he was so in love and then bam it stopped. A month ago we were fine. 😫😔

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Baron A. avatar
#34
3 months ago

Love can be very strange, we have this expectation based on movies and societies definition of Love, then when we get in we have dreams and goals, and we depend on this person for our happiness and then bam, they fall out of love and we are sliding down a slippery slope and all we can do is wait until the sliding stops and it normally does.

Johnny Nicks avatar
#35
3 months ago

There are two issues here, the emotional connection that you have with this guy but also the practical arrangements that you might have to make? So talking about the practical arrangements for the moment, if you had to move, where might you go if you are to move out do you have any friends and family that could support you through this difficult time?

I’m mentioning this because you talked about push and pull and in relationship therapy there is a dynamic about the distancer and pursuer now it may be that if you stop pursuing he will stop distancing and if you start distancing maybe he will start pursuing?

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#36
3 months ago

He walked out last night and I was in tears. Bad move again. And now he’s ignoring my messages. How does a person become so cold?

Johnny Nicks avatar
#37
3 months ago

Oh dear I’m so sorry.. what may have triggered that?

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#38
3 months ago

I think he felt guilty over me crying and I was showing him i was **** off basically. I’ve been strong all day and haven’t messaged him. This afternoon I’ve had a “You ok” text. Guess he still cares deep down.

Johnny Nicks avatar
#39
3 months ago

Well is “deep down caring” good enough for you?

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#40
3 months ago

No not at all! 😫 this is tough.

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#41
3 months ago

Texting ‘you ok’ doesn’t show he cares.... he already knows you are not ok.... what exactly does he want you to reply to such a stupid text/question.... I don’t think messages like that should get any sort of response at all

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#42
3 months ago

Agree. He really should know better. And texting is for kids and cheaters anyway. A grown man should call you.

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#43
3 months ago

I ignored him. He doesn’t deserve my energy anymore. I know feelings change but if he loved me as much as he said he did he would have tried to work out the relationship. Made more of an effort to patch it up and make it work. I honestly think he’s depressed. I’ve looked at the signs and he’s definitely got them. Nothing I can do to change his mind. I’ve just got to give him his space.

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#44
3 months ago

Yup wether we like it or not sometimes all we can do is back off and give them the space they need

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#45
3 months ago

Broken: Sounds like a plan.
👍

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#46
3 months ago

Just an update for you. He’s moving out which will give us the time apart we need. I’ve been crying a lot in front of him which I’m annoyed at myself for. Then last night he said to me “the more you are like this, the more I think I’ve made the right decision” so now I’m thinking ****, had he had doubts and have I messed it all up?

Johnny Nicks avatar
#47
3 months ago

Most people have some doubts when it comes to separation. I think you need to realise that he probably said that because he felt uncomfortable with guilt he was causing you and got angry. We all say things we don’t really mean when we are angry. I’m sure he will reflect on this in time. Do not get too upset about it.

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#48
3 months ago

I was just holding on to a little bit of hope there. No one knows the future so maybe when he has time to reflect on everything he may change his mind.

Johnny Nicks avatar
#49
3 months ago

Hold on to a little bit of hope, but don’t let it hold you to the past..

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#50
3 months ago

Yeah, no. You didn't mess anything up. You were reacting naturally and he tried to make the breakup about you because he was angry/guilty. At any rate it was a mean thing to say.

That would be the point where I would let go because, for me, things could never be the same again. And I wouldn't want to go through that a second time with him.

Hope or no hope, you still need to attend to your own life. He might change his mind... but so might you, once you get into a healthy routine that doesn't involve him. You may want him now, but you really don't need someone who doesn't want to be with you.

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#51
3 months ago

Ok thank you all! I feel so hopeless but there’s nothing I can do. I was so looking forward to xmas with him this year. Would have been our one year anniversary next week! I wanted to go back and do all The xmas things we did when we got together.what can I do ? Absolutely nothing

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#52
3 months ago

If you can't fix it, don't worry about it. It's really out of your hands. That's a kind of freedom when you think about it.
In the meantime, you have some family and/or friends to celebrate Christmas with, no?

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#53
3 months ago

Yeah I’ve got people around for xmas. I guess looking back at myself I’m quite needy and maybe I feel like I need him to make me happy. It’s silly I know. All I can do is carry on every day. Bit by bit and try not to worry about the what Ifs etc because imagine he did come running back, and I’ve wasted my time stressing and worrying.

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#54
3 months ago

Good; I'm glad you have people to be with. Check in if you need to. This place is usually hopping over the holidays.

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#55
3 months ago

Thanks guys. We have been intimate about 5 times since the break up. Last night we were and I can tell there’s still something there. We both fell asleep in the bed and he pulled me in for a cuddle. He keeps repeating the line “nothings going to change though” as if convincing himself. What do you think?

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#56
3 months ago

I think he is giving you fair warning, while salving his conscience about continuing to sleep with you. In other words, if you keep sleeping with him, it's on you. He's not going to say no to the sex as long as you permit it, but it's not going to draw him back into a relationship with you or make things the way they used to be. I'm sorry. That's what I'm hearing.

Johnny Nicks avatar
#57
3 months ago

You could become your own project. Set your own self-development goals and begin to meet them.

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#58
3 months ago

I know sex is just sex to him. Yeah I do need to work on myself. Just want him back and want him to realise what he had

Johnny Nicks avatar
#59
3 months ago

Sometimes sex is just sex, but sometimes it changes into something more meaningful. We are programmed for connection

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#60
3 months ago

Thanks for your reply Johnny. I’m not sure how to act around him to show him I’m the best girl around

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