How Do You Give Your Partner Space And Time Without Breaking Up?

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Giving space in a relationship has always been an issue for some, space can actually be a good thing even if the relationship is not showing signs of cracks that needs repair space if approached with sincerity and honest communication can certainly benefit both partners.

Before I got married there was a situation that came up that I will share with you as I think it was an eye opener for me. We enjoyed going to the gym, it was something we had in common and I loved it, I started dreaming of us hitting the gym together, working out and sharing the way I see other couples do.

When I approached her about being a member of the gym I attended she just said she was okay with the one she was attending and that was that. We argued about it for weeks, but she would not go into it with me, it just never made sense and so I just pretty much shut down on most conversations we were having, maybe you could say my passive aggressive nature came out. I just could not understand why she did not want to be in a gym that was cheaper and she got the chance to spend some time with ME!

We had scheduled counselling and so we met with the minister who interestingly started talking about quality time and how important it is to the relationship. Then interestingly enough he started talking about space.

He said, “We are first individuals and as much as we are going to be a married to each other we should always respect the fact that we are different and that should always be embraced” I will never forget those words so I had to put our situation to him.

I had mentioned to him that a couple weeks ago I asked my fiancé to be a member of the gym that I was attending, we could spend some more time together, her gym on the other hand was very expensive and I thought most of the persons who attended that gym were snobs, why not come to mine? She was just sulking about it and pretty much shut down when the subject came up, so he turned to her and asked, “what is your reason for not going to Baron’s gym?”

I will never forget her answer.

She swallowed and said, “I work all day with people (Physiotherapist), so when I leave that environment I just want space. Baron’s gym is way too small and although the cost is reasonable, I cannot work in such close proximity with people.”

My mouth was on the floor, why could she not say that to me, it sounded like a reasonable explanation.

Then hear is the big one. She announced that it was said to me several times but I refused to listen, to this day I cannot remember hearing it, I do not know her to be a liar so I guess there was a breakdown somewhere. After years of introspection I will say this much, space in a relationship is necessary for you to keep that relationship alive.

Memories are important, it is good to come home and share with your significant other what you and the guys did on the fishing trip, togetherness is good, but if overdone can hurt the relationship in a significant way. She probably tried to share her feelings but I was so caught up in what I wanted I did not hear a word of what she was trying to say... literally!

When we learn to find the happiness within ourselves we can spread that happiness to the ones we love especially our partners. Why would I not want to hear that my partner wanted to spend some time by herself at the gym without me being around was maybe for me a let down, but when you truly understand the reasons, it made sense. Lose the grip on togetherness and do more with your quality time.

When we know how to give space in our relationships then we will find more excitement in our relationship, all the time becoming a better individual you are now able to share your exciting life and memories. When there is something new to share the relationship will always be on the move as the rolling stone gathers no moss.

So... what do you think? Please leave me a comment.

8 Comments:

  • Vale: Good advice and personal example, thanks Baron :)
  • Broken 77: This is a great read Baron.
    I could relate to a lot of it.
  • Baron A.: I think space if understood can be the answer to many relationships.
  • Spitfire: Agreed to all you have said here. I think most people are frightened of "space" as they associate it with detachment and disengagement. The truth is, you can have some "space" but still maintain tight emotional connection.
  • Matt:

    Baron, I have been following your responses for quite some time and would like to ask for your advice

  • Vale: Matt, please sign up as a member and contact Baron through a private message.
  • Baron A.: Good advice Vale, because I am really just seeing this... I am here Matt, sign up as Vale is suggesting and send a pm we can talk there.
  • Johnny Nicks: Matt, I would also get other advice too.

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