My Partner And I Don’t Have Anything To Talk About


Many couples have been there... When you first start dating, there is so much to talk about. What do you like to do? What are your favorite foods? What is your family like? What’s your job like? The list goes on and on. This is because when we first start dating, there is so much we want to know about the other person, not only to see if we are compatible, but also to find similarities and differences, learn more about each other’s likes and dislikes, etc. Learning more about each other is part of what makes the start of a relationship fun. There is almost always something to talk about. Unfortunately, as time goes on and we go on date after date and become more intimate with our partner, we may find that we already know everything about them and we struggle to find something to talk about.

At this point in the relationship, you may feel like the honeymoon period has passed and now you’re left in limbo wondering what is keeping you and your partner together when you seem to have nothing to talk about. Don’t worry! The ability to remain together without constantly filling the silence with conversation is a sign that you and your partner have become comfortable in the relationship and don’t feel the need to constantly impress each other with stories. Of course, while this is step forward in the relationship, most people don’t enjoy sitting in silence day after day, and so, below, I will list a few suggestions on how to get the conversation rolling.

1. The easiest conversation starter is to ask “How was your day?”

Yes, you might feel repetitive asking this question day after day, but every day is different. Start off by telling them something interesting that happened during your day, and then ask about theirs. Who knows, maybe something happened on the way to work / school / etc. Maybe your partner ran into an old acquaintance. Maybe they just got a promotion at work. I don’t know, and if you don’t ask, neither will you!

2. The second easiest question to ask: “What are you thinking?”

(Thanks Johnny Nicks for the suggestion!) This question is, if your partner is open and honest, likely to result in a different answer every time. It might even start an interesting conversation. Of course, if your partner seems hesitant to tell you or says they don’t want to talk about it, don’t nag them.

3. Talk about something you have in common.

When you were first getting to know each other better, maybe you learned that you both are into crime stories or maybe both of you like to travel. Whatever it is you have in common, start a conversation about it. Talk about a true crime story that you read in the news. Plan a dream vacation to that place that you saw a picture of on your friend’s social media.

4. If you find that you don’t have a lot in common (opposites can attract :D) then you could always start a healthy debate about a controversial topic.

There are plenty of debatable topics out there. Most people say to stay away from politics and religion, but if you are in a secure relationship and you are both good listeners, you may see an alternative point of view and learn something new by listening to your partner’s opinion on a controversial topic, and vice versa. Of course, if you try this once and it ends in an serious argument, then maybe this suggestion is worth skipping.

5. Ask questions about things that interest them.

You may think you know everything about your partner, but it’s always worth asking! Ask about their favorite sports team (if they have one) ask how their family is doing, ask about a pet (unless, of course, you live together and that pet is also yours), ask how their job is going, etc. There are lots of topics you can ask about!

6. Tell a joke.

You don’t have to be a comedian to tell a joke. If you read or hear a joke and it makes you laugh, then chances are it will make your partner laugh too, so share it with them. As Baron wrote in the comments: “Telling a joke may seem very trivial to the other suggestions but it is very important that when you are able to laugh with your partner how it affects you and the relationship... Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain, how wonderful is that?”

7. Go out together and do something.

Get out of the house and go do something with your partner. The conversation will flow much easier as you talk about what you both want to do, where you want to go, what time you will go, if you will invite anyone else, etc. And then, while the two of you are out and about, you will probably find plenty of topics to discuss. You may talk about the people around you and how they are dressed or acting, the places you visit, and the activities you do. Getting out and doing something together is an easy, natural way to start talking.

If none of the above suggestions work, but you still feel like you are in love with your partner and want to be in a relationship with them, then don’t stress about the silence, just sit back and enjoy the moment once in a while. If you feel like the lack of conversation is driving you apart and none of the above suggestions work, then it may be time to sit down and have a long, serious conversation with your partner about your future together. Maybe you will find out that they don’t talk because they just enjoy listening to you. Maybe they are shy and reserved and don’t like to talk a lot. Maybe they wish you’d just shut up once in a while... If you have nothing else to talk about, then talk about your relationship and where you both see it headed.

So... what do you think? Please leave me a comment.


  • SomebodyElse: Very positive note from you, Vale!
    My husband and are are quiet most of the time but we’ve been together so long it doesn’t feel uncomfortable.
    Nevertheless, sometimes it’s better we don’t talk. He’s hard of hearing, so his usual answer to something I say is "EH?WHAT???" So I have to say everything twice, since I’m a "low talker" - first in my normal voice, and then in what sounds to me like yelling. I wonder whether the neighbors can hear me.
    And when my husband tells a story, it takes him what seems to me forever to get to the point. My attention span is not what it used to be and by the time he gets to the end, it makes no sense, because I’ve already forgotten what came before.
    And he has the habit of raising worrying topics right before bedtime, which also annoys me.
    I’m sure I’m just as annoying in my own fashion.
    I guess the moral is that a couple should resolve everything as early as they can (like during the first ten years) while they can still hear each other and pay attention. Then it’s all out of the way.
    And there is a time and place for talking. It’s just not before bedtime.
  • Vale: Great comment! My mother always told me to never go to bed angry with someone so I agree with not talking about worrying topics before bed :D
    I also agree with the attention span... when people waffle on, I get annoyed, but I try to stay focused and wait patiently until they finish. However, these same people usually never give me the same courtesy, even though I am definitely short and to the point. It drives me nuts. (These are the same people who always think they are right too... I think they just like to hear themselves talk!). I guess what I’m trying to say is that some people like to talk and some don’t and as long as both partners are comfortable with the type of person their partner is, then hopefully it will work out, even if sometimes the talker needs to sit in silence and sometimes the person of few words needs to open up their mouth :)
  • SomebodyElse: Lol, Vale, I’ll just tell him "I didn’t get that" after his story, and he knows I zoned out somewhere, so he just laughs and gives me the shorter version.
    My aunt gave me the same advice about never going to bed angry. Best marital advice I ever got. My SIL said two people should never marry until they’ve painted a kitchen together. I guess the modern equivalent would be "until they’ve put an Ikea bedroom set together." I guess that is the acid test of how patient each partner can be with the other under extreme frustration and stress.
  • Vale: Or never marry until you travel together :D That’s how my husband and I met :)
  • Baron A.: Telling a joke may seem very trivial to the other suggestions but it is very important that when you are able to laugh with your partner how it affects you and the relationship... Laughter decreases stress hormones and increases immune cells and infection-fighting antibodies, thus improving your resistance to disease. Laughter triggers the release of endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals. Endorphins promote an overall sense of well-being and can even temporarily relieve pain, how wonderful is that, thanks Vale.
  • PrincessW: Great read! You made really great suggestions! Asking what your significant other is thinking/crucial is so crucial to communication.
  • Johnny Nicks: Thank you Princess. We are a good team here :)
    Let us know how you get on..
  • Anonymous2016: Its ok..i am converting into living Buddha, inventing ways to entirely cut the language and then talk silently LOL!..i want to see the potential of communication without words.Ignore my typing grr..
  • SomebodyElse: Vale, I can see how travelling together might be stressful. I wake up hungry, and I want breakfast (at least some decent coffee) NOW. But my husband tends to dilly-dally. And I don’t want to go down to the dining area by myself. So I wait for him, impatiently. Good times. I have to say he has patiently put up with my need to check out every little souvenir shop, though.
  • Vale: Baron, I liked your comment about laughter, I added that to the blog :)
    Johnny, yes :D (although since we had kids we have traveled less and less....)
    Thanks for the comment PrincessW!
    Anonymous2016, can you give me some suggestions about communication without words? I’d like to add it to the blog :)
    SomebodyElse, traveling together is definitely a good way to see how the other person reacts to new / stressful situations, how good is their time and money management, whether or not they like to experience new things, getting the chance to experience new things together and create lots of memories, etc. I definitely will be encouraging my kids to travel with their significant others before they get married!

Add Your Own Comment:

By clicking 'Submit' you agree to the Site Terms
By entering this site you declare you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to its Terms, Rules & Privacy and you understand that your use of the site's content is made at your own risk and responsibility. Copyright © 2006 - 2018 Relationship Talk