Why Giving Space In A Relationship Is Important

By steph720, 12 years ago

This image is hot linked and may use cookies.
Read moreAllow external resources

photo credit creative commons license sidewalkflying

Even in the closest of relationships, each person, at times, needs space. That is, time to be alone, time to just be. Even as a couple, we are still two individuals. To grow as a couple, we must also be permitted to grow as individuals.

I believe that some people get caught up in their romantic view of a long term relationship and believe that soul mates must desire to be with each other all of the time. Often times, this thought of being together every moment is perpetuated by the way we initially feel when we make that unique connection with the person whom we view as our soul mate.

As a couple, it is natural to desire to be with each other whenever it is possible to be together. I believe it is natural for us to desire to share our lives fully with each other and be joined at the hip. The caveat to this is that even while we have a desire to be with each other all the time, we also must understand that there are times when one person or both will need to have time to be alone.

This may seem very logical to many who read this, however when one person in a relationship tells the other person that they need to be alone, the other person often feels offended. The offended person’s ego gets in the way, they often feel hurt. They may become concerned as to why the person who they desire with all of their soul has a need to be alone. They ask themselves, what could they have done wrong. Why does he/she not want to be with me right now? If she/he is upset, why doesn’t he/she want me to be with them? Why are they shutting me out?

Often times when one half of a couple states that they need to be left alone, it has nothing to do with the other half of the couple. The person does not need to be left alone because of what the other one has said or done. It has nothing to do with how much they love you. Matter of fact, it probably has nothing to do with you at all. Sometimes we simply need to be alone to sort things out, whatever those things are.

Unfortunately, this is not what the other person sees when they hear from the one they love that they want to be left alone for a while. Their ego gets bruised and they take the other person’s need to be alone as an affront to them and, in doing so, insist on not allowing the other person to have some space without first grilling them as to why they need their space. This grilling in turn upsets the person who needs space and creates a bigger problem than first existed ,which often escalates into a disagreement, hurt feelings, etc.

Not allowing another person to have their space is often spurred by insecurity. This insecurity is a by-product of the ego. Our ego loves to be control and the moment it is not in control, our ego begins to fabricate all kinds of thoughts and feelings that are not healthy, such as resentment, jealousy, etc.

When our significant other expresses that he/she needs some space or needs some alone time, the loving thing to do is to back off and permit that alone time. We must allow the person whom we love so dearly to have the time they need with the understanding that their need to be alone is not a personal attack against us. When we allow this alone time from a state of love, then we do not feel threatened by it and the other person does not feel guilty for needing to have alone time. This allows the alone time to be a positive experience for each person in the relationship. In the end, it will serve to strengthen the relationship rather than diminish it.

So... what do you think? Please leave me a comment.

space

295 Comments:

  • Arlene: I agree. Its hard to give space if you are insecure, but it is worth biting your tongue and allowing the other person time with them self.
  • steph720: You’re right, and I exactly agree with this. I texted him to see how things were going and he said he’s starting to get a little happier and work is catching up. He’s just taking this time to make himself happy and he’s glad I understand.
  • Allan white: But how long should someone wait. My gf wanted space and wanted to get to know the old me when we first met. That was 3 weeks ago when she said this. We have been in touch, my post still goes to hers and she said to the women from the post that its ok for them to keep putting it in her letterbox. She still wears the ring that i got her, the earings aswell. The picture of us together is still there, the valentines present is still on the coffee table. What do people think she is trying to do?
  • Arlene: As long as you feel you should. 3 weeks isn’t all that long in my mind. There are no set rules.
  • Allan: I could wait for a long time, but i also get the feeling that she is happy the way thkngs are. If any women are reading this, would you still wear jewerally that a bf bought you if you were really thinking of breaking up? Plus the picture and my stuff is still at hers. If you were going to break up with him would you not tell him to come a get it all and mot wear any jewerally from him?
  • daze_1974: well when thy are wanting this space what is the other person to do ,imean do u wait for as long as it takes .do u move on cuz most ppl this is a break up, so how do u know , im just not sure what my bf motives r , i really feel he is seeing some one. i could be wrong. but he still calls sees me some times always late at night tho, waighting is ok if u new they wer having issues to work thre,but i dnt want o wait while he sleeps around. and be made a fool of
  • Melanie: Has anyone heard of that website where you can get a cell phone that is not register to you? They buy the cell phone in their name and they mail it to any address you want. It is called secret fun phone dot com. If you get caught with the phone your spouse can not trace it to you. I’m thinking about getting one but wanted to know if anyone has bought a phone from this site? They have a telephone number you can call and talk to <email> person!
  • chris.ilovemybike: i agree it hard as hell to back off when all you want is to be with that person. my ex still wears the jewerally i got her. im try to focus on this will be a posative thing in the end. i know she loves me but im not sure how long im will to wait around and play the game of hot and cold.
  • George: Space can be a good thing if you both decide to still be faithful to each other. Just to sped time off each other. But space as in a brake or brake up is never good.
  • lee: my gf kissed some dude sleepin over her friend house she told me a day later at the movies I wus **** but kept calm 2 days later she wanted a break becuase a few things I have problems such as not expressing my feelings n putting her in her place basically she feels she controls he relationship most of the time with n she has problems of her own such as commitment also when i spoke to her a week after the initiated break i told her to be straifht up honest n she said she 17 and wants to have fun she told me she doesn’t want lose me n she can see herself marrying me jus at the point she is in her life she tryin to figure out what she wants n who she is she said she doesn’t want a relationship right now it’s not like shes goin off wit some other dude she’s tlkin to other dudes but basically has told them she not lookin for a relationship at first I thought what anybody in my situation wulda thought another guy she lost interest ect. but at this point I figured I need let her have time to get her mind right she says she still cares n I recently started textin her again btw she is a Jehovah witness do her parents r strict but since her mom remarried she has been gettin to do more things she wasnt able to before she doesn’t know If will get back together but im hopeful we will as she said she can see herself marrying me we have bin thru so much jus to end things like this we went out for 8months her longest relationship as of right now I’m thinking positive even tho I still wonder sometimes
  • cori59: Your post very much comforted me.I am in a 3 year relationship where bf was primary caregiver for his parents. He is finally on his own and with a myriad if different emotional issues such as death in his family and mine its taken a toll. We talk a lot he has asked for time due to lots of thoughts such as where we are headed etc. and I am respecting his request. To make it all harder he has moved to another state something I knew from beginning. I am thinking like this is a breakup but yet have hope
    Thank-you for both positive and realistic views
  • someone: i read this and i understood that im being a little harsh on her by asking and asking of what has happened or why is she so closed... yes i know you must respect the others space sometimes if they request it, but its necessary to say that it is really hard. I feel very confused, stressed and thinking of many negative things. it has been over a month now..we speak a lot on the phone and meet from time to time...well anyway today i realized i was not the only one with this issued and there is hope..
  • Ralph's: My girlfriend of 7 years moved out a month ago. We lived together the last 2. Basically I got too comfortable and the romance faded. She may also have commitment issues and some other things she’s dealing with. She said she still loves me but needs space to figure her self out. I initially panicked and begged and pleaded with her not to go. It really drove her further away. I have since backed off and let her know I realize my mistakes a would still like to work things out with her. We have talked some and went to a concert together but we kept the conversation light. She thanked me for a fun evening. But didn’t offer any further insight on how she was feeling. At the end of the night she hugged me and slipped and said she loved me. I playfully teased her and said good night. We never argued much when we were together beside typical occasional bickering. Nothing ever if fraction of the seriousness of this. I’m scared to lose her but if she doesn’t want to try to work things out I have to move on with my life. I know she is the one for me but if I’m not for her I need to be able to move on with out her on my mind. I would die for her but I can’t live this way much longer. I either need resolve or closure at some point. If she can’t talk about her issues with herself, me, or our relationship. I have no choice but to move on. She said she doent know what she want and she can’t love some one until she loves herself. I know there isn’t anyone else bc I have talked to some of her friends. I don’t know if I keep trying to be supportive or if I just disappear or what.
  • twiggy63: i have broken up after almost 4 yrs due to my fiance wanting to be in my space,and i could not handle feeling suffocated anymore,it boils down to his own insecurities and i belief a huge amount of that is being brought up in boarding schools yrs ago....i wish he could read this himself.....
  • keegan92: Every time I ask my boyfriend I need space to figure myself out he gets angry and immediately accuses me that I’m leaving him. That I’m taking our kids away from him. We argue at least twice a day about everything. But we get over it. But its just constantly now. He was on chat sites. But I caught him and left him. But he begged me to come home. He justs does things to set me off. Then he justs makes me angry and upset. I think that he has lost interest in me. He doesn’t show me that he.loves me. He says it but doesn’t actually explain or doesn’t give me a specific reason to why I should stay. I cry all the time when.we argue and he doesn’t even care that I’m upset and hurting. He.just says whatever. I mean like I live very very much from the bottom of my heart I buy him gifts and show and. Tell him that I love him everyday. But I don’t get it back in return. I compliment him on how sexually attractive I think he is but grrrr...he’s just not the man I fell in love with... I’m 20 he’s 25. I just don’t know what to do.
  • needloveseeker: I totally agree that when in a serious relationship that we do need to have our space but my question is, everyday after work and on weekends totally alone in opposite rooms since we live together. Isnt that a little to much alone time?
  • tanyalee: I totally agree. In fact, I just wrote in a few days ago about this issue and needed some feedback —you supplied it. Thank you.
    I wrote: I am 51 and he is 68; his marriage of 45 years ended about 2 years ago, after when we started dating. We spend a lot of time together and he wants me to move in with him. I love spending time with him but I don’t believe in cohabitation. I know a lot of people do these days, but I don’t need or want that type of relationship, for reasons I won’t go into here.
    Whenever I say I am going home for a few days, he pouts or says that he loves me too much or tries different approaches/reasons to get me back to his home. It was cute at first because I didnt think he was serious.
    This is one thing that he’s done this week: I announced that I was going home for a few days and to reassure him that I wasn’t going out of the country, I told him to come over later at around 6pm. I thought all was fine, until I get a call @ 3pm that "it’s good to know that if I was dying on the side of the road, you would have passed me up"
    I didn’t know WHAT he was talking about—I told him I was nowhere where he thought I should have been, since I was running an errand after work, so there was no way I could have passed him up. I didn’t think this ploy was funny so I got off the phone quickly.
    When I got off the phone, I didn’t know what to think—I had already told him that he could come over @ 6pm –so why was he waiting for me @ 3pm on my route home?
    I have questions about his behavior. Why did he play this game with me? Was he trying to squeeze more time for himself? And that wasn’t the end of it?
    He came that night for a couple of hours and that was fine but the next day, he tried to get me to come over again. When I declined that invitation, he got snippy and said, "i didn’t want you to come over anyway."
    If that wasn’t enough, he said, "Okay, well, I’ll see you tomorrow, it’s Thursday and your day off, right and I know you can’t be so unorganized that you can’t commit to a time, so you’ll be over at 11, 12, 1, 2, 3,,what time"
    By that point, I had enough. I said, "well, if you have something to do, do it and I’ll be over later on in the day." He insisted on a time and I said, "It’s my day off and I don’t want to be on a time schedule with you....on MY DAY OFF–I already spent 2 of my off days with you this week and if i want to piddle around my house on my day off, then I will, so if you have something to do, do it, I understand."
    He got upset and said, "You Got It!" I bid him goodnight and said goodbye. Needless to say, I didn’t call him the next day at all and I certainly didn’t go to his house. He called me in the evening and tried to get me to come over again, to which I politely said no and that I would see him for the weekend.
    Now, I am not looking forward to this weekend: it will be full of his reasons why I am so wrong for spending time alone and not with him. He will go on and on about his wanting to spend all his time with me and why that means he loves me more.
    HELP!!!
  • ML: Great article. I agree that space is important. It’s okay to want to have downtime to attend to individual needs or whatever else is needed for reflection. To deny your partner space or to be hostile about it shows insecurity. Trust your partner that he/she will use this time to solve some problems and come back to you to let you know what he/she used that space for. Sometimes it’s just being overwhelmed and needing to take a step back for clarity. Can it be abused? Sure, that’s always a risk but if you trust your partner it should be a good thing. Plus, your partner will see how understanding you are and might not need as much space until he/she comes back to you.
  • K: Thanks, u have really helped me to understand my lady
  • kay_: This is really great advice, unfortunatly i did that to my partner.. as in get offended when he asked for space and basically took it the wrong way. i wish i could have read this before hand and understood it before things went wrong.
  • Aperson: Thank you..
  • Nollis: well i agree with you but when she asked for space i went nuts quite franctly but i think am gonna be a man in this, thanks
  • Don :

    Nice! Yes, we all need alone time every now and then. It is very healthy for us as individuals to be alone with our thoughts to work things out and to do so without any static or interference. I agree that the best way to handle the request from the other person (whom we love and care about tremendously) is to hear it and act on it from a state of love.
  • Karen: Me and my boyfriend broke up due to this but he texted me back after a week. When we got back together he told me he really likes me and missed me but that he needs time for himself. I see him atleast three times a week just a quick hello or godnight kiss. Then we have Wednesdays as a date day. It’s been very hard on me but I’m working on giving him space I had to force myself to erase his number from my cell phone so I won’t bug him on the phone when we don’t hang out.
  • Kayla: I totally agree with everything you said. I was in that situation, but I was the one wanting the space, but was afraid to ask for it, so I hinted on stuff that suggested being alone, when he asked me if that’s what I am trying to say, I chickened out, because I could sense his attitude, so it really is an ego thing, but it’s needed.
  • guest: Strange paradox of our time , we have conquered outer space,but not the inner space.
  • guest: I ask for space, when i want to feel silence, understanding, peace, love. It’s just temporary phase of introversion, to measure the things. And i really don’t want to cut my loved ones away in this phase. It would always be outer chaos. If you start demanding it from your own loved one. It means there never was any understanding or strong foundation with him or her. If you match with each other, you won’t really ask for space. But totally absorbed into each other even if it’s a temporary silent space.
  • Ryan: My wife says She doesn’t want to be touched
    But needs time and space says it’s not you it’s me
    Is this something that will pass and return to a normal
    Relationship or should I be worried
  • kay: ryan, i would worry to much women can be weird sometimes and get like that, mid you i got like that at one point and i simply just needed some space. so i would just respect that, if it drags out to long then try talking to her and see where her head is at. sometimes we just do it for attention.
  • SunnyX: This is a huge problem in my relationship. My partner doesn’t get that I need alot more alone time than him. Because of our work schedules, we spend summers together, pretty much 24/7. Except for times that we go out separately with friends. Bottom line, it is ALOT of together time. I need time alone. He gets hurt and pouts when I go out to run an errand or something by myself, because he wants to go. He wants to chatter with me all day long. His clinginess drives me up the wall and I cannot take much more. And it seems like it’s getting worse. I feel totally suffocated. It’s like living with the child I never wanted. I’m a very independent person. I like my privacy, freedom, and autonomy. But I’ve never been with a man that could give me those things. I would love to meet a guy that is also comfortable enough with himself that we can give each other space, making together time more special and enjoyable.
  • Khoi: I believe that as separate individuals we all need outline time. Alone time really only works for couples who have healthy, trusting, and living relationship. This article is very one side, I believe that there needed to be more research before this article can be truly factual.
  • mitchell: great advice.. currently going through this at the moment. But, to everyone else let me just say that it has been difficult. It’s an emotional roller coaster constantly going through loopti loops. In a positive way of mind. this experience has been such a humbling and personally growing experience. It has really given me the opportunity to think about what I want and has been a great self reflection. Just to sit back and think about what I can do for the past 5.5 yrs i’v given everything to the relationship. Now, it’s time for both of us to figure out what’s next. I think people need to realize people fear rejection the most.. sit back and think about it.. if it was you saying you needed the break YOUR partner would be the one freaking out. It’s just one vicious cycle. Give him or her space, but also think of it as space for you, has there ever been time in the relationship where you’ve thought "stuff this, i just need some space?" I know i have. So, just go with it. I know the person that I am and what I have to offer. Now, it just so happens that I get an opportunity to better myself, without worry of anyone else opinion, I can get back into sports that I’ve been missing.
    Your body is a temple, you have the chance to build it to be whatever you want! and HAVE fun!!
  • jhovonne taylor: I am going thru the same problem my boyfriend moved out my house and i am truely hurt by the fact he left and i had always throught of him being my futher husband i would it to work out between us i cried since he left me i have nobody to talk to i lo e him it just hurts so bad it hurted me even more so when he came back here to get the rest of his belongings i will be moving out of my house and i have a feeling that he will try to come back when i move in my new place.why to the leave you and always try to come back i hate the fact hes gone i enjoyed him being here with me and my Children no he moved all i been doing is crying myself to sleep and havent been eatting....
  • Katie: My boyfriend has said he needs space to sort his head out and he needs to be alone and doesn’t want a relationship, he initially said he does love me then changed his tune a day later and said he doesn’t, we still live together in separate rooms and I live with hope that the space will help and maybe we can get back together once he’s had his space but I don’t know what my boundaries are with him like texting etc or if us getting back together is even an option. I love him and want whats best but I don’t know what to do, should I talk to him about it or just keep my mouth shut and wait til its not such a fresh wound?
    Any advise would be extremely grateful. Thanks
  • amin rucker (mimi): i went through this in the past and this really would of helped if i would have found it. this is really helpful facts. i was the offended person of course and i didn’t know what to do and plus it was my first long relationship.
  • jbw: thank you for this. the woman I had been dating for a few months recently, a week ago, asked for her space. initially, I somewhat protested, her response wasn’t positive. I immediately complied. as the days go by I’m feeling stronger and more confident about the decision. thx for the confirmation. :-)
  • fantasticgenius: I agree 100 percent with the statement that giving space in a relationship is important. I believe this to be more true now than ever. Everybody is busy in life today with huge amounts of information overload one does need time unto themselves to do the old Psych stuff called self actualization. How much time you require is totally up to yo and your partner has to agree. And like anything before getting into a relationship you have to be open and tell your future boyfriend or girlfriend that you require these days, these hours and these times to do what you need to do, and you have to understand that your partner may not be okay with you needing these days off to do your thing. And as a result there can be and in some cases will be troubles. Let say you need every saturday and every other sunday to do your thing. It may be good for you but your partner will be left out in the cold per say or he or she could be fine with that. I have had a few of my friends take the i need space statement to far and find they have effectively worked their way out of a relationship and many cases a real good relationship. You are really walking a fine line here. You have to balance your wants and needs in the i need my space thing and look at your partner and see that they have needs and wants also which could confilict with your time table.
  • Gustavo: I understand everything that you said. My question now is this. If the person that you are with needs that time alone to find themselves, fix situations that are within there personal lives but don’t involve you at all in the smallest moments. Like a good morning I mean to the point where you do not talk at all because of the fact that she needs time alone. What’s your advice on that? Look forward to your answer.
  • fantasticgenius: I want to throw the question back at you She is trying to find her sexual self in regards to you and potentially another man or even a woman or a group sex senerio? Or is this about something else? If she is needing to find what her sexual desires are and where they lay, i believe you do not have a lot of say in that. You have to accept at the end that you could be left out in the cold. I cant say for sure. In the past when my previous girlfriends needed time alone they were in a sexual stalemate. I ended up getting shafted. The one girl came out and said she was bi and eventhough she claimed she loved me, she loved other women more. My other girlfriend just made the story up and actually she was already porking another man. Find out and let me know my friend.
  • Gustavo: It has nothing to do with her sexual self. The question lies in her personal life. Work. Her son. Things that would get put on 2 people to do. She is but alone to do it all herself. She honestly works more then the average person would. No time for herself. Planning is not apart of her agenda which I find a bit hard to believe. She lives life on the fly and does things as they come. So with that being said I am stuck between a rock and a hard place trying to figure her out but at the same time asking myself should I wait or should I go. She is an amazing person one that I goes toe to toe with me in every aspect which is what I love but as you said I am being left out in the cold and no where to go. Its clearly on a personal level that she is needing he time to herself. Here is my next question. Would you consider it normal to just leave someone high and dry. No Hi, good morning, goodnight, How are you? anything. Or is this whole time to themselves really a matter of not talking to them at all until they come to finding themselves and hopefully you in the process as well. Thank you again for the response.
  • fantasticgenius: Total avoidance is a issue. Does not seem right to me, i have never experienced that. She could be preparing to leave you high and dry and she is just trying to pick the best place and time to do it to you. I cannot think of anything else sorry.
  • Gustavo: I want to say your right but she is the kind of person that will not waste any time in moving on. Her life moves at 100mph and to slow down for someone like me she can pull the plug at any time and she will feel no resentment in doing so. That’s what really has me scratching my head. If that were the case fantastic I would be ok with that. life moves on and so do we. I just have a hard time understanding all of this. Now here is another question (sorry for asking to many questions ). Do you think it could be an age difference at that. I am 25 she is 35. I do understand that with that comes a different mind set and a different generation. Even with that as a reason I still don’t see the logic as you said for total avoidance. I mean even the smallest of things would make me happy at that. What my goal in all of this is to find someone who can show me the light. Right now I am as blind as can be yet I can understand and come to reason with just about anything. Honestly this one eats the cake. I don’t understand.
  • gummybears: I had an ex who would do that. She was able to get up and not speak. She would do this so she could gather her thoughts and not speak too emotionally. It drove me nuts the first couple of years, but I got used to it.
    Its not a good sign if its never happened before. And you should learn how to handle it if you are going to continue with her in the future. Communication is key. Not saying anything is not good and its shows disrespect to your partner. Even if she just says "I need a couple days" and levee at that. Have you tried something like that? What have you tried so far?
    I began to set a time limit. A kind of check point as it can’t continue indefinitely. There is two people to the relationship. Usually its the guy who won’t talk! lol! But we’re all different in how we handle things.
  • Deleted: Communication is the key, and communication doesn’t have to be verbal, you can still communicate while staying silent in each other’s space!.Like what GB wrote about his ex, i was that girl, who would come and eject her all bottled up thoughts on a site, other than speaking in real time, i would take my time and space and figure out the things after flipping every angle, because you can say it’s my occupational hazard, and i was born like that!.. Also that while giving space it’s a must that you keep reminding those people that you are there and you do care, it also gives you space to control your attachment ans stay independent!.. Wouldn’t you like to love someone with less headache! SPACE IS MUST IN RELATIONSHIPS... trust me i take space from myself even when i meditate i am different land, away from me even... then why not in relationships! Silence is golden!.. Space is nothing but a silent listening!
  • fantasticgenius.: Test the waters. If she needs space let her have it and move out and do not see her anymore until she is ready. Or get up some balls and ask her.. Sorry, just get away from her, i do not think no matter how rapped up she is, you deserve a answer of some kind.
  • Gustavo: Well gummybears the problem is this. This all just happened at the beginning of this month. She ultimately got flustered with so much work that she is clearly overwhelmed and because of that she is doing everything she can to make sure she doesn’t fall back on her work and stays up to date. Which I clearly understand don’t get me wrong the problem is that once that happened all of a sudden things changed. We didn’t talk as much. She would have mood swings at work and I was on the end of the stick. She would get real fresh and I wouldn’t know how to respond I of course don’t want to make matters worst but at the same time I am telling myself that as her partner I would think that I would be able to make her smile, happy, joy, something but that’s far from the case. Her personality is very unique. She has done things all on her own her entire life with no one to depend on. So now here I come trying to be the person that no one else could be in her life and I am just getting shot down in every which way I look. Even trying to get time to see her I very hard to come by. To think that time itself would be so hard to get. As far as what I have tried to do so far...honestly...nothing. I have respected her wishes and knowing that she needs time to figure this out in her life. She also has a son so I know I will always and forever be #2 but I am ok with that. I just would like to know when this will change or if it will ever change so I can make a decision with my life and either tough at the storm and wait for a sunny day or just pack my stuff and move on. For that right now is the question.
  • Deleted: In relations to space, i must add, give it but do seek your answers, usually this space is the time when someone like that decides whether to pack up or give it a try, so that’s why take care of people who are asking for it, and remind them you are there, meanwhile build youself and observe them for a while, time will definitely get you answers!
  • naz6717:

    I have done a lot of researching and I’ve come to realize that space in a relationship is good and can be bad its based upon the reason for the space needed.
  • Gustavo: Fair enough postdoc. I think that is a good idea and approach to all of this. I will give it 1 more month to see what happens. At that point I will make my decision at that. Thank you every one for the feedback. Brought me a little closer to bliss.
  • gummybears: Yeah, sounds like she’s stressed and thats it. You can’t make her happy. Once she deals with the other stuff, things will probably settle down. Sounds like she’s needing time to adjust.
  • Michelle: What about if you live together? My boyfriend want me to spend the night with a friend or some other thing and doesn’t accept me leaving and doing my own thing for a few hours. What do I do? Is he just being ridiculous or am I?
  • ThatMVgirl: I’ll appreciate whoever takes the time to actually read my story and give me some advice. Thank you so much.. i need it.
    Well, let me start off by saying it was in 8th grade when i first saw the guy i am now full on inlove with. He was a junior and was visiting the school for a project. It may seem crazy but i remember his every move and i told my bestfriend i have to meet this guy..
    Wasn’t too long till we actually met, i was a freshman in highschool. I was wanted by plenty of the senior guys so i guess that triggered him. You see in the past i’ve always been disappointed with relationships. I remember telling him "you’ll fall in love with me" and he would say "never" But in the end he was completely in love with me. He would do anything for me, he’d take me back even when i **** up. Breaks me heart to even tell this story.. He went off the college. It was his freshman year. The night before he went though i didn’t hangout with him... instead i stood him up. And i remember him calling me saying "i ditched all my friends to hangout with you on my last day..." I couldn’t even sleep at night and i found out which boat he was taking in the morning.. and so i waited there at 6 am. I apologized and i told him i loved him. The next day he actually ended up asking me to be his girlfriend. Now heres the twist that i’ll never understand. I wasn’t in love with him.. infact i didn’t even see him in my future. I cared about him but not nearly as much as he cared about me. A lot happened through out his freshman year. I ended up going to another country for 3 months on a vacation with my mom..He was so in love he drove all the way to where i was staying the day before my flight and gave my a ring. A promise ring, "i promise to stay with you forever" ..... 2 months passed and i met new people i was experiencing new things. Parties, drinks, guys etc.
    He would message me telling me he loved him, telling me that the day i came back he wouldn’t even go see his parents that he hadn’t seen in months he would go straight to my house. I told him now, i’d tell him to **** off.. he would criticize the pictures i’d post. He was a very jealous guy, he would say all guys saw in me was sex etc. I guess that’s when i was like i don’t deserve this. But i was just selfish. He’d message me "I dont even care about your past with any guy lets just be together" etc..
    So April i came back, i didn’t think about him at that point at all.. I had developed some type of hatred towards him. He’d text me and i would either yell at him or not respond. Eventually though i did answer his text asking me how i was doing. This was in May, when he was back from college for the whole summer. Lets get to the point shall we. We ended up starting to see each other again, he took me for a ride one night.. and i remember him trying to touch me and kiss me. I didn’t feel a thing. His exact words were "wow you’re so boring i haven’t gotten any from you in so long" THAT BROKE MY HEART. I then told him to take me home and no words were spoken the whole car ride. When i was leaving i told him i hope you find someone fun and he grabbed me and said you’re all i want..
    We started hanging out even more, but every time it was more at night. He’d ask to go to the movies though but i’d never accept the invite so i guess you guys can blame that on me. I forgot to mention.. i was a virgin. Embarassed and insecure about how my **** looked i never let him go down there. So weird because everyone thought i was this confident gorgeous girl, but no. We were in the car one night and... he said to me "You know if we had sex our relationship would be better" I was completely head over heels at this point just putting it out there. And so i did.. i gave it up. Something that was so special to me and that i always said it had to be with someone i loved and was with. My friends all told me not to because i’d get emotionally attached. I didn’t believe them, i told them "trust me i wont" The day after we had sex he texted me and was like we need to talk. I wanted to throw up because he had done this the past year when i finally gave him a ****. He said " I can’t do a relationship, i want to see how college goes i still want to talk everyday and stuff" I wouldn’t answer, he’d call and call. And finally he came to my house and was like im outside come out or i’m not leaving. Eventually i did, he was like i want to be with you. And me being a dumb **** and so hurt i hesitated, blah blah but like always ended up back to him. THE NIGHT BEFORE HE LEFT, he got out of the car opened my door and got on his knees and asked "will you be my girlfriend" I said yes, i’ve probably never had been this happy in my love. I loved him loved loved him.
    A week later things changed, he wouldn’t call, he wouldn’t text me as much, i was lacking attention. Id call and he would always say he was busy. He let some girl go on his phone and go on his twitter..i threatened to end our relationship and he told me no that he loved me and all this ****. Every time i asked him why he wouldn’t call he would say "I just don’t like talking on the phone" Really? because he did a year ago and about a month ago.. Then finally it happened. He broke up with me, for no reason at all. I’d send him texts after texts apologizing for something i didn’t do...27 texts i counted over and over.. begging him to answer me. It was like he was getting pleasure from it. But i was so hurt, i couldn’t let it go, i felt used.
    That week my friend was going up to his university to visit her boyfriend. I texted him begging him completely humiliating myself, my friends would ask what was wrong with me. He told me even if i went up it was very unlikely that he’d get back with me I lost weight my hair started falling out. But he finally said yes he’d let me come see him. And so i did. Ha.. i’ll never forget this.. the first thing he did was lay me on his bed when i got there. I don’t think anyone understands my pain. I thought i could keep him by pleasuring him, although it always ended BJ because it was too painful. The three days i was there he didn’t look at me the same way, he’d walk faster than me in the dinning hall, let go of my hand when he saw girls in his building. I asked him to get back with me and he said he couldn’t. I just didn’t understand? how could you be so in love with me then suddenly so out of love.. He left to go take a test and left his FB opened.. i wish i could show you guys the screen shot. He was telling his friends how i was coming up but he didn’t wan’t me too and how we were broken up..His friend responded.. "Pus" and he goes "I just want some pus" I couldn’t even breathe, who was this guy? i cried and cried.. he finally came back. And we had this huge argument and he cried and told me he was sorry but he was just so tired his that friend giving him **** because of me.
    Even after all of that.. i still couldn’t let it go and I STILL CAN’T! The nights my mother saw me crying on the floor, i wouldn’t leave my room, i’d humiliate myself by texting and texting him over and over. And never getting a response.. I lost plenty of my friends, started failing my classed. And all of a sudden he was all i thought about at all times. I couldn’t sleep. I dreaded waking up in the morning. And i still don’t want to believe i was used but clearly i was. Everyone would say "You can get so much better what are you crying about?" Or "He doesn’t deserve you" But i didn’t deserve him.
    My mom had to text him telling him to stop sending me texts and leaving me voice mails at three am (ALL about sex) She had told me "Do not text him anymore my darling, when a man truly loves a woman he will do anything for her" In my mind though i still hadn’t done enough, i still hadn’t shown him how much i loved him and wanted him...I eventually found out by one of his friends that they didn’t even know we were dating (he hadn’t told anyone this time) And that he was trying to get with some college girl Rachel. The horrible things he would say to me, and he could never accept that he was wrong. Ever. He would always try making me feel guilty and he got it. I feel like this was all my fault. Still and it’s been over 4 months. I don’t know what else to do or who else to go to. Because i’m sure everyone is sick of hearing it. I’m still pretending to be happy even on social media because he seems to be doing fine, following all these new girls.. I asked him why he had followed this specific girl the day we broke up knowing she ruined our relationship in the past. He said "I just want to do whatever i want to **** do, i’m in college first semester flew by" Which is understandable. The last text i sent him was last week, telling him i’d always love him and if i could be with one guy forever it would be him etc...No response. As usual.
    But i’m just so sick of feeling this way, i don’t think he understands what he did to me. I feel used, and played with. I trusted him, i gave him my all. I looked like a complete fool up in UMASS. I’m so tired of crying every night or hoping for that one text.. Hoping that he will realize how much i love him. And yeah i messed up in the past but you guys have no idea how many times i apologized over and over and it never seemed to bother him anyway. He would just throw it at me when he was mad. But now it seems like it’s really over. And here i am still in love while he’s out there partying and having sex with other girls. He’s now here for christmas break and hasn’t even texted me. Which isn’t surprising. So what do i do! all my sleepless nights and I’ve held on for so long.. i can’t just let go.. even though he already has. I can’t even think about him with someone else it makes me want to throw up. I don’t want anyone else but him. I miss him, even if he completely used me i still feel like it can change and we can go back to how things were..
  • Gustavo: Ok thaMVgirl...let me brake this down to you in a way that you will understand an AVERAGE man mind set because I once was like him. You have to understand that in any relationship for the most part a guy goal is to always get in a girls pants. Flat out. I don’t care what you say. A guy will spend so much time money and invest everything in you to get to that point. In the start of your story you mentioned how he was head over heals for you. Did everything for you. Yet you showed him no mind. As I read on in your story the tides changed when you gave him your virginity. After that now it was you who was head over heals for him and he just let you be. I’m sorry to say but in a most men once they have reached that point with a girl there really is not much else to do unless you love that person and don’t just consider sex to be the end of all means. In this case it seems like so. What I would suggest for you to do is so simple yet its going to be so hard for you to do. That would be not texting him or even thinking about him at all. Understand that the more you show your still into him the more you beg and plead for him to be with you. He will always know that he has you at the palm of his hand. Here’s his outcome. He will try everyone and anyone that comes his way if all else fails and he can never find that special someone. One day he will come back to you. If I were you I would never wait for that one day. You probably do deserve someone better but your holding on to the fact that you want to change him or have the power to do so. The one mistake I made in life was thinking that I would change someone for my own sake. I wasted 5 years of my life thinking that I can make this person PERFECT...quickly came to that realization. I hope this has shed some light on your situation. Understand that people rarely change. Worst of all we cant change them. Only they can change themselves.
  • Gustavo: to Michelle...Your right he’s just crazy. If he cant accept the fact that your going out for just you then he’s over jealous and wants to know what your doing at all times. Personally for someone to do that is un healthy for both parties and you should ask him why he feels that way. Take his answer and really think about it. One thing we lack in this world as it is. Common sense. Not so common as we think it is. If you cant make understanding of his answer then you shouldn’t be in a situation like your in. I am a firm believer that people say and do things for reasons. Doing them for no reasons justifies no means. At that point it becomes a waste of time to think that what you have is something SPECIAL when clearly not even the most common of things can be achieved.
  • Robs: what if that freedom will made him/her realize that he/she don’t need you anymore?
  • gustavo: Then it was never meant for you to be with that person.
  • yvette: Each person has to be mature in this area for it to work.
  • neverknown: I never realized that my ego could be the reason I got so offended when the person I was seeing stated I was "moving" to fast. I wear my feelings on my sleeve and he knew that and I didn’t know or realize I was pushing him away now I see this after being cold shouldered. It was the worst feeling ever!!! Almost everything we had in common and get along so great I guess I cannot even describe how I am feeling because it was like I was hit in the heart with a ton of bricks. After reading your article I can better understand how he felt. I wish men would just honestly "have the balls" to sit down and talk to us about what is going on especially if they want the relationship to continue or not and in my case I am really unsure what he wants but in my heart all I want is him.
  • What's happening?: Hi , something has happened recently to my relationship of 3 months . My new Gf went travelling to Thailand and Indonesia alone as it was already booked before we got together , I wasn’t really happy but I didn’t say anything plus she said she needs some time away from other aspects of her life like job etc . So we skyped and kept in contact till about 3 weeks ago every day then she lost her phone and hasn’t even bothered to contact me now that she has come back and has gone to spend some time with her friend until the end of the month as she needs time to think about things. As patient as I have been this odd behaviour and little contact for over a month now this coming after her saying that she needs " time away" wreaks of ***** her another guy I think . I haven’t had any reason to not trust her until now. Thoughts ?
    Many thanks
  • Jalaya: it shows that you are not needy or clingy or to insecure. which turns a guy on a lot when he finds his women is giving him space.
  • abj1: My boyfriend asked for a break about 2 months ago,not really asked but proposed one and said he thinks he should step away from the relationship for a little while.a few weeks before that I could feel like we were not the same happy couple we once were and we were kind of growing apart but I agreed to the break and said it would probably be best. we didn’t have a set date that we would get back together but he made it clear that he loved me but he just couldn’t be there for me right now as he was getting stressed with school and work and we were seeing less of each other . I understood because it was true. a week later I texted him to see how he was doing,we exchanged a few texts and in those texts he explained to me again how he loved me but he just couldn’t do it right now (as in our relationship) . we said I love you’s and he even sent me kisses faces and said he missed me. after that a few weeks go by and it’s thanksgiving
    and I didn’t hear from him,I just was expecting maybe a happy thanksgiving text or something. I was kind of hurt so I texted him and told him and he kind of blew it off and said sorry about that.
    we exchanged a few more texts and that was it.fast forward to Christmas and he still hadn’t contacted me since then and at that point I was getting confused as to why he hadn’t contacted me. I went on Instagram the next day and saw that he had put a picture of a girl from behind on his page,I immediately balled into tears. I was so hurt and only expected the worst.i contacted him on New Year’s Eve and texted him and told him to call me,I was hoping to ask him about the girl but I held back but he replied and said ok,he called and we talked for maybe 20 minutes just bout how we had been doing and our family’s,I asked him if he was going out for New Years and he said no he was just going to go by grandparents (they live next door)and chill with his guy friend. he ended the convo and told me to (holler at him later ).later he texted me "happy new year!" and I told him the same. The next day my mom came to me and showed me pictures of him with another girl,3 pictures to be exact,2 of them were her in his passenger seat and him in the drivers seat,and another they were at a basketball game
    she took these pics of them.my mom only saw it because she went on his twitter and saw he retweeted one of the pics. and also she had a pic with him saying happy New Years! I was furious and texted him a long paragraph basically telling him that he could’ve just told me from the beginning that he wanted to see other people and how he hurt me and I also said that I had a feeling he was messing around on me and lying before our break (I honestly had just thought about it). i also said to have a nice life without me since you silently kicked me out.
    he replied and said that whoever I was getting my info from that they can keep telling me things about him because the person that he’s been with they are just friends and it’s not like that and he said he never messed around on me.i didn’t reply to it as I was so upset and hurt!! now idk what to do or think,I’m so depressed and I really want us to work out because I still love him
    he had numerous times to call it quits and tell me what he wanted but he doesn’t want to give me real answers. when we first decided on the break I assumed it would just be maybe a few weeks at most but it’s turned into 2 months,we never discussed guidelines during the break either.i even asked him if he wanted to break up and he told me no he would never just leave.
    we have been dating for 4 years,we are 20 yrs old now.
  • Jalaya: he is full of **** that was just his excuse to cheat on you without you knowing. I dislike men who can’t tell the truth but wants to go on and find a another girl. I guess he to stupid to realize he lost someone good who was there for him and always would be there for him. don’t worry he would wake up once another guy comes in to the picture then he will be begging you to get back together.
  • Confused and Feeling lost: What happens when your significant other never talks about needing space, but become somewhat withdrawn? He’s recently divorced and a week leading up to the final divorce hearing he’s become gradually withdrawn to the point that he’s stopped calling and texting (unless I call or text, then he responds).
  • Jalaya Briggs: that ***** if a guy is head over heels for you he would contact if he busy or not. or even if he is hanging out with his friends. I am so what in your boat the guy I known for two years now I asked him where I stand with him I told him more then life it self and I asked him does he feel the same I have not got a response in the last 24 hours. I know he works but I hope I have an answer soon.
  • Inspiring Words: I liked your words shared. Just wanted to comment that I concur and would also add; this same principle should be exercised by the counterpart. Reason is, I’ve seen when this "I need space" situation occurs (whether monogamous relation or marriage) the offended person will then try the "what’s good for the goose" response, and then tries shortly thereafter (maybe a week/month or two later)to say "I just need some space" to the other. I also would suggest sharing verbally with the person that you don’t quite understand why they need the space, but that you love then enough to accept/permit it (without entertaining bitter thought). Thus generating a sense of trust and acceptance...because let’s face it, this is probably not the last time your mate will need to have such space/time alone. This often happens between BFF’s/friends as well!
  • Gd thinks I'm a Chester: Ya I’m having a similar situation we’ve been together right at 7 months live together almost the whole time, and I mean it’s been wonderful... Absolutely no fighting and screaming! It’s been the best relationship I’ve ever know, I love this woman with all my heart and would never do anything to hurt her. However she got madder the. He’ll at me last Monday before going on a trip and just so happened some girl I knew from my past fb messaged me right around the same time. Well my gf wasn’t talking I was irritated and needed to vent so I took this as a opportunity to just get it out and knowing this person will never see or know my gf or me I didn’t think it was a big deal, so I vented!! Well turned out this person is hitting on me a little and by the end of the talk told me if me and my gf split up and I needed somewhere to stay call her I guess... I relied thanks but I’m very happy with this woman and I wouldn’t ever do anything to jeopardize her trust. So three days goes by and she comes home lovey dovey and I’m happier then a pig in **** at this point... She said sorry for the way she acted before she left and the next day she had to start her shift at work up again. Well things went to **** when she gets to work and she tells me she read my conversation with that girl, I said ok what’s the problem! She sema to think I’m thinking of cheating because if this and I am lost for words I’m afraid to say the wrong thing to push her further away and I’m afraid to leave and give her the space she asked for because she is very important to me and I do t want to loose her. And suggestions?
  • Jalaya Briggs: give her the no contact for 30 days and focus your self like get a hair cut or work out. do more of your hobbies and go back to school if your in college and work on getting a place or a job if you don ‘t have one. then after 3o days contact her and ask her do we like each other again?. and do we have a chance of being together again.
  • Andrew Blevins: I think what you say is valed makes good seance .but what my wife of 6 years has decided the tiime to do this is when I am having health issue (fai) in a ton of pain and need operation.She gone from all take care of you no matter what to I can’t even talk to you we were all ready saperted by space 1200 miles .which we do or have done last 3 years but now she calls (emails) to say she needs space no contact if I was well I would have easer time with it but in my current health and with what lies a head of me in next few months finding it are to take
  • Rikky: the same thing happened to me. He needs some alone time.. I didn’t give. But there is already someone in his life. So there is no chance to get back him into my life.
  • jess: I recently broke up with ne boyfriend because I got mad at him for no reason really, but when I started texting him thim the next day that I was sorry and ir didn’t mean all the things I told him he wouldn’t answer me.. so I texted his mom and she would give me advice and update me. So when monday came I texted him again and he basically told me that right now isn’t a good time to talk that he’ll talk to me when he is ready, so I respected that I understood that he was mad sad with me because the way I reacted and the mean things I said. On a wed I texted him "Hi how are you" he replied talked to me and still seemed sad so i went over to talk to him we talked to get an understanding of each other. So towards the end I was crying a lot and he hugged me telling in my ear that he misses me but I need to promise him time and space and he will promise me he’ll come back to me.. I trust him because we don’t brake each others promises. I understand he needs time. He also said he needs to get his priorities straight school and work I guess that is what he’s stressing about and I get I put stress on him.. so tell me I keep being patient abd wait till he is less stress? He also said he needs to miss me.. What do I do because I miss him and I just don’t know how long it will take?
  • Ron DOWNEY: Very Thank you. I can relate to this very much.
    Have a lady friend and her and I both have strong feelings for each, feel a very strong and some what soul Matish connection. But even though she’s known in her heart her last relationship was over 18months ago, she’s only been separated from him for a month. It’s been the last week her and I have expressed our true feelings. She’s now asked for space to sort her feelings out. As painful as it is for me to do, I do love her and need to respect her wish and step back. Even though I did text her to let her know that even in silence, I am here, I’m not too far. I haven’t got upset and left her out of anger.
    Great advice and thank you again.
  • Laureen: Thank you so much for sharing some insight on this. My boyfriend of 5 years recently mentioned that he needs to move out in order to figure things out. He said there are some emotional issues within himself he believes should be dealt with before he commits to marriage and so. At first I was hurt, angry and jealous. But after we sat and talked and I read your article, I now understand what he is going through. I will try my best to support him and be understanding.
    Thanks again
  • Reo: thanks for the advice
    I feel much better
    my girlfriend wants some space n I thought that it means breaking up but I read ur advice n it help me thanks again
  • MsRita: I agree because I am dealing with that right now and he left not only for his self but also for me I feel this space was needed and I believe it will make our relationship stronger and bring us closer together. I know he is who I was ment to be with so I just pray and take it one day at a time.
  • Mimo: I really dunno what to do..I’m mostly lost and feeling like disappointed.. My bf asked me that he needs a space to be alone 2 days ago, I refused at the first place and we have fought but at the end he left with his decision that he needs a space, I dunno what’s happening knowing that he loves me a lot ..we used to talk daily all the time 24/7 ..with whom he will talk now or what would he do all the time ..since two days till now no word or show never..but he is chatting on wtsapp and everything is going okay with him I guess .. What can I do? Would I wait or try to move on? I have feeling that he wants to break up with me and he says he needs a space just to move on away from me step by step ..
  • jake: My wife and I get in arguments here and there...I would like to talk it out and resolve the situation but she seems to never want to talk it out ...then says she needs space but we never talk about it again...what should I do?
  • Hmrc: Well I’ve been with my girlfriend for 5 years and she is under a lot of stress with school because she thinks she might not get in her program. We have had ups and downs and I’ve done some bad things in the past that hurt her a lot. Despite everything we have gotten through everything. Last week she said she loved me with all her heart and then two weeks later she said she didn’t love me and she wanted space and to move on and this and that. What does everyone think is going on? Later she called me and told me she thought I deserved a call and I told her how I felt and she said to leave her alone and In a few weeks we could tak again but to be prepared and accept whatever decision. I’m very confused. Help? Does she love me or not anymore?
  • rose: IVE BEEN DATING SOMEONE FOR THREE WEEKS , I TOLD HIM ONCE I LOVE HI HE GOT FREAKED OUT ABOUT IT DONT KNOW WHY THEN HEasked me for a space for few days , he called me back but he was talking to me different , not like before, he used to tell me nice words ;like babe or sweetheart , BUT THIS TIME HE WAS SO OFFICIll like hi how r you , im so confused ands don’t know whT TO DO PLEse help
  • Johnny Nicks: That must be very upsetting. Have you asked him why he freaked out? I suppose three weeks is a bit quick?
  • keith hopkins: Hi, my partner has just told me that when we sell our house (on market now) that she doesnt want met move with her or our two little boys(6 & 3). She says she wants space. I work away mon - fri though! I have done for the last 8 years because we have big motgage we had mo option. We are sellling hpuse to remove all money pressure ans so i can commute daily.
    She has tod me something is missing and doesnt want to be on a loveless relationship. Yet i love everythingabout her and couldnt wait to sell and move and start our new life.
    What do i do? Very hard to back off, even if thevlove is only one way. She says she has got used to being pn her own and prefers it that way. She says there is no one else involved and i am trying to believe her bit i find it difficult. Can you give mesome advice please?
  • Julia: So my boyfriend and I have been together for over three years now. I am 26 and he is 28. We have been thru a lot, but what I should really say is that he has been thru a lot and I have been there to support him the whole time. We fell in love instantly and the day I met him, I knew he was my soul mate. Soon to find out, he told me he didn’t drive because he has epilepsy. I actually had a seizure disorder when I was a child and had over 100 seizures so I could relate and that didn’t bother me at all. The great person, overshined that! Down the line I also found out that he had drug and alcohol issues. Just recently he was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Through the years that we have been together, he made mistakes with relapsing and his seizures worsened. I stood by him and supported him, when no one else was there because I still knew that deep down inside he was an amazing man. He is my best friend and truly the man that I want a future with! After years of being together, he stopped working and he had to stop school because his seizures took over his life. He became very depressed and said that "he just wanted to be a normal person and live a normal life" I knew that he was down, but I got him in to see a therapist and took him to his appointments and always told him how much he meant to me and that we was wonderful. I always told him I loved him very much and gave him compliments all the time. We enjoy each others company and we just fit together so perfectly...Well over a month ago, he broke up with me and said that we should both go our seperate ways and that I deserve better and that the guy that lands me is going to be the luckiest guy! He said that he loves me and always will. I was heartbroken. We lived together. As I was packing my things to move out, I found bottles and knew that he had relapsed. I have always been the person that is calm and understanding and have always told him I would always be there to support him and he if he ever needed to talk or felt like drinking that he could talk to me. Since we have broken up, we have talked a couple of times on the phone and met twice in person. He texts me, you forgot these things here, you can come by to pick them up. The two times that I had met up with him, we connected so well and we told each other how much we meant to each other and we had intimate moments. He has asked for space and has told me now that, this is just a break. He appologised about how he approached me with all of this and how everything went down. He told me that he loves me and cares about me a lot, but he said that he is not well mentally nor physically and he can’t give me what I deserve right now. He said that he needs time to work on himself so he can feel confident and love himself. He said he needs to be able to deal with his issues alone and its not fair to depend on me. He said that he can’t be in a relationship right now because he is not healthy and has a lot of things that he needs to do for himself. He said that he is trying hard to get better and better his life to get back to me.I love this man very much. I believe him when he says that he loves me. I believe him when he says that this is a break and we just need some time apart. I am just hurting right now because all i want to do is be with the person that is my best friend, my soulmate and the love of my life. We saw each other a week ago today and ended things with the same thing, he loved me and this was a break and we just need space right now. I told him that I was going to respect him and give him that space and that I was going to leave the ball in his court if he wanted to contact me and that I wouldnt call him. Not because I didn’t want to, but because he asked for space. This week has been really hard because all i have wanted to do is call him and hear his voice and tell him how much i love him, but i didn’t. We had a conversation tonight after seven days and he called me, but it was to tell me that he was leaving for his family vacation on Friday and I don’t get done work till after he will already be gone for a week, that he was putting out a bag of treats he found for our dog that I have and a blanket that is his that my cat loved. Do you think that he just called me because he missed me and wanted to hear my voice? Did he really call to tell me, that he wanted to give me some things for the pets. The treats have been sitting in the cabinet for how long and that blanket was his, not my cats. I told him that I missed him and that i loved him and he said that he misses me too and he still loves me. He also says this is just a break and he would love for us to be together again. He said time will tell. I asked him what he told his parents and he said that we are just taking some space and time apart for now. I asked him what I should tell people when they ask about us. He said tell that we are on a break and taking some time apart for now. I want to trust that this is a break and we will end up getting back together, slowly but surely, but he is still asking for space and I don’t know how much time is enough and how much time is too much to walk away. Please someone help me!
  • ss84kk: Yes this is fact a space is giving some interaction and attraction towards others, and this may make trust if husband also appropriate for it than we lady feel more trust on chat peoples and like to meet with him
  • Evolinol: Hey could anyone help me? ive been with my girlfriend for almost a good 2 years now and recently she asked for a break/space and i have no idea what to do or how to handle it. any advice would help thanks
  • kay_: Evolinol, it’s always tough when a partner asks you to give them space, of course it’s natural for you to be thinking if you have done anything wrong. The most important thing though is to try not to read to much into it. I myself have asked my boyfriend for space previously, we woman are complicated. And sometimes a little space does us good and we come back to our men with a clear head. Just because she has asked for space does not mean her feelings for you have changed. It’s very important to accept her decision and not challenge it, I may make it worse. There’s many reasons why your partner could want space, maybe she just wants some time to herself, to think possibly, maybe she just needs to figure out something’s. Most likely though it won’t last too long as she will reaslise how much she misses you and needs you. So just do the right thing by her and respect her decision, and if still meant to be it’s meant to be.
  • Evolinol: kay_ thanks for the advice. too add onto it shes currently going into college and says she doesnt want the stress/ baggage of a relationship. she loves my but i make her feel trapped its just confusing me and hurting me deep inside. after a lil argument she said were through and i stated well lets just take ur break idea and she said yea lets do that. idk maybe in over analyzing but its hard not to
  • kay_: Evolinol, sorry to hear that, I guess I can see where she is coming from, but I guess if she does really love you and you really love her I’m sure you guys should be able to find a way to make it work. Maybe your also a bit worried that you won’t get to spend time with her as much now that she is going to college. But honestly sometimes a beak is all you need to realise that it will either work or it won’t. Give it a go, give her space, have some time to clear your thoughts, do your best not to bombard her I.e avoid texting. I hope for your sake things work out, cause it’s never a nice situation to be in
  • Evolinol: Thanks kay
  • Anu: Brilliantly written.. Thanks for alleviating my fears in mind.. Your article was just the thing I wanted to read in order to know am mentally stable and it’s a common thing to feel it in similar way!
  • Jessjade: My partner and I have been together almost 2 years and he asked for a break after I brought up wanting to have a baby in 2 years? He moved out of our house 2 months ago and we’ve had little contact. I don’t know how to take it? He told me he loves me and he promises we’ll work it out but I’m losing hope...
  • Twiggy: To move out at the suggestion of having a family I’d say he’s scared as it’s a very big thing but to be honest I’d give him space but not for too long then confront him ask him if this seems to be a permanent thing now so you know where you stand ....good luck
  • Alohanani: Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Makes me feel better a bit and understand my own situation.
  • hurtandlonely: I totally understand what everybody on here is talking about. It was a couple months ago that i had looked at my boyfriend phone while he was passed out drunk and what i found was not good. He had 8 different pictures of this girl and so i forwarded them to my phone. I also saved her number to my phone. The texts that they were sending back and forth were something else. So that monday morning after i found this stuff, i was fixing to go into work, when i texted the girl and informed her that i was his girlfriend of three years and then to top it all off they worked together. So after i sent her a long text, i sent one of the pics that i had sent to my phone with a bunch of question marks. He did not reply right away and when he did, he stated that he walked into a **** storm at work. my reply was, hey you cheated on me, arent you the least bit curious on how i am feeling? So that night after we both got off of work, we sat down to talk about it(yes, i had a bag packed). So the pictures were of the different parts of that girl’s body. I asked him if he had slept with her and he said no, i asked him if he had kissed her and he said yes and then asked other details. so he told me that he never wanted to do that again after seeing what it had done to me. so i kept asking him daily if he had seen her and he would tell me that she would not look at him. So I asked him if nothing happened why did she send 8 pictures of her nude body and his answer was that he mislead her. I then asked him how did he mislead her and he stated that maybe he forgot to tell her that he had a girlfriend. Anyways, he tells me the other day that last thursday was her last day and that him and his boss were told by the office manager that day and that is how he found out. So he was doing laundry the other day and there was receipt left out and so i asked him if he went alone and he said no that he took her to lunch since it was her last day and that she drove. So now i want to know how big of an idiot i am and what am i supposed to do? Also when will i feel like i am worth something again and not want to stay in bed all the time?
  • Twiggy: Hi was there a reason for you to check his phone as this is certainly not the best thing to do trust wise?? Apparently once we start looking at each other’s texts or emails it’s a sign of insecurity and no trust . I know you probably think your glad you found out but it’s where do you go from here . Through my own experience I believe in leopards and spots so think long and hard about whether you can ever trust him again ...good luck
  • hurtandlonely: I checked his phone cuz a couple days prior to that, two things happened. First, he told me that he took her to lunch and that they talked and then he went on to say that her **** was nicer but i looked better and then he asked if i would do a ***** with her. Second, one night we were watching tv and i grabbed his phone and held it far way and was looking at him the whole time and so he started cussing and so i handed it back to him. So when i asked him about his lunch last thursday and he told me that he took her and that she drove and he paid and to top it off it was at a french restraunt. Why would a man that says he loves his woman take a woman that he cheated on his woman with to a french restaurant? It was her last day of work and she got that. I think that he just keeps lying to me cuz he thinks that i wont do anything and i havent. Why would he say one thing and i think and have a feeling that he is lying to me and when i ask, he gets mad at me
  • 8675309: What cracks me up about this article is the spouses who are infringing on the other spouse’s space wont read this. And, its not like you can say "Read this." without them thinking youre a ****. Truthfully, you just have to be a ****. Such a lose-lose situation.
  • denis: I moved into a place with my girlfriend about a month ago. Before the move we were both happy, during the move she stressed out and I ended up doing all the packing, moving and unpacking.
    Then for the last month she’s been upset about the boxes.
    Now that the boxes are gone shes upset that im not giving her enough space.
    However during the hole move and month after we didn’t have sex, cuddled or even sleep in the same bed after we agreed we wouldn’t sleep separately if we got a 2 bedroom.
    The last few days I’ve been getting yelled at everytime I try to cuddle or crawl in her bed. She says she needs more space but I leave her alone while I work 10 hours and at night when she is in bed and its still not enough space :(
  • Nelly: This is something i need to send to my partner because they dont get it and if they see it in writing, by someone else it might help. I feel you are 1000% correct.
  • David: I call garbage to this. Needing space ended my marriage because she was talking to my best friend at the time about our relationship and well the line got crossed. I call having space garbage.
  • Sad Lady: When he needs space, I give it to him. He has his own office in our home, and spends a good 12 a day there (works from home). Inside, I hate it. I’m a very affectionate person who loves spending time together, but I don’t complain because I know he’s someone who needs time on his own to work, do his music and read etc...
    When I need space, he thinks I’m mad at him or he gets distant and non-communicative. Usually I take some time alone when I need to think about our relationship and my future with him. He never talks to me about stuff like that so I have to try to work it out on my own.
    In this case, I suppose me needing space is a pre-cursor to wondering if I’m leaving him. So far, I’ve worked it out though, so I can agree with those people who worry about their partner needing space. Most people won’t say it’s because they don’t want to be with you anymore. If more people were up front, there would be less pain.
  • Jen: I have a very sensitive boyfriend. Whenever hes mad at me he always ask for a space to heal his pain. I was not use to it because im afraid he might thinking of breaking up with me. Im not use to it cause I’d rather want him to express his feeling with my presence than leaving him alone..
  • Jeff: Yes agree totally as my wife has decided that she needs space and reading this blog is just like the way I feel. I will take on board the comments and try and give space,but call me thick but I am finding it difficult to define space. What is space? Not asking questions? Not asking innapropiate questions? Not commenting when they go out a lot? encouraging them to go out with girlfriends? being king and considerate and show you love them? as this is having the opposite affect for me. Not worrying where they are and when they come home? Not even asking how they are doing?....is there a female out there that has actually experinced these feelings and wanted space. If so, please tell me what it means!!!
  • Jhen: When he ask a space.. I ask him back how many days will i give you for to heal whatever pain you have felt.. He said .. He dont know... I ask him.. Should i have some assurance that you will back to me .. He then said i dont know...
  • anthony: And update kinda since my girlfriend has gone to college we have talked it out and she says she hopes in the right one and we still seems very much in a relationship but she still needs space. We have minimal contac now but when we do its lovey dovey. Kinda confused still
  • jayden49: I agree with your saying but am scared she might leave me
  • John: Hi, thanks for posting this.
    I’m the guy that struggles with giving space and not understanding why. Exactly what you said is how I feel. Not sure if it’s trust or new relationship or is because of a past relationship. I know we love each other. I agree with giving space. Just I don’t know why I have a hard time with it.
    Any advice would be great.
    Thanks
    John
  • majorun: Obviously written by someone who feels the need to be alone sometimes... a personal opinion which I do not share... we can be together and not share and also share the "sorting out"... being together is a choice... not being together is also a choice... and what it reflects is that at that particular moment you prefer something else, does not need to be someone, but even something more than your partner’s presence..... Just learn to be together and yet on your own... its easy!
  • Emjay02: My boyfriend told me a month ago that he needs some time alone.. And i gave him the time that he wants, but when i texted him yesterday. If how is he doin. He didnt response anyting.. I keep asking him but theres no answer. He just seen zone my msg.. Im really confuse what is our relationship status. I asked if he doesn’t want me.. just tell me so its clear in my mind that its over so i can move on. But he didnt reply... He ignore all of my msg.. Please help me what to do..
  • brendamike: We have been married for 16 years. Last week I found pictures she had taken of herself, she was posing, and some are nude. What should I do? Should I confront her, see if I can get more info?
  • b on b: This article hits home. I have been battling my significant other for the past 6 months on this very issue. I love her very much. I feel at times I cannot breathe and most nights cannot even sleep because of her need to be together constantly. This led to many unsettled arguments and now she is moving out in effort to "let me have a little space". As a last resort I showed her this article , and all the months of trying to explain finally made sense !
    I thank you very much for a very unbiased to the point truthful article. I love my significant other, but sometimes I just need 30 minutes just to regroup. I love her no less , and it is not her fault i need the space.
    thank you very much
    b on b
  • majorun: Makes no sense..... you love yourself more than her...
  • brendamike: Well everyone I have found out by getting a copy of my wifes text logs from Sprint that there is a lesbian actively chasing my wife. This woman is relentless in her text trying to persuade my wife into going out not only with her but with her girlfriend too. Granted I’m not saying if the girlfriend really knows what is going on either
  • majorun: You have a vivid imagination... but noone is in your game!
  • brendamike: I wish it was just my imagination and not my wife
  • majorun: If thats the case just confront her...
  • brendamike: I did and she denied everything
  • Twiggy63: Sometimes giving or asking for space is the start if a slippery slope if they want out but in my case my Ex partner smothered me so me asking for space was just to breathe for a time before he totally suffocated me
  • Twiggy63: How brendamike can she deny it if the photos are there?
  • Twiggy63: Hi john past hurts mistrusts etc can damage us but sometimes you have to let the past go as not everyone is tarred with the same brush .... If you get along well why spoil it. Give each other your own time as well as being together times then when you do spend time together you appreciate each other far more
  • majorun: If she denies evidence then she is lying to you.... you dont need this aggravation... it will only get worse... by the way the log shows she is being chased but did she respond? that should also appear in the log?
  • Twiggy63: That’s a good point majorun
  • brendamike: She said she didn’t send the pictures to her. But she did take them when Joyce pushed her hard enough
  • majorun: If she answered in any way orform or went along in any form... forget it
  • Figuringitout: I don’t understand brendamike...as a woman if someone I working my nerves via texts or number I simply block them. If you don’t want to be bothered...you find a way to stop it!
    Believe women and men know how to blow ppl off when necessary!
  • Isis56: My husband has made it clear over the last 16 months, that because I abused the space I had over the years, that there was no longer any offered, He made that clear the 1st week of March in 2013, In mid February he discovered I was having an affair with an old boyfriend, when we were confronted there was a bad situation stated by my boyfriend, and the last time he was in town he wanted to tell my husband he was sorry about what we had done that night, but my husband had hurt him so bad in the retaliation that all he could do was sit and cry, My husband just said one lesson given, that was in April. Then Memorial day. It was the first holiday my husband was not going to be otherwise at work, or in a medical facility since 1978.
    The cookout for friends and family was on our porch at our house when my husbands father showed up almost a full hour early. He told my husband since he had not been a participant in the holidays there were traditions he was not a part of, things he would not understand or permit in his house so he was told to disappear until he was called home, even offer 200.00 to be gone when the guests arrived, It was everything my mother in law and myself could do to keep my husband from feeding the money to his father, The three things that were allowed before in these get together’s was booze, pot. and I usually went with somebody his father chose to a club after the party’s. First there wasn’t any thing but beer allowed and that was very restricted to one every two hours this made his father a several friends extremely angry, but with the lawsuits about allowing somebody drunk leave your house or establishment drunk now, (my husband showed me the lawsuits that somebody sued the person were a party was given and letting some one walk out wasted was also held responsible)and about the pot My husband just wont allow period in his home, His father said are you telling me my friends can’t be responsible, for their own actions, my husband knew all of them and said you cant be responsible for your actions, and left it at that, his father started handing out tickets to the after diner club, I was supposed to accompany his best friend, my husband offered a ride if he did not hand him the ticket and scram, to the ER to remove his arm from his rear. This was the day everyone feared was coming for 32 years, his father was screaming at him about taking his rights without them being offered, and told my husband he was tired of his lip for one year and his bad manners, then he slapped his son, the last 12 years has been a terror, any one getting angry with my husband and attacks him deserved or not ends up badly hurt, this was no exception his father was the tenth badly hurt man after my husband backhanded him across our kitchen, the last week of July this year his father went back to a method that worked for a decade to get my husband to do as he wanted, armed confrontation to back him down, I went to keep my husband from being shot, His father and his two friends that backed my husband down with pistols considered the matter closed when we left him unharmed on our porch, my husband did not, He appeared with his cane in hand and laid his fathers friend faces open to the jaw bone bleeding into their breakfast, and my husband standing in front of his father cane point on his chest telling him he was going to feel every minute of the pain my husband was in for 32 years as he impaled his father with it, this was in front of his mother, the wives of the two men , his sister and her husband and 60 other customers, he was telling his father that he told him on memorial day that his interference in his life, and our marriage, that any where I am invited he is considered to be invited. I am convinced that if the four police officers weren’t there his father was going to be run through, they had to release husband because he recorded the confrontation 35 minutes before. I was going on a family cruise next spring his father wanted me to accompany his friend on, My husband discovered and changed the reservations, They had been made for next spring in March. this was before the trouble this Summer, I had put them on my husbands and my debit account, I just found out last Friday that my husband found and changed them. His fathers friend is not going, my husband discovered the charges and called the travel agent and changed them the day after they were made, I found out since he is the primary card holder he could change any thing he wants, His father asked my husband to indulge his wish this last time, asked him to give me some space after the stress of the last 16 months besides he was not invited, my husband said your indulgences cost me the last thirty two years of my life and marriage, as far as giving my wife space she was permitted to much for 31, and the only space I was to occupy was the nice place in hell you wanted me in, so now the concept of giving me space is probably never going to happen again, the concept that my husband could be controlled now meets with a steel wall of rebellion, There is nothing but his will, I asked about a little space, but since we moved August the first, he says you want space, there’s the door and about 1000 square miles of nothing but space, he says hers the keys to the cruiser, but I forgot you are afraid to drive and don’t have a license, there’s always the horse, but with your sense of direction we might find your body next spring, The abuse of my husbands trust, his what the government and him calls his enslavement over the last 32 years, has now probably sealed any concept of space, its killing the society we lived in, his father has been crying since the march before last, that his son is disrespectful, a ****, and several other choice explitives, everything done by my husband is considered with in his rights, The last 12 years has become a purgatory of force and my husbands counter force, my husbands counter force always ends with people hurt badly to the point at times of permanant damage, and I am finding out that we over thirty two years of not allowing my husband any time for himself, our marriage, or even his life has turned on us, his resentment has now turned to cold resolve, we took his freedom away for 32 years now its our turn.
    I really do not like his fathers friend but our account would have been repaid, I don’t like the mannerisms my husband is displaying, I was always taught when a reservation was made for someone else, it could be considered nothing but very bad manners to take that reservation, No matter the provocation, this was the second my husband took from his fathers friend, Is there any way I can get my husband to see what he is doing is uncivilized, I have said this but his answer is, was being promised to resume our marriage if I did not force my seniority rights for awhile civilized, was it civilized to force me into work on weekends and holiday at the business end of shotguns civilized when I had the right too force people with less seniority civilized, was it civility to make me work an average of 12.34 hours per day every day but six from 1985 to 2010, was it civilized to walk up to me in my own home after I supplied the house, the equipment and the food and tell me I had to leave until I was called home, his father said that is past this is now, and my husband has been in a rampage for 16 months, not allowing any space to figure out what should happen now.
    The thing my husband mostly points out is he has figured out his path now. The main idea is he is the first last and only arbitrator in my and his life, He says he identifies with Lucifer now, He would rather rule in his hell than serve in the heaven that is his fathers idea.
    I never ever thought, that resentment could become so poisonous and danger filled.
  • Sam: What really makes me more irritated is when I tell my gf hey Im really stressed out and grumpy I just want to be left alone and zone out from work or personal issues and she still comes by to "check up" on me.... to me that says hey I dont trust you and shows insecurity on her half.. which then makes me upset with her and then a fight usually comes next..Being left alone is pretty much me saying hey Im tired of other people stressing me out I want to be away from other humans..If you want to be the best gf or bf leave them a gift on there porch or in there mail box with a little note saying hey hope things get better or you feel better just know that Im here for you.. dont even tex or call that there is something there for them.. this way it does two things 1 your still in a way checking up but not invading his/her space and 2 when they feel better and come out of there shell they have a nice special surprise waiting for them.
  • Mike: Thank you for this article steph720! I needed to read this!
  • Chap is: So I was dating this guy and we got In a little argument so I told him that it was over that was my biggest mistake ever I’m feeling miserable cuz I love this person and he won’t give me a chance is been a week since I bro up with him and I asked him today if there was a little hope for me that we can start things again he told me he needs time what should I do I’m lost without him I can’t sleep and I cry ever day and night...
  • Jem: She or he needs time to think...
  • destinylove 23: But how much space do a person need and why cut all contact when u say u want it to work and just give it time if it’s meant to be it will come back god will show me back home like he showed me what you was doing
  • Dwight: Well me and my girlfriend has been dateing for 9 months, for the past three months she seem to be falling away from me, she will take a 4 day break ok we doing good for one day i might ask a question like you havnt heard from any of your old friends she get on fire, saying im sabotage the relationship why talking people to existent, well its close to Christmas we at it again i feel like giving up, just really trying to go through the pain and etc, im confuses, hurt, and tired, just got her back and guess what she gone again im thinking its an escape route please tell me what you guys think please, leave her alone move on or keep begging for someone who dont want to be with me
  • Paul: Thank-you, this makes me feel a whole lot better. I feared that the writing was on the wall but your article makes a lot of sense.
  • majorun: Keep away from anyone that does not long to be with you.....
  • Chapis: Is sad but this person dosent even talk to me anymore I as for a chances and all I got was an end of a relationship I miss this guy so much and I can’t get over him
  • Jem: You should..
  • Patrick: My girlfriend and I gad been dating for four months and after being away with her family in another state for 10 days for the holidays, told me that she needed to figure things out. We had previously talked every day, mostly texting. I gave her an out asking if she was done with me and she told me that she didnt want to sat that, but also didnt think it was fair to ask me to wait. I told her I would wait and give her the space she needs. Its been about a week and I haven’t heard from her at all. Its killing me but I am trying to stay strong and take this time to work o myself a little as well. Her birthday is in a few weeks so I decided that I would break the silence then by sending her flowers. Any issue with that? By her birthday it will have been three weeks since last talking. I just dont want to pressure her. Would it be a better idea to give her one more week and test the waters with a text to see how things are going? Thanks in advance.
  • Jem: Yes .
  • janet: I was dating someone that was in the middle of selling their place and moving to another place. We got along great and then they stopped talking to me. We finally spoke and I said I understood and when everything is in order on their end... did they still want to spend time with me or was I just getting blown off. The answer was, I’d like to continue spending time. I said take the time you need and get back to me when you’re settled. The response was, thanks for being so cool about this. We haven’t spoken in a couple weeks. How long before just chalking it up to a blow off and move on?
  • Chapis: Well I move on but I still have feelings for my ex boyfriend and I miss him so much it’s been almost 4 months and I cant get over him what should I do because he is in a relationship I try seeing other guy’s but he is always in my mind please someone help me...
  • rachella: Hi chapis
    I am in the same position like you . I really love my ex boyfriend and he is already in relationship with another girl too. The worst thing is,he is still get in contact with me and told me that he is not happy with her at all. I cannot get him out from my mind too.
  • Rachella: Well my situation is bad cuz he doesn’t want to talk to me and I don’t bother him either so I gu only time will tell but I love him too....
  • Jem: Let him come to you or start up the communication yourself with him.
  • Jem: Like I say Jem I don’t talk to him at all no text no calls no person to person contact at all....
  • rachella: Chapis
    it is better if is not talk to you at because it will be easier to move on. If he is keep talking to you then it will be so hard. My ex always tried to pull meback with him when he knows I am seeing another guy but he doesnt want to leave his currect gf. So, it so difficult for me to move on ....
  • Rachella: Thanks a million to all of you who understand me
  • Jem: No talking then avoid him..
  • Kitten: I just did this with my bf this past weekend as I need some time to work my health issues and how I feel and we have communications problems in our relationship and I don’t like the way I get blamed for them. He came and got his things and was so mad and mean to me when he did. He wouldn’t even talk to me or let me say one sentence and when I tried to he threatened to call the cops!!!. I feel guilty like I messed up. How dare I have needs right? He even gave me back a bracelet I gave him.. geez. I think he thinks it was a break up ... but that wasn’t my intention.. He didnt even ask why.. He is just said OK. UGh
  • Jem Lopez: You must control your anger..
    Maybe he wanted to end it..
  • Kitten: Read it again Jem. I wasn’t angry at all Jem.. that was him! I was trying to say something to him very calmly I didn’t get angry or rough. He has trust issues from his past with women because of his ex wife.. Honestly there was no need for him to call the cops on his girlfriend.
    I have no idea if he wanted it to end.. There was no indication of that. before. We just have problems communicating and he come from an abusive past so he has triggers etc and you never know when they are going to come on. He knew I was having health problems affecting my energy levels so I do not think it was wrong of me to want a bit of time since I was stressed out and so was he.. We were both going through stressful times because of other things.. He said Ok to it and than flipped out on me later..
  • Jem Lopez: I am sorry.
    Then Just let him go.
  • Rachella: I know but I love this guy so much but like I say I don’t call him I don send him text we are not friends on any social media and I even left work so I didn’t have to see him but my love is so strong that I miss him so much
  • rachella: Hi
    how about try to date another guy ? I love my ex too but it makes me angry when he said he still love me but he cant leave this girl. So, Ive been trying to date or see as many guy as possible.
  • jgipson: Jackson
    I love you because I don t wanna broke up with you I want trust you because you love me I can t promise you because I am not sure where I go just write letter back to me
    love
    Jinny
  • Mark: Spot on. I really needed to have this assistance. Ive read this past like 10 times to keep from looking my mind after my girlfriend of 6 months told me she needed some space. Thank you for this.
  • 8nfinity: Thanks for this blog. It’s a good reminder. :)
  • Jem: She needs space and time.
  • 8nfinity: ?
  • Jem: Takes time
  • clarissa: HI, i have been with my ex for three years, over the course of the three years trust issues, and lying had become a factor in our relationship, then we were arguing non stop, very often saying hurtful things to each other, just a week ago , my boyfriend was in the car with me and i said something to make him made and he just snapped on me, we ended up arguing the whole night and we both broke down and cried. after that he texted me for a couple of days but made no attempts to call me when i asked him to, then he text me and said " i love you but, ive hurt you to much for you to be with me" after that he will not answer any of my texts nor calls. i called him from my friends phone and i asked him if he is walking out of my life and to just be honest about it, he says no he just feels overwhelmed and angry and needs to figure out how to get over it and find himself. after that he told me to call him back later on my phone, he never answered. i just dont know what to do
  • Clarissa: Is sad what you are going through and is hard when you are in love but is sad and hard when we satay if the other person dosent love us back you have to learn to let go and move on with your life...
  • Marie: Hi, I am going through a rough time right now with my boyfriend. We have been dating for 8 months now and we are so much in love but he recently told me about a week ago that he needs space because he is very frustrated. I have 3 kids he has none. I told him right up front what I have going on and what I have to offer. I told him about my 3 kids and that im currently going through a divorce and that my husband is psycho. After knowing all of that he was still interested in me and we started dating. after two months he wanted to meet my kids and they all got along so well! things were going awesome with us, we have the best connection with each other and are very lovey dovey!! I am officially divorced now, that happened in December 2014. and things with my ex husband has calmed down A LOT! but randomly one night I get a phone call from my ex and he tells me he misses me and still loves me and wants to work things out cuz he misses our family. I told him in a very stern but civil way that I would never get back with him and for him to never bring this up again because its awkward for me and that im sorry for what he is going through but this is very inappropriate and cant happen again. He said ok and was sorry for bothering me. I told my boyfriend what happened because I tell him everything and am always honest to him and I guess that was the last straw for him. He got so frustrated and said he needed space. he doesn’t understand why my ex feels like he can still say stuff like that to me. He knows I have no interest in my ex at all whatsoever, but he feels like I handled it way to nice and that my ex will just keep on thinking that was ok and keep doing it. I never thought in a million years that we would be on a break! it hurts so bad! He says he loves me so much but that he needs distance to make sure if he really wants this lifestyle. right after he told me that I took action in showing that we would never have to deal with my ex husband again by getting ahold of his girlfriend and his girlfriend has agreed to be the middle person. he appreciated that but he said that should have been done a long time ago. but he has never actually sat down and talked with me about how he is feeling he has only complained about some minor stuff that has happened with my ex and I would agree with him and would be frustrated as well so I didn’t think that there was something seriously going on with my bf. he says he cant see me or communicate with me because when he does it clouds his judgment. So I respect him and am giving him his space, but am also just so stressed and depressed of not knowing what will come of it. my kids have been asking about him as well they have gotten attached! Since the break he has contacted me like every other day or so to see how im doing and what I have been up to. and just the other night he said he misses me and wants to know if I wanted to spend time with him that night. So I went over to his place after work, we went to the gym, made some homemade dinner for us, watched a movie from the redbox and it was like things were the way they use to be. we were all lovey dovey and cute with eachother. then the next day comes and its back to being on a break and not hearing from him...Is there anyone with a similar experience that has kids and an ex husband/wife and is dating someone that doesn’t and if so what is your advice and what was the end result.
  • Andy: Very true. I have been finding a reason why she needs time off.
  • Don: I am going through the space thing with my wife. We both retired together way to young and now she tells me she needs space and I was angry and hurt at first and yes it spurred resentment jealousy and mistrust because of her being online with guys in chat rooms. It makes me feel like I am not enough for her. She told me she needs the interaction to talk to other guys and it is nothing with me. She is getting older and feels the need to feel that she is still attractive. I told am I not enough?
    So now I give her space but sometimes I think this could ruin us after 24 years together but I guess time will tell. I do see her making an effort to stay off her phone more and work on our house together.
  • Andy: I am sorry to hear what your going through Don. Sometimes its just so hard to tell or predict if weather a particular girl/lady we are going to be with despite going through the first phase (marriage) are the right one or not.
    She said she wants time off and asked me to wait for her. Just after yesterdays late night phone call which i called because i can’t stand it anymore, i saw the part of her being childish and acting foolishly as well as being sarcastic and stupid. If she needs answer because she’s confused then let us be together and see if we are still the correct pair. Lets just try things out if all she can say is she wants to try too. Because after all we man are also human. how could they just let us be friends and say still keep contact. Theres no answer either its Yes together or No no more together. Instead i would just act on myself. Let it be. Apply strict NO CONTACT and just ignore her. Try to tell yourself to get over her and try to smile on a daily basis. She will come and talk or drop emails or messages but just ignore. i believe its the answer for now.
    Don I’m sorry i was carried away with my emotions. I really understand you man. But things won’t make you any better man if these continues. Your just going to live everyday thinking that she is trying to be back which we Mars have no idea at all. I really feel you man. Keep in touch and we can share our thoughts and experiences.
    Thanks.
  • innocent_eyes: Can somebody help? I’m in a bad state right now.. my long distance bf wants space...he said he loves me but he needs to take time to fix his own issues right now. I naturally freaked out and started begging to start with , but then i agreed to let him have his space as it could also benefit myself..this was yesterday. I’m scared, feel sick, cant sleep or eat. Can someone please help... anyway of getting through this? i don’t even know where i stand.. i started a new job in retail... its only my second day and i cant even bare to face it.. I’m so lost without him. P.s. i would also like to add that he doesn’t want to be friends... but he doesn’t want me being with anyone else.. he said he’s just confused right now :s well so am i! he also ended it with "I’m not gone from your life.. i just need a little time"...
  • Don: Andy thank you for your reply! Yes I am going through hell with her! I thought we were working it out we talked and hugged and cried and she told me she knew she hurt me and saw what I was going through with my dad and I left her a nice note and then the next night she is texting a guy with his shirt off and all buffed and I told her how do you even know that’s him?
    Her reply oh it’s him but he stopped texting me because he had a girlfriend but now they broke up! I said see but you are married and here you are texting him! She said I am nosy and then got off the phone and was cold towards me and of course we got into a fight and she said I was starting a fight again!
    We go through this over and over and I am just tired of it! This is no way to have a relationship!
    She said we should sell the house and go our separate ways and I said yes! I am giving up! My friend said she is playing me and I think he Is right.
  • Jack: I felt really insecure and worried my relationship was coming to an end when my gf said she wanted some space from time to time. I felt like it was all over and kept askin myself, "what did I do wrong?" "Does she still love me?" "Maybe she wants to break up!"... Well, that is untill I read this article. And wow. It made me see sense. It made me see that her asking for space and nothing to do with me or was showing a lack of love or that she wanted to break up. It literally just means what it sounds like. This article made me realise that when she said she needs space sometimes from time to time. It has nothing to do with me. It is so she can be alone and not have to talk about some problems. So she can think through them by herself and just spend some time alone with herself. She even said that she needs space drone everyone, not just me. And this is the best article I’ve read. If I didnt read it my relationship wouldn’t probably exist. And my relationship will be better because of it :)
  • Kitten: Wish all men were willing to understand like you Jack... Mine blocked me and got super nasty when he came to get stuff from my place.. He is probably not thinking of me or what problems I was having at the time (which he knew about) and how overwhelmed I was at it all.. Instead of being understanding, he choose to be mean and cruel (a side of him I didn’t see before) and even threatened to call the cops because I tried to say two words to explain more... Oh well, I guess underneath it all he is a ****..and it is over... All because I needed some space and time.. Right before he drove away he said very meanly "Enjoy your space."
  • Aly: Here are the feelings from the person who got asked for more space. SO and I are in our 20s, and lived together for almost 2 years, albeit with roommates.
    In a perfect relationship, something snapped from one day to the other. He now asks for more space to do his own thing. I agree. But now he has been gone every evening, without giving me any idea where he is. For example he left at 4 pm last night to grill with friends, and at 4 am I texted him worried that everything was ok, and he responded, "oh yea, we went out, and i’m staying the night here." I’m all for more space, but some communication is necessary. Please if you are asking someone for more space, understand that the person asking feels as if they have been sidelined, and now feel like a ragdoll that must wait to hear how the person asking for space feels. That the other person can do whatever they want and the person giving more space must simply smile and support them while being suddenly being left alone all the time without consideration for how THEY feel.
  • Don: I am sorry but the writing is on the wall! He is young immature and you should not put up with his ****! There are way to many great guys out there!
    Take care
  • Don: I to am going through a lot with my wife. She tells me she is mixed up and is texting these men. Right now after I returned from my church dinner she is ignoring me and is texting some guy and I am just tired of it all!
    Life is way too short to be treated like ****! After 24 years I deserve better!
  • Jalaya: Hello, Don’t you deserve a women who will love you for you. Don’t feel ashamed, you didn’t do anything wrong. She couldn’t see she has a good men right in front of her face.
  • ybz: Me and my partner has been together almost 5years sept coming and living together almost 4 we are both 26. My anxiety keeps getting in the way of things. He left to go see his family, he says he was only going for a few days but we had an arguement and hes been there almost a month now. He says he needs lil space which i do agree with him because we live together and hes constantly around me. But its like am not giving him his space i keep messaging him and he keeps ignoring me. He will ansa me now and then and say hes comin home but wont tell me when. Hes suppose to come nex week and i dont wanna be messaging him at all i wanna give him a chance to miss me. What should i do. I sent him a text today not to give up on us and am going to get the help i need and i also told him not to reply and i wont text back. I dont want to loose him and at this point ill do anything to save my relationship. When no one else was there he was always there to hold me down. Should i ignore him until he comes we talk. I keep thinkin what if he found someone else and i asked him and he says no. Am home lonely and miss him. Also what can i do to surprise him when he comes home to show my appreciatiin and to show him that i love him. But the most important thing when he said he needed space i was constantly messaging him. Is there hope for us
  • ybz: Me and my partner has been together almost 5years sept coming and living together almost 4 we are both 26. My anxiety keeps getting in the way of things. He left to go see his family, he says he was only going for a few days but we had an arguement and hes been there almost 2 month now. He says he needs lil space which i do agree with him because we live together and hes constantly around me. But its like am not giving him his space i keep messaging him and he keeps ignoring me. He will ansa me now and then and say hes comin home but wont tell me when. Hes suppose to come nex week and i dont wanna be messaging him at all i wanna give him a chance to miss me. What should i do. I sent him a text today not to give up on us and am going to get the help i need and i also told him not to reply and i wont text back. I dont want to loose him and at this point ill do anything to save my relationship. When no one else was there he was always there to hold me down. Should i ignore him until he comes we talk. I keep thinkin what if he found someone else and i asked him and he says no. Am home lonely and miss him. Also what can i do to surprise him when he comes home to show my appreciatiin and to show him that i love him. But the most important thing when he said he needed space i was constantly messaging him. Is there hope for us
  • Jal: Give him a whole week without contact. That what I’m doing in my guy situation. Guys hate women who are clingy and desperate. That why they run in fear.
  • Jalaya: Give him a whole week without contact. That what I’m doing in my guy situation. Guy hate clingy and desperate women. They wont a attractive women who confident in her self. And with her flaws. There was a typo on my last comment with my name spelling jal.
  • april: Love it great advice ...
  • Jalaya: thanks, men love a women who has a life of their own.
  • Charles: I’ve been dating my gf for 2 months and everything has been totally heavenly. she is going thru a tough divorce and her job is driving her nuts and these things are constantly upsetting her. we see each other about 4 nights a week mainly at her request. a few days ago she suddenly said that she needed a break to spend a little more time with her 3 kids and that she loved me and still wanted to see me but just needs a little time. she then emailed me the same thing the next day but said that she missed me but just needed a little break. we were going to talk about it together a couple nights ago but she backed out and said that she just isn’t ready to talk face to face. she said last week that no one has ever been this good to her and that we have a really good thing going. I’m 49 and she’s 46. any thoughts?
  • Deleted: My bare impression is that she seems to be all about what SHE wants at the moment. Her job and divorce are not your problem. Do you guys ever talk about YOU and what you want?
  • Charles: Yes we do, but we haven’t laid down parameters and expectations for us yet. She is a very loving and giving woman. I told her after she backed out of meeting that I respect her and honor her request. She stated last week that she is seeing how are families are meshing well and where this is headed and it kinda scares her. I think she is a bit overwhelmed with everything at the moment.
  • Don Dressel: Watch out! She could be on the rebound! Be careful as she has a lot of drama right now so don’t get caught up in all of it!
    You know the old saying
    " where angels dare to tread!"
  • Charles: She had a move-on relationship or 2 already and she hates her ex and "the effect he has had on her". She told me that this is by far the best relationship she has ever had and asked if I were "too good to be true". I’m pretty sure she’s missing me just the same. ****, it feels like half of me is missing.
  • Don: I have been with my wife 24 years and have been nothing but faithful to her! She said I have treated her better than any other guy she had been with and it was the best relationship she ever had and all her other boyfriends had all cheated on her and only lasted maybe 2 years at best!
    Now we are splitting up why?
    Because she is on chat rooms talking to all these other guys!
    Talk is cheap! Just be careful coming from one man to another
    Take care
  • Jose gonzalez: When they want space do you still aloud to text them if they are ok or does space mean no contact at all??
  • Patrice: I have a boyfriend for 3 months. He always says he really really really loves me and I’m his entire world. Literally! I feel pressure every time he says that. He becomes more jealous of my guy friends. He wants to be with me every seconds and to do a lot of things with him. Sometimes I just can’t breathe. Yes, it’s sweet but I find it a little bit clingy. What do you think?
  • scott: My girl is very flirtty at work but comes to me an says she loves me so much i mean thats just probley how she is but still in a realitio.ship i dont do that type of stuff she says she needs a brake but this is the 5th one this year im very hurt in my heart an need help
  • Jalaya: Hello Scott it time to let her go. And find a women who is going to faithful and loyal to you. She like being a player, she could do it by her self.
  • Mae: Hey guys, so this is going to be really long.. Anyways, I will get on with my story. So yesterday, I texted my bf before, during my break, and after work. I didn’t get any text from him for the whole day and usually I will get a text around 12pm which is usually my break time. I called him after work to see if everything was okay because it was already 3pm and he has work at 4:30pm. I called him and he said he just literally woke up and then theres me spazzing and kept saying " are you sure? you better not be lying to me " etc. Then he got annoyed and said "wtf" and ended the call. Obviously, I got really angry because I was just asking and swore at him over texts. He then said " I feel like you don’t trust. I just literally woke up and I get this." I told some of my close friends about our argument and they said that if I love him then I should trust him. And that guys needs some time too especially when they are tired. They just want to sleep. So I get his POV too and I know I am wrong. For the past few weeks, we have been fighting constantly over little stupid things... I even called 911 because I was so ****. I know its stupid. I even threw my gadgets because I was very mad. I even walked out on him on our 13 months and asked my mom to pick me up. IKR? CRAZY PSYCHO ****. You name it. And I am not going to lie. Overtime we get into an argument, we always hug it out after but this time its different. Yesterday, I texted him a long **** messaged stating that what I did was wrong and that I am very sorry. He was just fed up with me and said he needs some space rn. I am really anxious right now. Please give me some advice. I don’t wan’t this to happen right now. I really love him. We have grown so much for the past 13 months. We have been through so much already. We created happy memories together. What should I do?
  • Jay: Hi, I don’t really know where to start. I started dating my long distance girlfriend 9 months ago. When we started dating I had it in mind we would see each other every other weekend for about 3-5 days. This was great for me because I am in college and still desire to have time for myself and for my other relationships (family, friends, co-workers). Also, I am a creative person, and I am most creative when allowed to be alone for periods of time. She told me she was a creative person as well and has a degree in journalism, but I have yet to see any creativity since we’ve been together. Our every other weekend quickly turned into about 20 days out of the month being together, if not more. She only goes home when it’s her weekend to have her son. When she is not around me, she gets insecure, and when she is around me, if I’m not paying attention to her 100 percent of the time and showing her constant affection, she also gets insecure. If I am not intimate with her, she assumes I am no longer attracted to her. I don’t really have anything in common with her, so when we spend time together we almost have to take turns doing things although she is more than happy to do whatever I want to do. "Whatever makes you happy makes me happy" is what she says and that’s what worries me. In the past she has lived with men right away, within weeks of meeting each other, and she just always was into whatever they were into. I have told her my concerns that she doesn’t really know who she is and maybe needs to get more comfortable spending time alone because it’s hard to be with another person when you don’t even know how to be with yourself. But she doesn’t understand the concept at all. I am scared that eventually it will be too much for me and I will just want to leave. But I love her with all my heart. But at the same time I also want to finish college and do my own thing while I’m finishing college. I guess what I really want from this is more of a regular dating relationship. We live close enough that we can see each other often, obviously, just not daily. It’s important that I note, that while my mother was dying, she moved in for 3 months to help me, which I am grateful for more than I can ever repay her back. However, I am worried that living with me for 3 months got her more used to having me around than her actual initial desire to spend time with me. I guess what I want to know is, does she actually love me or is she scared to be alone?
  • Antonio: Thank you so much. I found this really helpful. I’ve on,y been seeing this girl for two months but we’ve really hit it off. We even talked about our intentions of wanting to be in something serious but not to rush into things. She recently wanted to have some space because she felt overwhelmed, so of course I agreed. I’ll admit I felt a little crushed because I thought it was because of me but I figured space would only bring us together and make us stronger. Thank you for this article, I’m confident things will work out.
  • narghis: This was extremely helpful, my significant other has been getting distant all of a sudden. And I guess my ego does get in the way because I start finding reasons why he is becoming so distant and quite. We tried to go on a break for 2 weeks it didn’t really work and still spoke here and there. Then afterwards it got better, then all of a sudden once again he wants to be left alone. I am just worried to leave him alone, but I guess I have to so he learns from his mistakes and grow. I just don’t want it to be something he gets us to. Anyways I will defiantly share this article it was extremely beneficial.
  • Bill: My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 3 months. She means the world to me. We both love each other very much. No arguments or fights at all. We did see each other everyday for 2 and a half months. Last week I picked her up at work and took her home. She told me she needed space. I said that’s fine. I texted her the next day to see how she was doing. No response. Its been a week today. I sent her a couple cards and a note expressing my feelings. Should I have done this? Is it normal not to here from her? Its driving me crazy. I know we both need space. So many thoughts going through my head. Any input would be helpful. Thanks.
  • Johnny Nicks: What you did was fine Bill..You have done all you can do. Lets just sit tight and see where things go now.
  • kitten: Bill, you sound like the perfect boyfriend.. I wish my ex had taken it like you did.. You handled it very well... mine basically at first said OK and then turned all mean and nasty on me and blocked me on FB and refused to talk to me unless I went to his shrink with him. He came to get his stuff from my place and threatened to call the cops on me if I said two words to him..... We were together for three months.. Been six months since I talked to him.. Probably all for the better now - I think he showed me his true nature...:/
    For your girlfriend, a week isn’t that long really... All you can do is wait now.. Good Luck to you . hugs!
  • Bill: My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost three months. Everything was going good until last week. I picked her up at work and took her to her apt. She said she needed some space. I said OK. She means the world to me. We never argued or fought. We both love each other. My mind has a bunch of thoughts in it as you can expect. We have been seeing each other everyday for two and a half months. Any input? Thanks.
  • kitten: Did she have any problems going on that might have been overwhelming?
    That is what I had going on - health issues which he wasn’t being supportive of... which is one of the reasons why but there were other small things - confusing things - that would happen off and on that would have me questioning stuff to my friends - red flags...
    Women and men deal with things differently - maybe she was overwhelmed - you spend that much time with a new person and than you lose yourself and you are like "where did I go?"
    All you can do now is wait for her to response back and tell you...
    At least you didn’t freak out and get all nasty like mine did... give yourself points for being understanding and mature about it - I wouldn’t send any more cards or texts.....ball is in her court now.
    It feels like withdraw because you were together all the time - go and do stuff you did before her... You stuff. You can’t control what she is going to do... Space can mean no contact ... but it doesn’t mean breakup so hang in there.
  • Bill: She got divorced last year. He was controlling she said. I don’t see a break up. I’ll just sit back and wait.
  • bill: My gf and I are still giving each other space. We did text over the wknd. Is this a good sign?
  • Frank stryker: What if u love someone with all your heart for 9 years. And they say they need space and that they are not sure they can love u like u love them. That they are not sure. How can I love her again thinking that she may just ten years from now be unsure. I Need advice.
  • Don: If you are separated give 30 days of space! No calls no texting period! Take the power back and focus on yourself.
    When you do start texting keiep it light and no begging or asking to get back together
    Remember your a new person and if it does work out it is a new relationship!
    Throwout the old drama and start fresh. You may find out you do not even want that person anymore
  • Hopee:

    My boyfriend need so much space... But he ever said that... I have understand it on myself and he wants that also... And sometimes it is hard to understand...
  • Johnny Nicks: Space can be difficult to give for those who are anxiously attached. If our ‘attachment system’ is activated it can almost be impossible. In relationship therapy we explain the ‘Dependency Paradox" this is where we trust our partner.Our ability to step out bravely into the world on our own mostly comes from the knowledge that there is someone close by that we can count on..
    Let me explain a bit more and this is important if you feel like you are in an elastic band relationship which feels like an emotional roller coaster of closeness and then distance, then closeness and distance it may be helpful to look at this from a psychological / therapeutic angle, especially if you have challenged this and are then told you are “Too sensitive”, “Too needy” or you are “Over-reacting.”
    What may be happening here is a clash of “Attachment Styles”. You may have an Anxious or Secure style and your partner may have an Avoidant one? We do not all have the same capacity for intimacy as each other. We are all different.
    I will explain. Almost all the people in the World are split into 3 types of people who have different ways of relating to people who are important to them. 50% of people are ‘Securely Attached’ and 25% each are ‘Anxiously Attached’ and ‘Avoidantly Attached.’
    As you might imagine the older you get the likelihood of you meeting and dating an anxiously or avoidantly attached person becomes more likely as the securely attached people tend to stay in long term happy relationships..
    A brief description of each attachment style is below and these apply not to one moment in time, but generally in relationships:
    Anxiously Attached
    I worry often that my partner will stop loving me and leave.
    I feel that once my partner really gets to know me, they wont like the real me.
    When I am not with my partner I feel lonely, anxious and incomplete.
    When my partner is not with me, I feel that they may become interested in someone else.
    Securely Attached
    I feel comfortable with trusting and relying on my partner.
    I don’t feel the need to play games or manipulate my partner.
    It is easy for me to express my deepest needs honestly with my partner.
    I believe that most people in the world are honest and dependable.
    Avoidantly Attached
    I find it difficult to support my partner when they are down or distressed.
    My independence is more important to me than my relationship.
    I find it difficult to depend on my partner.
    I miss my partner when we are apart, but when we are together I feel the need to get away
    The worse thing that can happen is that you are anxiously attached and your partner is avoidantly attached? This will create a lot of conflict, as you will want intimacy, reassurance and closeness, but they will want to pull away and want independence..Although at some level, they enjoy your dependence on them as it boosts their sense of power they get from feeling independent, which is when they pull you closer, but it does not last long.. Of course this pulling and pushing will result in a lot of conflict and you are likely to be very unhappy.
    Do not use ‘Protest Behaviour,’ ‘act out’, sulk, or go silent, do ‘No contact,’ play mind games, or use jealousy. This only creates even more conflict and pushes them further away, and takes the focus off their dysfunctional behaviour and puts it on yours.
    The best thing you can do if you are secure or anxious and have an avoidant partner is to be very brave, vulnerable and honest with them and explain sensitively, assertively and clearly exactly what you want from them. Make a list you can read to them. Read out your expectations of the relationship and what you need from them to make you happy and ask them outright if they can deliver it?
    If they can’t confirm they can meet your needs for whatever reason, (you may find them saying you are unreasonable) then unfortunately your relationship is likely to fail at some point and you may waste years on a pointless romance.
    But have some hope..It is possible to try and modify attachment styles. Its easier to change your own if you are anxious, but changing the attachment style of an avoidant is quite difficult and usually takes a lot of work. If you feel you have this problem, you know who to ask.
    Good luck :)
  • Luis: I agree giving space can heal a relationship because it gives you time to reflect on yourself and clear up your mind by doing you. Im going thru this myself with my ex of 4 years..
    She stated she needs space to find herself and work on herself. She also stated she loves me alot and that she cares about me.. but that her feelings for our relationship weren’t there like she wants them to be.. I asked her so your over me? & she kept saying no while she cried her eyes out..
    She said give me this space for a month or two, but she also made it seem like we werent going to be together anymore by stating in glad you were my first and ill always be here for you... So i myself am confused as to whats happening? Does she need time to realize how much she really loves me or is she trying to move on? Can someone fill me up on this
  • Tin tin: It makes perfect sense!!! Thanks for the reminder. 😊
  • Helpfulness: Excellent blog! I do agree that space in relationships is key to making sure that you’re able to have a healthy one.
  • heartbroken: please tell me is giving space another word for break up or does that mean you still in a relationship
  • Helpless yaone: Yesterday my boyfriend went to my house and cried to me as he wanted to tell me personally not through text because he has high respect for our relationship that he wants to find himself. He said he has been in a state of feeling lost for the past 6 months and he wants to fix himself because it is not fair to me that he is not giving his all. He kept saying he was very sorry at this point in our conversation. He also said that he was not the guy that i loved before. He loves me so much and if i cannot wait for him i have to move on and he will respect my decision on that. I told him how long will this be. He just said he dont know for how long and dont want to promise me regarding that. He told me "i was the one who got away" when that happens. That i will always be his bestfriend and remember the good memories we had. He also asked what will happen to our facebook and savings (we have a joint account for our savings because we were planning to marry in the next 2 yrs), i said let it be we will figure that out. Before he left, he kneeled saying he was very sorry because he did not expect that this will happen to us, to him. It was heartbreaking but i let him go because i have been helping him but i think at this point he is the only one who can help himself.
    His father texted me. They had a conversation this morning and told me that his son just need to reset his path and he will be back. Im hoping that he will and im willing to wait as long as i could but at the back of my mind i want to move forward. Its like 50/50.
    He is a really nice guy and my first boyfriend. Everything was going perfectly until this happened. We rarely fight unlike before and i know that we are very compatible with each other. We even planned for our future. I feel that right now he wants to take his time (be single because he has been jumping on the next relationship immediately after breaking up with the previous since college, he is 26 btw) before going to the next stage (marriage) I love him so much but i feel like im holding on to something that might eventually be gone. Is it worth it? What should i do? Should i wait for a while and enjoy my time alone or should i completely move one?
    Please help.
  • Marz: I totally agree with you! My bf wasn’t giving me enough space and so I just told him that it has nothing to do with him, just that I don’t have me time. It didn’t go well even though I told him that I love him dearly and what a great guy he is. He was offended and sarcastic.
  • Helpless yaone: @luis we are on the same boat :(
  • aassaa: cvxcvxccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc
  • Don: To me this whole space thing is ****!
    It’s just an easier way of saying I am breaking up with you!
    Why would you want space from someone you are suppose to love and want to be with?
    This space thing was not in the past in relationships and now it is here?!
    It’s all ****!
    Move on and find someone that wants to be with you!
    That’s what I did when my wife wanted so called space and now I found somebody better!
  • ssss: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
  • keith (Sayyid Emir): Thank you for letting me know that information about my lady letting me know that she needed space from me.....it would be hard because I’m so use to hearing her voice or her calling me, this is not should a unquine action! I’m 45years and she 38yrs. Young I’m studying Criminal Justice and she’s now unemployed and an house wife ( hopefully) will be my my wife one day soon. Thx again I was a little thrown back when she asked me that though...I must learn how to except the fact that it’s not a negative though too chose to have some alone time with ones self.
  • majorun: What a lot of beating around the bush!!!! Anyone needing space is just admitting that that space is to be filled with something or someone else that the person they pretend to love. An id the pretense it is to be with oneself is ias even worse, it is narcissism. Once and for all what we do not share separates us, what we share brings us more together. It applies to everything everyday with everybody. Encounters, events, thoughts, whatever we do not share separates us. The same things lived togethjer builds the common memory and shared memory cements the relationship.
  • Christian: Thanks this really helped me find a lot that I did not know already.
  • Helpless yaone: Just to give you an update on my situation:
    After 5 weeks of NC my ex emailed, told me and apologized that he has fallen out of love. Last May he felt that something is not right with what he is feeling. He tried to fix himself and did not tell me about it because according to him it is his problem. Days and months passed by the feelings went back then disappeared again until he reached the point that he has nothing to give anymore. During our NC he came to a realization that he cannot see himself giving back those feelings to me again. He also want to split the savigs that we had and hand it out to his mother. (My friend said that maybe he feels guilty to see me in person)
    It hurts so much because i already did closure to myself. I’m not expecting him to be back anymore. During NC I realized that I am not really happy and I cannot see my future with him. That the relationship was all about him. That I felt lost and unhappy with myself because I have been focusing too much on what he wants. I have been doubting my relationship with him way before he felt something is wrong, I just ignored it because I’m afraid to be alone. That fear made me think that I have become codependent and I dont want that.
    The email just stabbed the wounds that are already healing. It is like going through the same pain that I experienced when he broke up with me. I did not reply back because it wont matter anyway, its over.
    So now I’m 1 step back again because of what happened. I just hope I will recover from this right away because it is hindering me from making myself happy.
  • Helpless yaone: P.S.
    I just hope he takes to time fix himself first and not jump into the next relationship immediately to fill whatever is lacking in him. Not only it will hurt me but there are a lot of issues within himself that he has to deal with. He might be going to repeat the same pattern with his future relationships if he does not deal with those issues.
  • Rocketgirl76: I had started a relationship with the man that lives in my neighborhood and he has to make a sacrifice in getting his life together as far as job searching, and we do keep in contact and which is a good thing. It’s a great article and our relationship is basically new.
  • lex: Than it’s her or his problem that need space. . if you are an adult and with someone ,you should be able to confront those issue at hand. I ‘m not saying agree to dis-agree at that moment.. Im saying is that at first in the beginning of the relationship there had to be disagreements and misunderstandings. However, you were together and worked through them(right).How is this different? and when does one says I need some space leaving the other person in dismay? Should’nt that allow the other person to fool around or meet someone else/..remember it’s her/his decision to want the space. Yes you can give it to her/him depending on how you vaule the affair. But,if the person asking for time to clear there head or a deep rooted problem. that plagues them.Then they should be able to not say **** if you fool around until she/he comes back to earth. I say this cause nothing needs that much time to decide. Life is too short. Either you with that person or NOT...Simple/////
  • mary: Yes we all need time on our own to things away from your partner
  • lex: Right. .but you can’t have someone waiting til air wakes them up..or anoda topic scorches there mind..that... i need space saying is a bunch of bs..women need to get over ****..cause later they will regret it if theres no tmrw...life is too short..
  • Azita Zarrinkhah: Well actually I found it pretty useful since I’m dealing with same problem these days,and I suppose it is a precious lesson.I truly appreciate it
  • lex: Thanks for understanding that..what women or men dont understand is that the I NEED SPACE ****..is what women been playin on for years...now..if a man puts his hands on you...i understand. .or if he s caught in the bed with anoda women..theres reasons for space...NOT FOR AN ARGUMENT..hell sleep in a different room..wake up and **** or cook breakfast...better yet go to a comedy show...im.just saying....life is too short..if you don’t luv him or her..space that...so he can or her meet someone else..and move on....that easy
  • wayneblahblah: Space is a right for ANYONE upon request not by virtue of some predetermined criteria you may decide to impose on them.
  • lex: Depending on what the space is needed for..!..keep in mind . whatever the sitution is..... (arguing)? cause you can’t agree? is Ludacris. You dont need space you need to understand each other. The person that needs space on something like that has the problem..it lies deeper than the argument..Theres nothing space gonna do what you can’t do that same 24 hrs...one week or two of space won’t make it better.....you could be dead or sumthin tragic happen........now your Space needed is FOREVER. ....A waste of time ..
  • Helpless yaone: I just found out today that my ex bf of 4 yrs is in a relationship with a much younger girl (he is 27 the girl is around 20-22) after breaking up with me 2 months ago.. Unless he is already courting her while we are still together.. That i dont know.
    What is wrong with that guy. He has been doing that eversince he broke up with his 1st gf. Pattern? Serial monogamist?
  • lex: Theres sumthing that you are not doing to keep him satisfied..Men will cheat and ONE BIG reason is they not getting what they feel they should (sex)..he was still courting you cause he was or, is not sure of how being together will work out..it become a waste of time..doesn’t mean he doesn’t care..Men are easy..they want the the same women they met..if you changed within the time you met..1yr,...they become bored...maybe that explain why he went for a younger female?...
  • Felic: This article could not be more accurate.
    Compliments to the author! Written so beautifully with so much honesty and truth.
  • Helpless yaone: Lex,
    He is not into sex. He believes in marriage before having sex (he is very keen about it, i dont know now) Maybe he got bored w/the relationship. I just dont want to dwell with it anymore. I’d rather move on and enjoy my life. He will never be contented with his life if that is his mindset.
  • lex: Yaone,,
    If you believe that he s not having sex than you are blind..He,s not telling you cause he doesn’t want to hurt you in a way that he could never come back..H es acting like a lil ****..if this is a pattern that he ,s doing what some guys do...play)...again..guys leave women cause they not being satified sexually..women leave on emotions.. (most)...he s playing with ur emotions and because he knows you wont officially leave him..he ll keep you around til that one go...here s my advice move on for now..no calls no txt ....nothing...it s gonna be a long journey but once he realizes that he no longer have you..he ll come back.....don’t be a sucker..cause it ll happen again...
  • Snowball: If I told my wife I need some space to you think she would accuse me of cheating?
  • lex: Why you need space?..what problem is so drastic that you need her to be away from you?...SO...its bull..if you were married more than 5 yrs..than it’s a crock of ****..you **** right she thinks your cheatin or someone else is in the pic..so here’s my theory..she either bugging the **** out of you..or she’s not giving it up as usual (women do this aft one year it’s called control foo). .NOT FAIR TO HER..The I need space is a bunch of words that say...IM NOT HAPPY...so deal qith it or just **** leave....its a happiness somewhere in the end...
  • Amen Jonathan(Nigeria): Love + Space=matured love
  • Ameh Jonathan (Nigeria): Love +understanding +Space =matured love
  • Bill: I’m giving my gf space,respect ,and letting her know i still love her. It’s been 6 months. I think I know her circumstances. Will she come back? I believe so.
  • lex: Bill..you are weakning out..6 mo and she needs space..wheres the respect from her tellin you the truth?..something is missing..I say this cause’ if you go back to month one...you did something that upsetted her (right).and somehow you worked it out..huh’..so 180 days past and she wants space. ..sound like she s not happy and moving on...Ill say it again people..who ever says they need space is a bunch of crock...she doesn’t love you and its okay...just deal with it and tell her that you gonna be out there in the midst of things...maybe she’ll confess...
  • Bill: No I disagree. We just talked a few weeks ago. What she’s going thru is tramadic. She wants to get back. It’s hard for her after what she’s gone through. I know her. We both made mistakes. She told and showed me I was the one.
  • lex: Okay...if she told you ...why aren’t you able to support her?..unless you cheated or layed hands on her (badly) death in family ...then yes its dramatic and you should back off and find WHY?...then you need the space not her..still bs..but there is a very very openess to someone wanting space in my book..and if its you that **** up...then suffer the outcome.....this will allow you to grow up...
  • Rose: Hey guys my name is rose I’m 31 years old I just broke up with my bf week ago , he accused me of I was trying to trap him by getting myself pregnant without him knowing it ! I never lied to him at all I told him I’m not on birth control pills plus he had vesectomy so I don’t know what to do I want him back ? They told me give him a space for how long you advice me to give him space
  • Bill: I’m doing what she wants me to do. I Never ever cheated or layed hands on her. She went through a very abusive marriage. She just got divorced. Her friends explained to me her situation. They said don’t worry give her time to get over her abusive marriage. I’ll love her no matter what happens. If I never see her again I’ll still love her.
  • Rose: His birthday is coming soon is it ok to send him birthday gift even if we r not talking
  • lex: Bill ..u n a tough situation..she finds u weak..reality is ..is that she wants to wk it out with her ex...again n again. .I say this cause women like abuse they won’t admit it..you the other side she WANTS but dont WANT.. she dont want to be lonely. .so with you she ll be comfortable...Heres some advice beef up get going talk to some other women ...get lucky during the time she have time away...sumthing is bothering you if not ...you would not be on this site..SO..just tell her your goin on dates. ..see how she reacts..dates are freely expressions of one self...DO IT..im sure you then can tell if she cares...JUST SAYING. .
  • Chuckb34: Always remember 2 things.... actions speak louder than words and despite what people say, at the end ofnthe day, people do what they WANT to do. Period. Don’t ever let anyone tell you differently.
  • Bill: Thanks I will. She is Not back with her ex. She can’t anyway. Reason were apart is she’s going through couculing to try and heal her abusive husband. I’m not the type to loose hope. But I ‘ll move foward and see other girls. I went and got advice through couculing myself.
  • lex: Rose..who told u to give gim space?..Now, if he want space..try too have a serious talk w him..let him know that its possible for u too. see someone else n its okay..if he care enough his space shouldn’t be more than a day..if he meeds more than that..than its bs..guys are simple..(well most)...as far as the gift..i wouldn’t send him ****..that’ll hurry things up...maybe!
  • Chuckb34: If someone wants "space", give them outer space, which is a very big place. Afterall, you never know what you’ve got until it’s gone. Unfortunately, we all know that people want "space" in order to see somebody else without feeling guilty. It’s just playing word games.
  • lex: My sentiment exactly. ANYONE THAT SAY I NEED SPACE...is words that say there NOT HAPPY...heres one..ask that person WHY...they say...i don’t know i just need it..BS...
  • Joan Noble: Thanks alot for now I understand that maybe he just need a space thats why he did not message or inform me.
  • lex: Joan. .give him space. ..do the NC RULE...if he wants to be with you he ll call..or txt..if not..bang the next guy...he ll show up .....lol lol
  • Rodney stevenson: Me and my wife is having problems and she wants spaces I’m scared that she might not come back how do I deal wit that we was commcantion now she don’t answer help me please nines years I want it to work
  • Johnny Nicks: Rodney
    If you think about it, she could have left at any time in the last 9 years. There was a reason she stayed. Giving space, if used productively, can help.
  • Chris: I found this article to be helpful. My boyfriend just the other day told me he "needs a few days", but that he’s not breaking up with me. It’s like he wants me around all the time, but if I don’t come over right from work he doesn’t want me to come over at all. He’s going through some stuff right now, so I’m respecting his wishes and hope he’s able to sort through everything. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
  • Johnsdelima: It is important only that it gives the other party a way of getting out of relationships or legal commitments. Not much you can do. In all likely hood your going to end up losing out. Such is life. Next time you ask for a time out and see what your friends or significant other or others think. Really it is a cowards way out of a commitment or obligation.
  • Chuckb34: Very true. It’s like somebody is trying to put you in a decompression chamber before you get back to normal atmosphere again. It is most definitely, a convenient way to play word games in order to go out with someone else without feeling guilty. Definitely a cowards way out.
  • Cooquii: I’ve been dating a man for about 4 months. We have a long distance relationship and only see each other once a week when he comes for work, otherwise we would text. We are both in a loveless & sexless marriage, but sacrifice our own happiness for the sake of the kids. There are many ppl like this apparently. We’ve talked briefly about possibly getting a divorce in about 4 years when our youngest kids turn 18.
    Our relationship was going great, but due to health and demands from family and work overwhelming him making him lose sleep, angry and frustrated, he asked for space knowing that he would not be able to give me as much attention as he feels I deserve. He said that thoughts of seeing me bring up all kinds of anxiety. He can’t concentrate at work. Says he hasn’t felt like that since grad school stressing over exams.
    He’s even told me that he feels I should find someone else and that he would miss me tremendously. He’s recently had some thoughts of suicide and is now seeking a therapist. I’ve always been very supportive and possibly clingy. I don’t want him to resent me for trying to help. He had told me that I am the best thing that has ever come his way and that I am wonderful and everything he’s ever wanted.
    I asked if he was unhappy with me and wanted someone else and he replied no - that if he couldn’t have me, he certainly wouldn’t seek someone else. But, because he doesn’t know how long his condition would last, he doesn’t want to be unfair and keep me from finding my dreams or obtaining what he feels I deserve.
    It’s only been a week so far and he’s text me twice to give me an update and see how I am doing. I haven’t initiated a text altho I am tempted to. What should I do? I miss him a lot.
  • Leah: I was the one who would get upset and not want my partner to take space. I never understood why. I always thought i was doing or did something wrong. I would over think it and get upset and start an argument. Because of my actions, me and her arent doing well. After reading this it helped me understand a lot more. And from now on, I will not make it a problem. I learned my lesson. Or atleast I realized I was wrong.
  • Rick: I hope you are right my gf told me 3 weeks ago she needed space and I’m giving it to her but it is very hard I love this soulmate more than anything and miss her real bad but you did just make me feel better thanks
  • Trevor: Was sent this article by my girlfriend this morning and it really resonated with me.
    When she told me she wanted space I thought "what have I done wrong".
    She does have pressures at the moment, and I guess I am contributing to them by wanting to be in her life all the time.
    What I thought I was doing was being supportive, helpful, a friend, a lover, her rock. What I was doing though was smothering her.
    It took every ounce of my being to not just tell her we should end it. That I didn’t want to cause her any more pain. I love her with all that is me, so its hard when she says she wants space. So yes, it is an ego thing.
    I am happy to say I am starting to deal with it really well. She says she loves me. She is a straight shooter and would never deceive me. I told her I hope she can understand my feelings on this. That I love her and want to be with her. And returning to my empty flat each evening after work will be difficult. I know though when she is ready to reconnect I will rush to her arms and it will be one of the happiest days of my life.
  • Bear: ****,alone time.I understand it and I have seen it used for everything except what you say it’s for.I believe that if anyone has to use that as a excuse to get away from their other half they they should admit their relationship is screwed and might as well give up on it.In a good relationship one should know and willingly accept the possibility that one might need time to think,ponder,or whatever you may want to call it and a good partner in a good relationship will know this without having to be told or asked for alone time.every time without exception that"alone time"was needed or asked for it was for anything but and never for anything good.and if one has that big or bad of a problem a good partner would and should be there to help,befor it can get any worse or to the point that it can’t be fixed .if every one would just be honest with each other and quit trying to get over on their partner this would be a far better world,but I don’t believe that will happen as long as we have these highly educated ****’s and **** getting involved in other people’s lives and giving the stupid ones excuses for the stupid things they try to get away with,come on,grow up man up,or woman up,be real treat your partner the way you want them to treat you and we all will enjoy our new world
  • IamCurry: Thank you for this :)
  • Quin08: Thank you for the article! Relationship is a funny thing, whether it’s guy-guy, guy-lady or guy-lady. Somewhat, most of us faces the same problem. The person who asks for space don’t tend to tell you why, maybe they don’t even know why or in my case I just couldn’t figure out why EVEN I got given the reason. And then the person being asked (like me) have absolutely no idea of what the heck is going on coz by then your mind is already all over the places, panicking and freaking out. Lesson learn, learn space and understand space before you give space. Throw out the what we should do, how much time shall we give questions coz it’s not important! Put yourself back into one piece, enjoy your life still while without them. At the end of the day, whats meant to be will be! And when the time comes, you will know.
  • Joe: True. My gf and I parted because she needed "space ". Well it’s been over a year. It’s time to move foward. I thought she was the one. I still keep praying everyday maybe she’ll contact me again. It’s very hard to move on to someone you truly love and care about.
  • Cooquii: UPDATE: So, my male friend and I parted ways back in May. He needed space and he would send me an email once every couple of weeks letting me know that he’s still surviving and how wonderful I am. We didn’t get to celebrate our July birthdays together, but in August we met up for dinner and a movie. We agreed to be friends, stay platonic and take things slow. We try to see each other at least once a month when he is in town for work. We still hold hands, hold each other in our arms and a light kiss on the lips, but that’s it for now. He gives me words of encouragement and support and I can feel his love for me when we hold each other. Maybe one day, we’ll be back together...maybe not...I certainly would drop everything for him, but in the meantime, I have been moving on and finding other interests to occupy my time, which he’s been very proud of.
  • Good guy: My gf and I had a wonderful relationship. It was love at first sight. But I took it slow for a few weeks. Then we grew more attached. Everything was going great. Never argued. We were a happy couple. We were ment to be together. Then one day she need time alone. Before we met she got out of an abusive marriage. I treated her like I would anybody. I will always love her. It’s been over a year. We communicate but not often. I dont know what happened? Maybe she found someone else. Just so hard to get over to someone I love so much. I have a hunch we’ll be back together.
  • chris: Best answer to this question I’ve read yet.
  • Good guy: Thanks Chris.
  • Jalaya: I agree space is good. Im still single my ex was an **** cut me off for good. Those who are worried about there relationship. Space helps youre partner see you in another light..which would make them want you more. For not being clingy and needy.
  • TwinsRule: This is a great article. I wish my ex understood that my need for space had nothing to do with her personally.
  • Mary: my boyfriend always says he needs space - time alone. It means he can just do whatever he wished and does not have to talk to anybody or be around anybody. he has a job where he talks to people almost all day long and takes it very professionally.
    It used to bother me quite a bit in the past because I am the oposite of him but now I understand this need of his better and dont take it personally anymore. I know he needs it for his own peace of mind and I have to accept it as it is and not judge him for it.
  • Good guy: I’m just letting her make the moves. I’m not pressuring her in any way. I just told her how I feel about her. I’m in love with her. Always will.
  • Limbo: Hello. My partner and I have been together over 4 years. We have never split up or had a break, however we have had some rocky periods, at different times, for various reasons. Anyways we spent NYE apart as she went to a party, invited me and then uninvited me. She was so excited for the party had an amazing time apparently. However since then she was acting hot and cold on and off, I suggested seeing each other she said she didnt want to then later on said "sorry we havent seen each other" then the next day she was saying she needed time to herself to sort through things then acting normal that night and saying she loved me. The next day she then asked me to meet her at a random place half way between our homes. We drove separately then I got in to her car she said various things but that she wanted some alone time, she didnt want to be in a relationship right now, she has a lot of things going on, shes not happy with how her life is going at the moment any part of it, she said that she loves me and it is not about love but that she needed alone time to sort out her head and this could be a week or it could be longer. I asked if this was it were we over for good or theres a possibility we will get back together she said she didnt know. I asked if we would have any contact would we still communicate she said she didnt know. I asked about seeing family members and if she told anyone she said she just told her mum and that was all and she hasnt told anyone else. She assured me she isnt saying it to find anyone else to pursue anyone else or be intimate with anyone. I didnt handle what she was saying well I was angry and upset I grilled her like the article stated.. since reading this and a few others I’m beginning to understand a lot more how she is feeling and why she has asked for space. However I have a few problems/questions.. firstly when we met and she said about the "alone time" some things she said suggested it wasnt permanent whereas other things she said suggested that it would be for example she said that she felt the relationship could not be improved and that she couldnt try anything else. But then she went on to say I will probably regret my decision and I just need alone time to sort out my head it could be a week it could be longer I dont know. So i just dont know what to do and Ive read through every comment and you guys waiting 1 month, 3 months and even ONE YEAR my god I take my hat off to you, I definitely cannot wait that long before having clarity and knowing whether it is temporary or permanent but the problem is I love her, I want to respect her decision and I do not want to put pressure on her and risk pushing her further away. Also because no boundaries were agreed I.E. contact and communication. I literally dont know what to do. We normally speak every day. I texted her yesterday, she replied, I replied and she read it but did not reply. It is now 24hrs later still nothing. I want to check in with her and see how she is and I also want her to know Im here for her but like mentioned before I do not want to push her away further or make her feel like im not respecting her "alone time" but im struggling to understand does this "alone time" mean only contact when she wants, no physical contact, a text every now and then or literally nothing at all???? Im so worried about her and I dont want her to go through this alone even though she is adament this is what she needs.. I want to honor that but im finding it very difficult and I dont know whether msging her is a good thing or whether she will see it as me not respecting her wishes. Please help, any advice is appreciated.
  • siyazama: Thanks, this is very helpful.
  • Cool guy: I’m going through the same thing with my ex/girlfriend. It’s been over a year for us apart. She needed time to work things out. Yes i know what your thinking but I believe her. She’s been through alot. I never want out with any girl since. I’m very faithful to her. She said we’d be together again. How much can I go on? I don’t know but the man upstairs is telling me hang in there. As for you follow your heart. What is your gut telling you? Don’t give up hope.
  • Isis56: With my husband it was when he returned from the navy’s submarine service in 1985, Me, his family and the community just needed time to asimulate his return after not even being in touch with him for the majority of the last three and a half years for many it had been nearly six years.
    When he returned under his UAW contract provisions. He came home to his job as if he had never left since he had an honorable discharge. This went tar beyond what the law provided for. The law only said he returned with the seniority he had accrued until he left. He returned against many of the communities objections he stay in the military, This included his father.
    I had not known the trouble cased by his two previous returns from the Army before he hired into the Transmission plant job, The state Vetrens representative jumped him and other ex military to the front of the hiring line in 1976. In 1972 when he returned to complete his last Diploma requirements after basic and his first school the summer after his junior year, There w3as trouble over him and three other seniors getting so rough in a pre game practice with the boys that had fathers on the school board and were underclassmen They quit the team. It was not till three decades latter I found out exactly how my husband had aquired scares that crisscrossed his back. His father and four grown men surprised him knocking him out then punished him by tying him to a tree and with each swing of a electric cord whip demanded he say he was sorry.
    My husbands retaliations for any one laying a hand on him without his permission now always end in some body’s broken bones and his informing them they will die the next time they even try, His own father in 2015 was laid out in the hall of a hotel with his neck broken trying to send him home under threat of a baseball bat beating saying I was the only one invited and my husband saying he did not care, if I was invited he was to.
    Two times now trying to get my husband in line with other peoples wish’s I have been hurt, once in 2001 after spending the day before on my knees begging him to wait two more weeks for the next job bid list to go up and pick from that. Four men laid dying on our front porch the next morning. I was laying under the front door and frame with a broken ankle with him telling me if I ever locked him out to be attacked again he would see me in my grave. Those four men were just wanting him to remove his bid so they could get the better position. My husband took it under the union rules.
    Then in 2009 to let a 24 year old get a honey moon for him and his bride He had 2 years to my husbands 34 years seniority. We were just asking him to wait for a better vacation we were setting up in January. And let us have the space for the young man and his new bride on the orient express seven months from then He threw me across an office we were using to tell him he was not going and beg him to understand this was needed, that we knew he had not had a day off except six recovering from a brain surgery in 2001. an We were saying that it would somehow be made up for. My shoulder was dislocated and it took seven men to stop him from strangling his father to death because he was again not getting time away from the job. It was just a total three decades were noting we wanted was accepted by my husband as what was needed in the community so he got nothing for him self for his defiance and rebellion.
    Now we pray that nobody steps on his rights. He will kill to keep what he has. over three weeks ago I was asking to go on a river boat Cruise with my friends without him to New Orleans, I said just drive there to meet us and at least spend the last day of Mardi Gras. We were not denying his right to go just needed some space, He said its space you want its space you get, We were up at high range, He Had me and my son flown out as him and his dog Larceny packed out of the end of the canyon and vanished. We heard that his bank card was used in Green River to buy a military grade rubber raft and him and larceny set off down towards the Colorado As far as we can tell he’s moving fast with the current He was seen from a road Called white rim road. and many think he’s been through the rapids going into the Grand canyon on the Colorado. Hes given me my space but he made sure that we have to stay put. one of the things I know is his MRSA has reactivated, eating a hole in surgical scaring on his stomach he’s bleeding a lot, I have to stay in case of his being found either dead or to get treatment. The Blue tick dog he’s with will stay by him till the end.
    In over three decades there has not been one thing accomplished without his defiance ruining everything 10 trips overseas was always met with his snide remarks about us having a good time while we required him to be a slave. We had spent almost every year trerying to get him to accept just one time frame for his vacations and holiday re[placement. Between every ones return from the holiday shutdown in January to Valentines day. He could have made up all days except missed weekends in time just by being understanding and doing his times off during this time. It would have made every ones life much easier. But at every tu8rn from 1985 to 2009 he hated this time frame just because we were trying to push it on him and tell him what to do so he would not even take the offered times.
    The depression and resentments built for 24 years tio the point he made himself so depressed his immune system failed in 2009 allowing MRSA to get into a series of bruises and scares in his back. Even the trip to the Mideast was mared by his hatred of us when we went to visit him in rehab, HE said something about going on the Cancun cruise in 2015. Witch instantly set his father off about having to care for a cripple was not going to happen. His father boarded for the mid east with his face black and blue and a baseball sized knot on his forehead after my husband threw a stainless steal bed pan at him hitting him in the face yelling at both of us to get out. That was 2012.
    His return home the Next year in January We just needed time to get him into traditions and understand we never expected him home walking with a cane, we needed him to understand that expectations had changed so much including me having an affair with an old boy friend, I was just so tired of being the Mercenary traitor bit** in our marriage and him just considering himself the one put out, when keeping him under some kind of control hurt me just about as bad. Sometimes worse.
    I am sorry that we were forced by his atrtidude to the community force many to do as they did to make him continualy work. But if there was even an indication one time From 1985 to 2013 He might have been given some leeway with deciding for himself the rights he had. Now we all have falle4n under his fists and cane as well as court decisions. supporting his position.
    I just did not know what to do to keep things peaceful in our life. If he had his way then the community and his father would have been howling at me about it. So I with many others curtailed his freedoms hoping the firsdt two yeas he would go back to the military. after that it was to protect our needs, Now we just hope that we don’t find ourselves in jail. with the evidence he gathered against us about denial of his civil libertys.
  • Joe: Do you give space to a lady to be alone so that she can be around three different people who have touched her in ways I will not mention sexually. I say that something is wrong with this picture. i am almost engaged to this person and she still wants to go to the gym to get in the hot tub with these guys and after hang out in Apples bees for an hour. She really can’t drive because of a disease. I trust her but do not see why she would want to be with them. She also wants to leave me home n go out on the boat with them. If you break up a relationship then why would you want to be with them? She has been doing this for a few years before me and does want to stop going. We get up and go for walks on the beach every morning then have breakfast. I take her to work to clean Condos 10-12 and say 2-4 then pick her up to bring her home at our place. If I disagree with what she says then she will fly off the handle and says she needs her space n I am smothering her.
  • Cooquii: She may be receiving something from them that she doesn’t feel she gets from you. The more you tell her no, the more she will resent and hate you, but then again the more you "allow" this behavior, she will continue to take advantage of it.
    You should probably have a talk with her about what it is she needs, be understanding and let her know how it makes you feel (but don’t be defensive - show that you care about her). Maybe even offer to meet these guys to "see what great friends they are" and to maybe hang out sometimes.
    Basically, you want to show her what a great understanding open-minded guy you are and trying to see what she sees in them. Otherwise, if she refuses, esp. if there’s a chance that she still gets sexual favors from them, you may want to think twice about marriage.
  • Chadz29: I completely agree. When my ex and I lived together, I eventually became emotionally exhausted and felt we both needed some space since we were always together in the same room if we werent at work etc. When I suggested maybe she move to her folks for a short while and we simply take a break from living together, she burst into tears, got angry, said I was doubting us. She just couldnt handle it. After that it was downhill. She was very insecure and any small tiny criticism got me into trouble and she would cry an take major offense, when I never intended to hurt her. We eventually broke up, she left me, and now is with another guy. I tried hard getting her back but she played hot and cold. I think she just isn mature enough to realize these things and her insecurities are too much. Its been 30 days NC today and I still cry at times over her...knowing she’s with him. But yea thats life. Im getting over it slowly atleast. But yea space is important and shouldnt be taken personally.
  • Tammy.Delbert: OK I been with my bf for 3 half years he say he need sometime to clear his head he say it.wasnt.me and I hadnt.call or text just letting him.hve.his time now he puttin.on.facebook.that he single he does it all time wen get mad at me go.stay with his mom then try come bck.so can somebody tell me wut.does it sound like to u...
  • TJP: Thank you SO much for writing this. I often have to figure out how on earth to communicate this point in my relationships, and sometimes, it feels like a constant battle, that I don’t want. I want my counterparts to feel loved and validated, but I can’t survive in a relationship where this is not respected.
    I can do a better job communicating this. I just really hope they can also try to understand and respect it as well. It’s exhausting. But this article was helpful. I feel understood.
  • Cathy atkin: I totally agree on what you said . I’ve been in a friendship and wanted more told him l loved him . But the ex had been texting him causing stress , so he decided to want some space gather his emotions and lve done this . I don’t know if he come back it only been today wait and see Thankyou
  • Bee: Ok at frist I did think it had everything to do with me when in fact that’s not at all it and I know because the space thing is working, and he’s showing me more focus when we are together. Going out of his way to do things, but make g every effort to let me know he’s still in love.
  • Chuckb34: Joe, you need to put it in reverse and floor it! She’s using you and is obviously a very selfish woman. You deserve better. Remember, there is a whole forest out there. Why focus on one tiny tree?
  • Tim: I agree, I feel that the issue is that many times when a relationship is going sour though the person that is unhappy in the relationship does say I need space more often then not.
  • Isis56: I told my husband this last spring I needed a little space to go to New Orleans on a river cruise down to the big easy. I felt it was a fair compromise when I suggested he drive down for the last day of the festival and we could drive back home together since I felt that if he went on the cruise one of my friends husband or date on the trip would have either shot him or one would have ended up in the river swimming for the shore when my husband tossed him over board for daring to try and take him on. The weapon would have been on the bottom of the river.
    He did not say a word just got on his laptop and informed the bank to not let me have the funds needed HE would arrange for a double berth for both of us.
    I just wanted time with friends that he insulted over the Christmas of 2015 by pointing a 30 30 at everyone and telling them to get out of his house and making sure I knew he was not to be told to eat in the barn for a holiday meal again in 2015 over Christmas. I saw his mother shrink in size and she was dead the next June. Hoping my husband would make some kind of reconciliation with his father and everyone.
    I don’t think that is even possible now. He felt like we kept him only as a slave for 31 years until he came home in 2013 to take every right he felt he had earned including his right to sex from me by forcing me as I begged and pleaded with him to meet me, his father, and mother and everyone I could reach in four hours after a dinner I was invited to but he was not since we did not know he was coming back that day from a stress center. I was pleading with him to meet us then an place he chose. With the full intention of hammering out a agreement to work him into traditions and into the life he had missed for 32 years because we tried to get him to just do as he was told. He could have had lots of time off to rest if he would have just taken the least used time for his vacation and to replace the days he worked over holidays, The whole period between January second and Valentines day was always the best time he could have the time he wanted instead of the prime months between march and October when everyone else wanted in his departments. HE could have used personal time to Replace the time worked over the holidays so many did no0t have to miss time with children and family’s, He resented the hell out of us trying and succeeding with blackmail and even force to try and make things work out for everyone in this way and just would not take the suggested options and never got any rest and twice this caused him to be very ill. Once with a Tumor on the top of his brain stem causing hydrocephalus. When his father and coworkers forced him back on his job six days after that surgery Many people were fired for allowing them to force him on the job, but they needed the parts so bad that my husband produced on hose machines they did not put him back on sick leave but paid time and a half and double time for the entire 54 days he was supposed to have on sick leave.
    The mistake then was they forced him back to work just as the company was finishing a brand new plant. The company put up the first bid list that September for new positions in the new plant to be filled by seniority.
    One of these positions his father and others felt should have been held for people and families of social, political and family position in the community. My husband never had felt this ideal was worth what he would scrape off his shoe. He had demonstrated that on his 45th birthday of january 5th 2000. We had to have him taken into custody and escorted to work from the 23 of December. to the second of January to keep him from making other lesser seniority who also had major plans to have the millennials off, Many of them had major plans for going to other places for the big celebrations. His father and my husband had a major argument about making others do things he was able to do himself, he could make up the time with personal time later. WE flew out for Bavaria on that day with his words echoing that he wish our flight would disapaer into the ocean or slam into a mountain. the fight was bad enough that it transfered into the rest of the family snubbing me and his father The fight in our his parents hotel room was bad enough the hotel physition had to be called to their room to stich his fathers head after she slammed a heave ashtray of his head. when he told her that one day my husband would just have to cave in to the wishes of his friends and the community. She was yelling what did he think my husband owed any of our leach friends.
    We hoped that when we returned on his 45th birthday that he would have calmed down enough to listen to our proposal that we had spent ah hour on the phone with his union president arranging, The two weeks off starting on his birthday to replace the time he should have had off with his seniority.
    We were going back with hat proposal, a Birthday, Christmas and peace offering gift that set the whole group back 1300.00, We were also going to beg to wipe the resentments and complaints my husband had from the last 15 years about my blackmail, the court orders that did not allow him time off except by permission of the court, He had always felt his freedom was taken from him without cause over that. HE was just so proud and stubborn he would not take the times the courts were willing to give him. in mid winter from January the second to February the 14th. With a little prior planning and acceptance we could have gone someplace nice at that time and made a peace and even started a family.
    I always hoped we could plan for a nice Tropic island vacation or something just as nice for the mid winter He Did plan a vacation for the winter of 2002 but he had to cancel because his doctors felt a long trip to Australia would be to much at a high altitude for an arterial clip in his head to take. That first attempt was canceled for medical reasons.
    Then the horrible violence when he did not care about social position when he took the job he wanted at the new plant in a bid. Then the bad feelings he created with the insults he delivered on his 45th birthday, in the refusal to entertain any compromise to bring our life to something near normal. I was going to suggest we put up a tree and have everything a Christmas ofrfered including the breakfasts and dinners he had missed, His mother was willing to fix her Nice breads. two days after flying in, The family would all sit down and have a peaceful discusion of what kind of future could be forged in the community with just getting rid of the animosity and the court orders needed to make my husband do what was right. In the Suburban he said something that sent chills down my spine. He would no longer have to worry about his fathers friends orders. That by the next year he would be free to make his own decisions about what he was due. We found out he had found out about priviliged count information about his fathers judge friend. His fathers friend really needed Drug rehab. But my husband had discovered fro the deputies that had escorted him to work that the judge had also tamered with evidence and made some judicial decisions to keep his supply in place. He was on a tip from persons unknown. The week long investigation showed the Judicial review board in the capital that something had to be done, They removed his fathers friend off the bench in cuffs by conservation officers and Confiiscated all decisions from ten years past in the court record.
    One decision that was let to stand was not allowing my husband to divorce. Because I am bi polar Then in 2001 I was begging on my knees just to let four men have the job my husband and three of his friends took with seniority threatening to take the plant on strike and cripple the company.. I was pleading him to just think about what they were doing and wait two more weeks for the next bid list and chose from that bid list. My husband said he had taken the last time from any of us that he was taking the back seat from then on. His fathers best friend was the county commissioner at that time, looking to be the next congress man from that district, When my husband took that position with his three friends he shot down the four men wanting that department in the taking of that position. I was told to offer him everything he wanted except the position that my husband was denied for the last 16 years, the holidays off, I was going to offer a start in sex to our marriage on a rocky mountian winter Train Ride to Southern California between the thanksgiving holiday he was being offered off. and Christmas shutdown If he just removed his bid I would start a sex life on the vacation, and after that Any time he wanted was his as he wanted I even said I would make the reservations the next month for both of us too Ireland in the summer of 2003 All he had to do was wait just two more weeks and take a job off that bid list instead of get into the plans other people were making for the job he was going to take. That time I was not asking for months and years and getting nothing but his middle finger about it or a cussing out that left me crying. I was just asking for two weeks and nobody would ever ask another thing of him, or tell him he was doing something he did not want to do, I said I wanted to start a family. He told me to take his pi** father and my tramp self and both of us could step out on the interstate with a semi truck doing full speed when it wiped us out of existence and his life We had lied to him the last 16 years, I personaly had gotten him nicknamed the married monk while I had sex with other men. And danced the last 8 years in topless dance clubs and had sex with how many other men while he always worked, I would refuse sex with him always promising the next time he had off we would have what he was supposed to get as a husband before any one else, It was the same with time out of the plant He had to get sick first and if I thought that was a day off I was badly mistaken getting that hole drilled to the center of his head that summer. We could not even let him recover on sick leave like other employees. I was standing there crying that he had not been hurt to bad by going back when he did. He had certainly made our ears hurt over it and had hurt others when they forced him back on the job, I said now he was on the verge of getting everything the way he wanted. all he had to do was wait two weeks and chose a job on the next bid list let the commissioners son have that department with his friends so they cold get his father his seat in congress.

    I was informed that he did not care for his fathers friend, he had been a lousy publlic servant for years, only looking at what young girl he could get to his bed, He said as far as he knew I might have been one of them. I had not. I did have a few affairs in the last 16 years Bi Polar hurts without sex. And if my husband had been offered the first thing he wanted then nobody would deal with him. It was a case of give an inch he would take the country.
    That day he showed us we were never going to deal with him again unless it was his terms the next morning leaving those four men badly hurt and my ankle broken. His father and others felt for interfering in their plans to get a friend in congress he had to drop his run to care for his son who had just been hurt by my husband.
    My husband took that midnights position and I continued saying no to him about sex after quiting dancing, The next eight years I did not hear the first nice thing about me I Went on vacation to Ireland hearing what a bi*** I was for handing his father his passport to keep him from going and When we came back in 2006 fron The Scandinayia trip he was getting rough with his own legal complaints nearly getting us jailed for withholding his passport from him in a safe deposit box, We had to give the current one back while US marshals took the others for destruction. All we were trying to do on the oreimt express was let a young man get a good start to his married life with a four month pregnant bride when we canceled my husbands trip on the express and he was going to get his passport in the mail the next week from TSA but he started throwing me around dislocating my shoulder and tried to kill his father, We were telling him that we had a surprise for him in just 210 more days he would finally get a vacation we had set it up and he was getting it for Christmas.
    I just heard unaceptable He was not going back to work that day . He was driving to O’hare and catching a direct flight to beat us to Europe and start harassing us from Paris to the golden horn
    Then just to ruin every plan we had at every stop , It was already ruining the planed Anniversary party for his parents 55th in Brussels when his mother left also when TSA put him on a no fly for that threat, saying that we could all take a bath in the ocean until we drowned for doing this to her oldest son I was in a single berth hurting all the way across Europe. His father was when he was abklle to be heard angry that his son just would not subject himself to whart he wanted from him just to do what was best for the society we lived in and stop thinking of what he wanted, He looked at me and said that he could not get him under any control now. He said that with 35 years seniority the next year he did not have to care aboiut any ones needs, HE said it was up to me now to just let him do as he wanted or try and hold back the flood of him just doing as he pleased> I knew when we got back it was going to be a nasty reception. I just did not know the depth of his hate when we finally got home, we had not seen him when a deputy slapped the cuffs on both myself and his father.
    When the judge asked why did I think I had the right to cancel his vacation I said I was his wife I should have something to say. She looked at me and said my sentence was 7 months to a year. in the county lock up and she asked his father the same. He said somebody had to keep his son from just hitting the local society in the teeth when he wanted his way, WE Were given the same sentence for acting as false agency.
    I stood in front of my husband as he walked past pleading with him that I would never deny what he wanted again including a sex life. He said After I learned my lesson maybe he would consider letting me leave and go home to my mothers, He would claim spousle abandonment. and try and get a life of his own. He just flipped his father off when he said he was just trying to get him to be a man. as we were lead away.
    We were let in to talk to him after labor day after our release from just about three months time in county It was two months and 20 days. He informed me he was going to shorten the leash a lot with the money putting me under a monthly allowance, He told his father if he said one word he would kill him on the spot he had nothing to say.
    Two months latter my husband was on the table fighting for his life after MRSA got into a deep bruise in his back causing an abscess around his spine that caused what the doctors said looked like swiss chess and the backbone to slip crushing his cord and partialy severing it. . My husband hated us for letting the doctors keep him alive. In 2013 when he came home from Rehab he discovered I was in another affair, and that one landed him in a stress center, His father had been trying to tell his mother that their son had caused so much trouble not being the man he should have been at his job he had caused the changes the company insisted on bout signing that over time for none 100 percent days was voluntary and if someone missed the time they were supposed to work then even the first offence cost in money.
    You cant turn down the days and be forced from the outside because entry cards would be locked out, It was discovered that many where done like my husband, Most the other like hi m did not make waves like my husband did. people have to plan according to seniority and not tradition.
    I have heard from friends that they cant get the times they had needed, they had been forced in on holidays because as they put it some lowlife scum had seniority on them and taken the times they felt they needed.
    I heard it even lead to somebody dying when he showed up at the house of a man that would not back off his vacation when he started to lift his gun to threaten another man that he really needed the slot the other man had: the other man let him come across his threshold and blew the other mans gun arm off with a ten guage. Nothing the police could do. except leave with the body, Before he died his father said that was what happened when the social order broke down.
    People that had real needs that were not the scum of the earth like his son became in the insistence of having rights. He told his oldeset son on the day of his mothers funeral that he had created to many problems just because he would not accept he had a role to fill. He said he was sad that he would die hated because he just would not do as he was told, That was nine months before he died, When He came home from the stress center after what he did to my affair partner, I was Getting ready to go to a dinner event with his mother father and his fathers best friend. The then ex county commissioner. I Was In the bedroom getting ready to go when I stepped out right into my already angry husbands chest. We had planed a hall and dinner for him in three more days so we could as a group and family try and work out the way he was going to be worked into our social life as a cripple. HE told me that evening there was nothing to work out He was taking everything he should have had for 31 years. From that second on he informed me that he came first in our marriage and life, and he was the final and only judge and arbiter in all parts of that life as long as I resided under his roof that he provided.
    I am free to leave. I will be going back to a house we own on the east coast soon in Newport News, I am trying to talk to my husband about going wit my mother and me. I want to winter someplace much warmer than Wyoming this year. My husband says he probably just going to stay right here. I want hm to be as much with our son as he can. The reason we took this decision was, even he wants Ray to have the benifit’s of he best education possible Next year he will be in first grade. I told my husband there are other people in his family that would love to spend time at high range just for its high price sign a lease for two years, Another couple wants to do the same with canyon house and his cousin will buy Bart and Betty and look after the two property’s for twenty five percent of the rent. My sister and her husband want to stay in their place across the road. she says why should we go back there My husband does not was to go.
    If it was up to him and, I am careful not to enrage him, he would vanish into the wilds. I want someplace with people around for my son. kids he can play with.
  • Carly: My new boyfriend won’t go home he stays over most nights and on days he’s meant to be at work and there’s no work on for the day he comes back. I need my space I have a daughter that I feel like I’m neglecting on and it giving her the one on one time she needs because he’s here 24 four seven. It’s only early in the relationship and I feel he’s going to kill it if he’s doesn’t become more independent
  • Good guy: My ex girlfriend and I didn’t give each other "space". She left me don’t but I know why. Long story but I hope he gives you your time to yourself. Everyone needs time alone. Just natural. Tell him how you feel. Good luck.
  • Isis56: I am back in Newport News finally after 35 years. my husband however has vanished again, this time he’s heading into the Mountains of western Montana. This time the Beartooth Range. He’s given up carrying cell phones and any way to track him. I honestly Don’t think He intends to dome out this time. He’s just so tired of the people that could have helped if he had not been so uncaring of them for 35 years. I did not stay to see him make his preperations to go. His cousin called and asked where he was at. Now I don’t know or I think even care. I have our son with me, After I got custody in a Virginia court. We are not divorced however just living a separated life. It might not be fair but I sometimes feel its justice after everything he’s done to gain his rights.
    Not even trying to get things ordered the way he wanted through discussion, instead of everything becoming hit high and hard and break everything he could.
    I hope in his isolation that he finds a new insight into life and peace, If he never come out then I will have him declared dead in five years.
  • Smithc928: Yeah bookmaking this wasn’t a risky conclusion outstanding post! dagebkgfdgadedgk
  • unchartedwaters: Not sure if these comments are still active. I recently got in a stupid argument the GF. We didn’t yell/scream but did have to talk through a very important issue. The subject of breaking up did come up but at the end we decided to stay together. Needless to say 2 days later I didn’t get the I need space from you but I need me time from everyone today text and our plans broken. I’m assuming it’s just time from me though... I have been border line, I’m an over thinker so def. not good in this senerio as I have never had to deal with it prior. We are long distance so we usually text throughout the whole day. I told her I understood and didn’t bother her that night except a goodnight text. With a reply back hours later stating oo sorry I dozed off, i’ll call you after I call my sister. I didn’t respond as I was already sleeping. I asked her the next day if she wanted to go for pancakes/good morning and was meet with I’m just being a recluse from everyone today. I again said okay I’ll leave you be. I did ask if I should be worried (wish I would of read this article first on that one), no reply back. Is it possible she just didn’t know how to ask for space from just me and is using the everyone space to make it less hurtful? I feel really bad not texting goodnight/morning and just writing her off as this article states. She knows I’m a big believer in goodnight/morning texts so me not doing them def. would send a big message and maybe the wrong message.? I am preparing for the worse but hoping for the best...
  • Paula: My boyfriend has alot on his plate. Works as much as he can while taking care of his 94 yr old dad with dementia. He told me a week ago that he is unhappy with all aspects of his life, he hopes i will understand and asked me to refrain from texting back as he was not goin to text all day explaining. I have given him space, havent heard heard from him. Its been a week. Not sure I ever will again. Cant tell if he was breaking up with me or asking for space.
  • Thatogatsi: OK, just yesterday morning my bf of 3years said I should provide him with some space. We’ve been on and off for some time, not fighting he was drifting away I kept trying but it never got better. I’m deeply hurt, it’s painful. Does giving someone space ever bounces back to a normal, healthy and happy relationship?
  • Man looking for answers: I have just read this at the perfect time as my gf and I are in a situation exactly like this. I have felt like it has been my fault or she is just trying to find a way to leave me. I recently went through a situation like this where I was hurt and cheated on so I feel like that is why I am so afraid to just let go but this has helped me understand more.
  • Cooquii: Soooo...an update on me and my Ex-BF...it’s been just over 2-1/2 years since we met and after our break when he wanted “space”, we still kept in touch seeing each other less and less and emailing and texting less and less. Eventually, I told him that I couldn’t do this anymore and that I needed to move on. He kinda didn’t want me to leave altogether, but understood. I told him how I have feelings for him, but if they weren’t going to be reciprocated then I needed to move on. He asked me to stay. I told him then that it was my turn to take a break then. He understood and kept in contact with me. We ended up going out to celebrate our birthdays and he held me soooo very tight and kissed me passionately. It seemed like he wanted our relationship to move forward, but then he started back peddling again after our date was over. I told him again that his mixed signals are extremely confusing for me and how again, I don’t need that. I need to move on and find someone who would want a relationship with me and genuinely reciprocate feelings, love, devotion, respect etc. We have been together since. It’s been just over a month now. I suppose he realized how much I do mean to him, how I brighten his day, bring him support & encouragement on his toughest days and that he can’t lose me. Hang in there. No pressure. Just love & respect.
  • Phindi: I’m so scared he won’t come back because,he broke up with his baby mama then I saw message that they are talking my boyfriend told her he needs her in his life. Im the one who said I will keep my distance coz he was somehow 2 weeks ago now its 6 days I told him I will keep my distance and he hasnt replied or said anything.
    True I will try to keep it mind.
  • Cyndij: That is just what I needed to read. My bf is going through a lot of overdue stuff and finances are tight. I’m divorced from a sneaky cheater and so my brain goes right to ‘fooled me once...’ but he, this one, is different he’s too busy for extra stuff. But we met he was seeing someone but planned our future....meeting at the funeral of our mutual best friend, and we actually grew up in the same town, similar friends etc...just never connected before. My brain works overtime. We’ve had contact but very little. It’s been 5 weeks since we’ve seen each other but we’ve talked. I need contact, even a little soon 🙏😢

By clicking 'Submit' or otherwise submitting this form you agree to the Site Terms and acknowledge our Privacy Policy

By entering this site you declare you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the Site Terms, acknowledged our Privacy Policy and you understand that your use of the site's content is made at your own risk and responsibility.
© 2006 - 2022 Relationship Talk